In six years of Goodluck Jonathan’s presidency, the opposition told us again and again the man was “clueless.” It made sure the tag stuck to him like glue. But now we have a new sheriff in town, with the APC claiming to be better at everything than the PDP. While that might still be subject to debate, there is overwhelming evidence that in the cluelessness department, the PDP is certainly no match for the APC.

Here is a compendium from the APC textbook of cluelessness, provided within barely one year in office. If you want to know how to be a clueless president, this is the APC blueprint.

Blame Game





Instead of giving Nigerians the change you championed, give them excuses. Blame Goodluck Jonathan for everything, including the harmattan. Whenever you make a blunder, pass the buck to the former president. If there is petrol shortage, blame it on Goodluck Jonathan. If the budget is dead on arrival, blame it on Goodluck Jonathan.

In the middle of an economic crisis, promise to provide Nigerians with free education; free meals daily for millions of Nigerian public school-children; free tertiary education; free health-care and free houses. Facing a drastic drop in Nigeria’s income, declare you will be giving grants of N1.5 trillion a year to Nigeria’s poor. When you fail to deliver on any on these highfalutin promises, blame it quickly on Goodluck Jonathan.

Blunders

Forget the name of your vice-presidential running-mate. Call him Yemi Osunbade instead of Yemi Osinbajo. Tell President Obama the name of your political party is the All Nigeria’s Peoples’ Congress when it is All Progressives Congress. Call your party on CNN the All Progressives Confidence.





Tell Al Jazeera INEC means Independent Nigerian Electoral Commission instead of Independent National Electoral Commission. Even though West Germany ceased to exist in 1999 and the current German president is Joachim Gauck, refer to German Chancellor, Angela Merkel as “President Michelle of West Germany.”

Destroy INEC by turning it into a National Commission for Inconclusive Elections. Go to the United Nations and give a rousing speech about fighting Boko Haram, then fail to attend the crucial meeting on Boko Haram at the same U.N. session. Tell the Americans the Chibok girls were abducted from their “hotels” instead of their “hostels.”

Tell Nigerians there is nothing like petroleum subsidy. Then as president, announce the removal of the non-existent petroleum subsidy. Claim Jonathan diverted $700 million from the $1.1 billion Chinese loan for the Lagos/Kano rail project when only $400 million was earmarked for Lagos/Kano rail. Announce that foreign exchange can now be paid into domiciliary accounts without specifying if depositors will be allowed to withdraw them.

Anti-corruption rigmarole

Declare that you will kill corruption in Nigeria while being surrounded and bankrolled by corrupt politicians. Then invite those with corruption allegations hanging over their heads into your cabinet. Maintain: “Jonathan’s ministers stole 150 billion dollars.” But fail to prosecute them for stealing $150 billion. Tell Nigerians $2.1 billion was stolen by the PDP through Dasukigate, but charge people to court for stealing no more than $100 million.

Believe that trying members of the PDP for corruption on the pages of newspapers amounts to waging a serious war on corruption and is a substitute for national economic policy. Say: “We cannot build an economy where corruption is the working capital.” Then declare to no effect that recovered stolen monies will be used to revamp the national economy.

Insist Abacha never stole any money, and then probe the PDP for the mismanagement of the non-existent Abacha loot recovered from abroad. Fail to recognise that with the official exchange-rate at N198 to $1, while the parallel market rate is N305 to $1, you have created the widest parallel market margin ever recorded in Nigeria’s history and laid the foundation for widespread corruption in the banks.

Accuse the opposition of using public funds to finance its election campaign, but fail to disclose where you got the money to finance your own very expensive election campaign. Claim to be so cash-strapped, you had to borrow N27.5 million to pay for the presidential nomination papers of your party; then state in your assets declaration that you have N30 million in your bank account. Commend INEC for running the ostensibly free and fair election that brought you to power; then challenge in court every election conducted by the same INEC that your party lost.

Contradictions

Claim you inherited an empty treasury in spite of the over $30 billion left in our foreign reserves. Say you met no money in the treasury, then spend N2.2 billion on a four-day junket to the U.S. with no agenda and with nothing achieved.

Say: the federal government of Nigeria is: “the biggest Boko Haram.” Then become the head of the federal government of Nigeria. Declare grandiloquently: “I belong to everybody and I belong to nobody.” Then say: “The constituents (that) gave me 97% cannot in all honesty be treated on some issues with constituencies that gave me 5%.” Say you belong to everybody but ensure that your personal aides are virtually all Northerners.


Say: “I bear no ill will against anyone on past events. Nobody should fear anything from me. We are not after anyone.” “There will be no paying off old scores. The past is prologue.” Then send EFCC dogs after Elder Godsday Erubebe.

