Recently, I seem to come across more and more online fora in which marital issues such as adultery, wife battering and women's rights come up, and I must say the way most young men of this generation react to such topics leaves me very disappointed each time.

Let me give you an example, someone brought up the topic of equal rights on Nairaland, and most of the male 'commenters' were of the opinion that women are inferior to men, and some even went as far as saying women should earn less in the workplace because they are not as intelligent and productive as men.

Opinions like these and the astronomically rising cases of domestic violence, adultery, divorce and rape in the society makes me wonder where we have failed as a people to nurture a generation of young men with the right values and respect for women.

When I think deeply about it, I'm afraid I have to lay the blame at the feet of 'our Mothers'. Why, you ask? I believe that women are closest to their children, they are the primary nurturers hence have the ability to influence their thinking and reasoning pattern very early in life and even when they are grown, as we all listen to our mothers and try as much as possible to do what gladdens their hearts. So, when I see a young man who beats his wife, the first thought that comes to my mind is 'His mother has failed at raising this young man properly'.

Well, what is done is done. While our mothers, or rather mothers of such young men, can still right things by beginning to influence their sons to be better people in the society, it is us, the mothers of the next generation of young men, that I want to implore. Raise your son to be the sort of gentleman that you would love to marry! Like a popular internet quote says, a man who treats his wife like a queen shows that he was raised by a queen.

Do not grow into those mother-in-laws we hear about in horror relationship stories that ruin their sons' home for their own selfish desire to be in control of his life. Complain less about your husband's and mother-in-law's bad behaviour and instead channel that energy into determinedly raising your son(s) to turn out better and be a real King who treats not just his wife but all women right.

This I pledge to do too, to be a Queen and raise a King and succeed where our mother might have failed.


I blog at http://madamsabisabi..com.ng/

wait...

Yes they have though the responsibility is on both parents a mother can make a lot of difference since most Nigerian men don't even play an active role in raising the children.The mothers in the last generation raised entitled men . Most mothers keeping excusing the bad behaviors in their sons even after marriage. If your daughter-in-law tells you your son dared to lay a finger on her a good others reaction is to chastise her son and warn him to never do such in his life again or she will help his wife move out with the kids since he's an animal rather than blaming the woman.

If women want the next generation of men to be better they have to raise better sons that they teach from childhood to understand principles such as no is no, you are not superior to anyone just because you have a penis and such. only then will things change , Mothers raise strong women with good self esteem that won't accept just any rubbish from a man and modern, respectful men that know women will not accept rubbish from them.

Let me give you an example, someone brought up the topic of equal rights on Nairaland, and most of the male 'commenters' were of the opinion that women are inferior to men, and some even went as far as saying women should earn less in the workplace because they are not as intelligent and productive as men.

say what?

When I think deeply about it, I'm afraid I have to lay the blame at the feet of 'our Mothers'. Why, you ask? I believe that women are closest to their children, they are the primary nurturers hence have the ability to influence their thinking and reasoning pattern very early in life and even when they are grown, as we all listen to our mothers and try as much as possible to do what gladdens their hearts. So, when I see a young man who beats his wife, the first thought that comes to my mind is 'His mother has failed at raising this young man properly'.

That's why l laugh wen i hear ppl say our mother/olden days mothers were such good parents; if they were i think most people especially men will make sound judgement in every aspects of life. While children will always find their own path, foundation matters alot, sadly the family system in this country lacks solid foundation, the old women concentrated too much on the females while expecting the males to figure it out by themselves, those one too will look at the father figure who are ever chauvinistic in their nature.

Also the terrible ways any man treats any woman right now is solely the woman's fault. You don't have to take it you know, no one holds the key to your happiness except you. But most women will continue to take it forgetting every person has a limit, and wen its passed the limit they either break down or engage in uncalled indulgence.

Learn to either take it or walk away, I'll pick the latter. We need to stop being a victim and also raise our sons well like the op said.

