Arsenate:
yeah, pretty cool and easy for you to just sit there and say divorce is a better option because you grew up with both your parents. Asked the kids who grew up in a broken home and they will tell you it's not such a pleasant experience.
Adults should fuucccking work out their differences. Divorce is shiiiiit.

Arsenate:
yeah, pretty cool and easy for you to just sit there and say divorce is a better option because you grew up with both your parents. Asked the kids who grew up in a broken home and they will tell you it's not such a pleasant experience.
Adults should fuucccking work out their differences. Divorce is shiiiiit.

PinketteDawn:


Sometimes you really need to confide in someone. There is no need to die in silence for something that could've easily been resolved if you had opened up. Any way, I can assure you that divorce does not ruin a child's life in all cases. In fact, if half of the men we have in our societies were brought up by single mothers, away from abusive fathers and surrounded by love and care, then we would have better individuals/marriages today.

Yes, divorce is tough, but it is always a better option especially when children are involved. A child's mental and psychological state can be greatly affected if s(he) is growing in an environment where s(he) constantly witnesses different forms of abuse and degradation on one parent by the other. Some men you see today who beat up their wives, abuse them verbally, financially, sexually and even cheat on them, grew up in an environment where such acts were tolerated so they don't even see anything wrong if they do the same to their wives in their own marriages. There is no way you can try to explain to man who thinks that a woman is beneath him and she should obey every word he says because her sole existence is to please him, that this notion is wrong especially if he grew up in a home where he was constantly seeing his father treat his mother with such notion and she was there tolerating it so that divorce would not ruin her child. Hello! The child is already ruined by being exposed and allowed to grow with that mentality.

SexyStrawberry:


i still buy ur idea, u have a very strong point though, nevertheless both situations aren't cool at all and as for confiding in people, i still have my doubts about it, maybe coz I've been meeting the wrong people, i even gave it another shot with someone i met here but it turned out to be a disaster, so maybe it's just fate.

PinketteDawn:


You can confide in your family priest or pastor. If you are a catholic, you can see a priest in the confessional. It is private and they are bound by oath not to reveal whatever you tell them in the confessional. These people have seen enough family issues and can counsel the two of you, if your husband will agree to such. But if any counseling has to be done, the two of you must sit down with the priest/pastor and be open minded and willing to resolve the issues and let go of the past, to move forward to a brighter future. Marriage is a union of two best forgivers. It is not easy and most people who have been in it for years can tell you that it is not beans oh. The most important thing is to resolve to love, respect each other stay together no matter what. With true love, comes the willingness to tolerate, forgive and respect each other.

marcjane:
5minsmadness,peakabeau.pls elp a sister.

TheArchangel:
He is not asking for divorce because of what you listed rather he is asking because you are yet to conceive and he is using that as an excuse. He even have a mistress....
Get yourself checked out medically and get treated and allow him to wallow in his mess.

Move on while you are young.
No amount of begging will douse an already made up mind.

5minsmadness:

TBH I didn't understand the op.
She confided in a friend and then told her husband and he got upset? Over what? Or did the friend she confided in tell her to use juju to hold her husband down and she told him? Even if it was said as a joke I as the man would have my guard up from thenceforth.

5minsmadness:

There's also an issue of inability to conceive? What's the reason for it? Has she gone to a gynecologist to find out the cause, is she infertile or is her husband the one with the problem?

5minsmadness:

How long have they been married? Who did the chasing during the courtship, her or her husband? Were they really in love or was one of them forced/manipulated into the relationship?

5minsmadness:

The reason for the divorce sef isn't clear. He's the one cheating and he wants a divorce and she's begging him? The full story isn't out yet.


This looks like the problem of a faulty foundation. Op should answer some of the questions above if not all.

cionon:


Tnx for d advice

cionon:


....
He lost interest in d marriage even before we got married

5minsmadness:
Cionon,
So I did a little bit more reading it your plight and I've been trying to understand your kind of person. This is the advice I have for you.

Be the best wife you can be, so much so that he will be the one to lose if he leaves you. No need to quarrel with him cos from what I'm seeing the foundation you laid out will ensure that you lose if you go in that direction. You need to build up your self esteem, you are more valuable than you think you are.