Say: “I pledge myself and the government to the rule of law, in which none shall be so above the law that they are not subject to its dictates, and none shall be so below it that they are not availed of its protection.” Then seek to replace the rule of law with the rule of fear. Go on national television and tell Nigerians you will not be obeying the courts in the cases of Dasuki and Kanu. Interfere in the judicial process by publicly declaring your enemies guilty without trial.

Tell Christiane Amanpour on CNN that you will defeat Boko Haram within two months if elected. Then say you did not say so. Declare that you will defeat Boko Haram by the end of December 2015, then say you only meant to defeat it “technically” after it unleashes mayhem on Maiduguri while you were busy celebrating its fictional defeat.

Say: “Boko Haram is a typical example of small fires causing large fires. An eccentric and unorthodox preacher with a tiny following was given posthumous fame and following by his extra judicial murder at the hands of the police.” Then send troops to massacre hundreds of Shi’ites in Zaria. Involve Nigeria in a Middle Eastern regional struggle between Saudi Arabia and Iran by joining the Saudi led anti-terrorist coalition. Open the door for wider terrorist attacks on Nigeria by killing Shi’ites in the North while the Saudis execute Shi’ite mullahs and prisoners in Saudi Arabia.

Prosecute avoidable wars on several home-fronts: against Boko Haramites in the North-east; Shi’ites in the North-west; Biafrans in the South-east; and Niger Deltans in the South-South.

Nonsensical policies

Grind the country to a halt by making yourself Sole Administrator of Nigeria for six months. Squander your vital first 100 days in office doing absolutely nothing; while receiving cheers as “Baba Go-Slow.” Present “body language” as a substitute for policy. Ensure that over N5 trillion is wiped off the Nigerian Stock Exchange within six months of your coming to office.

Promise: “I will stabilise global oil price.” Then watch as the oil price tumbles from $50 to $28 within eight months of your presidency. Also ball-watch as the naira tumbles to a record-breaking N305 to one dollar.

Declare when the country is broke: “I will provide one meal a day for children in public primary schools.” “I will make direct cash transfer of 5,000 naira to the 25 million poorest and most vulnerable citizens.” Propose through your Minister of Science Fiction to create 3.4 million jobs in Nigeria in 2016 through the production of pencils. Plan to have 365 cultural festivals 365 days a year under your Ministry of Culture.

Shout “chanji, chanji” while a large chunk of your party-members are turncoats from the same PDP that ruled the country for the last 16 years. Refer to ministers as noisemakers then establish a Cabinet of ministers. Take six months to choose a cabinet then come out with old cargoes. Tell Nigerians you delayed appointing ministers because you were looking for saints and angels, then appoint many known devils. Say: “The corrupt will not be appointed into my administration.” Then appoint those with corruption allegations hanging over their heads.

Delight in putting square pegs in round holes. Make Kayode Fayemi, who has a Ph.D. in War Studies, Minister for Solid Minerals instead of Minister of Foreign Affairs. Make Professor Anthony Anwukah, a professor of Education and a former vice-chancellor a Junior Minister to a journalist, Adamu Adamu, in the Ministry of Education. Make Solomon Dalong, a former Assistant Inspector of Prisons the Minister of Youth Affairs and Sports. Make Muhammadu Bello, who headed the National Hajj Commission for eight years, FCT Minister.

Budgeting

Propose a N6 trillion budget in 2016 for a nation that failed to meet revenue estimates of N4 trillion in 2015. Predicate this on borrowing N2.2 trillion, which requires N1.2 billion daily to service.

Benchmark your budget on the price of oil being $38 in 2016, making it dead on arrival with the oil price falling to $28 within a fortnight of your budget presentation. Fail to anticipate that, once sanctions against Iran are lifted, the oil price will go further down as Iranian oil is added to the international oil glut. Allocate N40 billion to look for oil in the North East in the middle of an oil glut when Nigeria needs to diversify from oil.

Within the framework of a drastic cut in Nigeria’s income, raise the budget for Aso Rock from N6.6 billion in 2015 to N18 billion in 2016. Earmark N3.6 billion for the purchase of several BMW saloon cars! Budget N1.75 billion for feeding in Aso Rock in 2016 when Jonathan only budgeted N530 million in 2015. Allocate only N29 billion to the Ministry of Agriculture, while earmarking N39 billion for the Ministry of Information and Culture.

Present the budget to the National Assembly without first scrutinising it. Present the budget with fanfare, then send someone to steal it from the National Assembly. Present the budget, then withdraw it after reading it. Remember this: when the budget fails, blame it on Goodluck Jonathan!


http://dailypost.ng/2016/01/27/femi-aribisala-a-compendium-of-buhari-apcs-textbook-of-cluelessness/

Tell the writer that when he is Tired of writing, he should drop his pen and go to Bed!!

