Mindfulness:


Whatever rocks their boat. If they desire a rich man, then so be it.
I wasn't looking for money when I was single.

I wanted a man who would respect and understand me, someone who respects himself, someone who tries to be the best he can be, someone who would be a caring father, someone who is smart and with whom I can have interesting and inspiring conversations, someone who is independent, someone who is honest and trustworthy, someone who values family, someone who is relaxed and enjoys life as much as I do, someone who appreciates art and literature, someone who is interested in politics, economics, traveling and foreign cultures, someone who is fun and has a good sense of humor, someone who likes to socialize but also lets me have time on my own, someone I can cook with together, someone who is open-minded, someone who loves to develop, someone who is not only into my appearance but who wants to know my soul and connect on a deeper level and OF COURSE someone who is handsome and attractive.

I didn't want a jobless and lazy man but money was not what I needed either. I have my own.
.

plaetton:


Bingo!!

And that is the denial that the OP talks about.

modath:





Shy came bearing compliments, imma bookmark this or better still, print & frame!

On Topic; Real life experience...

I have a group of friends (about 5 women) who when we initially became close used to be standoffish cos they believed I wasn't sympathetic enough to their causes!!

They said I missed gender, that I should have come as a man!!! but how can I be sympathetic when someone informs me about a cold war with her hubby stemming from "He left dirty plates in the sink for me"... my advice of "wash it & KIM or throw it away & not make it an issue" seems to set them off.

One was having cable TV remote control supremacy with her husband & it was almost tearing her home apart, till I sat her down one day & asked her to get a dual view decoder because her man would only capitulate if he is only a doormat!!

She loves the usual female thingies, her husband is into the usual male, No meeting point, after she got it, she told me that the man would leave his own programme, join her in order "to spend time doing what she enjoys" which was never the case before...
Now I'm one of the "loves" of her life!

I've always been aware of life since I was a little child,Maybe cos I've always had a mind of my own, I don't get swayed by false appearances people put up!!

From childhood I've always known that to bring out the best in a man, You have to "allow him" take his role!! Nature designed women to be nurturers, going against that never ends well!!

EfemenaXY:


C'mon take a stand and let's read your views.

What do you really think of SirShymexx's assertions about women?

bukatyne:


A husband who compromises is a doormat? Not necessarily focusing on TV here.

edwife:


Of course you know my stand on that... he is right. There might be a few exceptions but that's how women nowadays are wired.

I would have love to contribute but it is going to be very long and mostly i will pass as a female hater.

modath:


Nope, not at all.... this is about TV, each situation is unique but there is no compromise in that situation, it's purely capitulation.....

Let's go with this scenario..... The woman has been following one of this zee world/Telemundo menene, it somehow clashes with an Australian open semi final match that the man too has invested time in from the qualifying rounds..... How do we proceed?

EfemenaXY:


Is it safe then to assume that's how you're wired, Eddy?

So the natural instinct of those who've only ever known / lived a hard life, would be to look for a means of escapism. That's normal and applies to both sexes. That's why it seems ladies living there wouldn't give prospective suitors a second glance unless they're convinced such men have enough earning power to get them out of poverty, to live at the very least, some semblance of a comfortable life

bukatyne:


Another example please...

I dislike Telemundo.

But again, the husband wants to watch a significant match; wifey wants a normal series that they would probably show the highlights before they start the next episode...

She should let him watch and probably join him.

But again, I am not even a fan of TV generally.

EfemenaXY:


Meaning you do have issues with successful women with higher earning power than yours.

A self-confident man who truly believes in himself won't be fazed by a woman's wealth. There is a lot you don't understand about women.

A man who truly loves and understands his woman would know the right buttons to push to "bend her to his will". I'm not referring to emotional abuse / exhibition of controlling tendencies from such a man, but rather, a man who absolutely connects with her. His soul mate. If the connection, feelings, mutual understanding, and love are reciprocal, you'll find that it works both ways between such a couple - i.e the woman also knowing and understanding what make her man tick.

SirShymexx:


Loool.

I guess you've never had a partner higher than you.

A chic with power is a control freak and any time you get into any tiff, she's going to remind you of everything wrong with you and ya life.

