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About two years ago I posted this and this. Lots of other terribly depressing stuff too. My life was shit. I frequently dreamed of suicide. My biggest problem was my sexless marriage. I logged in to this old account this morning to find a dozen messages asking me if I had killed myself (How would I even answer?) or if I had divorced my wife yet. Neither of those things happened. Something much better happened. Prepare for a massive wall of text.


Shortly after I made those posts, my wife and I started seeing a marriage counselor. Everyone in the world told me counseling was the right thing to do. I really put everything I had into it. I stuck around for one year, but it was completely worthless.

The counselor's advice amounted to something like "So you're horribly depressed because you have needs which aren't being met. Have you considered not having needs?". At one point he floated the idea of trying to get me a libido lowering drug. He was 100% on my wife's side of everything. Really just toxic and not good at all. Seeing him messed with my mind. It almost made me believe that sexlessness was the normal state for a marriage and that I was some kind of deviant for wanting to Bleep my own wife.


After visiting him for a year, for meetings which consisted of my wife chewing me out for something trivial, while he cheered her on and I sheepishly apologized, with no progress towards breaking out of my sexless marriage, I told him to Bleep off. I told him that his services were worthless and that I would not be returning.


At this point, I was completely out of bleeps to give about anything. I quit caring at all about my wife's needs. I basically just pretended like she didn't exist. No dating. No little gifts when I went on trips. No celebration on her birthday. Nothing. As far as I was concerned, she was invisible. I had spent YEARS caring about her needs while she didn't give a shit about mine. It was time to rectify that balance.


Instead of focusing on her, I focused my energy into myself. I got back into old hobbies I had been neglecting during my depression, started spending 3 or 4 hours a day at the gym doing heavy compound lifts fueled by repressed anger, and running until I made myself puke. At home, I'd channel my attention in to maintaining a clean bodybuilder's diet. I completely eschewed alcohol.
My schedule basically went something like:


>Wake up.
>Go to work.
>Get home from work.
>Change clothes.
>Leave again.
>Come home hours later.
>Go to bed.


On an average day, I'd say maybe ten words to my wife.

Nothing changed at first, but I cared much less. Being able to completely destroy myself at the gym helped resolve a lot of the emotional problems I had. Depression can't stand up to a heavy pump. Plus I was getting fit enough that I would occasionally catch other women checking me out. People who worked at the gym kept complimenting my work ethic and my progress, which raised my self-esteem sharply.


About three months in to my new lifestyle. My wife stopped me at the door while I was leaving and said she wanted to talk. I said "I don't want to talk to you. You know what I want." and I left for the gym. The next day as I was leaving, she stopped me and said pretty much nothing before initiating sex. That day I missed the gym because we bleeped for four hours.


Starting the next day, I'd text her commands from work. Stuff like "Be naked when I get home." or "Wear the red one. Make sure a lot of lube is easily available." and she would follow them. I'd make stops at sex shops on the way home and buy whatever looked fun, without consulting her.
For about a month after, I still spent no effort on her needs. She had a history of promising sex, if I'll just fulfill some condition, and then moving the goal posts when I did. I didn't know if this was a real change, or if she realized that all her power over me was gone and it time to either put out or get kicked out and was trying to reestablish the control she previously had.


Every single day of that month. Sex happened whenever I wanted it, for as long as I wanted it, however I wanted it. No resistance. No complaints. No being too tired or not being in the mood or whatever other nonsense. Just fucking.


After that month, I figured that our change was permanent (or at least had gone on long enough that it wasn't some kind of trick, and I could act on it). I started rewarding her for putting out. I started taking her on dates again, and playing card games with her again. I'd bring her little gifts again. If she didn't put out on a given day, for any reason, I'd completely deny her any of my attention or energy.


This change in our relationship has lasted 9 months now. She's very nice to me now, gets naked whenever I want, and is super affectionate in public. I love her again, and now I feel like she loves me too. My depression is over!

tl;dr: Ignored my wife. Worked on myself. That fixed my marriage.

Source: https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/comments/33ci0o/the_long_hard_road_out_of_hell/

Thank God for your marriage!

OP, are you trying to say sometimes if not most times, it's about us as individual and not the other person, and that we are constantly at war with ourselves?

ayogabriel:
OP, are you trying to say sometimes if not most times, it's about us as individual and not the other person, and that we are constantly at war with ourselves?

The moral of the gist is: fvck "communication".

Become masculine (again), and your partner will desire you.

Good for you op

I dey waka pass

BuddhaPalm:


The moral of the gist is: fvck "communication".

Become masculine (again), and your partner will desire you.

So it's about the Sex?

ayogabriel:


So it's about the Sex?

Gaddemiit, it means be a man...don't be a sissy, don't be mangina, don't be a fvck boy.

Never let your woman be too comfortable in the assumption that she has a lot of power over you.

