Violence is bad.....very bad

It has destroyed so many relationships

Timbuktou:


Bros, na to just siddon look. It's really amusing when I see these wiminz talk from their ovaries.

Siddon look mode

dearpreye:


Leaving the violent guy was a smart decision. We need to summon the courage to quit when it's absolutely necessary. He would have probably killed you one day had you not run away. Marriage isn't the most important thing in life.

it so unfortunate dat in this part of d world we see it as d highest achievement

Nice one bro @dearpreye

Bros, it can as well go the other way round, it could be that mary's intention was to test the real man in you on a full streched, and you have got it all wrong. who told you that ladies cant test their men?

successismine:
it so unfortunate dat in this part of d world we see it as d highest achievement

Our value system is still updating. LOL.

ESFRANCIS01:
Nice one bro @dearpreye

Thanks for your comment.

If we check now, the Mary in question is probably not even aware this fellow said he's dating her?


Awon relationships wey dey inside una head.

enieme:
So what if they inherited it? And they arent even aware of its dangers
who would help them up?
I don't see this as a Good enough reason; it's valid though

Like the op said people only change when they want to, and consciously take steps to.
As the op left her and she enters another relationship and it ends because of the same thing nobody will tell her to seek help to curb her anger be it by prayer, counselling, through a psychologist or being consciously aware before hand of situations you will get angry in and avoid it like fighting in public etc

mentorandfriend:
The average Nigerian has enough prayer points already. Why add to your prayer points and headache with the wrong choice of person in marriage?

Lol. Nice one sir. It's been a while.

lol. no be small prayer point. Been a while i saw your post.

tpiar:


Is Mary a nler?

Why should anyone care why you didnt marry her?

I dont get it, does the world revolve around you?

If you are advising your cohorts to not marry an angry person, that is different, is that what your long story is trying to say?

From your name, I assume you are from a particular part of Nigeria, namely gej's area, is this a cultural thing with you, since gej tended to display an extremely calm personality during his tenure.

A classic example of an angry lady. Tpia, ki lo ma n se e na? Woin Woin Woin bi eni ti nkan n ja je. O ga ooo. Even musiwa has repented!

adimoh99:
I believe strongly in the ability of partners being able to sit down, pen down their flaws and they both having an understanding of these flaws then resolute amongst themselves to work it out.

Truth is, there's no perfect being out there, even you personally you know you have your own flaws. So, it's pertinent that you don't just find a flaw in your partner and decide to run away. Am very sure that lady knows she has that as a challenge and maybe needs someone to help her manage it except you guys were never in love.

Now I strongly disagree with that ideology that every courtship must not lead to marriage. Now the question is, are you ready for it before going into it? Or do you just want keep testing every lady to find the one that soothes you? Do you just jump into a relationship without properly knowing the kind of person she is?

Bros if you continue with this mindset then you may just forget about settling down with a woman.

Mind you that my first paragraph is what I have practiced and it worked for me as a matter of fact the longer you stay together the more little little fogs you find.

An angry person needs a patient person, maybe you didn't see that before professing love.

You think people don't change? It's only your ideology that needs to change.

your decision though, all the best...

Sir, i stronlgy disagree with your position and with your assertion that every courtship should lesd to marriage. It is called courtship because you are still trying to figure out if both of you are compatible.

Of course nobody is perfect and I doubt that the poster is looking for a perfect woman. But there are traits that are red flags and uncontrollable anger is one of such traits. Let me repeat what the poster said - You CANNOT compel a man or woman to change.

Adaobi12:
lol. no be small prayer point. Been a while i saw your post.

My dear, my hands have been full at work, but I'm free this week.

mentorandfriend:
My dear, my hands have been full at work, but I'm free this week.

Ok. cool

Cutehector:
trust me, u can deal with anger issues if u choose to..

Very true Bro, I'm a living witness.