My Ijebu chic won't turn into that type of monster cos we're from the same background, and I would've vetted her properly before getting involved with her. Yes, folks do change but she definitely won't change into a control freak.

edwife:



Long ago it wasn't a big deal starting from scratch with your man and making it. Not today. If there are women doing it,there are few.
Females tend to marry men of higher social rank more often than men tend to marry females of higher social rank.Facts!

bukatyne:




Beautiful, so beautiful.

@OP:

I agree

If a man wants control in exchange for the wealth he provides then the woman must be game.

plaetton:


Bingo!!

And that is the denial that the OP talks about.

k...congrats you've found a cure to world hunger

modath:


Shy, 2 things..

1. I ain't no feminist, i totally am on the side of clear definition of gender roles;..... A man not doing household chores is not a sacrilege in my book, neither do not i see anything wrong in buying a pack of boxer in exchange for an high end phone as anniversary gifts...

2. Most people are full of crap, they say lot of inane things & do the opposite.....

There is a difference between making a choice & settling,most settle for the available & still want to foist what they'd want from what is desirable,which they weren't fortunate enough to have....

The day i see a beauty queen with a laborer is the day i change my stance, till then, money makes the world go round..

raumdeuter:
Apples and oranges

big ass light skinned and big boobs are physical appearances like tall dark and handsone and people need to be physically attracted to who they'll spend their life with

daretodiffer:
I am curious

By clear definition of gender roles, do you mean the man should support the family financially, while the woman take care of the home-front or the woman support the family financially and also take care of the home-front while the man leave whatever he has?

jadelyn007:
I don't blame these women who don't want to start from the scratch with any man. You stay with a man who has nothing, help him build his dream and visions, encourage him, assist him financially and once he gets to the top, he starts cheating with those same girls who wouldn't have given him the time of the day when he was broke.

I won't nag a guy who doesn't want to marry down or a girl who doesn't want to marry down.
I won't nag the guy who wants to marry a light skinned chic with big boobs and I won't nag the girl who wants to marry a guy with a fat bank account.
If it makes you happy, go for it! Life is too short to live by rules all the time.

Nature already defined what each gender's role is, it's the pressure of modern living & present day economic realities that have distorted nature's plan...


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_role

I do not like yardstick generalisation, each situation is peculiar & should be treated as it appears to be! When 2 people get together, they should be define what role each should assume... not unrealistic expectations & not applicable to the situation opinion/advise

However , Beyonce is most likely wealthier & a bigger brand in comparison to JayZ, she still feels the need to remind everyone constantly that she's Mrs Carter...still waiting for Jay to refer to himself as Mr Knowles!

Also when will Linda Ikeji stop getting flak for her manless state & when are we likely to hear anyone refer to Flavour as a hoe ? & I don't mean gardening tool!

plaetton:


Political correctness is what slowly kills society

modath:


Shy, 2 things..

1. I ain't no feminist, i totally am on the side of clear definition of gender roles;..... A man not doing household chores is not a sacrilege in my book, neither do not i see anything wrong in buying a pack of boxer in exchange for an high end phone as anniversary gifts...

2. Most people are full of crap, they say lot of inane things & do the opposite.....

There is a difference between making a choice & settling,most settle for the available & still want to foist what they'd want from what is desirable,which they weren't fortunate enough to have....

The day i see a beauty queen with a laborer is the day i change my stance, till then, money makes the world go round..

edwife:


This is not a healthy way of thinking. Just like rich guys can also dump you in a snap of his fingers because you add little or no value to him, he will get another you in a minute!
Just like an illiterate man who is financially sound trains a girl in university, sacrifice everything to make her happy and comfortable get dumped by the same girl who after attaining education and exposure realise that they are not of the same class.
Life is all about risk!

Physical appearance is no big work to anyone, you were born that way. You didn’t have to slave or spend sleepless nights trying to look beautiful. (Exclude plastic surgery here because I am talking of the average girl).

The fat Bank account took years to build, sweat, brain, sacrifice…name it. So if the fat bank account demands loyalty, control, and power it shouldn't be a problem.

Just don’t nag no one! Don’t nag a guy who wants to feel superior when you go for his fat bank account.

I don’t think people go religious on women for the fun of it. We all know women choices are limited unlike the male counterpart. It is easy for a guy to get his specs than it is easy for a woman. Women most of the time settle for the available, as long as he possesses two or three qualities in your ideal man, you can settle.

A 50 years old man can marry a beauty queen as long as he has the money and even if he doesn't he can go to his village and get a pure beautiful well trained maiden.(dabota lawson,caroline danjuma,amara kanu,adaeze yobo etc...)

