i used to think that love didnt matter so much in marriage but i have been proven wrong,u see i married my wife out of unpleasant conditions,she got pregrant for me and everybody was on my neck to marry her that i couldnt leave her in that state,my pastor too was on my neck to marry her,so under the pressure i got married to her and we had a blessing of marriage in the church,that day was so super a lot of peolple were so happy for us but deep down in me i knew i didnt love this woman but then could i leave her in that condition?what if another man does the same thing to my sister how would i feel?and besides i discoverd the woman loved me and i was told that with time i would come to love to her,and so i made the biggest mistake of my life and married her.
Ever since we have been married i have been a good husband to her but our marriage has been a show ,cos at home we sleep in different rooms,for about 6 mths now i have not made love with her cos i cant just dont have any desire for her anymore.i thought with time i would come to love her but the reverse has been the case,in fairness to her she has been a good wife to me but i cant do romantic things with her cos i dont love her at all and i sometimes i see her crying bitterly 4 me to love her and tried as much as i can i still dont feel anything for her i only feel a sense of responsiblty 4 her so i dont joke with her wellfare,many couples outside look up to us,some even come to us for advise (if only they knew)i am dying inside slowly,i am trapped in a loveless marriage,pls someone out there what do i do and as christains divorce is out of the issue i am so confused

You first made the mistake of marrying out of sympathy. Yes you got her pregnant but that wasn't a death sentence. You could have followed your heart instead of listening to people.

You guys are decieving yourselves pretending you are married. You just have to liberate yourself and set her free too. I can't understand how both of you have been sleeping in different rooms for the past 6 months after marriage and that you have not made love to her since. Both of you are not compatible and are just waiting for the bubble to burst.

My advice: The earlier, the better. talk with her and you leave. She will definitely find happiness with someone else and you too will find your love

If divorce is out of it then go for counselling and pray too.

Big mistake, mate.

No way I am marrying someone I have not connected with mentally and I want to rip her skirt off arse every single second for the first few years.

In the first 3 years, we will only be sleeping in separate rooms because she is running away from me.

If you did not love her, why were you sleeping with her in the first place?

I am sorry for your condition, its is bad for you and hers too
but we must sometimes take control of our own problems.

The idea of whether you love her or not comes from your mind.
You can always change it if you want.
All you need to do is to be sensitive when dealing with things that concerns her.
You are lucky that she loves you but since people dont value what they have until they loose it,
I will advice that you find a way to love her.

She is a woman which means she needs a lot of care from you.
Dont allow her to continue torturing herself with crying.
Look deep into your sub-conscious mind and find a way to love her.

Its your game, so play it well bro,

Sleeping in seperate rms, WTF,

never married someone you don't love. now you will have to live your life as a compromise forever

I feel, infact I know that we should not choose to be with a person merely because of love. Understanding and compatibility play a key role in a happy married life. If you have a great comfort level with someone,you are bound to love that person and hence be happy.
Poster, you need to understand that love is not instantaneous. It is a seed that grows over time, when two people commit to each other the goal of becoming one person. A symbiotic relationship. From him the woman draws strength and logic. From her, the man draws emotion and compassion. This is not something that happens overnight, or even in a few months. It can take years, provided the right beginnings are met. In your case, I can't say the right beginnings were met, but you can always try to fix things, if not, a divorce may be the only way out. I feel sorry for you

u men sometimes eeh!! . . .how did u sleep wit her in d 1st place?? wit a mask covering yr face? . .

