Is it possible I realise after the wedding that 1 don't really love my husband?

Hi,

I have a friend that got married to a guy she dated over a year. She just started telling me that she realises she is not really in love with her husband and when I asked her how--- she says she just realised so---

YOU would have asked her if she was fooled into marrying her husband.

I asked a question like---what was it that really got her into the marriage in the first place if not love and quess what she said-- I needed to be with someone. I'm still wondering if its possible cause ya all know that marriage is a lifetime commitment.

"she needed to be with someone?" I still don't understand. Well, I don't understand, but if were your friend, I will find a way to love him back because to me her husband loves her. She should just make her marriage work.

Thanks mckaycee..
I will convey your advise

maybe some rich guy has been giving her da eye and all dat money is chooking her eye. abi, is her husband not PERFORMING?

I don't think it has to do with money. She is okay and she is a very contented persn. She said, her husband does,t kiss her and she prefers kissing to-----. She also said, she was trying to lure him to like kissing but in vain.. like she said the guy doesn't kiss, smooch and just goes straight to the point....... (God forgive me for exposing my friend.

Well, that's kinda selfish of the husband. Maybe, she can gently suggest to her husband to slow it down? A ba, he has to slow it down o!. I guess he doesnt believe in pre-intimacy...no?

Sometimes, when a woman is not happy in a relationship, she suddenly wakes up with the idea that she "doesn't really love" her mate, whereas it is a relationship problem that can be solved by proper counseling. I mean, the problem here is simply that the husband doesn't understand that he has to make the lovemaking pleasurable for his wife (and not just himself). This is not a love issue, this is a common problem that can be solved by a an experienced counselor that the husband respects.

I am close to an elderly couple that does marriage counseling for Christians, so if your friend is interested in saving her marriage instead of looking for "love" elsewhere, you can contact me and I'll link you up. Good luck!

yeh it is possible 2 realize u're not actually in love wit ur so called husband after ur wedding cuz it's like b4 u get married u're all over each other n do not actually realize his bad side cuz they all seem so perfect 2 u at the time n finally when da wedding is over u start realizing all these horrible things aba him n get really pissed off n gradually start loosing it 4 him

When I read this post, two schools of thot immediately jumped into mind....

#1:

mckaycee:

YOU would have asked her if she was fooled into marrying her husband.

The corrolary to this would be if she fooled her husband into marrying her..??


#2:

star:

I don't think it has to do with money. She is okay and she is a very contented persn. She said, her husband does,t kiss her and she prefers kissing to-----. She also said, she was trying to lure him to like kissing but in vain.. like she said the guy doesn't kiss, smooch and just goes straight to the point....... (God forgive me for exposing my friend.

Well.. If I was to make an "intelligent" (well, maybe not so intelligent...  ) guess, I'd say that both parties did not have pre-marital sex, otherwise they'd have both explored this area, and known what they were both getting into... 

On a more serious note, I guess your friend should sit down and really ask herself what exactly she saw in her husband that lead her to want to marry him.. I believe that it's not like the guy has changed.. rather, since her immediate want (or need) has been satisfied[companionship], she now looks higher on the "heirachy" of marital needs to find other factors which will give her marital satisfaction and fulfillment..

I can only say here that this underlines the importance of getting to know your future partner (spouse) very well.. the good sides and the bad sides.. I often that in some marriages, that parties tend to have second thots or misgivings on their wedding day, or some times, soon after the wedding day.. she shouldn't construe this as a sign that her marriage is destined for failure.. but rather that there are areas which she is now aware of, which need to be worked on.. I believe communication is the key..

Marriage is not a contract, that can be entered into and broken (even if at some cost..)..

Marriage is a conventant.. (well.. my belief anyways.. ).. For Life.... 

yes communication is a vital key in marriage but sometimes its difficult to initiate the communication.
this is a very delicate issue as it involves the lady's sexual satisfaction. most men are egotistical in nature and might feel wounded if he thinks his sexual prowess is being called to question and so if the lady doesn't handle this issue with much wisdom she could have the whole thing backfiring on her as he could turn around and call her promiscouos or a "nympho" just simply to save face. so im suggest she takes Seun's advice and talk to a counsellor.
this is a problem that can be solved.

She must make some adjustments. Be it known to her that it is not easy to live with the opposite sex. After the aura of wedding and honeymoon then comes monotony, which they say, kills the mind. Sometimes you feel tired seeing the same person everyday. It is natural in our daily lives.

But in the issue of marriage, she has to overcome that or else she will be caught in that ugly web even if she remarries. She has to be closer to her husband now. She can sometimes go out for diner with her husband; it’s not bad even if she is the best cook.

She should feel relaxed and make her husband the man she wants to him to be. There must be a disconnect in the chemistry between them, the woman has to fix it.

Thanks to you all for your various opinions.
Seun,
I think your idea is very essential. I will suggest the counselling stuff to her right away.. who deosn't. If she does agree to that, I will let you know for further ecommendations. What do you think.

Didn't she know that before the marriage or was she forced into the marrige? i know i am not exaclty helping right now but there's some helpful comments i've seen, hopefully, she gets helped somehow.

Not sure how to respond to this buit it appears some communication is neccessary and probably the Kama Sutra?

plssssssssssssssssssssss, what is this ? she's not in love with her husband. no problem now, what ever she was in love with that made her marry the chap, she shd continue to love it abi. A lot of chics dont love their husbands now , its not new. they start by loving say his staus or money and gradually it builds up from there. So she shd persevere, its for better or worse, the love will come

She better start falling in love with him. She has made the vows.

she should actually sit down and check why she got married to him in the first place. And also sit down and carefully check why she doesn't love him any more, but not as a matter of counting events. she might be overlooking some key issues. it might not be that she's not in love anymore but that she not as enthusiastic as before. So she needs to do some serious soul searching.

star pls tell ur friend to communicate with her husy so dat he knows her areas of interest
marriage is a vow dat only death can effectively break so she should endure and probably go for marriage counselling

she should learn to love him by force.

Marriage is a life time commitment.I'd rather u tell her to love him by force and pray to God to help her in loving him.I think going for counselling as said by seun is a nice one.She shd try n do dt.God help u

Word Pretysmile

pretysmile:

Marriage is a life time commitment.I'd rather u tell her to love him by force and pray to God to help her in loving him.I think going for counselling as said by seun is a nice one.She should try n do dt.God help u

True talk my sista. The tin na by force.

It seems to me she married a man before even knowing what she really wanted. Most women that are "content" don't usually get married like that. Just my $.02[color=#770077][/color]

it is very common marring who you never that much love,cos when u get to a certain age in life all u do think of is getting married (the ladies) at time family problem result to this kind of problems when your parent are stopping you from getting married to a particular person for a little reason and that make you to fall for that next guy or lady who is much wellcome
why after some times in marriage you will find out yourself how much u do love this person.

secondly you don't know all about your partner not on-till you have leave together under marriage for some time before you could tell of who you really married and who you love much.

i think i go with the idea seun brought and i also support laide's opinion, marriage is between two people which when married become one

in this case she have to let her husband know exactly what she want their marriage to look like and the husband in his own side will let her know his idea of the marriage then both of the will come to an agreement or an idea which will help.

although I'm still single but I've stayed with so many married people and the common problem is just lack of understanding and some of them are also selfcentred.

please tell her to let her Husband know what her feelings are like
thank you and i wish her all the best in her marriage

were she blind when she got married to him?
or she's seeing another man outisde that's why ?

anyway it's her feelings

Now, that is one confused broad.

Yeah, very confused broad. Now, what's she gonna do?

tell me