It is generally said that couples must tell each other everything about their past life.Is it then appriopriate for a spouse to keep the fact that he/she had before wedlock from his/her partner?If you were that spouse what would you do?

I think everything be4 i met you has nothing to do with you, i can chose to tell you and i can chose to keep them to myself, as long as i am not keeping them to hide away some shady past, cos sometimes, the past do have its way to come into our present and future.
However, if they can all be shared, will be aiight too, but know what you are doing before doing it, cos sometimes, some people can use that past to destroy the future, so be wise and use wise judgement

When there is a transparent platform between couples, there's this trust that grows amoung the couples. It allows them to know there weak points and helps strengthen them.

Although matters partaining past life are essentially need to be shared to prevent present disaster and yet there are some past issues when discussed arrowses present disaster, such matters are better keept silent.

benedictac:

[color=#000099]there are some secrets that are destructive like having a child and not letting ur partner know b4 hand such can be destructive.

I totally agree with that, such matters, as mush as it conserns you so also it concerns the child therefore any man/woman who want to marry u must be ready to marry the child too. So hiding such matters will distroy the relationship in future definitely

I think the period of courtship is enough to know all about your potential partner.

o

There should be no secrets. Past or present.

disclose the discloseables and with-hold the with-holdables.

try it, cuss it does wonders to a marriage

Any woman telling me what she did in her past life has nothing to do with me and our union is yarning dust.
If one craxy ex shows up and 'arranges' you, is that when it will concern me? There are other such examples.
Lets live well so we wont need to have 'secrets'. Just my opinion.
And yes, everything should be disclosed. Even if its painful. So that healing can occur.

Speaking straight, i don't think couples should have past secrets between. Having said that, i must add that some secrets should not be divulged in a hurry - like the ones benedictac's imaginative mind suggested - secrets so grievous that one is tempted not to reveal them at all. But as we all know, the past has a way of coming around and stabbing us in the back, so in the long round it is always better when our better-halves know about 'em before (pardon my french) shit hits the fan.

We all watch nollywod, right? Then i bet we're all familiar with that ever-recurring question: "But honey, WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME??"

blissieng

@ Post
No

tell ur partner everything he or she has to know so dat when others come to tell him/her about ur past he/she wont be surprised cos he/she is aware of it earlier on.
Dnt keep secret it destroy relationship even home

WAWEMASTA, I FEEL YOUR POINT ' WE SHOULD LIVE WELL SO WE WONT NEED TO HAVE SECRETS, MAY GOD HELP US ALL(AMEN)

benedictac:

there are some secrets that are destructive like having a child and not letting ur partner know b4 hand such can be destructive. but in a situation where u were once a prostitute, drug adict etc and u have sincerely changed ever before u met ur husband (as a lady) i will say such secrets could be protective.

It is just my opinion

Being a prostitute or drug addict before is what should not be kept secret at all cos when it's revealed in the future, the harm might be irrepairable.

There should be nothing secret between two people who have decided to be ONE

If you consider it a secret, then it is worth telling your spouse about!

If you do not tell your spouse, there's a possibility that your spouse will get to know somehow (its only a matter of time) and then your trust will be jeopardized! There should be no secrets in marriage.

i dont believe in secrecy in Marriage, but i think couples are entitled to tell each other what they fill necessary to tell. In other words, u tell wat is significant and keep the irrelevant ones to urself. Otherwise u might end up breaking up ur marriage. TELL WHAT U MUST TELL AND KEEP WHAT U MUST KEEP BUT KEEP UR MARRIAGE SAFE

secrecy is desructive

Why getting married in the first place if one knows he or she want to keep secret to his or her partner?

phones,email boxes,and wardropes should be accesible to your partner,unless your messing around town with another Coward lover who is not bold enough to ask for your hands in marriage before your wedded partner did.

secrecy in MARRIAGE can never be protective, haba, unless u still see your partner as a stranger, if one was keeping secrets from an ordinary friend,it's allowed-who cares, but my husband?hell no!!! we should share everything-and i mean everything, i must be in the know of everything about him (esp. cash, ) don't mind mi jare,

Echidime:

Why getting married in the first place if one knows he or she want to keep secret to his or her partner?

phones,email boxes,and wardropes should be accesible to your partner,unless your messing around town with another Coward lover who is not bold enough to ask for your hands in marriage before your wedded partner did.

Stop being ignorant.
I think people who let their spouses check their emails should stop that nonsense. People who send you mails will not know that you and your spouse share emails. What if someone sends a mail to you that implicates your spouse without any ill intentions. The person then automatically becomes your spouses' enemy.
Not everything needs to be exposed. Everyone has/should have secrets.
Secrets don't have to be bad. As long as it does not harm your spouse in any way, you are not compelled to reveal all.
The day you stop having secrets is the day you die.

It is hard, even foolhardy, to give an answer that will be applicable to all cases. In human affairs, there will always be exceptions and situations must be judged on a case-by-case basis.
Having said that, I will say it depends on what kind of information I am withholding and how forgiving I think my spouse is. Some people just don't have the gift of forgiveness. Some events are dead and need not be awakened others have subsided but some unfortunate circumstances may arouse them to catastrophic proportions so it may be wiser to provide a disclaimer ahead of time.
So my answer is:
It depends on:
1. The kind of information.
2. The perceived maturity of my spouse.
3. The number of people who knew the information.
4. The characteristic of people who knew the information.
5. If the information is a pattern of behavior or an isolated incident.

i think it depends on the kinda secret

No secrets. Come clean to avoid wahala in future.

I think 'material' secrets could be shared, not all the gory details of the other person 'regrettable' past.

No secrets. Come clean to avoid wahala in future.

I support

I've told my husband everything. Just edited versions!

The most painful thing a man or woman(married) can do to themselves is to keep their 'secret' past from eachother.The longer you keep it secret,the more your heart gets burnt and it's not worth it.Life is too short.You dont have to feel guilty anytime you 'flashback' to your past.We are only human and we all have 'our' past.So, just as you cannot keep secret from yourself, so also you shouldnt keep any secret from your spouse cos the two of you have become one just like someone rightly said.My own opinion