Before marriage, I had anger issues, in the course of courtship, my wife helped me to control it and today I owe God and her for turning me around. Most people don't just want to try.

dearpreye:
Good morning all.

Moments ago, I saw and read a relationship topic on front page. This is as a result of that topic. The OP asked for advice from NLers over his to - be wife who has very serious anger issues. Anger is one of the worst weaknesses any person could have or tolerate in their lives.

We have this erroneous belief that ALL courtship must end in marriage. It's a dangerous mindset. The purpose of any courtship is to ascertain the COMPATIBILITY of the people involved. It's a time for each person to carefully decide what they can or can't tolerate in their partner. The courtship period is the most vital period before the knot is tied.

This message isn't tailored towards discouraging those who are in a courtship neither is it intended to make us fault finders but its purpose is make sure we make good decisions with our HEADS after taking the time to study and understand people.

People don't change.

Humans are some of the most complex creatures God ever made. We hardly change. We only change when we want to, not because some people wanted us to. That's the human nature. If you're tolerating very difficult issues with the belief the person will change in marriage, you've inherited an eternal prayer and fasting ministry. They will hardly change.

Don't ever ignore RED FLAGS.

Red flags are warning signals predicting potential dangers in the path of your relationship.

If any person told me I want going to marry Mary, I wouldn't have believed. I thought we were in love. Maybe we were. I was old enough to have witnessed my parents argue very bitterly, sometimes also to the point of not talking to each other for days. So I knew marriage is one of the most vital events I'll ever undertake; so I was prepared to get as much facts as I could on the issue of marriage.

When I visited her this fateful day, I didn't know it would be the last day we would see. It was blissful day. She had suggested I visit a pastor friend of hers. I did. She suggested I visit another friend but this time I refused because of the exhaustion that followed the first journey. In fact I suggested we reschedule the visit. An argument ensued. She insisted I should go, but I stood my grounds. After some exchange of words, I decided to return home. That was when the unthinkable happened : my clothes were hooked up and ruffled and all my buttons destroyed. I didn't believe it was happening.

I got a new clothe and returned home. On my journey, I typed a beautiful message, appreciated all the times we had and gave reasons why the relationship has ENDED. There was no way I would be getting married to a potentially violent woman. She apologised and call my parents but I was gone. No promise of change on her part OR emotional tears could have me change my stance; I was gone.

If a little argument could lead to my buttons being destroyed during courtship, I didn't need any person to have told me what lied ahead. That moment, I engaged critical thinking and forever exited the relationship. But I didn't fail to point to her her anger issues. Some other person could put up with her, but not ME.

We need to be very clear when we make very critical decisions like whom to get married to. How far you go in life depends, to a very large extent, whom you're getting married to.

Never permit pressures of age or parents or even the society force you into making decisions that will only guarantee decades of bitterness, sorrow and gloom. Your decisions determine your destiny. Your decisions determine your happiness or sadness.

I'm not advocating for impatience on anyone's part. You could still give very reasonable time for your partner to address some red flags you'll notice. But where such a partner has not shown any meaningful, positive difference, let your head rather than your heart, guide thee.

Life's beautiful but getting married to someone you're NOT compatible with, will make life long, sad and miserable.

Make a smart choice and avoid a life of endless prayers, fasting and counselling. The average Nigerian has enough prayer points already! LOL.

Have a great day.

It takes guts to quit, you've got it dude! Pity is a potential pit. Thanks for sharing so that many can learn if they want to. All relationships must not end in marriage. If you force it you will live with an irredeemable mistake.

successismine:
Sorry am late...nice 1 op...I personally don't think an inherited anger can b change or tamed I once date a guy who has an anger issue. Wen we ve any issue he start insulting my family calling all sorts of name,if I talk back at him he will beat me blue black if I keep quite is as if am ignoring him n if i dnt run away he will end up hitting me. When he calm he will start begging n crying forgiveness wen we have issues he will repeat d same tin. Wen I noticed he got d anger issues from d mom I ran for my life oooo

this got me laughing real hard...smart decision.

