The fact you spend money on him DOES NOT mean that he won't leave you.

Spend the money as a[b] gift[/b], when he leaves you for another woman after he has MADE IT, DO NOT  whine or complain. Since you gave the money as a gift in the first place.

The problem is that many women think that just because they are giving a man money, that the man must marry them, HENCE, they get BURNED when that doesn't happen.

Think gift, let go when the time comes! No hard feelings.

theres nothing wrong in giving your man money when he needs it (and you can give it), however when it becomes a weekly affair, with no prospects of change , you may want to give the whole deal more thought

Hello guys.

First I thank you all for your thoughtful responses. There are a few points I want to clarify:

I noticed a lot of you stressed the student loans. Trust and believe that I havent gotten as far as I have being "simple" minded. My gripe here is not that I spend my money on him. Whatever I do for him financially comes from the heart, and if he leaves me tommorow, it doesn't matter much to me and I wont be in huge debt on his account. I mentioned my loans because I wanted to point out that I myself am not swimming in dough. yes I know I have to pay back eventually, but I am pretty prudent with spending and when I say I help him out financially, we are talking 40, 50, 60 bucks range, nothing dramatic.

I don't know if most of you got my point, but my issue here is that I just want someone to splurge on me. UNFORTUNATELY, i have an awesome boyfriend who can't do that right now. That drives me nuts and I know his situation wont be this way forever. But I am young and I don't want to regret not being able to do certain things now at my age simply because my bf could not afford it.

He works very hard and does not ask me for money ALL the time. In fact, sometimes his pride is so great that he would rather starve than to ask me for money, OBVIOUSLY, I wont want to see that happen. So sometimes I offer him the money. I know some may think I am naive for doing so, and I am ok with that because thats not the real issue at hand. I dont wish to base my relationship on fear that someday he might leave me, rather I see it as this is my partner whom I love dearly and one day we will start a family together. Any money I spend helping him out is money I am investing in our relationship. I simply wish I could have a guy splurge on me sometime. It troubles me because I almost feel selfish for wanting this. I guess I cant have my cake and eat it too huhn?

As for

Give him and ask if he wants more.

TheSeeker:

You're right. I wish some girls could see it from your view unfortunately they won't. All they want is some boyfriend who will work their ass out for them. Keep it up girl as I'm sure he'll come around to appreciate that when he's in the rightful position to splurge on you. It happens like that in some relationships and because he goes broke doesn't call for you to drift away from him long as he's a wonderful guy. It's every lady's wish to have someone who will spend on her but I've got to commend you for suppressing that desire not to push you negatively. I love your optimism and I don't see why these girls all go into a relationship having it at the back of their mind that it'd flop; just don't get the drift but hell yeah, you got it going for you girl. Don't let him slip away from you

Dude, it won't matter to me if she's spending money on him, but the girl is using her Financial Aids disbursement to spend money on him.

I just want someone to splurge on me ---------> My dear, Nothing lasts foreva so stop fretting!  it's rare to find a guy who's going to splurge on you and not complain about it. Just rest easy, your guy will eventually make it and since you've  been there for him, he is in a better position to splurge on you whole heartedly without giving you unnecessary drama.

hmm, i just remembered a chic who used to complain that her bf only gave her N200 recharge cards, lol, i told her it was cool cause they weren't made yet but she wanted more. She eventually ditched the guy ( not for the recharge cards though) and met another guy, A supposed big boy. He would send her credit, in large amounts. One day he called her and the phone got disconnected, when she called back he told her he'd used up all his units on her ( he's on a post paid line) and suggested that she go to the telecoms office and pay some cash int his account.She was shocked  and asked if he'd get a notification if she did that and he said yes. Till today he never confirmed it when she paid. He obviously thought she'd put out cos he was acting like a big spender and when that didn't happen it was time for a refund . All that glitters isn't gold!

Goes to  show that if you've got a good thing going, don't worry over trivial issues,  else you'll regret it.

Hi Poster, I have a simple answer for you, if you love this guy, then relate with him at his level till either you have your own money or he has his?

The Student's loan is not really your money and it is awfully unwise for you to use it to support someone else no matter the amount, unless you are married or he is a blood relation or somehow your responsibility.

On the other hand you need to forget being splashed on. If you really love him a lot more should count, even his mere presence and goodness should be satisfying to you. If you can't enjoy to eat out cause he can't afford it, then you guys should lower your budget to may be taking hikes together, that costs nothing.

