My topic might not be new. But my experience and what I have come to learn in this journey of marriage is new. So maybe I just began to agree with that saying "no man is worth the stress". I have come to learn the HARD way. My hubby made me learn the not so nice way that he isn't worth the stress; may months back i used to cry,complain,check his phones like every night, bother my head to get his password. And you know what I suffered more. Cos whenever i eventually find what u looking for, my dear i never get the answer I thought I should get. Words like "baby don't worry your little head about anything cause I will never cheat on you" even tho I know they ain't true. But rather I get abused, shouted at for not minding my business, and even sometimes I just find out the tables are turned around and am the one begging for what I don't know. Sometimes while crying 8 just LOL cause it's just a funny world.
I realised that it's not like he doesn't care. But no man can help having external woman around, no matter what u do to take care of them. They just can't do without it. Also he doesn't want me to ask questions about it instead just move on like nothing happened; thatz man's definition of just give me peace. I tried to do it my way several times but It never paid off.
Now I have drank the I don't care pills. I may not be there yet but am working and grooming myself to the point where even I find him on top of another woman I would just smile, walk into my kitchen and prepare food for my children. That brings me to the children part in this circle of marriage. They are all have got. There is none that loves me more than my toddlers. Cause they are the only ones that run to gt me tissue when they se tears rolling down my eyes. Only them know wen am in pains. Only them follow me where ever I go. Only them ask me mummy how are you. Note. Its not like hubby doesn't love; but here is his definition of love. I put food on your table, I pay all the bills, I take care of you and the kids, you never lack... that should. And you know what I pray to God to bless him for me everyday.
Am glad am getting better in this institution and my garden are getting better, from my cooking, to my use of patience, to my reduction of anger, and some others in can't mention.
But you know the shocking thing. I didn't pray about any. I only worked on it. Neither do I pray for my hubby never to cheat on me, nah, I rather pray for my toddlers to prosper, and remember the pain we went thru to bring them to the world and give them the best.
Or is there any need to pray for our men not cheat? Am I being selfish? I think I woyld rather work hard, have a fat bank account, so I can always give my kids the best in life. So dear wife worry not about them hubby. Your happiness is paramount, is he already cheating on you and you can't take it anymore. Then step out from the ever crying zone, gt urself a happy zone, mk urself happy, but keep praying for him to be saved. If u r happy u can pray, if u are sad have u observed you can't pray. So first get your happiness then u pray for him to be fine wherever he is.
Now my hubby don't respond to my messages, but I keep sending them. Reminding him I will always love him. 2days ago I bought him a small card of just 500naira but the words in it where true. May God bless us good and trying wife's and give us grace cause thatz all we need.

Hmmmmmmmmmm! Are you writing my story?

Hmmmmmmm

I had to read through all your earlier post. Seems we are in the same boat but your is much better than mine
My own husband cheats, no taste no standard. He can't just resist women. Both singles and single mothers, all join.

His love for his mom is 80%, she is the one controlling our home. I don't have any problem with that. The kids can't even play with him because he is always chatting. Who born me to check his phone or come closer whenever hebis chatting.

Everything is now history, thanks to some great people on Nairaland. We don't even talk again, though I still prepare his food ooo. I can't remember the last time we had sex. I just see him as a neighbour sharing the same flat.
My little advise for you even though I am not in the best position to advice you. Please it is Only you that can make yourself happy. Just let him be, stop complaining and make yourself happy. Stop crying before your children. Don't let them have bad impression about marriage.
Wish you all the best o.

treese:
My topic might not be new. But my experience and what I have come to learn in this journey of marriage is new. So maybe I just began to agree with that saying "no man is worth the stress". I have come to learn the HARD way. My hubby made me learn the not so nice way that he isn't worth the stress; may months back i used to cry,complain,check his phones like every night, bother my head to get his password. And you know what I suffered more. Cos whenever i eventually find what u looking for, my dear i never get the answer I thought I should get. Words like "baby don't worry your little head about anything cause I will never cheat on you" even tho I know they ain't true. But rather I get abused, shouted at for not minding my business, and even sometimes I just find out the tables are turned around and am the one begging for what I don't know. Sometimes while crying 8 just LOL cause it's just a funny world.
I realised that it's not like he doesn't care. But no man can help having external woman around, no matter what u do to take care of them. They just can't do without it. Also he doesn't want me to ask questions about it instead just move on like nothing happened; thatz man's definition of just give me peace. I tried to do it my way several times but It never paid off.
Now I have drank the I don't care pills. I may not be there yet but am working and grooming myself to the point where even I find him on top of another woman I would just smile, walk into my kitchen and prepare food for my children. That brings me to the children part in this circle of marriage. They are all have got. There is none that loves me more than my toddlers. Cause they are the only ones that run to gt me tissue when they se tears rolling down my eyes. Only them know wen am in pains. Only them follow me where ever I go. Only them ask me mummy how are you. Note. Its not like hubby doesn't love; but here is his definition of love. I put food on your table, I pay all the bills, I take care of you and the kids, you never lack... that should. And you know what I pray to God to bless him for me everyday.
Am glad am getting better in this institution and my garden are getting better, from my cooking, to my use of patience, to my reduction of anger, and some others in can't mention.
But you know the shocking thing. I didn't pray about any. I only worked on it. Neither do I pray for my hubby never to cheat on me, nah, I rather pray for my toddlers to prosper, and remember the pain we went thru to bring them to the world and give them the best.
Or is there any need to pray for our men not cheat? Am I being selfish? I think I woyld rather work hard, have a fat bank account, so I can always give my kids the best in life. So dear wife worry not about them hubby. Your happiness is paramount, is he already cheating on you and you can't take it anymore. Then step out from the ever crying zone, gt urself a happy zone, mk urself happy, but keep praying for him to be saved. If u r happy u can pray, if u are sad have u observed you can't pray. So first get your happiness then u pray for him to be fine wherever he is.
Now my hubby don't respond to my messages, but I keep sending them. Reminding him I will always love him. 2days ago I bought him a small card of just 500naira but the words in it where true. May God bless us good and trying wife's and give us grace cause thatz all we need.