Please Help I Dont Love My Wife
« on: Today at 11:24:07 AM »  

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i used to think that love didnt matter so much in marriage but i have been proven wrong,u see i married my wife out of unpleasant conditions,she got pregrant for me and everybody was on my neck to marry her that i couldnt leave her in that state,my pastor too was on my neck to marry her,so under the pressure i got married to her and we had a blessing of marriage in the church,that day was so super a lot of peolple were so happy for us but deep down in me i knew i didnt love this woman but then could i leave her in that condition?what if another man does the same thing to my sister how would i feel?and besides i discoverd the woman loved me and i was told that with time i would come to love to her,and so i made the biggest mistake of my life and married her.
Ever since we have been married i have been a good husband to her but our marriage has been a show ,cos at home we sleep in different rooms,for about 6 mths now i have not made love with her cos i cant just dont have any desire for her anymore.i thought with time i would come to love her but the reverse has been the case,in fairness to her she has been a good wife to me but i cant do romantic things with her cos i dont love her at all and i sometimes i see her crying bitterly 4 me to love her and tried as much as i can i still dont feel anything for her i only feel a sense of responsiblty 4 her so i dont joke with her wellfare,many couples outside look up to us,some even come to us for advise (if only they knew)i am dying inside slowly,i am trapped in a loveless marriage,pls someone out there what do i do and as christains divorce is out of the issue i am so confused

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This is not to condemn u but to find out few things from u b/4 I answer.
1)  Did u not love her b/4 going to open her skirt or sleep with her?
2)  Do u have another girl friend which u did intend to marry?
3)  What if another man shd act dis way to ur sister what will be your reaction?
4)  What about d future of the innocent child?
5)  What if u were in her shoes?

This is not to condemn u but to find out few things from u b/4 I answer.
1) Did u not love her b/4 going to open her skirt or sleep with her?
2) Do u have another girl friend which u did intend to marry?
3) What if another man shd act dis way to ur sister what will be your reaction?
4) What about d future of the innocent child?
5) What if u were in her shoes?

As Tina Turner said - what's love got to do with it? You dishonored her by getting her pregnant out of wedlock and then honored her by marrying her. Now you want to dishonor her again by not loving her! Dude you need to wake up! If this lady loves you as you say she does then you are throwing away a good thing and I can guarantee you life will not give you another! here's what you need to do

- Forget about SEX (for the moment)
- Bring a spark back into your marriage- find out what you both like to do and do it
- Make an effort to look good and also help her (don't criticize her looks) to feel and look better
- Go away for a few days, if you can get away for a long weekend then just do it and try to have a really good time
- Stop sleeping in separate bedrooms

And last but not least- you both need to GROW UP! and remember the God you serve

Good luck

Sam Milla:

I am sorry for your condition, its is bad for you and hers too
but we must sometimes take control of our own problems.

The idea of whether you love her or not comes from your mind.
You can always change it if you want.
All you need to do is to be sensitive when dealing with things that concerns her.
You are lucky that she loves you but since people dont value what they have until they loose it,
I will advice that you find a way to love her.

She is a woman which means she needs a lot of care from you.
Dont allow her to continue torturing herself with crying.
Look deep into your sub-conscious mind and find a way to love her.

Its your game, so play it well bro,

well said

richard10:

i used to think that love didnt matter so much in marriage but i have been proven wrong,u see i married my wife out of unpleasant conditions,she got pregrant for me and everybody was on my neck to marry her that i couldnt leave her in that state,my pastor too was on my neck to marry her,so under the pressure i got married to her and we had a blessing of marriage in the church,that day was so super a lot of peolple were so happy for us but deep down in me i knew i didnt love this woman but then could i leave her in that condition?what if another man does the same thing to my sister how would i feel?and besides i discoverd the woman loved me and i was told that with time i would come to love to her,and so i made the biggest mistake of my life and married her.
Ever since we have been married i have been a good husband to her but our marriage has been a show ,cos at home we sleep in different rooms,for about 6 mths now i have not made love with her cos i cant just dont have any desire for her anymore.i thought with time i would come to love her but the reverse has been the case,in fairness to her she has been a good wife to me but i cant do romantic things with her cos i dont love her at all and i sometimes i see her crying bitterly 4 me to love her and tried as much as i can i still dont feel anything for her i only feel a sense of responsiblty 4 her so i dont joke with her wellfare,many couples outside look up to us,some even come to us for advise (if only they knew)i am dying inside slowly,i am trapped in a loveless marriage,pls someone out there what do i do and as christains divorce is out of the issue i am so confused

sorry to hear this. one of the main duties you owe God as a christian man is to love your wife.  it is a duty that will determine your place and how far you get in life. i am sure you didnt cover her head with pillow when getting her pregnant.  i am sure too the church didnt force you to sleep with her initially.  they were trying to do right by both of you and the kid.

