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Lagos Na Wa! - Literature - Nairaland

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Lagos Na Wa! by kennylex(m): 11:14am On Mar 07, 2016
I made a dot, just a tiny inconsequential dot on the paper. This isn’t the dream, I was supposed to be writing furiously and creatively but instead, I keep facing a stack brick wall; this could be some kind of fear or euphoria of writing for the first time, I see the big painted picture and possess the right emotions needed to interpret but the words seem to elude me. So I apologise ahead, I will be narrating my story in its virginal state.

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As I took a long deep breath of the carbon monoxide-filled air, I could feel my lungs contracting as they tried to savour whatever oxygen they could get off the extremely polluted air. It's 5:47 in the morning and everything is already so alive and active. I didn’t have to leave home this early but I had to choose between leaving home at 6:30 am and arriving at work late or leaving this early and getting in before the gate is even unlocked. You see, I haven’t been used to this insane lifestyle which has been my new life for the past two weeks now. It’s tearing me up day-by-day and got me wishing I had stayed in Abeokuta where I was raised. For those of you unfamiliar with the city, life is slow, steady and simple, with a lot of respectable and nice people, humble houses but lovable homes, modest businesses but happy people. We don’t rush for anything most times and things are usually a lot cheaper compared to here but it just happen that I need Lagos to pursue my dreams. Yes, I said the name… its Lagos, “Eko Akete” or “Lasgidi” as some of you people popularly love to call it... I raised my head up from my slumber to gaze into the environment and was first greeted by the obnoxious interior of the popularly regarded “Danfo” Lagos shuttle. Its tattered leather seats, battered body and extremely disturbing noise from its conductor, all the same, drew more discomfort from me but I have no choice as it only cost #150 compared to the alternatively expensive #500 bike fee.

The bus is filled to the brim with the conductor even adding a great deal of discomfort by partially sitting on the engines and cramping us with his legs, I could notice as the man opposite him dressed in a suit was trying so hard to avoid bodily contact between them despite the fact that he is sweating too much for the morning himself and that brought a little wry smile to my lips. I let myself wonder why we Africans go a lengthy way in dressing up like the “Whites” when the weather here doesn’t make it any easier to be comfortable in these clothing, while our very own cultural values, styles and fashion are excruciatingly becoming unpopular. I was revived from my deep thought by loud irreverent preaching of a passenger, who even though was obviously passionate with his utterances but is oblivious or unconcerned with the level of panic in the atmosphere when he announced that rapture is going to occur on December 20, 2012. What?!!! Rapture happening barely a few months to come? I would laugh if I was without sins but in my little simple life, imperfection thrives. I solemnly opposed his scandalous revelation in prayer and innocently activated my self-evaluation mode. I wondered "why rapture will come when I am yet to enjoy life, buy my first car, plan my first vacation or take a lovely wife for myself… there better not be a rapture that soon", I said as I allowed myself to be distracted by other activities beyond the bus' windows.

It was at that moment I saw Lagos in its true state. In the extremely slow traffic, I noticed how fast the opposing traffic moved, each car trying to outsmart the other. This was even more dominant on our side where almost everyone had the “don’t mess with me” look on their faces or tiredly slumbering in their respective buses. At that moment I remembered a statement from Barz Luhmann’s Sunscreen speech track “… live in New York City once but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once but leave before it makes you soft” and I couldn’t agree any less, Lagos is the New York of Nigeria.

After a few more minutes of “bumper-to-bumper” movements, we eventually progressed to the fast track, that was when the extremely dark-skinned conductor decided to collect our fares and simultaneously barked that he had no change but unfortunately for him, he was met with four different pieces of #1000 notes. With his black lips, he flared up sending a shower of spits on us at the front row. "Gee… how I wished I had taken another omnibus or at least brought an umbrella", I murmured silently. Unfortunately for him, a short light-complexioned woman with a low haircut and some scarce strands of facial hair—evidently seen half an inch away from her jugular—retorted back at him which sort of did the trick on him. He remained calm afterwards but only for the man in a suit (my dear poor man-in-suit) to pick up a fight with him on how dirty he is because of the conductor’s insensitivity. This scuffle was prolonged till we reached the final bus stop where the conductor had his entourage walking up to the already heated argument by then. I would have left but my change was still held by the dark-skinned raving conductor, who by now was restricted by his associates from going violent. I just couldn’t comprehend why a well-dressed man could lose all essence of worth and integrity only to be fighting for absolutely no reason except for an apology from the conductor, which I don’t see happening.

“So much depends on reputation – Guard it with your life” Law 5 of 48 Laws of Power, the sold-out book by Robert Green. This angry learned man has violated this law from all possible perceptions and he is showing no signs of stopping. I see him as a frustrated, unhappy and unlucky man who is tired of his circumstances but opted to react rather than act on them. Lagos life is infectious and this man already got the bug of the hardship part of it. As I was juggling between my consciousness and subconscious thoughts, there came a relatively slender-looking man of average height who suddenly seemed to chase after the man-in-suit, and away he took to his heels without looking back. It was such a funny scene to behold as the driver ran in a mimical manner after him. Yes, it was the bus driver who seemed to be mute and unconcerned with the imbroglio since its inception who later intercepted it by going to the nearby sewage-filled gutter, dabbed his full arms into the wastewater and darted for the man in the suit. I couldn’t help myself from laughing out hard when the event was narrated to me by a fellow spectator. "The driver is a wise man", I said to myself, he used Law 9 of the same book violated by the man-in-suit to its full effect. “Win through your actions, never through arguments” the law stated.

All these made me realize that Lagos can be the most interesting place to be in the entire world, it all depends on individuals’ ability to balance goals and life’s challenges by still having a claim on their mood and happiness; also, you don’t get to enjoy unpaid comical events like this elsewhere. We all collected our respective change from the conductor and headed off to start the hustle for the day. I took another bus to my final destination which is my office but unfortunately, the journey was nowhere as eventful as the latter. I paid my usual #50 charge, alighted from the bus and went through the gates of my workplace, only to meet the door of my office locked still. Apparently, I have come way too early again. I checked the time on my Hermes wristwatch, it was 7:04 am and the cleaner isn’t coming for the next 30 minutes. I sluggishly went in search of my usual waiting spot where there is an antiquated two-sitter chair, slumped on it and continued my much-missed and needed sleep.

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... Thank you for reading and passing comments on my piece. If you find the write-up interesting enough, please like and share it with your friends to encourage me.

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