How unlucky are you!!!! Lol

To think that you broke up with two pretty hot kittens due to some red flags and still end up marrying a man-beater as a wife! O boi'! E get as e be oo...

MadCow1:


My wife has beaten me like 4 times since we got married o!

And when we were dating, she was cool like a pussycat.


Today I cant divorce her because she will take half my shiit plus alimony..




[img]http://reactiongifs.me/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/woman-hitting-guy-gif-anne-hathaway-jake-gyllenhaal-love-and-other-drugs.gif[/img]

Seriously though, People should lookout for those red flags during courtship and never ignore them as they come up.

I have had to break up with two of the most prettiest girls in the world because I saw the red flags.. We would have been picture perfect together but our union would have been disastrous.

Snipes009:
How unlucky are you!!!! Lol

To think that you broke up with two pretty hot kittens due to some red flags and still end up marrying a man-beater as a wife! O boi'! E get as e be oo...

You know I was kidding right?

WiseBully:


It takes guts to quit, you've got it dude! Pity is a potential pit. Thanks for sharing so that many can learn if they want to. All relationships must not end in marriage. If you force it you will live with an irredeemable mistake.

I'm not someone who can manage violent persons. I'm very aware of the importance of a peaceable and serene life. I couldn't risk a pestle landing on my head all because someone was angry. I had to leave.

Yes. It's difficult to want to quit but it's a price one must occasionally pay for them to move on.

Every message will have its adherents or opponents. Some will definitely learn a thing or two; others won't. It's called human nature.

All in all, thanks for all those who contributed to the thread.

missbronze:
With this write up, I will say you are a good man.

everybody deserves a second chance.

I am a man with more flaws, but that is the very reason I am a human being.

sexyexcalibur:



bro nothing justifies vionlence .... nothing , even your spouse cheating on you... nothing justifies violence..
.

if not 1 day, she will poor hot water or even stab you because you did something wrong or because you are responsible for the conflict....

Give me the definition of violence. I am not saying the lady is right, but she deserve another chance.

....then, it's hightime to get your head checked

MadCow1:



You know I was kidding right?

Dearpreye you have spoken really well , u may not know how many lives and destiny this thread will save.

God Bless you real Good .

Regards

MadCow1:



You know I was kidding right?

W.T.F!,Try to be as truthful as possible.Some young peeps here are trying to learn in order to avoid such mistakes in future.To think i was actually moved by your post!

ochejoseph:
Dearpreye you have spoken really well , u may not know how many lives and destiny this thread will save.

God Bless you real Good .

Regards

God bless you too.

Comanche:
W.T.F!,Try to be as truthful as possible.Some young peeps here are trying to learn in order to avoid such mistakes in future.To think i was actually moved by your post!

lol

Comanche:
W.T.F!,Try to be as truthful as possible.Some young peeps here are trying to learn in order to avoid such mistakes in future.To think i was actually moved by your post!

Lol..

My wife is a saint. I have a violence free marriage.



Red flags are not always about violence just so you know. I have never dated a violent chick before. Those red flags I spoke of with those two other lovely dames were not about anger or violence or temperament..

lordizak:

Give me the definition of violence. I am not saying the lady is right, but she deserve another chance.

you are not him or any1 else...


that's y I said not every have the stomach for that kind of drama....

if u do, that does not mean every oda pason should...

like I said, if its the oda way around and d dude beat her her blue black... would u say he deserves another chance...


anyways, suit yourself...

skylowlow:
who go come marry the angry women

I rem this midnight and I tried not to laugh but dunno when I laughed out loud
This image and your inscription is hell crazy
Coupled with the look on your face when you typed it

Buhahahahahahahahahahaha

Dyt:


I rem this midnight and I tried not to laugh but dunno when I laughed out loud
This image and your inscription is hell crazy
Coupled with the look on your face when you typed it

Buhahahahahahahahahahaha