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Fresh meat (Comedy) - Literature - Nairaland

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Fresh meat (Comedy) by DaVinci24(m): 5:23am On Feb 01, 2016
Freshmeat

1 Like

Re: Fresh meat (Comedy) by DaVinci24(m): 7:32pm On Oct 26, 2016
[quote author=DaVinci24] let's go.
Re: Fresh meat (Comedy) by DaVinci24(m): 7:47pm On Oct 26, 2016
1
This was the place that made freshmen wet their pants. South bay High School. The three storeyed building seemed to stare back at Tyler Pittman as the 14 yr old scrawny and nerdy kid took it all in. He was struck with awe. The joy of finally being a highschooler. He began wallking towards the building.

"High school, the place where young men and women graduate and become working members of society, the place where adolescents learn the value of responsibility, social skills and hard work, the place where we are expected to give it our best because this is where it counts the most, this is the moment I've been waiting for my whole 14 years of living. I'll be spending the next 4 years here. So I might as well make the most of it!"

He reached the door and paused to take a deep breath. "Well, here goes nothing." He said before finally opening the door.
He stepped into the building only to discover that it was in total chaos.

It was a warzone. All the freshmen were seeking shelter from the seniors. They ran in every direction. The seniors were just catching them. They were dumping the fresh men in garbage cans, beating them up, stuffing them in lockers, and whatnot. The horrifying screams of fresh men could be heard everywhere.

Tyler felt terrified, he could get caught right now and that would be the end. He decided to make a run for the exit. But he couldn't move his legs to turn around. He felt a familiar setback which usually ocurred in his dreams. His legs became heavier than the heaviest log of wood. But that didn't stop him.

One of the seniors noticed him struggling and they made eye contact. "Oh shit," said Tyler.

He mustered all the strength he had left before snailing it towards his homeroom class. Sweat rolled off his forehead. He felt so weak, he was the epitome of wonkines$. He managed to enter the class before collapsing into a desk.

He was about to breath some relief when he looked around the class. He noticed he was the only one without injuries or bruises.

The class teacher kept rambling on about some sort of punishment.

He looked up at the teacher. A chill ran down Tyler's spine. It was the same Senior that was chasing him. How?

The senior was adressing the class. "Welcome class to Freshmen As* Whopping 101. I'm your teacher. I'll like to give you all an example of my exquisite fresh men kerplunking skills. Make sure to take notes kids. Do we have any volunteers for an example?"

Tyler sank in his seat, petrified. With his hardluck he knew what was going to come next. He wanted to open his eyes very badly.

The senior faced Tyler, pointing at him. "How about you, fresh meat."

Tyler could feel his heart in his hands.

"You look short, scrawny, and fragile. Easy to bend, bruise and break. How about it?" the senior's voice came once more.

"No," said Tyler, rebuffing the senior.

The senior wasn't going to let him off that easy. "Get up here right now!"

"No!"

The senior dashed to Tyler's desk angrily. He grabbed Tyler, dragging him in front of the classroom.

Tyler screamed and struggled. "Help me!"

Everyone in the class was laughing at him, including some adults who were teachers.

The senior rolled up his sleeves. "This is what happens when you don't obey the teacher!" The senior said, pulling back his fist. He was going to punch Tyler.

Tyler tried to struggle but to no avail. He screamed, "NOOOOOOO!!!"

An alarm went off, thundering through his world.

Tyler frantically woke up. He realised he had been dreaming. He's gasping for air. His body is bedraggled with sweat.
His mum, Valerie Pittman, a 38 year old lady stormed into the room in her nightgown. She switched the lights on to reveal Tyler looking sp0rked. What was wrong? Was it the allergies? Maybe she should add darkness to Tyler's list of allergies. Oh the fever-
"Tyler are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine mom, just had another nightmare. That's all."

Valerie heaved a sigh of relief. "You scared me again."

"I'm sorry, I'm fine now, have a good night mom."

"Goodnight."

