ossai84:

How in the hell are you supposed to wait 4 to 7 years without having sex with someone you love?

posakosa:


Ok, if you wait and then you figure out that she can't give birth, what will you do ?

ossai84:

How in the hell are you supposed to wait 4 to 7 years without having sex with someone you love?

na2day?:

how in heaven did u get to count the number of years accurately when ur mind was on sex?

I don't think he was sure, he said, ". . . 4 to 7 years". Just imagine

TheSeeker:

I don't think he was sure, he said, ". . . 4 to 7 years". Just imagine

na2day?:

that sounds like an accurate estimation nau

Was already written on a diary, I guess. Maybe we should ask him if there was a timetable he had made before his offer was turned down

TheSeeker:

Was already written on a diary, I guess. Maybe we should ask him if there was a timetable he had made before his offer was turned down

na2day?:

all these bois wey dey shout like say dem go die if dem no get sex, when dem jam woman wey want the thing like sistawoman, na dem go dey talk lata say, e don do, say she too like koko

galatico:

Rora Mr. Waiter, wait! wait!! wait!!! How are you even sure that the said Girl is a Virgin, she could be lieing

TheSeeker:

Really? Nice thought. But let me ask you this, what will he do if she gets pregnant before marriage?

posakosa:


He will marry her no ni, Ill never forget this story, this man and woman, they did everything and I mean every right prior to marriage. They went for counseling, took HIV/AIDS test and all that good stuff. They got married, spend lots of money on the wedding and were planning a life together, and then for about a month, the woman realized that the bobo oko no dey stand. Chaaiii, She want back to the church and said "this is not what I signed up for. The man told me that he could perform, but its apparent that he may have a medical condition and he can't."

Immediately the church gave her a divorce and now she's happily married to someone else, I mean I don't condone shagging at all times but I think that uuum, shagging SAVES a whole lot of time and one will know if they are sexually compatible prior to marriage and prevent all unnecessary drama.

TheSeeker:

He will marry her? What if he hasn't got all it takes to get married then? Like a job, etc.,? That's no way possible. I completely disagree with your reasoning here. So to test a woman's fertility and a man's virility, you have to have sex before marriage? That's not enough reason to have premarital sex. I believe they should have discussions about sex before marriage; this is where they can express their worries and problems if there's any at all. If a man knows he can't perform and lies to his wife, I will support such divorce because the marriage was constructed on falsehood.

But then, why on earth will I have sex with my fiancee just to prove she can have a child? If she gets pregnant and we're not ready for a child, then I'd opt for abortion? C'mon now, you know better. I mean people know reasons why they request premarital sex, but definitely it shouldn't be to judge virility and fertility.

posakosa:

If he has no job, why would a man be shagging a woman without a condom on ? Do you know how any Nigerian men leave their wives because she can't give birth or even worst off, because she can't have a male child ? I concur that people have premarital sex for various reasons.

The man given in the example couldn't perform but he desired to be married, what happened to love might I ask ? Wasn't love enough to hold the marriage ? why can't she forgive ? or is forgiveness selective ?

TheSeeker:

Issue of sex is very explosive. When it comes to relationships especially where marriage will be involved, total honesty is the best option. What you said earlier was the man should have sex with her so as to determine if she can have a child; how can he possibly achieve that with a condom on? There are men who leave their wives because she can't have a child, I wouldn't do that. Marriage isn't about sex and having children alone.

I think with the example, forgiving the man depends on who's involved in the relationship and how well they can handle a partner who lied. Some people can pretty much forgive a partner that lies to them, but does everyone let go of that? I don't think so. I wouldn't lie to my partner and I'd hate to be lied to. I won't say I can't or can forgive a lying partner but I guess it depends on what she may have lied about.

We have different judgment for different situations. The woman may have been fantasizing having kids, base her fantasies on her presumption that he's potent. Finding out he lied to her about his virility will irk her, and I guess whatever decision she makes then can be justified. If he had told her he couldn't produce a child she'd have known first hand and handle the pressure from the beginning. There wouldn't be any commotion about his failure to be able to produce a child. A marriage built on lies, will most likely fail.

posakosa:

You wouldn't do that, thats what every man says until he gets pressure from his momma and family, (where is my grandchild? where is my grandchild? ) You are right in stating that marriage isn't about having children alone, its much more than that, but then societal and family pressure kicks in,

And about the lying thing absolutely, Honesty is the best policy, absolutely, the world would be much more of a better place if we were honest not just to others but to OURSELVES, Too many people cheat themselves by lying to themselves,

TheSeeker:

Yes, many men may say that and at the end of the day act differently in the face of pressure. When I do get married, I am because I can solely make my wife happy, give her confidence, satisfaction, fulfillment etc. My parents and family got nothing to do with her. I married her, not them. If I have any problem with her, I don't go to them.

I handle it with my wife. It's a very childish act for us to act on advice of parents when it comes to marriage. So many men claim to love a woman and in the heat of so much pressure from their parents, another tune is sang. If I can decide to marry my wife despite her inability to have a child, it's none of my family's business. It's either you take it or leave it. You can't live with that, that's your problem not mine. You can't come to my house and harass my wife. If it's too much pressure for her to go see my family, I will stop her from going there. Until they change their stance, they will not set their eyes on me.

The problem we have in Nigeria is that, we listen to what people would say and most times we just prejudice. Most people don't follow their heart, they are always worried about "what will people say?" "how will I look to the public?". There are lots of men who're willing to help their wives with culinary activities, laundry and so on, but what happens? He can't and won't because he doesn't want his family or his friends to think he's a fool --- that's pretense and not living up to be a man on your own.