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Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends - Romance - Nairaland

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Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by benheart(f): 10:55am On Jul 03, 2009
Please NL,

I want to know if married men are allowed to have female friends.

Please candid opinion please, no jokes.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by izeek(m): 11:46am On Jul 03, 2009
this question is just downright senseless.
is like asking if married men shoul have a personal life,
or social life, or work related life.
how do u stop a grown Bottom man from having single female friends .
under what category does his colleagues, fall under.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by benheart(f): 11:54am On Jul 03, 2009
@izeek,

I dont see anything senseless there because if you say he is a grown man or collleague all does your excuse, but why are they always agressive when their female counterpart has male friends and they start suspecting you having intimate relationship with them.Are we not all human.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by izeek(m): 11:57am On Jul 03, 2009
nobody is suspecting nobody unless there is good reason to.
how on earth do i tell my wife not to even have a male friend.
what does that solve?
if she will cheat, she dont need no friend to do that,
any dude will willingly assist her friend or no friend.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by AEjiro(m): 11:58am On Jul 03, 2009
no every guy is so pls stop generalising. Quit hanging out wit bullies and babies and try real men.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by luxoire(f): 12:02pm On Jul 03, 2009
yes as long as there is no temptation there for them to comit adultery - why not?!!
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by Romeo4real(m): 12:12pm On Jul 03, 2009
I would suspect most people posting here are not married, so they cannot really claim to understand the issue. This is a valid and highly sensitive topic amongst married couples - especially as it goes both ways.

This issue is always about 3 things - Insecurity - fear of losing something you value, Reassurance - Need to have confidence restored and apprehensions dispelled, and Control - Desire to exert influence over ur life, relationship and circumstance. These are all normal things to feel, want and seek in your relationship.

A married man, or woman must thread a very fine line between all three - Trying to understand the insecurity, offering the  reassurance the partner seeks, and balancing their need for control of their circumstance, against the partners.

Bottom line - If your friendship with the opposite sex causing an issue in ur marriage, you need to re-asses those friendships and implement some changes. A good marriage is more important than any friendship - At least that's the way its suposed to be.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by Ujujoan(f): 12:52pm On Jul 03, 2009
I think what matters is how you wife feels about it. If it's a deal breaker in the home, then he should respect his wife's feelings and give his female friends some space.

But I dont think it should be an issue. It's always a good thing for a amn to have female friends, as far as there's nothing intimate going on between them. I know i've helped some of my friends pick out gifts for their wives and I've even helped them understand their wives in one way or the other.

Personall, I wont mind if my husband keeps single female friends, as far as I'm sure there's nothing between them.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by Kx: 12:57pm On Jul 03, 2009
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by izeek(m): 1:05pm On Jul 03, 2009
@romeo,
u dont have to be married to know how u want ur family to be.
thats the problem with guys,
we have a different policy for girlfriends and a new set of policies for wifes.
u get married and let the pressure from marriage incite u into taking decisions u wudn't have taken normally.
i dont see why i cant allow my wife have a male friend.
its totally absurd to think that as a guy u have freedon and ur wife has to be friendless to prove loyalty.
am sorry to tell u bro, but if ur woman decides to mess around, its always the most unlikely of people she does it with.

let her have friends. thats y she is ur wife, u trust her.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by Romeo4real(m): 2:13pm On Jul 03, 2009
@Izeek - U don't have to be married to know how u "want" ur family to be, but u do need to be married to understand that the realities are often quite different. In a marriage, you don't always get what u want, and if you do, it's not necessarily the way you want it. This is where the work is in the marriage.
A Girlfriend is not a Wife, and as such the responsibilities and expectations are totally different. The realities of what u "want", solely based on YOU, and what u "get", based on YOU and ur WIFE, are totally different.

we have a different policy for girlfriends and a new set of policies for wifes.
These are a different set of circumstances,with different responsibilities and expectations. Only a foolish man will not have different policies. Even girlfriends who are not yet ready for marriage will reject the responsibilities expected of a Wifey if imposed upon them.

u get married and let the pressure from marriage incite u into taking decisions u wouldn't have taken normally.
i dont see why i cant allow my wife have a male friend.
If you read my post properly, it says - If your friendship with the opposite sex is causing an issue in ur marriage, you need to re-asses those friendships and implement some changes.
Surely this must be reasonable advice for anyone.

but if ur woman decides to mess around, its always the most unlikely of people she does it with.
let her have friends. thats y she is ur wife, u trust her
Yes, for men like u who let their wives have male friends without any boundaries - all b'cos of "trust".  Trust has very little to do with this, as part of it is an illusion we create to feel better; Yes, u can partially trust someone based on their actions - the rest, u have to manufacture urself. This is the illusion.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by izeek(m): 2:15pm On Jul 03, 2009
Romeo4real:

@Izeek - I think u need to be. Otherwise u would know that in a marriage, you dont always get what u want, and if you get it, it will not necessarily be the way you want it. This is where the work is in the marriage.
A Girlfriend is not a Wife, and as such the responsibilities and expectations are totally different. The realities of what u "want", solely based on YOU, and what u "get", based on YOU and ur WIFE, are totally different.
These are a different set of circumstances,with different responsibilities and expectations. Only a foolish man will not have different policies. Even girlfriends who are not yet ready for marriage will reject the responsibilities expected of a Wifey if imposed upon them.
If you read my post properly, it says - If your friendship with the opposite sex causing an issue in ur marriage, you need to re-asses those friendships and implement some changes.
Surely this must be reasonable advice for anyone.
Yes, for men like u who let their wives have male friends without any boundaries - all b'cos of "trust". Trust has very little to do with this, as part of it is an illusion we create to feel better; Yes, u can partially trust someone based on their actions - the rest, u have to manufacture urself. This is the illusion.

Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by izeek(m): 2:26pm On Jul 03, 2009
i wu love nothing more to answer this postbut my attention is far more divided as it si, and i know i wont be giving my all.

not to go without a say,
i dont believe the girlfriend is diff from a wife.
this is the same l;ady u dated for years exclusively.
what difference does that now have against a wife.
is she now a mrs cos she has to change her whole view from when she was a miss.

now the reason why ur marriage will not go the way its supposed to, is csos
they lady u took some many years to court andunderstand, now meets a brand new man in the house with brand new set of rules,
cos she is married.
i tot the only way to make ur marriage last, is to be the same dude/lady u were when dating.
marriage only becomes burdensome cos we allow it.
am not saying there are no challenges in marriage,
there are also challenges in r/s too, but how u manage or handlethem matters.


yes about ur friendship with the opposite sex coursing some kindarift bwt u nand ur spouse,
u def have to reconsider.
but we all know no body goes jealousing if they dont have good reason too.
u must have had a past to trace such issues with, or some kinda closeness or bond is beggining to form btw u and ur friend.



if ther was need for extra experience before u went into marriaqge, am sure we wud have seen it written somewhere.


so ur being married dear dont mean u have soo much authoority on how to handle things.
a much younger boy would handle his home better than u do.

they key is understanding.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by Romeo4real(m): 2:49pm On Jul 03, 2009
I dont believe the girlfriend is diff from a wife.This is the same lady u dated for years exclusively.
what difference does that now have against a wife.is she now a mrs cos she has to change her whole view from when she was a miss.
This cannot be too difficult to understand. The person is the same, but the circumstances are different, hence the responsibilities and expectations are different. If u get promoted at work, isn't more expected of u? Isn't the salary usually different?


if ther was need for extra experience before u went into marriaqge, am sure we wud have seen it written somewhere. so ur being married dear dont mean u have soo much authoority on how to handle things.
a much younger boy would handle his home better than u do.
LOL, this so funny. Ignorance truly is bliss!
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by izeek(m): 3:02pm On Jul 03, 2009
@romeo,
am sure u wud know dat right?
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by Nobody: 11:37pm On Jul 03, 2009
people get time, are all u job seekers, or is this anoda chat site, i enjoy all the talks sha
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by ezinne1212(f): 11:54pm On Jul 03, 2009
Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends: It's irrelevant. You don't choose your spouses friends ( Male or female) and neither does he do the same for you.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by kok(m): 2:41pm On Jul 07, 2009
Why Not!!! Does He not having a female friend stop him from doing whatever he desires?
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by mrsb(f): 2:49pm On Jul 07, 2009
izeek:

we have a different policy for girlfriends and a new set of policies for wifes.
u get married and let the pressure from marriage incite u into taking decisions u wudn't have taken normally.

Being a girlfriend and a wife are definitely very different (even it you're still with the same guy!) - perhaps its a status thing or expectations on both sides but when the ring slips on the finger I believe it all changes - FOR BETTER by the way!!!

@OP - its okay for your husband to have female friends in my opinion - as long as they don't overstep any boundaries and as long as they are not being hidden from you.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by GEW: 2:55pm On Jul 07, 2009
if you put everything in the open it is allowed no shady business but knowing my people like i do only God knows.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by chihakeem(m): 4:49pm On Dec 29, 2010
The ? you should be asking is not if a married man is allowed to have a girlfriend but if it is senseless for him to have any at all.

Ans: CAPITAL YES,

Why you ask? cause every man remains Verile till is last day on his dying bed, and what do you make record breakers like the man from Jos who has 25 wives/ 127 children
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by Jaideyone(m): 5:29pm On Dec 29, 2010
so married men shouldn't have a social life?
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by bamto(m): 8:11am On Dec 10, 2011
the first question that must be answered is: who is a friend? How close is the 'friend?' A married man should have his wife as his best friend (confidant, companion). Any other friend that is close to being a confidant should be a family friend known to the wife. Ofcourse, he could have colleagues, busines partners, group members etc.
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by queensmith: 10:33am On Dec 10, 2011
This is a very good question- not senseless at all.

My view on this is more of the single (or younger) female friend
i tend to stay away from married (nigerian) men, i cant help but always think theres an ulterior motive to thier friendliness, there usually is

but yes anyone can make friends with who they like unless they are nigerian.
then no his friends must all be male or married and meet ups with attractive women should be supervised by the wife!LOL
Re: Should Married Men Have Single Female Friends by sugardaddy1(m): 6:57pm On Dec 10, 2011
I no fit talk o jare, make una carry all una wahala go!!
Married man should not have single female friends, blah blah blah
Married man should not go to club, blah blah blah
Married man should  not do this, blah blah blah
Married man should not do that, blah blah blah
Na wetin sef? Haba! One day, una go say make married man no chop again

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