Guys are usually more objective than ladies in relationships, that guy can leave you tommorrow and even a $20 student loan per week on him will be  a pain then.

My take: It's just money. When I got it, I spend it on whoever I wanna spend it on. But you say you feel bad about spending on this man and there's the little issue of student loans needing to be paid back. So you young lady are playing Ms Moneybags with money you don't have, and you're keeping some broke asss OLD fool like he's Tyrese.

1) I'd suggest you stop doing things that make you feel bad.
2) Soup kitchens are for volunteering, not picking up men.
3) 'Dating an older man' means 'I've struck Gold, Platinum and DeBeers all at once'. Throwing loaned money at him doesn't appear
on the Common Sense dictionary.

Now, between robbing Peter to pay for Dick and driving yourself nuts over a man old enough to be paying your tuition upfront, where do you get time to study?

funny but guys never tell you the things they have to do to get money. even if they have to kill. and often women don't want to know

interesting the last poster thinks a guy must be a fool if he is broke.

to my brothers you have to be strong and don't be broke no matter what it takes. you ain't gonna get sympathy from no woman
to the poster thanks for your post it is quite illuminating on so many fronts

Listen girl,if you really love your life you better redice the rate at which you spend ur loan on that dependent guy,he might be loving,caring,sweet and so on but for the fact that he is not yet married to you,you can not keep using ur student loan to suppprt him
   if he truly loves you,he would not suggest you use your student loan to support you financially,besides has he ever talked about refunding you back the money
   u better use your head because guys are not worth the trouble

i agree but i hope women have the same qualms when it comes to collecting student loan from guys

Poster, I had this problem before and we both had settle it.

Since you have alot of loan money (or why cant he take a loan hisself? Undecided ) and u seem to be giving it to him and also spending it on your school, why not you both sit down and discuss on how can you both achieve his success?

Like maybe he wants to open a business? Than u could sort of borrow him some cash to open the business and than he would pay you back when he makes some money out of it.

I understand how you feel cause I was in your situation. Its not their fault that they are broke. Its just that opportunities did not seem to come his way and thats all. If you leave him, I dont know if you could find a nice guy like him or not in the future.

In my case, what I did was I took loan from the bank (cause he is a foreignor so he could not get a loan. It was a risky thing to do cause anything could have happen. He might just ran away with the money and stuff like that but that time I have made up my mind that no matter what happen, I will help him to be successfull because of my love for him. Thats all. ) and we somehow rent cheap houses from landlords and landladies for a start and rent it at a slightly higher price to other people. When he has enough, than he took the money and started off buying and selling computer spare parts and fixing mobiles for people. He payed the loan back and now he id doing almost all the spending.

He bought a house in Naija and in Malaysia and he bought a car here. Very soon, we are planning to buy a car for his parents so things are working out fine here.

At times, u just have to put your butt in in order to make your man successfull. Provide him with lots of support! That would be very very important and also you both have to plan well with every step u both take especially the first steps.


Good luck.

this is a good one,

poster, u have a good heart, yu are young but wise, i guess yu re listeing to friends and they re tryin to convince yu and now a double-mind , yu said the guy is nice, wy not sit down and discuss abt his future?
most people here are just talkin not knowin if the guy has access to loan,
what is the assurance that those big spenders will give yu happiness cos for me, thats all that matters,
please dont make mistake, discuss with him on how to get his life better,

for other ladies talkin abt spending on ladies, look at your 5 fingers, are they all equall in lenght?
so are human beings, thats y we make mistakes following big boys,

lets get realistic, things surelly will be better wen u work together

FL Gators:
Boy, are you kidding me?He's not caring for her, she's caring for herself.

First we need to know how long they've been together. Second, does he actually try to help himself, or does he see her as a national bank. He's used to asking her for money that he's even playing on her sympathy.

Have you men no shame? Once is okay, twice is okay, but not to the point that you have to make it regular like a restroom routine. If this is love, then I want no piece of the apple.