Valerie turned the lights off and closed the door.
Tyler rested back on the bed, going to sleep.

¤¤¤

Today's the D'day, thought Tyler. His mum drove the car, taking them to their various schools. Tyler rode shotgun with his eight year old brother, Dylan Pittman in the backseat.

The prospect of walking into South bay made Tyler think things. He was absorbed in his own thoughts with a nervous look on his face. Couldn't help fidgeting.

"You know, once upon a time, I was really excited for my first day of high school. Now I don't know how to feel. So many people told me the horrendous things seniors do to fresh men..."

Tyler began to remember the things people told him.
"The seniors eat the fresh men for lunch!" said a random person.

Another random person passed. "Don't try to hide from them, they have a sixth sense for detecting fresh men, they can smell you from a 50 yard radius!"

One screamed his face. "You gone get your as$ whooped."

Tyler disapproved his idea of choosing South bay. He even wished to ditch highschool. Become a hob0 or something. He looked at his little brother.

Even with Tyler's desolate appearence. Dylan was pretty chipper.
"So you're going to high school?"

Tyler resigned himself to his fate. "Yes."

Dylan looked excited for him. "Cool! You're going to see a lot of big kids!"

"Yep."

An evil grin suddenly appeared on Dylan's face. "They're going to be giants! They're going to squash you and make your guts o0ze out like Gusher$!"

"Thanks."

Valerie quickly cut in. "Hush Dylan, you're making it worse," she said, pulling the car to a stop in front of South Bay High School.

No mum, you made it worst. You couldn't even drop Dylan first and delay my fate. You just had to get to South Bay at lightspeed.

Tyler decided to air himself. "I think I'm going to be sick. Mom, can we go back home? I feel a fever coming."

Valerie was giggling. "Oh lighten up, it's supposed to be the best years of your life. After high school you go to college, find a career, get married, have kids, get fat, and work until you die."

There was silence.

"Just go out there and enjoy your youth, okay?" Valerie finished.

Tyler knew better than to stay behind and hear more. He gave his mum a slight smile and opened the car door. "I'll try my best. Good luck in the third grade, Dylan. Bye mom." Tyler said before exiting the car.

"Bye sweetie!" replied Valerie.

Dylan came to the window. "In case you die can I have your computer?"

"Since I'm about 2,563 percent sure I'm going to die as soon as I step inside it's all yours," said Tyler.

Dylan was excited. Tyler was going to die and he would get the computer. "Awesome!"

Valerie sighed. "Tyler is not going to die! Bye Tyler see you later tonight, love you, and think optimistic thoughts!"

"I'll try," replied Tyler.

The shotgun window rolled down. Valerie stared at Tyler with pride in her smile.

Tyler didn't understand. Why was his mum staring at him like she just accomplished something everybody said would be impossible. "What?" said Tyler.

"My baby is finally in high school!"

Tyler looked at his mum sardon!cally, "Bye mom."

Valerie gave him one more big smile.

The door wasn't properly closed. So Tyler struggled with closing it before walking away. He heard the cry of a dying engine in the background as Valerie drove off.

There it was, the three storeyed asylum called South Bay Highschool stood before him. Tyler began walking to the front doors. He took a pause, steeling himself for danger before entering. He pinched himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming again.

"Okay, this is actual life, had to make sure. Well, here it goes, my first day at high school, the place where young men and woman graduate and become working members of society. The place where-"

"Get out the damn way!" barked a flo0zy looking girl thumping her way. She tore Tyler out of his reverie.

Tyler quickly scooted out of her way letting the fl0ozy walk into the school.

It was his turn now. "Well here goes nothing."

Tyler nervously opened the door and entered the school. It looked like a typical day of school. Tyler felt cool, it wasn't like his dream.

Students were hanging around in their seperate groups, talking and chitchatting.

Tyler pulled out his schedule and began searchimg for his class. He suddenly lost the coolness. There were seniors around the hall who were laughing at him, knowing he's a fresh man.