Fanirandele:
Yes they have though the responsibility is on both parents a mother can make a lot of difference since most Nigerian men don't even play an active role in raising the children.The mothers in the last generation raised entitled men . Most mothers keeping excusing the bad behaviors in their sons even after marriage. If your daughter-in-law tells you your son dared to lay a finger on her a good others reaction is to chastise her son and warn him to never do such in his life again or she will help his wife move out with the kids since he's an animal rather than blaming the woman.

If women want the next generation of men to be better they have to raise better sons that they teach from childhood to understand principles such as no is no, you are not superior to anyone just because you have a penis and such. only then will things change , Mothers raise strong women with good self esteem that won't accept just any rubbish from a man and modern, respectful men that know women will not accept rubbish from them.

Correct!

At the end of the day, the problem still boils down to you women who complain about everything.

- The man who sees women as inferior, according to you, a woman raised him.
- Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law don't get along, still between women.
- A man cheats on his wife, another woman somewhere opened her legs for him to cheat.
- A girl has come off age and is still not married, it's the women in her family that keep reminding her...her married female friends will add to it too.
- A polygamous man decides to add another wife, it's a woman who doesn't mind he's gon' marry.
- Men don't play an active role in raising kids, it's the woman he married that wants to live a posh lifestyle so she can be the toast of her friends...hence, the man is hardly at home and making the Cheddars out there.

You women should go and solve your inherent issues first and stop mentioning men every second, you are your own enemy - it's not men that constantly want to outdo each other on who wears the most colour-coded expensive clothes and ties the best gele, or who has the best makeup, or who wears the most expensive artificial hair, or who has the most handsome/richest husband.

Una no like una selves and will keep pretending to for as long as shoe, bag, necklace, or man, doesn't come between you.

Abeg make una let us hear word...

InformedLola:
Recently, I seem to come across more and more online fora in which marital issues such as adultery, wife battering and women's rights come up, and I must say the way most young men of this generation react to such topics leaves me very disappointed each time.

Let me give you an example, someone brought up the topic of equal rights on Nairaland, and most of the male 'commenters' were of the opinion that women are inferior to men, and some even went as far as saying women should earn less in the workplace because they are not as intelligent and productive as men.

Opinions like these and the astronomically rising cases of domestic violence, adultery, divorce and rape in the society makes me wonder where we have failed as a people to nurture a generation of young men with the right values and respect for women.

When I think deeply about it, I'm afraid I have to lay the blame at the feet of 'our Mothers'. Why, you ask? I believe that women are closest to their children, they are the primary nurturers hence have the ability to influence their thinking and reasoning pattern very early in life and even when they are grown, as we all listen to our mothers and try as much as possible to do what gladdens their hearts. So, when I see a young man who beats his wife, the first thought that comes to my mind is 'His mother has failed at raising this young man properly'.

Well, what is done is done. While our mothers, or rather mothers of such young men, can still right things by beginning to influence their sons to be better people in the society, it is us, the mothers of the next generation of young men, that I want to implore. Raise your son to be the sort of gentleman that you would love to marry! Like a popular internet quote says, a man who treats his wife like a queen shows that he was raised by a queen.

Do not grow into those mother-in-laws we hear about in horror relationship stories that ruin their sons' home for their own selfish desire to be in control of his life. Complain less about your husband's and mother-in-law's bad behaviour and instead channel that energy into determinedly raising your son(s) to turn out better and be a real King who treats not just his wife but all women right.

This I pledge to do too, to be a Queen and raise a King and succeed where our mother might have failed.


I blog at http://madamsabisabi..com.ng/

It's okay deary, come and be my queen so we can start raising a new generation of kings and queens!!

I was raised by a strong woman who taught me how to respect women, you can read my previous posts for more clarity on the respect I have for ladies. It starts with you, if you feel inferior to men you will raise your children that way, I agree many parents have done an awful job so far, i noticed many of you ladies have inferiority complex yourselves

all u women should stop ranting on this forum, and try to be useful for once....

this incessant creation of senseless thread abt how inferior women are to men, which is well kown fact is becoming really annoying....

InformedLola:


Correct!

do replace the informed in ur moniker with deformed...

creating senseless topic all the time...

johnson232:

do replace the informed in ur moniker with deformed...

creating senseless topic all the time...