Oh wow, the author of this thread is the one and only captain-save-a-b!tch-in-distress BuddhaPalm. The irony.

What happened to you old boy, you found Jesus?



[size=4pt]Pardon the digs at you, couldn't help myself.. [/size]

Good.

People need to understand that marriage works in mysterious ways.

People are dynamic and we all have our differences.

Some ladies can never get turned on by their husbands pleading and asking for sex. They want it rough, they want you to be unavailable. That distance, that emotion, the uncertainties you throw up is what increases their urge for sex. You do the opposite and she would never be turned on and may hate sex with you.


Another marriage might be different. The lady may not like such. She may prefer long lasting attention spans, back rubs and sweet words and cuddling before she can get down. People need to understand their spouse and know what tickles and gets them going. Some ladies grew up in environment where they were the bosses and the only thing turns them on is role playing where the husband plays the weaker parts.

It is all about being aware and experimenting. Know what turns him or her on and get it done.

x240:
Good.

People need to understand that marriage works in mysterious ways.

People are dynamic and we all have our differences.

Some ladies can never get turned on by their husbands pleading and asking for sex. They want it rough, they want you to be unavailable. That distance, that emotion, the uncertainties you throw up is what increases their urge for sex. You do the opposite and she would never be turned on and may hate sex with you.


Another marriage might be different. The lady may not like such. She may prefer long lasting attention spans, back rubs and sweet words and cuddling before she can get down. People need to understand their spouse and know what tickles and gets them going. Some ladies grew up in environment where they were the bosses and the only thing turns them on is role playing where the husband plays the weaker parts.

It is all about being aware and experimenting. Know what turns him or her on and get it done.

Word!

But them no go hear

crackhaus:

Gaddemiit, it means be a man...don't be a sissy, don't be mangina, don't be a fvck boy.

Never let your woman be too comfortable in the assumption that she has a lot of power over you.

There isn't a rule or principle towards how you treat your lady, because one took advantage of your sweet gesture and care doesn't mean another will, figure out what works for her and stick with it

Pretty much same advice sometimes given to wives.

Ignore him;
Develop your career;
Change your wardrobe etc. etc.

Good it worked.

So why did the wife change from a 'private IndecentStar and good girl' to the horror he described?

And good to note: the dude was intent on fixing the marriage.....

Not looking to dip his d.ick in the next available pussy.

ayogabriel:


There isn't a rule or principle towards how you treat your lady, because one took advantage of your sweet gesture and care doesn't mean another will, figure out what works for her and stick with it

No sah, you still not getting the gist. It isn't quite about rules or principles.

Let me summarize, the story goes thus:
Man and woman are married, somehow their sex life has deteriorated to the point where man feels starved of it due to his wife's indifference for 'whatever reason not stated here'.

Man feels that perhaps seeing a stranger who sits in a fancy chair listening to other peoples problems (more like a professional amebo on steroids) will effect a solution.
Unfortunately it doesn't. Guess why?
Because that even makes the woman feel like she's got all the power seeing as this sexless marriage has affected the man so much that he suddenly wants to involve a third party.

What does the man do?
He suddenly stops giving a fvck and focuses his mind and energy on other things that are distracting as well as productive....afterall, man shall not live by sex alone.

What does the woman do?
She suddenly realizes that this man she thought was so affected by the lack of sex has somehow blanked her out completely and is going about his bizniz without even so much as looking in her direction anymore.

Now the point:
Women want to feel attractive and sexually appealing to their spouses to the point where some want to use that as a tool for power-play.
A man that doesn't care or give a fvck about such manipulative power-plays will automatically make the woman feel insecure with thoughts about if she isn't attractive anymore or if he's getting it somewhere else.

Basically...more or less the summary.
And shorter than the OP too.

crackhaus:

No sah, you still not getting the gist. It isn't quite about rules or principles.

Let me summarize, the story goes thus:
Man and woman are married, somehow their sex life has deteriorated to the point where man feels starved of it due to his wife's indifference for 'whatever reason not stated'.

Man feels perhaps seeing a stranger who sits in a fancy chair listening to other peoples problems (more like a professional amebo on steroids) will bring about a solution.
Unfortunately it doesn't. Guess why?
Because that even makes the woman feel like she's got all the power seeing as this sexless marriage has affected the man so much that he suddenly wants to involve a third party.

What does the man do?
He suddenly stops giving a fvck and focuses his mind and energy on other things that are distracting as well as productive....afterall, man shall not live by sex alone.

What does the woman do?
She suddenly realizes that this man she thought was so affected by the lack of sex has somehow blanked her completely and is going about his bizniz without even so much as looking in her direction anymore.

Now the point:
Women want to feel attractive and sexually appealing to their spouses to the point where some want to use that as a tool for power-play.
A man that doesn't care or give a fvck about such manipulative power-plays will automatically make the woman feel insecure with thoughts about if she isn't attractive anymore or if he's getting it somewhere else.