you should count yourself lucky you have a wife that loves you.   it is a luxury most men dont have in life.  if you know what most men go through you will give your life for this woman. matters of marriage are big in Gods sight and kingdom that is why the enemy troubles it like nothing else.

your problem may come from resentment as in her trapping you which may not be true cos you know you were not trying to trap her when you slept with her.  give her the benefit of doubt it was a geniune mistake though i dont like the idea of your pre marital nookie.  the grass always look greener on the other side.  you may be about to make the greatest mistake of your life.  you will know you were not the coolest or richest dude in town when she slept with you so what was she trapping you for?  this life of rejection?  i beg think again bros.

things maybe tough now but it is not always like this.  you go through troubles and trials but you keep working at it as a team.  every succesful marriage is a team work.[/color].  your saying here she loves you alone shoi=uld make you wantto slap yourself cos i cant work out why you want a woman that may not love you

i can imagine  you praying for blessing and seriously expecting to be blessed when the first thing you will do when blessed is to deal badly with this woman.  how foolish do you think God is my brother? you think He supports wickedness.  think again.  God only blesses people who finds a wife not those who lose them.  you may see few evil men prosper but it is never from God.  you cannot expect to live a blessed life and be cruel to your wife. she is part and parcel of you and the way you treath her determines how far you get in life unless you dont believe God created her like He did you.

i know coming from the "heaven on earth" we come from  we almost think we can do and get away with anything you have to be carefull.  most men you see turn beggars and shadow of thier former self in that our lovely country have ugly record of cruelty to women at the early stage of thier lives.  some just made children they never cared how they were clothed becos they can never be "trapped" and thought they got away with it.  life teaches a great lesson  that God judges wickedness you dont want to be judged do you?

you have opportunity today to come to yourself and see where you need to forgive and restart your life and ask for God to heal and place His favour and blessing on your life.

you may want to go for counselling too because what you think is unique to you and your wife now is not unique.  most people pass through it only they wont tell you.  that is  life.  what ever will last long go through some form of turbulence at the beginning but it is what you do now and how you handle it that determines how you land.

a happy home is your portion so learn to create it along with the wife God may have given you.  you may sincerely believe this is a mistake unless you tell me you have prayed and God God told you so i wont believe you.

the bible you carry says    in malachi 2:15 and i will give you as many translation as possible

 
New International Version (©1984)
Has not [the LORD] made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. [color=#990000]So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.[/b]
GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
So be careful not to be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.[b]
King James Bible
Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

Bible in Basic English
, So give thought to your spirit, and let no one be false to the wife of his early years.

Douay-Rheims Bible
Keep then your spirit, and despise not the wife of thy youth.

Darby Bible Translation
. Take heed then to your spirit, and let none deal unfaithfully against the wife of his youth,

English Revised Version
Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.

there is something you may have to think about.  there are angels assigned to her and the child she carries for you that will never allow them be hurt.  you may be thinking they are bad or "witches" as most nigerians are quick to label people.  God and her angels will make sure you dont hurt her becos she meant you no harm other than being foolish as you were when you both had sex.  

i hope and pray God give you grace to do right and if you have promised someone else you were leaving her i hope for your sake and child sake you think again.  the grass is not always greener on the other side and it is never worth it.

Sam Milla:

I am sorry for your condition, its is bad for you and hers too
but we must sometimes take control of our own problems.

