Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! - Romance - Nairaland
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| Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by FierceDiva: 8:49pm On Jul 26, 2009 |
hello naija, i have being going out with my man for some time now, we are getting married next year. our families are aware and have given their full surport. i love him very much and he loves me too. the problem is he is excessively jealous. i am a very beautiful lady, nice shape and all. he is tall, with a great body but not particularly handsome. he always checks my phone, if he sees any male contact that is not family, he deletes it. if he sees missed calles from unknown numbers or numbers not registered on my phone, he assumes its a guy. he has the password to my yahoo, facebook accounts and any other site i log into. i am not allowed to keep guys as friends on face book, i can not go out with my friends if a guy is part of the team. he calls every night by 2.00am - 4.00am at least twice to make sure am alone. i am not allowed to attend even birthday parties. when we go out he gets angry if guys approach me. i am 24, he is my first and only boyfriend, i have never cheated on him, why would i start now. it got worse when he was posted to a different state with better pay and opportunities. he calls all day with 'where are you? whats that noise at the background? why do you sound different?' i had a radio on in my room on night when he called and he assumed i was at a club, when i turned the radio off to prove my innocence, he said i had left the vacinity and shouldn't take him for a fool. i love him very much, but its beginning to get on my nerves. i can only imagine what would happen if we get married. what can i do? please. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by justwise(m): 8:55pm On Jul 26, 2009 |
B4 u marrying him, make sure u sort this issue out else its going to get worst. Sit him down and with every sense of seriouness tell him exactly how u feel abt this issue, this is the time to do it. Good luck |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by bluespice(f): 8:57pm On Jul 26, 2009 |
errr i think u need to sit down n have a long nice talk with him if ur not comfy, let him know seriously tho why are men so insecure? even women  |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by Shentz(f): 9:01pm On Jul 26, 2009 |
wow was it like this when you first started courting? |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by vizzy09(m): 9:25pm On Jul 26, 2009 |
i think he is just trying to protect his own, that goes a long to let you know that he seriously loves you |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by MrWaters: 12:03am On Jul 27, 2009 |
You're one lucky lady. Maybe he's got info 4rm wrong source but u sit him down and cool his brain |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by MoneyRule(m): 2:30am On Jul 27, 2009 |
Well, just as people are different,people show their love in different ways. He might be just trying to show his love in his own way but then, it is only natural for one to protect what he's got and given your qualities, most men would be tempted to go that far! So, if u're not comfortable with it, sit him down and talk with him,give him reasons to believe u're 100% his, call more or text more just do something more and who knows? He might actually back off a little. And pls don't cheat on him cos then, u'll have created a very cynical man. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by omega25red(m): 3:13am On Jul 27, 2009 |
Let me just say that a person who questions about cheating like that has either cheated or they are thinking of cheating which is why they constantly question others. Seriously you must fix this before you get married jealousy makes people do all types of crazy siht |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by Diva1(f): 3:16am On Jul 27, 2009 |
omega25red: That's true, in most cases. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by LadyDee1(f): 9:57am On Jul 27, 2009 |
Talk to him, he must really love you, But dont get married until you have seen improvement in his attitude, or it could get worst, E.g. abuse mentally or physically,  |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by CrudeOil2(m): 10:01am On Jul 27, 2009 |
You guys need to talk. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by FierceDiva: 11:04am On Jul 27, 2009 |
@ just wise, blue spice, crude oil; i will sit and talk to him when he comes by this weekend, 10ks. @ *shentz*; he has always being this way. @ vizzy09; yeah, i know he totally loves me. @ hacking is fun; am totally lucky, he's the best. he hasn't got info from a wrong source, its just the way he is. @ money rule; 10ks, i'll never cheat on him, its not even an option. @ omega 25red, diva1; lol, i am 110% sure he is not cheating on me. he tries to get me to act as he does, only i perfectly trust him. @ ladydee; he has never laid his hands on me. he's soo calm that he can't even shout when mad. all he does when mad is sit with a scowl on his face, tell you what you have done and not talk to you. he doesn't abuse me in any way. if anything he treats me like a queen. thanks all of you, you are the best! |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by tosyne007(m): 11:57am On Jul 27, 2009 |
@poster, i will just like to contribute a little to wat everyone has said. i blv every guy should be a lil' jealous over his babe. (it simply shows the depth of his love.) but it becomes a thing of concern when he's overly jealous. With all u hav said, u made us blv he loves u so much and i will advise u stcik to him. i hav a conviction that the jealousy will go down a bit when u finally settle down cos most of us (guys & babes now) feel insecure while dating most especially if u hav a good partner (which is hard to come by these days) but the insecurity fades away with time once they are married. Moreover, one is expected to be jealous over wat he or she loves dearly. So, discussing it over wit him is the best option and if he loves u as much as u say, he will understand and re-adjust himself. best of luck dearie. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by stiyke(m): 12:25pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
tosyne007:I agree with u. @Poster, My little contribution is that i was once like your guy, i loved this girl so dearly that i was very jealous. Though i didnt go to the extent your man went but i had her email password even up till now. One day what i was scared of happened, we broke up cause she insisted on seeing some other guy. After 2-3months she started making cunny moves to get back together with me, like sending the siblings to visit me etc. But am so scared of taking her back cause the love i had for her is now gone. And frankly speaking i dont think i can love like that again i dont give a damn now what a gf does who she calls or who talks to her, i just dont care anymore. Even when am married, i still wont care what my wife does, i will do DNA tests on all kids to be sure they are mine. LOL Talk with him but dont hurt him. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by biola44: 12:29pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