A 50 years old woman has slim chances getting her dream man, it is either a toy boy or an old rich man who had his own share of life and in need of companionship. (Gloria and Elvina Ibru,Orie Kalu,Oyin Adenuga etc..)


I don’t lie to myself or walk around in denial, I say things the way they are not because I am against my gender but someone needs to say it like it is. Who am I fooling?

I love strong,resilient,hard working,passionate and feminine women. I live in a society who has rules and if i want a change,i will make it happen myself and not wait for the society to make it for me or change what the society thinks it is the norm.There are many accomplished women making it without blaming anyone.I don’t have to be loud just to appear strong. Just like my mum usually says, empty barrels make the loudest noise.

KanwuliaExtra:


Okaaaaaay!
From what angle?
The OP's or mine?

An0nimus:
Now I'm confused.

modath:



It is not a one size fits all , each situation is peculiar, so one can't address different situations using same yardstick.. unfortunately that is the example i have of that particular situation......... There are some other yeye points like he doesn't wear native on thanksgiving sunday....

As for the woman compromising , seems you don't know the extent of delusion some pseudo-feminist are carrying around........

BTW, one of my friends Job is shift based & the man (not supporting, just stating facts) leaves dirty dishes for her, she vex ehn & i asked how he was when dem dey do boyfriend & girlfriend, she replied that they usually eat out or she does the dishes when they eat in... how come she was expecting miracle? She eventually got a non live in maid.... problem solved...

Mindfulness:


Thanks

bukatyne:


I very much agree there is no one size fits all and some people (male & female) are jokers as they think 'I do' automatically change people into their dream partners.

edwife:


Nope Because i am not wired this way,i don't see what happens around me?
Like I said,there are few exceptions.

This is my submission.It is not only limited to this thread

edwife:
There is nothing wrong wanting the good things of life, both men and women desire the best. The problem with women is that we get confused and lose the essence of what is supposed to be simple.

edwife:
There are women out there willing to marry for love as long as the man has prospects but that only few of them. I won't be going far. Just here on NL, the answers most guys who opened threads asking if they can marry with an average salary of 100k get is alarming.

edwife:
Women talk about equality and all that,yet it is a taboo for a young guy to get married with an average salary? What's your own contribution? Okay he is making 100k,what if i make 150k? what's wrong with that? Even if i make nothing or as little as 40k,what happened to being contented and live according to our means.

edwife:
Those who contribute think the world revolves around them, you can't make decision,you can't tell me what to do,you can't you can't you can't.
The only control i read Nigerian men have over their wives is chores.He wants me to cook,to clean...what else? Nothing! He takes care of you? yes,the kids? yes,what the hell? How about you getting yourself a damn maid?

edwife:
The average Nigerian girl made Nigerian men to simply believe that a man is only worthy to be a husband, only when he must have acquired exotic cars, fat bank account, living in a duplex and having material possessions to make him stand a greater chance of meeting his dream woman, hence, Nigerian guys of today spend so much years working tirelessly to acquire this wealth, and in the process, lose interest and passion in marriage.

edwife:
Go check BellaNaija, rich kids no longer go for broke kids,men and women. They marry between them to avoid the headaches of having a wife who was cool and respectful but once a man loses his job,all that go to the bin especially if the woman is paying the bills.

edwife:
How many threads men open here talking about their wives not having jobs or not trying hard enough even when they bring little or nothing just to meet the basics. We can't say same for our sisters.It is either he is not appreciative,he doesn't do chores etc...

edwife:
Don't get me wrong here, I am not against men doing chores but what i noticed here more often it is not about the chores getting done it is about him doing it himself because I do it too. There is even one who had a maid at home but still wanted her husband to do chores because he was jobless .This equality thing has gone beyond mutual respect, fairness but i do 50%,you do 50%.I wash today,you wash tomorrow.

edwife:
Why must it be a man that has to take them out of poverty? Why can't they work just as those men worked to achieve whatever they have achieved? And you know that 90% of those men that will get them out of poverty are older? Because their mates are busy struggling and building their future.

edwife:
Long ago it wasn't a big deal starting from scratch with your man and making it. Not today. If there are women doing it,there are few.

edwife:
Females tend to marry men of higher social rank more often than men tend to marry females of higher social rank.Facts!