Are u kiddin me, why is it ok 4 a lady 2 demand money 4rm her man and wen her man does that out of situation it turns out 2be a crime? C'mon wake up, this is 21st century and some ladies are the breadwinner and wud not even complain. Nigerian ladies shud try 2be western as regards dat too... arest my case

Konnektions146:
this is a good one,

poster, u have a good heart, yu are young but wise, i guess yu re listeing to friends and they re tryin to convince yu and now a double-mind , yu said the guy is nice, wy not sit down and discuss abt his future?
most people here are just talkin not knowin if the guy has access to loan,
what is the assurance that those big spenders will give yu happiness cos for me, thats all that matters,
please dont make mistake, discuss with him on how to get his life better,

for other ladies talkin abt spending on ladies, look at your 5 fingers, are they all equall in lenght?
so are human beings, thats y we make mistakes following big boys,

lets get realistic, things surelly will be better wen u work together

AND THE SO CALLED "BIGBOIZ" WILL NOT RESPECT U, HAVE UR TIME, AND WILL THINK U AR WTH HIM because OF HIS BIG BAUX.

U BETA VALUE WHAT U HAVE NOW COS HE WILL RESPECT U FOR UR SUPPORT IF HE EVENTUALLY HIT A JAKPOT. AND THE SO CALLED "READY MADE" HAS PUT A LOT OF LADIES IN BIG REGRET. WHAT IF HE SPOILS U AND DOESNT RESPECT U, LISTEN 2 UR POINT OF VIEW AND SO ON.. WUD U RATHER SELL ALL THAT 4MONEY? MY CANDID ADVICE; HE IS A GOODMAN AS U SAID AND SUCH A GUY IS HAD 2COM BY, SO HOLD HIM AND BUILD UR DREAMS 2GETHER 4 THERE AINT NOTHIN AS FULFILLIN AS DAT. TRUST ME, IF U STICK BY HIM, HE IS GOIN 2BE INDEPTED 2 U ( A READY MADE WILL NEVA BE, AS U HAV NO IDEA WAT HE WENT THRU 2 GET HIS MONEY).
GUDLUCK ON UR DECISION!!

Hmm- the intention is good and borne out of Love. The end result is what scares me. When and if you do anything for him- do it expecting nothing in return . This way you wouldn't be hurt if things go downhill . Being supportive now is great- the time for splurging would eventually come- that is if his intentions are sincere. Just be careful and pay attention to your instincts.

Listen, do not throw him away because of his present situation. He is treating you well and also honest with you is enough for you to always take him the way he is and love him. Those ones that will spoil you with their money will also be the ones that will throw you away cos they are only good for the fun of it.

His tomorrow is better than today and you have to work with him so that both of you can know how to work out things tomorrow. What if he steals to spoil you? have you asked those ones out there what they do to get money they throw away? The devil you know is better than the angels out there.

Gabry: Poster, I had this problem before and we both had settle it.

Since you have alot of loan money (or why cant he take a loan hisself?  ) and u seem to be giving it to him and also spending it on your school, why not you both sit down and discuss on how can you both achieve his success?

Like maybe he wants to open a business? Than u could sort of borrow him some cash to open the business and than he would pay you back when he makes some money out of it.

I understand how you feel cause I was in your situation. Its not their fault that they are broke. Its just that opportunities did not seem to come his way and thats all. If you leave him, I dont know if you could find a nice guy like him or not in the future.

In my case, what I did was I took loan from the bank (cause he is a foreignor so he could not get a loan. It was a risky thing to do cause anything could have happen. He might just ran away with the money and stuff like that but that time I have made up my mind that no matter what happen, I will help him to be successfull because of my love for him. Thats all. ) and we somehow rent cheap houses from landlords and landladies for a start and rent it at a slightly higher price to other people. When he has enough, than he took the money and started off buying and selling computer spare parts and fixing mobiles for people. He payed the loan back and now he id doing almost all the spending.

He bought a house in Naija and in Malaysia and he bought a car here. Very soon, we are planning to buy a car for his parents so things are working out fine here.

At times, u just have to put your butt in in order to make your man successfull. Provide him with lots of support! That would be very very important and also you both have to plan well with every step u both take especially the first steps.


Good luck.

I actually like your story. Your man had a vision and you were there to support him. Some guys just don't have that drive to excel and it would be risky supporting such. So I guess it's know thyself and thy man.

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

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i learnt the true meaning of 'Life na per head' when i needed funds for a project nd my girlfriend made me believe that she was so broke and needed funds more than myself....i was busy thinking and working on a means to generate funds for her. only to discover later that she had over 70k in her account.

^^ Damn!

Call it a hasty generalization, but experience has taught me that women are inherently more selfish than men. Their favorite word is ME or I.

'Get this for ME.'

'I want a new phone.'