The idea of whether you love her or not comes from your mind.
You can always change it if you want.
All you need to do is to be sensitive when dealing with things that concerns her.
You are lucky that she loves you but since people dont value what they have until they loose it,
I will advice that you find a way to love her.

She is a woman which means she needs a lot of care from you.
Dont allow her to continue torturing herself with crying.
Look deep into your sub-conscious mind and find a way to love her.

Its your game, so play it well bro,

may God remember you for this.  soome people operate like they are cursed.  may that curse be broken from your life bros.  God only bless homes that are united. he didnt hate her when she was single.

Ralvy:

I feel, infact I know that we should not choose to be with a person merely because of love. Understanding and compatibility play a key role in a happy married life. If you have a great comfort level with someone,you are bound to love that person and hence be happy.
Poster, you need to understand that love is not instantaneous. It is a seed that grows over time, when two people commit to each other the goal of becoming one person. A symbiotic relationship. From him the woman draws strength and logic. From her, the man draws emotion and compassion. This is not something that happens overnight, or even in a few months. It can take years, provided the right beginnings are met. In your case, I can't say the right beginnings were met, but you can always try to fix things, if not, a divorce may be the only way out. I feel sorry for you

wise

what a pity.
my advice is that u try and be friend with her, if u understand what I mean. At 1st don't try to luv her immediately, understanding the kind of person she is and try as much as possible to hav just a healthy and friendly conversations.
Drop all I don't luv her and I don't want to defenses.
And if I may ask how do u get over wm pew tensions?

@ Poster

I feel so sorry for you but there's nothing that is impossible with God. He can turn things around in your marriage. Why not see a counsellor or better still your Pastor. Talk things out. I'm sure they'll have one or two candid advice for you.

Most importantly, you have to pray to God for his mercies and tell Him you need His help too. Pls don't consider divorce. Rem'ber God says He hates divorce.

God Help You!

Mehhnnn thats so screwed up. . .If divorce is ruled out then you gat to find a way to make it work between both of yah. . .


Personally I ain't marrying a dude who I know doesn't love me and our love hasn't been tested. . .just not gonna make that brutal mistake

my brother pleae follow the above advises,following all the advises i have seen ,they are wonderfull,i belive u and ur wife will still make it,nothing is immpossible for GOD to do,u are lucky she loves you but why dont u love her?why?try and find it in ur heart to love her,maybe difficult but my brother try

richard10:

i used to think that love didnt matter so much in marriage but i have been proven wrong,u see i married my wife out of unpleasant conditions,she got pregrant for me and everybody was on my neck to marry her that i couldnt leave her in that state,my pastor too was on my neck to marry her,so under the pressure i got married to her and we had a blessing of marriage in the church,that day was so super a lot of peolple were so happy for us but deep down in me i knew i didnt love this woman but then could i leave her in that condition?what if another man does the same thing to my sister how would i feel?and besides i discoverd the woman loved me and i was told that with time i would come to love to her,and so i made the biggest mistake of my life and married her.
Ever since we have been married i have been a good husband to her but our marriage has been a show ,cos at home we sleep in different rooms,for about 6 mths now i have not made love with her cos i cant just dont have any desire for her anymore.i thought with time i would come to love her but the reverse has been the case,in fairness to her she has been a good wife to me but i cant do romantic things with her cos i dont love her at all and i sometimes i see her crying bitterly 4 me to love her and tried as much as i can i still dont feel anything for her i only feel a sense of responsiblty 4 her so i dont joke with her wellfare,many couples outside look up to us,some even come to us for advise (if only they knew)i am dying inside slowly,i am trapped in a loveless marriage,pls someone out there what do i do and as christains divorce is out of the issue i am so confused

You do not love your wife yet you got her pregnant, whatever happened to Condom?? I have no sympathy for you. You are here whining about your marriage but you haven't told us how many times you told her "i love you" before sleeping she got pregnant. I really feel for women who have to put up with guys like this one. You lied to your wife, you lied to her family, you lied to your family and you also lied to yourself by not telling her the truth before marriage. But guess what? "you get what you give". It's called Karma and i hope you don't have a sister.