Then he should wake up in 2019, and write all these poo!!

Buhari won't resign.....!!

You don't Like Nigeria, Go to Ghana!!!

Agubushmenyo:
Tell the writer that when he is Tired of writing, he should drop his pen and go to Bed!!

Then he should wake up in 2019, and write all these poo!!

Buhari won't resign.....!!

You don't Like Nigeria, Go to Ghana!!!

But was the writer wrong? Disprove him.

The wailers song :
By the rivers of agony there we sat down, then we wail if remember our 'zion'(the land of impunity and lawlessness), for those APC who led us captive requires a song from us but how can we sing the looting song in the land of prudence and probity.

Demi Aribisala just nailed it.
I can see lots of impeachable offences on tht write up.i guess pmb should resign on reading tht when he returns or get himself prepared for impeachment coz his govt.has violated our constitution & the govt.has failed on arrival

Demi = Femi

Brutality, fatality, animality, seven hit combo.

Dr Aribisala has done very well to keep records of the presidents senseless gaffes over time. A whole lot were even omitted:
Policy somersaults, al jazee ra interview on forex for school fees, conversion of one meal a day programme to 1 nutritious nasco biscuit a day, silence on fulani herdsmen raving madness all over the country, use of DSS to invade government houses and legislative assemblies etc, subsidy stopped, subsidy reinstated, commisserating with Brussels when Benue was just nearby. Plus others too numerous to mention. Not cautioning his aides over their unguarded utterances.

Thing is Bubu is working very hard to erode every goodwill he enjoyed during the elections who knows at this rate, by 2019, the opposition may not need to campaign.

Meanwhile I thought there was no provision for subsidy in 2016 http://www.theheraldng.com/no-provision-2016-budget-oil-subsidy-payment/
meaning that our 6 trillion budget will eventually rise up to 7.5 trillion with anticipated oil price rise in Q4 2016, (and the subsidies are maintained), as well as other cost components that would warrant a supplementary budget, cc:TonyeBarcanista Baralatie Onatisi FireFire
"Osun" might be warming up for a repeat, this time, at the center.

he's a certified dullard and a confirmed confusionist

Mentcee:


But was the writer wrong? Disprove him.

We had a deal with Buhari for 4years!!

Don't start writing poo just after 1year... If 2019 comes, and you don't like Buhari, present your Candidate!!

We will meet at the polls!!

For now, remain quiet and Observe!! Baba is having a meeting with Obama!! Don't make noise!!

Aribisala is beginning to sound petty, of what relevance is the grammatical blunders of PMB to the issues at hand. Common, this is pure bitterness against the person of PMB.

What remains is for aribisala to call nigeria a zoo so my se brothers can rejoice

PDP are thieves we are managing, but this APC are con artist+armed robbers who are terrorising us.


Insult me, and watch your blessing in life evaporate like 'APC promised 5k'

It is left for Nairalanders to vote on whether Buhari is messing up or not.

Pls press like if you believe Buhari is messing up or press share if not.

The clueless one is well known. His manhood is still alive . . .

Agubushmenyo:
Tell the writer that when he is Tired of writing, he should drop his pen and go to Bed!!

Then he should wake up in 2019, and write all these poo!!

Buhari won't resign.....!!

You don't Like Nigeria, Go to Ghana!!!

**** People should be able call out the government when they come short of their expectations.

Agubushmenyo:


We had a deal with Buhari for 4years!!

Don't start writing poo just after 1year... If 2019 comes, and you don't like Buhari, present your Candidate!!

We will meet at the polls!!

For now, remain quiet and Observe!! Baba is having a meeting with Obama!! Don't make noise!!

One year gives you clue to how clueless a government can get.

It took subsidy removal protest for Jonathan to lose his legitimacy with the Nigerian people barely a year into his government. It is taking absolute self distruct mode of this government to lose same.
What has Buhari done right?

MIPNIG:

One year gives you clue to how clueless a government can get.

It took subsidy removal protest for Jonathan to lose his legitimacy with the Nigerian people barely a year into his government. It is taking absolute self distruct mode of this government to lose same.
What has Buhari done right?

We didn't distirb GEJ after the protest of dubsidy removal...

We allowed him finish his tenure, then we told him our mind during elections!!

So quit Ranting and wait till 2019!! Present you "Super" candidate and let's see how it goes!!

Till then....

Keep Observing!!

Baba is in a Meeting

MIPNIG:


You are a fool and anti Ngerians. People should be able call out the government when they come short of their expectations.

I don't wana make them Ban you for calling me a fool!!