"I guess they're laughing because I'm obviously a fresh man. I'm holding on to my schedule for dear life, looking around the school like I'm a tourist, the only thing that's missing is my cheap Hawaiian shirt and my Polaroid camera and I also have a 175 pound book bag, I couldn't blend in even if I tried."

Tyler didn't let that bother him. He just kept walking to. His homeroom class was in Room 207. From his schedule, he could find that by himself. He was on his way to his class when he spotted a lost fresh man approaching a group of seniors.
Tyler wanted to scream. He figured that would be a bad idea.

The fresh man met the seniors. "Excuse me, but can you please show me where Room 207 is?"

One of the seniors snatched the schedule from his hand and began scrutinizing it. They were smiling villainously.
"Yeah we'll show you, follow us," said senior number one.

The seniors began walking. The lost fresh man smiled, grateful to be saved before bouncing after them like a lamb being led to the slaughter.

Tyler knew it was already hopeless. The seniors were taking the lost fresh man in the wrong direction. Tyler needed to get to his class. He took a look at his watch. He was late. He began running to the class.

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Re: Fresh meat (Comedy) by DaVinci24(m): 7:55pm On Oct 26, 2016
mizzytan(m), adeoladebby(f), ADECULATE(f), uniknet, Percentile, Glitzdasilva, mhiztee, awollowo, Tgirl085(f), abiodun27(f), Babsopey(m), Ogodlovely1(f), Campala(f), uncolonised(m), Geebanks(m), Yuneehk(f), Nmaglit, msmarty(f), Osjaay(f), Iamcyborg(f), Daniluv2k4(m), jahlove4jah(m), Quace(m), Deo7(m), DiegoNakel(m), TEMMYMUJEEDAH(f), Angelinastto(f), flamez94, Diamonddamsel, sod09(m), MidasTouche01(m), marischerry(f), moremoney007(f), AO2(m), priestchurch(m), Genevievejasper(f), mrrights, donkross1(m), sheantip(m), Mayreeyam(f), ugonwanneokoye, Kemzynation(m), Ayonbobo(m), queentosks(f), vhickky(f), deriod(m), DaVinci24(m)
Re: Fresh meat (Comedy) by ADECULATE(f): 10:01pm On Oct 26, 2016
tanks 4 d mention, truly fresh meat
Re: Fresh meat (Comedy) by Deo7(m): 10:18pm On Oct 26, 2016
tongue
Re: Fresh meat (Comedy) by Daniluv2k4(m): 7:50pm On Oct 27, 2016
thx 4d mention..
Re: Fresh meat (Comedy) by DiegoNakel(m): 4:11pm On Oct 29, 2016
DaVinci24:
mizzytan(m), adeoladebby(f), ADECULATE(f), uniknet, Percentile, Glitzdasilva, mhiztee, awollowo, Tgirl085(f), abiodun27(f), Babsopey(m), Ogodlovely1(f), Campala(f), uncolonised(m), Geebanks(m), Yuneehk(f), Nmaglit, msmarty(f), Osjaay(f), Iamcyborg(f), Daniluv2k4(m), jahlove4jah(m), Quace(m), Deo7(m), DiegoNakel(m), TEMMYMUJEEDAH(f), Angelinastto(f), flamez94, Diamonddamsel, sod09(m), MidasTouche01(m), marischerry(f), moremoney007(f), AO2(m), priestchurch(m), Genevievejasper(f), mrrights, donkross1(m), sheantip(m), Mayreeyam(f), ugonwanneokoye, Kemzynation(m), Ayonbobo(m), queentosks(f), vhickky(f), deriod(m), DaVinci24(m)

Thanks for the mention, Continue riding on bro.
Re: Fresh meat (Comedy) by MidasTouche01(m): 10:05pm On Oct 29, 2016
What have we here?
Re: Fresh meat (Comedy) by Angelinastto(f): 2:59pm On Nov 02, 2016
Devinvi24 hope am not late?. Where art thou?

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