.

was she attractive when u first slept with her?
and now?
i wonder y u forgot ur condom
since u said she got some inner beauty,then work on dat,
get close 2 her and make love 2 her.
be matured,if u try and u don't feel anything,let her go.
have it in mind "it's not easy 2 find a good wife".

I don't see what the point of scolding him is. the mistake has already been made. Now help out with a solution. I doubt counseling would work since he is clearly not even attracted to her. I just think yuo need to talk to her and tell her the pretense is over. I mean honestly it must be really sad. Everyone makes mistakes, its correcting them that matters.

my bro,
from ur story,i believe the girl isnt up to ur taste but my advice is for you to bring her up to ur taste.
whats the assurance that the divorce would mean well for you or the woman u want to marry next would give all wat you need.

God knows why the two of you are joined together.all you need now is prayers and i bet you the marriage would last longer than tot.

please dont divorce her for the sake of the child.broken homes affects children

.

Both of dem have made mistakes
marriage and making babies should be plan
both of dem r suffering emotionally/psychologically.
home stress can make u go insane.

@ Poster,

----  Why did u ask her out in the first place when you know within yourself that you did not love her?
----   Or were u match -maked together in your church by ur pastor or whosoever?
-----   Do you sleep with her in order to satisfy ur sexual urge?

Bros, the deed has been done and there is nothing u can do about it. My candid advise is that you see your marriage as  "do or die affair" . Close ur eyes and heart to any other options and see your wife as the only option available to you on earth. When you av this mentality, you will be forced to love her.

Pls, dont put this innocent woman in life trauma. It is not fair in any facet.

To you ladies, pls I beg you in the name of Jesus, dont force yourself on any man, the end is always pathetic. Dont use pregnancy to trap any man, he will surely come to his senses and dump you.

And to guys, dont sleep with somebody you can't marry just to quench your sexual urge, inoder not to find yourself in this  position.

To the poster, I wish you best in life.

temmytanny:

my bro,
from ur story,i believe the girl isnt up to ur taste but my advice is for you to bring her up to ur taste.[/b]whats the assurance that the divorce would mean well for you or the woman u want to marry next would give all wat you need.

God knows why the two of you are joined together.all you need now is prayers and i bet you the marriage would last longer than tot.

please dont divorce her for the sake of the child.broken homes affects children

the church of God isnt up to His taste yet He keeps loving and protecting her.
majority of the church does not behave well yet Christ keeps covering her up. as a christian that is what he should copy not coming to NL to get sympathy.  if he knew what other men goes through from women who dont know the colour of love he would be thanking God for her daily.

[b]i believe the girl isnt up to ur taste but my advice is for you to bring her up to ur taste.
what if he is not up to the woman taste?  who told you bro is the best thing since slice bread?

Love endures and love can grow.

First things first - move back into the same bedroom. Intimacy is a good way to start getting to know eachother properly. You commited to one and another and you have a child - please don't give up.

I was with my husband for years before we even got married and we love eachother deeply but there are still days where we would happily karate chop eachother into oblivion.

Be patient, pray for the love to flow and maybe seek some counselling. Pray for your heart to be softened and get to know your wife. You may be pleasantly surprised by what you might find.

Bros,
I feel your pains but as far as Christianity is concerned you have an obligation to love her.
It might not be easy but if you have that notion in mind that you have that responsibility and obligation and always thinking of that, the love will surely generate with time. She has the biblical obligation to respect you and if she keeps hers, then you should try to keep yours.
Your equally need prayers and counselling, always attend wedding ceremonies with her and listen to what the pastor/preacher/Rev preaches on marriage, with time you will surely cope.
Good luck