Good afternoon every one. I'm working on a novel (that is almost completed) and I've crafted the few opening paragraphs but want to ask nairalanders if these opening paragraphs are good enough or if there is need for improvement. Thanks.
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Two years ago, in 2020, as Nigeria was preparing for its general elections, and Nigerians were expecting the general oscillations that come with campaigns, an event almost broke the scale. Otunba Olawale Craig was lying weak on a bed, in a hospital three weeks after the glamorous birthday of his only son, Olufemi Craig.


Otunba Olawale Craig was on a sick bed fighting for his life. His family had been shocked when they heard that their husband and father had been poisoned, and it was discovered too late. The doctor had told Olufemi, his first and only son, that his father was going to die. Olufemi was sitting on a chair, looking at his dying father, and praying that his father would not die, even though the well of hope was dry and there was no cloud in the sky.


Femi was not the only person praying for his survival, millions of his teeming fans across the country were probably praying that Otunba Olawale Craig, popularly known as Waleco, would get well, regain his strength and become the best president in the history of Nigeria. Many had lost hope in the country of becoming the real giant of Africa, but they regained hope when Waleco became the presidential candidate of the Progressive Alliance Party (PAP) for the 2021 general elections. Now, their hope was being snatched away in front of their faces, without permission.


Femi on behalf of the Waleco family, and the Progressive Alliance Party had released statements telling Nigerians that Waleco would be back on his feet very soon and back to the man he was before his ailment. The public did not believe the statements, the rumours in the media about his state of health were far less optimistic. Femi and the PAP knew the rumours were true but let no one be the first to declare that the great Waleco was going to die.


He looked up at a calendar which showed a picture of a patient laughing at a doctor who was attending to her with Nigeria Medical Association (under the picture). His father had an opposite countenance to the patient in the calendar.
=============================================== what do you think?

its okay...but you have to make the intro catchy..

wazupguy:
its okay...but you have to make the intro catchy..

intro as in before the first paragraph (first chapter)?

Bro, you have a problem with style. The way you have framed your narrative is quite weak.

can you start with paragraph two..be more elaborate and creative to put more things...the main character starts from there...then move to the situation of the story which is the election....

Akposb:
Bro, you have a problem with style. The way you have framed your narrative is quite weak.

can you please explain what you mean by the narrative being weak?

wazupguy:
can you start with paragraph two..be more elaborate and creative to put more things...the main character starts from there...then move to the situation of the story which is the election....

Alright. Thanks for the advice.

Olumidzti:
Alright. Thanks for the advice.

you welcum ..

joanee20:

what's on your mind?

Olumidzti:
what's on your mind?

Nothing o..just following quietly