Your husband might actually be the one with the problem a la fertility. Find a way to get a specialist to invite him for another test. He probably won't go if the request comes from you. Find a doctor that will give either a verbal or written nite for him to come and run tests.

Meantime arrange your house. Stop the begging. Go about your buisness meekly and without fuss. Make yourself a better wife and companion by being better than his mistress in bed, by gisting/sharing jokes, having more conversations (not quarrels) with him. Become interested in his day and ask him how it went.

PRAY. Become more prayerful and more Christlike. And make sure he sees this. Read your bible and show by your actions that you are a Christian, not just in words. Let him realise from your actions that you are not diabolical.


I don't usually give the above advice but I honestly think this will work for you.

P. S be more positive in your outlook on life no matter the outcome of this drama. Make yourself a better person. Live better. Achieve more. Improve on your education. Do things to improve your value.

Wishing you all the best.

cococandy:
OP of his motility was kinda low the first time he went to test and they said you're fine, then he's the problem. Stop stressing yourself when he should be the one who's more worried.
He's refusing to go for another test because he's afraid of what the result will be.

enoqueen:
Let him go.

If there is anyway u can take revenge on him by disclosing what he had said about people, expose him.

Marriage has taught me not to ever trust my husband with words.

PinketteDawn:


Excuse me dear. You don't know me from Adam. How can you be so sure I grew up with both of my parents? Did you grow up in a home where your father was constantly degrading your mother? Ask people who have been in that situation and compaRe. Issues are only sorted out when both parties want to. It is not right for a woman to be constantly begging her husband to marry her. Is he doing her a favour? You can never beg anybody to marry you that is reality! If his heart is somewhere else, then let him go.You can beg someone to forgive you if you have wronged him but if he chooses not to forgive, you cannot beg him to love you. True love should not be begged for. How long will you keep begging? For the rest of your life?

k4kenny:


You nailed it right there. You can't beg or force someone to love you. I feel so sorry for the OP. This is the same man that gave her T fare to go back to her parents' house, even taking her keys, after she made an idle threat. From what I can see the man doesn't want you in his house any longer and he's looking for the slightest excuse to be rid of you.

From your past thread, your previous relationship ended in 2013, you married this guy in 2014, I don't think you guys got to know eachother really well before tying the knot.

On the issue of conception. I hope you know you have a ticking biological clock. Why do you want to waste your youth on a philanderer who doesn't want to have kids with you? It may be because he doesn't want you to have his kids that he's not paying attention to his motility.

I see you want to do everything to save your marriage so maybe you should listen to those that said you should try to be the best wife you can be, but just remember if he REALLY loves you, he won't want you out of his house at the slightest provocation.

All the best.

cionon:


Tnk u. I really love my husband. Will weight the options and see weather to leave or not. But people always blame me for opening up to my husband. Telling him what his former neigbhours told me. I didn't know he will even lie with it.

cionon:


I come hear cos it's a faceless forum instead of going to friends who will broadcast my issue. I come for advice. And for all. I didn't marry my boyfriend whom I wrote about before. My husband was a friend before he asked me to marry him

cionon:
I confided in my husband when he accused me of listening to people. I then opened up and gave him an instance that if i listen to people i would ne doing what they asked me to do.I told him the advice a former neigbhour of his gave me. Of which I told her I can't do such. Now he uses it against me. I feel bad because he didn't even say what I told him exactly. He changed the story. He lied about it.


My husband goes about telling everyone i am diabolic because I jokingly told him that he should be grateful I don't have a wicked heart if not I will use magun to catch him and his mistress. Which he even replied that he knows i dont have that mind. That i am still a child.
this was said around march of 2015

Fastward to November he started asking for a divorce because he of his mistress he met online. Telling both his colleagues and family members that I am diabolic which is not true. I feel bad because this same man have also confided in me telling me things about his boss and others. We are currently separated

I just regret everything. I regret confinding in him and opening up to him. With pleas from everywhere, he is still insisting on divorce.

jmichlins:
He does not deserve you. You are worth more much to be cheated on so let him go

banme1:
Mind u ur husband is on nairaland

cionon:


I am christain. I wasn't discussing marital issues with her. I was trying to conceive then. So I met her for advice on her she conceived her after 5years of marriage. That's how it went. He is really serious with the divorce. I don't want the divorce. I have begged him for another chance to change where I wronged him. But he has bluntly refused.