Basically...more or less the summary.
Shorter than the OP.

I get the whole gist, I just would have love it if the OP said something about it not been the only way to get get the sex vibe back, what if at the end she isn't still sexually attracted. But anyway I learnt from it.

ayogabriel:


I get the whole gist, I just would have love it if the OP said something about it not been the only way to get get the sex vibe back, what if at the end she isn't still sexually attracted. But anyway I learnt from it.

Then it's possible she might not even care about that marriage anymore.

And of course, this is not the only way to get a couple's sexual life back on track.
But I can assure you that it won't be by begging the woman for it...if begging for it starts to work, I can also assure you that the man will keep on begging for it every time for a very long time.

crackhaus:

Then it's possible she might not even care about that marriage anymore.

And of course, this is not the only way to get a couple's sexual life back on track.
But I can assure you that it won't be by begging the woman for it...if begging for it starts to work, I can also assure you that the man will keep on begging for it every time for a very long time.

I strongly agree, varieties of options are available

BuddhaPalm:


The moral of the gist is: fvck "communication".

Become masculine (again), and your partner will desire you.

Yeah dude. You did well, you treated your wife's 'fk-up' real good.
But tell me, what happens when she eventually falls pregnant ?

Dude, that's a whole new ball game.
Its no longer about the two of you bleeping whenever you want, there's now a kid involved..your sex life could suffer all over again.

Working out made him look hot enough to eat I guess. She no longer dreaded PDAs probably because no more pot belly.

Moral of the story, keep fit. You feel good about yaself and also get people to compliment you if you care about that anyway.

crackhaus:
Oh wow, the author of this thread is the one and only captain-save-a-b!tch-in-distress BuddhaPalm. The irony.

What happened to you old boy, you found Jesus?



[size=4pt]Pardon the digs at you, couldn't help myself.. [/size]

Crackhaus my man, I believe you mistake me for someone else.

eyinjuege:
Working out made him look hot enough to eat I guess. She no longer dreaded PDAs probably because no more pot belly.

Moral of the story, keep fit. You feel good about yaself and also get people to compliment you if you care about that anyway.

While his improved fitness would be a factor (we're talking only 3 months), the primary reason for her improved receptiveness is DREAD.

bukatyne:
Pretty much same advice sometimes given to wives.

Ignore him;
Develop your career;
Change your wardrobe etc. etc.

Good it worked.

So why did the wife change from a 'private IndecentStar and good girl' to the horror he described?

His pot belly was discouraging her initially.


But after he got his groove back, she became attracted to him again.

cococandy:

His pot belly was discouraging her initially.


But after he got his groove back, she became attracted to him again.

see the angle coco carry the matter go


Anyway long time. How have you been

You Don dey fine o

Btw dash me that your jacket. I wan wear am go somewhere

SAMBARRY:
see the angle coco carry the matter go


Anyway long time. How have you been

You Don dey fine o

Btw dash me that your jacket. I wan wear am go somewhere

I'm good thank you iya wura.
Hope you guys are awesome too

ayogabriel:


I strongly agree, varieties of options are available

Unfortunately,I can't access the PMs sent to me coz I have forgotten d password of d email addy I used to open my NL account then..an old email of mine.

dumie:
Unfortunately,I can't access the PMs sent to me coz I have forgotten d password of d email addy I used to open my NL account then..an old email of mine.

Please send me a text 08033399702

BuddhaPalm:


Crackhaus my man, I believe you mistake me for someone else.

Yeah right..

cococandy:

His pot belly was discouraging her initially.


But after he got his groove back, she became attracted to him again.

Lols!

With red boxers and singlet.

anyways, I appreciate that the husband actually looked for a way to fix his marriage (however he thought best) instead of hopping from one bed to another.

crackhaus:

[size=18pt]Gaddemiit[/size], it means be a man...don't be a sissy, don't be mangina, don't be a fvck boy.

Never let your woman be too comfortable in the assumption that she has a lot of power over you.

I think this resonates with one philosophical book I came across concerning Socrates and His wife. Whenever there is an issue in a marriage each partner should first fix their own side of the bargain or first work on themselves. If they do that, the problem will be easily resolved.

The guy simply worked on himself and his value quadrupled before his wife, and she had no other excuse but to succumb and give in. So each one of us must work hard on our person, our looks, dress sense, mental capacity, attitude. When we do every other thing will fall in line.

Wowzerful! At least you found each other again

Boooootycall at home....hmmmm, sounds interesting. Let me go and read your before story.

5minsmadness:

Boss na you go resurrect this thread?

crackhaus:

Boss na you go resurrect this thread?

You know threads such as these that "empower" the male folk dont make it past the first page for fear of a revolution