I'm sorry for what you are going through . . . nobody deserves to be treated that way.

No matter what you think, our husbands should be accountable to us, and us them. A man has NO RIGHT to cheat on you.

Even if he cheats, let him hide it and delete all traces from his phone. Let him at least have the decency to beg and apologize if he's caught in the act. Let hi act like you are a human being, and not a baby factory and glorified nanny/maid.

I understand that you've gotten to a point where you don't care anymore, but I don't think that is a healthy life for you to live . . . or a good example to show your children.

Young boys should learn fidelity from their Fathers and young girls, Self worth from their mothers.

I think I know your problem. You are choking the man . . . It should not be a problem being that he is your husband and you have the right to hover around him. But your husband doesn't appreciate that, in-fact it's a huge put off to him. You send him messages which he ignore and yet you keep sending them. WHY

He knows you love him, there are other ways of showing love than singing 'I love you' all the time.

Do not sell yourself cheap to this man. REserve some sort of self pride (like he does), reserve some sort of privacy . . . live your life irrespective of what he does. Let him once again see the need to 'chase' and 'woo' you . . . . yours is a pure case of over familiarity breeding contempt and even though your husbands if very selfish and self-centered, I blame you 100% for your situation.

So he refuses to have sex with you, buy intimacy gadgets and use . . . don't cry over it and beg him to fulfill his duty as your husband. It will only make him feel more special and develop a God-like attitude towards you.

He is not the only man providing for his family, it's his RESPONSIBILITY, not a favor to you and the children.

Above all . . . pray pray pray. Pray for yourself to rediscover your self worth. Pray to be the mother your daughters will be proud of and yours sons will trust . . . . pray not to come second to ANYONE in your own home . . . Pray salvation and deliverance for your husband . . . Just PRAY!!!

It is well!

sorry about the emotional turmoil you're in.
But ma'am, I'd disagree with you a bit.not all men cheat..
Although, those who cheat are more than those who don't.

This is a very sad tread.

Tied into what I was musing about when I responded to one tread.

Everyone's idea of marriage is very different.

I know someone who told his wife same thing: She should not worry herself becoming slim/fat/or whatever because irrespective of what she does, he WILL always cheat on her. His cheating has no bearing with her attributes or lack of.

They have been married 22yrs now.

May we marry people who has same dreams as we do. (Prayers/ Guidance & Due Diligence)

Shiningmama:
Hmmmmmmmmmm! Are you writing my story?

@shinningmama please share your story we can pick a word or two from it. What we need to do Is learn to encourage each other and make ourselves happy.

Shiningmama:
I had to read through all your earlier post. Seems we are in the same boat but your is much better than mine
My own husband cheats, no taste no standard. He can't just resist women. Both singles and single mothers, all join.

His love for his mom is 80%, she is the one controlling our home. I don't have any problem with that. The kids can't even play with him because he is always chatting. Who born me to check his phone or come closer whenever hebis chatting.

Everything is now history, thanks to some great people on Nairaland. We don't even talk again, though I still prepare his food ooo. I can't remember the last time we had sex. I just see him as a neighbour sharing the same flat.
My little advise for you even though I am not in the best position to advice you. Please it is Only you that can make yourself happy. Just let him be, stop complaining and make yourself happy. Stop crying before your children. Don't let them have bad impression about marriage.
Wish you all the best o.

Wow I just saw ur post. At least my hubby still have sex with me. Tho I have observed he doesn't really like kissing anymore except I force him to. But at least I can say our sec life is good. Cos I put my all into it and mk myself look like the best. But ur story is way more pathetic than mine. I haven't caught him cheating yet even tho.its just the signs that are there. His love for his mom too is like 80%. And I dare not look thru his phones. Its his taboo. So tell me how are you coping? How long have u both bin married and how are u able to mk urself happy still leaving with him. Cos I for one actually assured myself that the day I catch him cheating am gonna leave with my kids. I may not be able to endure it, but I prefer my happiness than anything else. Even the bible says it's only infidelity that should come btw you and your husband. Cause I might not have the strength to cope. Even tho I know if I leave today he will not come begging. So wats d point. Abeg life is too short to be unhappy.