Thanks

All this issue boils down to the fact that, we have wondered away from the laid down principles as found in the bible.

Husband, love your wife.

Wife, honour your husband.

Maybe ya'll ladies needs to go figure properly the meaning of the word 'Honour'. Piece all the various meanings you can find together, you will see that waking up one day to start gender equality war was when the tide turned badly.

Women are no lesser beings but as long as the issue of marriage and relationship is concerned, the man holds the head and the woman is expected to hold the tail so they can progress smoothly on the journey.

If women had just kept to the counsel as in the bible, things wouldn't have gotten this bad.

My submission and entirely my free speech formed opinion. I don't expect everyone to agree with me

crackhaus:
At the end of the day, the problem still boils down to you women who complain about everything.

- The man who sees women as inferior, according to you, a woman raised him.
- Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law don't get along, still between women.
- A man cheats on his wife, another woman somewhere opened her legs for him to cheat.
- A girl has come off age and is still not married, it's the women in her family that keep reminding her...her married female friends will add to it too.
- A polygamous man decides to add another wife, it's a woman who doesn't mind he's gon' marry.
- Men don't play an active role in raising kids, it's the woman he married that wants to live a posh lifestyle so she can be the toast of her friends...hence, the man is hardly at home and making the Cheddars out there.

You women should go and solve your inherent issues first and stop mentioning men every second, you are your own enemy - it's not men that constantly want to outdo each other on who wears the most colour-coded expensive clothes and ties the best gele, or who has the best makeup, or who wears the most expensive artificial hair, or who has the most handsome/richest husband.

Una no like una selves and will keep pretending to for as long as shoe, bag, necklace, or man, doesn't come between you.

Abeg make una let us hear word...

so after reading all she wrote This is all you got anyway it's not the fault of women the love the fine things in life blame GOD for that and if you don't believe in GOD blame nature we must complain about men de same way you talk about women, if you wan hear word behave well then we nor go de complain ok bye

Blade21:
so after reading all she wrote This is all you got anyway it's not the fault of women the love the fine things in life blame GOD for that and if you don't believe in GOD blame nature we must complain about men de same way you talk about women, if you wan hear word behave well then we nor go de complain ok bye

You didn't get my post?

This is the summary:
You women complain about shiit that women like you caused or are party to, hence creating an endless circumstancial loop that will never close. Get it?

Women cannot raise men that women desire. OP, you have/will have sons, raise them the way you think they should be raised and come back and testify after 40 years.

@informedlola: there is no astronomical rise in domestic violence, rape adultry etc! If some men say women are inferior to men, then it is not because he honestly thinks so. Some may truely think so, and what does their opinion really matter? But the vast majority of men who say so, who by the way are the minority of men, say so just as to 'rub pepper' in the eyes of those those feminists who would stop at nothing to attack the conscience of men and bully men! It is actually a show of strength and defiance and not an active hate!

You really know what i think, i may be wrong anyway, but what i think is this: i think you, informedlola, have been having a terrible time lately and that takes you to some sad blogs and make you notice some ills in the society. Some of these ills have to be tackled, to be honest; but, truth is, when i look around me, i find men who've been dealt with mercilessly by women, and i have seen women that have suffered as much at the hands of men! Likewise, i have seen men who've loved women so dearly and i have also seen women loving men like there is no tommorow! No particular gender has it worse and your proposal that women have to begin to train their sons in a particular way, well i think we have to be careful with that. This is because if men were raised to internalize alot of those feminist ideals and form a man, that man, like someone said, will end up becoming a guy you women wouldn't like, fact!

Take fo example, a guy who was raised an obsessed feminist mother with the whole idea of the "no means no" and "don't touch a woman except without her permission", so that he doesn't rape her, such a guy would ask a lady out and when the lady says no, which is typical of them, he may just withdraw and begin to suffer in. If he wants to touch a lady or hold her by the hand, he would ask "pls, can i hold you?" now, if i guy is always asking your permission that way, informedlola, how would you see him? Won't you see him as lacking in confidence? Wouldn't that be a turn off for you? When he does this all the time, because that's what he's been taught, people will begin to ask him "ki'lon se ele yi"? Are you a man? Do you know what all of that would do to gis psychology? In the end, he will turn out to hate the very system that created him that way.