stiyke: brother i'm with u, i just dont care!  |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by esuafraid: 2:29pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
I GUESS UR GUY REALLY LUVS U,MORE THAN U LUV HIM. HE'S JUST TRING TO PROTECTCT WHAT BELONGS TO HIM.Most girls dont apprecaite it when guys check out most of the things they do,untill they are gone. i use to do exactly to my girl.BUT NOT NOW ANYMORE I DONT GIVE A FUK ABOUT ANY LADY ANYMORE COS YOU (WOMEN) DONT WORHT IT. PEACE |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by bhollu: 2:42pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
most people actually think dat love and jealousy go side by side.dis is not so.love is a healthy condition and it is not jealous-even d bible tells us dat love is not jealous(im not tryin to get all religious here but its d truth).it is okay for u to care about d one u love and feel hurt wen dey do some things to you but jealousy can make u do things ure not supposed to do. so if he is excessively jealous,it is dangerous for ur being.try n make him understand dat jealousy wont help u both n try not to do things dat myt arouse his curiousity unecessarily.takea n be good. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by stiyke(m): 2:55pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
bhollu: And the same bible tells us that ", for he so much love the world he gave his only begotten son." and elsewhere ", He is a jealous God , ". You may say Love must not go with jealousy but most often it does, even with God. The point is that women aint worth the stress. Just be with them and dont give a damn who calls them or who they r with. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by Donvilo(m): 4:35pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
[/color]To show dat u love him, all u hav 2 do is 2 have a heart-2-heart talk with him in his most happiest moment. Tell him how u feel about the way he treats u. He may be doing this in order 2 protect the one he loves but [color=#990000]"LITTLE WILL HE KNOW THAT HE IS REALLY HURTING WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE". [color=#000099][/color]If he still persists, then find some1 u know that he always listens 2 & tell him or her to help convince ur boyfriend to observe his behaviour. Finally, pray to God always to help make ur man to be able to understand ur most crucial feelings. Don't worry, all will be well u & ur man. GOODLUCK!  |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by mamagee3(f): 4:50pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
So what should we do? |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by Nobody: 5:05pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
@ poster This kind jealousy dey fit turn person into an assassin. May it not be your portion, sha!  |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by Nobody: 6:25pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
all i can see about this is that he is selfish. any guy who jelouses like that is a selfish person. talk to him b4 u marry cos he will eventually kill u if he later percieves u are bleeping up. left to me, i lov my fiancee so much but i always try not to give a shit who she sees or talks to. if i am betrayed by any woman, i dont get surprised, cos i uderstand it is their nature. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by Nobody: 6:40pm On Jul 27, 2009 |
Its easy to crucify the bf, but @ OP, are you sure that you aren't doing things to make him jealous? Women do this at times, be it unconsciously. I would advice transparency. And also note that you might have to chill out on some things, like if you are used to your male friends calling at weird hours and you like getting a little bit flirty, you will have to just define boundaries, and let them give you some space. I always define boundaries with my female friends, and let my partner know whatever happens and all, so maybe you should do the same, Good luck! |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by mamag3: 6:14pm On Jul 31, 2009 |
And is this an anger management class? |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by posakosa(m): 6:16pm On Jul 31, 2009 |
kill him before he kills you. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by izinbizi(m): 6:31pm On Jul 31, 2009 |
He just doesnt trust you. You have to prove your dedication to him. Question him thoroughly and you will find out why he doesnt trust you, you probably made him loose some confidence in you. He only needs to regain the trust and you have to convince him u r for real. I wish you the very best in your relationship. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by banom(m): 8:18pm On Jul 31, 2009 |
@ poster, That your guy may have spent alot of his money on you, so he is trying to his investment. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by Nobody: 8:22pm On Jul 31, 2009 |
maybe others can help me explain but i thought love is not the same thing as being insanely possessive and controlling? |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by posakosa(m): 8:24pm On Jul 31, 2009 |
davidylan: Absolutely, I believe that initially SOME women think its cute and romantic and think that he's doing it because he "cares" and then time kicks in and shyt becomes overwhleming and then DRAMA. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by mi3(f): 9:22pm On Jul 31, 2009 |
Personally, i don't have patience for that kind of drama, but since you can cope with it, just find a way to reassure him that you will never cheat on him, and that he should try and express his love for you in other, less surveillance-type ways  |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by Nobody: 12:17pm On Aug 01, 2009 |
m.i: I agree. Nobody is worth that stress, you can point it out and if they still don't get it, drop them. I'm not for reassuring anyone, cause you'll keep on reassuring them when they have relapses. |
| Re: Help! My Boy Friend Is Excessively Jealous! by galatico(m): 12:47pm On Aug 01, 2009 |
jealousy is very dangerous in relationship and sometime it's good, cuz it shows your guy really cares about you, but when it gets to the extreme it becomes something else, When two people get together I think they should trust themselves, not to feel insecure or feel like the other party ios cheating on me, Trust matters alot in relationship, just try and know if this guy trust you, if he doesn't then there is something wrong |
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