But who are these women or ladies that choose and prefer a fellow woman's husband to single men. I see some messages on my husband's phone smtimes and I just smile. "Suo was just checking on you" checking on him to know if his wife isn't doing a good job or what. You know it's heart aching. To all the single girls out there that prefer married men. Many wives are unhappy, you have broken some homes, you are at the verge of breaking some, some couples even quarel /fight everyday juat because you are in the picture. Let the change begin with you. LEAVE married men alone. Even if they come to you be WISE in your decision remembering you will be hurting ur fellow woman by your approval. let the change begin with us women.

This is such a depressing thread.

Ujoan's post reflects most of my opinion, albeit in a much nicer way than I would have put it.

treese:
But who are these women or ladies that choose and prefer a fellow woman's husband to single men. I see some messages on my husband's phone smtimes and I just smile. "Suo was just checking on you" checking on him to know if his wife isn't doing a good job or what. You know it's heart aching. To all the single girls out there that prefer married men. Many wives are unhappy, you have broken some homes, you are at the verge of breaking some, some couples even quarel /fight everyday juat because you are in the picture. Let the change begin with you. LEAVE married men alone. Even if they come to you be WISE in your decision remembering you will be hurting ur fellow woman by your approval. let the change begin with us women.

‎

LOL? ? ? 
All blame should go to the cheating man who has chosen to find excitement in the chats and texts of single girls. 
What if the men are even cheating with fellow married women nko? What then?‎

It's a pathetic situation. Just keep making urself happy. No man is worth this emotional stress, thank God u have kids.

In my case, I'm fighting over him with his sister. But I'm tired already and have left them to be.

treese:

Wow I just saw ur post. At least my hubby still have sex with me. Tho I have observed he doesn't really like kissing anymore except I force him to. But at least I can say our sec life is good. Cos I put my all into it and mk myself look like the best. But ur story is way more pathetic than mine. I haven't caught him cheating yet even tho.its just the signs that are there. His love for his mom too is like 80%. And I dare not look thru his phones. Its his taboo. So tell me how are you coping? How long have u both bin married and how are u able to mk urself happy still leaving with him. Cos I for one actually assured myself that the day I catch him cheating am gonna leave with my kids. I may not be able to endure it, but I prefer my happiness than anything else. Even the bible says it's only infidelity that should come btw you and your husband. Cause I might not have the strength to cope. Even tho I know if I leave today he will not come begging. So wats d point. Abeg life is too short to be unhappy.

You can click on my username to read more about my story I posted about 2 years ago I think. From there I can continue.
My case is more pathetic compared to yours oooi. You don't really have much problem. But by the grace of God I am coping very well. Things are really really bad I just have to be strong because of my kids. We don't even talk again, that has been my greatest strength

I couldn't have said it any better than Ujoan did, my dear, your man should respect always,do try to give him some space and watch him worry about why you've suddenly stopped hovering around him,stop worrying about him every time,it's okay to show him you love him, but it's also okay for him to reciprocate the feelings, please,regain your self worth,it'll make you feel much better and happier,he knows he has that power over you,he makes you weak...please be strong,let your kids see your strength and take your pain and anguish to God alone,it may be difficult but it'll help you a lot,some men like to see their wives hurting and always begging for attention,it greases their ego and makes them feel powerful,they control your feelings,when you laugh and when you cry,please no human should do that to you. Henceforth,regain your strength and love yourself,channel your energy unto your self,kids and your job,and just maybe,things will turn around. It is well.

treese:
But who are these women or ladies that choose and prefer a fellow woman's husband to single men. I see some messages on my husband's phone smtimes and I just smile. "Suo was just checking on you" checking on him to know if his wife isn't doing a good job or what. You know it's heart aching. To all the single girls out there that prefer married men. Many wives are unhappy, you have broken some homes, you are at the verge of breaking some, some couples even quarel /fight everyday juat because you are in the picture. Let the change begin with you. LEAVE married men alone. Even if they come to you be WISE in your decision remembering you will be hurting ur fellow woman by your approval. let the change begin with us women.

sorry I'm going to be a bit blunt.
I believe in taking responsibility and every ADULT should. Majority of what we face we have 60% or more chance in determining them. I don't know how you too married but before you married there's some elements of love. what happened to that? You and him alone can fix that marriage and make it great again.
Lemme also ask have you asked or examined yourself and say what if I'm wrong, what if it's your attitudes that chasing him away?
It's always easy to create problems than solving them. It's easy to team with your kids against their father thereby creating a future family crisis.
Have asked what made him leave other girls and married you, to replicate it so you can draw him to only yourself. It's easy to point fingers away from ourselves. YES others might have done many wrongs but WE give them the chance.
Note: I'm not exonerating your hubby from blame. Both of you have role to play to make that marriage work. Thanks