Hi crazibeone, your response is intelligent but it's too bad it went off the point of the article. You guys need to stop being so paranoid, this is not a feminist thread, don't keep seeing female anarchy in every article from a lady.

The write-up is simply aimed at correcting certain male behaviours towards ladies by letting women know that they have the power to nurture their Sons to have the right mindset.

Does asking women to raise a man that would treat women right equate raising a ninny? It's just as simple as teaching that hitting a woman is beneath him and adultery is immoral. Or is a woman demanding to be treated right now feminism in your books?

And your example doesn't fit in at all; if as a woman I don't like a man who isn't assertive why would I raise my son to be one? Oh, does being assertive in your books mean being forceful and taking things by force? I didn't say raise a man that is so and so... I said raise a man you would love to marry. So your point that if women raise their sons the way I advised, they won't like the men they turn out to be, is invalid.

You are right we have to do a better job raising the men of the next generation. As a mother if my daughter in law tells me my son beat her, I will personally get soilders to flog him, since he wants to fight let him go head to head with a fellow man rather some silly mothers will start blaming the wife and making excuses for their son. As a mother my goal is for my future daughter-in-law to thank me for raising a good man who respects women.

Thank you for the write up @ OP.

Insightful... nice one op

Of course, mothers should teach their sons how to show respect to women but who teaches them how to determine how that respect should be earned?

You can teach a child how to price goods but you can't teach him when to stop pricing. He learns that on his own and his experiences will shape how he prices the next good

craziebone:
@informedlola: there is no astronomical rise in domestic violence, rape adultry etc! If some men say women are inferior to men, then it is not because he honestly thinks so. Some may truely think so, and what does their opinion really matter? But the vast majority of men who say so, who by the way are the minority of men, say so just as to 'rub pepper' in the eyes of those those feminists who would stop at nothing to attack the conscience of men and bully men! It is actually a show of strength and defiance and not an active hate!

You really know what i think, i may be wrong anyway, but what i think is this: i think you, informedlola, have been having a terrible time lately and that takes you to some sad blogs and make you notice some ills in the society. Some of these ills have to be tackled, to be honest; but, truth is, when i look around me, i find men who've been dealt with mercilessly by women, and i have seen women that have suffered as much at the hands of men! Likewise, i have seen men who've loved women so dearly and i have also seen women loving men like there is no tommorow! No particular gender has it worse and your proposal that women have to begin to train their sons in a particular way, well i think we have to be careful with that. This is because if men were raised to internalize alot of those feminist ideals and form a man, that man, like someone said, will end up becoming a guy you women wouldn't like, fact!

Take fo example, a guy who was raised an obsessed feminist mother with the whole idea of the "no means no" and "don't touch a woman except without her permission", so that he doesn't rape her, such a guy would ask a lady out and when the lady says no, which is typical of them, he may just withdraw and begin to suffer in. If he wants to touch a lady or hold her by the hand, he would ask "pls, can i hold you?" now, if i guy is always asking your permission that way, informedlola, how would you see him? Won't you see him as lacking in confidence? Wouldn't that be a turn off for you? When he does this all the time, because that's what he's been taught, people will begin to ask him "ki'lon se ele yi"? Are you a man? Do you know what all of that would do to gis psychology? In the end, he will turn out to hate the very system that created him that way.

nice post .
if them like make them train thier male child as they please, the society and things that happens therein will definately correct the mind set of a real man.

your post makes sense

How come 'mothers' are the only ones getting the blame here

Does the sole responsibility of raising the children lie with the Mother? Fathers nko!

I think part of who I am today has a lot to do with the influence more from my Father than my Mother . . . and I can say the same for my siblings.

These days women leave for work and come home almost same time as men. Expecting them to raise the children ALONE is kind of unrealistic. . . . . Men need to get more involve, Simple!