But next time, if you don't like what I post, read my signature and know what to do!!

Thanks!!

Agubushmenyo:


We had a deal with Buhari for 4years!!

Don't start writing poo just after 1year... If 2019 comes, and you don't like Buhari, present your Candidate!!

We will meet at the polls!!

For now, remain quiet and Observe!! Baba is having a meeting with Obama!! Don't make noise!!

On diversifying the economy what is PMB's plan
On improving power. What is PMB's plan
On employment generation what is PMB's plan
On improved infrastructure what is PMB's plan
Please no speculation state the obvious plan.
I know u will struggle to name any plan and that is the problem.
Nigerians are aware that PMB has a four year mandate out of which 10 months is gone already the issue is we don't want anybody to take us for a ride.. it is better to booth this government out now if the signs are that they will take us backward instead of giving them the freedom to destroy our collective future.
Do you wait till cancer is full blown before you commence treatment or you commence treatment at the earliest stage?

Mamog:


On diversifying the economy what is PMB's plan
On improving power. What is PMB's plan
On employment generation what is PMB's plan
On improved infrastructure what is PMB's plan
Please no speculation state the obvious plan.
I know u will struggle to name any plan and that is the problem.
Nigerians are aware that PMB has a four year mandate out of which 10 months is gone already the issue is we don't want anybody to take us for a ride.. it is better to booth this government out now if the signs are that they will take us backward instead of giving them the freedom to destroy our collective future.
Do you wait till cancer is full blown before you commence treatment or you commence treatment at the earliest stage?

So what do you want Buhari to do?

Resign??

Lol. You must be a comedian!!

After four years, ask me this question. If I don't give you a Nice answer, feel free to vote for whoever you wish to!

For now, relax and Observe!!

Thanks

Agubushmenyo:


So what do you want Buhari to do?

Resign??

Lol. You must be a comedian!!

After four years, ask me this question. If I don't give you a Nice answer, feel free to vote for whoever you wish to!For now, relax and Observe!!

Thanks

I have not asked him to resign all I am saying is that he should present a plan..
Now on asking you in four years.. who are you that I should hold responsible in four years time? We are talking of our collective future you are here asking people to hold u.. where will I see u to hold? Nairalana? Big up dear this no longer a fanfare it's reality of what we are today

Agubushmenyo:


So what do you want Buhari to do?

Resign??

Lol. You must be a comedian!!

After four years, ask me this question. If I don't give you a Nice answer, feel free to vote for whoever you wish to!

For now, relax and Observe!!

Thanks

I have not asked him to resign all I am saying is that he should present a plan..
Now on asking you in four years.. who are you that I should hold responsible in four years time? We are talking of our collective future you are here asking people to hold u.. where will I see u to hold? Nairalana? Big up dear this no longer a fanfare it's reality of what we are today

Walahi...dis write-up big no be small, abeg who read am finish make the person tell me wetin the man dey tok.

Buhari is an Animal

An Incompetent excuse of a human being and a Terrorist

A fool who came on TV to boast about killing unarmed protesters in Onitsha

Mamog:


I have not asked him to resign all I am saying is that he should present a plan..
Now on asking you in four years.. who are you that I should hold responsible in four years time? We are talking of our collective future you are here asking people to hold u.. where will I see u to hold? Nairalana? Big up dear this no longer a fanfare it's reality of what we are today

Okonjo Iweala asked us to Brace up in 2014...

You didn't prepare??

Awwww!! You were so confident in GEJ...

All the same sha, I prepared adequately!

Goodluck till 2019!

Agubushmenyo:
Tell the writer that when he is Tired of writing, he should drop his pen and go to Bed!!

Then he should wake up in 2019, and write all these poo!!

Buhari won't resign.....!!

You don't Like Nigeria, Go to Ghana!!!

Zombie will always be Zombie
It's a pity, that ur brain is currently malfunctioning and can't generate common sense at Zero Mega Watts

Buhari is fastly losing touch with the masses. This was the same mistake of GEJ. Instead of cuddling him, let's call him out. Let's shout until he listens.

Agubushmenyo:


We had a deal with Buhari for 4years!!

Don't start writing poo just after 1year... If 2019 comes, and you don't like Buhari, present your Candidate!!

We will meet at the polls!!

For now, remain quiet and Observe!! Baba is having a meeting with Obama!! Don't make noise!!

Onye mgbu

Buhari has suffered!!!

Mentcee:


Onye mgbu

Ke way gi... Lol..!!

Na we we na!!

E wota go??

Agbaya Arugbo Ghana aka aribisala can go n die.... ...shameless hungry oldman...

Real talk.......I know the children of hate and zombies must have something to say.

Chai... see painment of Zombies