OK

joychioma19:
Good afternoon all. I got married last year June to my lover of 3years . I am currently pursuing my second degree program and my husband has been most helpful, encouraging and supportive.
I am the first child in a family of 7.ever since I got married,my mum has been wanting to know what is happening in my home. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home. She calls every day, sometimes as early as 6am when I will still be in bed with my husband. my husband doesn't complain, but I know he is not happy about it.
Recently, she called to tell me that ever since I got married that I have stopped buying things for my siblings which is not true because sometimes I send credit to them and that is all I can do for now. My mum tried to push the blame to my husband and I told her to keep my husband out of the matter,she got angry and cut the call, then she later sent me a text saying "thank God am not her only child and that I should marry my husband very well" meanwhile my husband bought her a very expensive Samsung phone in December and he constantly recharges it for her.
One week after she said that stuff, I fainted due to exam stress( meanwhile am heavily pregnant and almost due). my husband called to intimate her about it, but since then she has not called to know how am doing.
Mum has once asked me how much my husband earns and I told her I don't know. by the way money is not her problem because she has chains of business. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home, but I can't discuss my family, assuming she discussed hers, she wouldn't have built a stable successful home with dad. I have discussed with her and dad about this, but she still won't stop. she always insults me at will, she is used to blackmailing someone emotionally, then plays the victim.
So my fellow nairalanders, how can I get to stop her excesses and emotional blackmailing nature? am so tired of her, she stresses me mentally

I actually have a friend who's wife is having ds same issue and unfortunately for her,she dances to the tune of d mother and my friend d husband in a bid to satisfy the wife does everything she says she wanna do for her mum which included sinking a borehole for d wife's mother when dey demselves fetches water from their neighbour's house,plus oda hilariously stupid demands.
Now,my friend is fed up amd confided in me dat he wants to divorce d wife cos he isn't happy in his home coz of over intrusion of d wife's mother amd d wife always dancing to the tune of her mum. Had to beg him to fix d problem and take his stand somehow.
My advise,block ur mum from intruding into ur family by Amy means possible coz if care isn't takem,u might lose ur family and dos ur siblings will learn from u and shut u out from their families when dey start theirs. Be wise dear.
There r oda tns my friend is passing thru wch I can't start typing here. So,use thy tongue to count thy teeth!

joychioma19:
Good afternoon all. I got married last year June to my lover of 3years . I am currently pursuing my second degree program and my husband has been most helpful, encouraging and supportive.
I am the first child in a family of 7.ever since I got married,my mum has been wanting to know what is happening in my home. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home. She calls every day, sometimes as early as 6am when I will still be in bed with my husband. my husband doesn't complain, but I know he is not happy about it.
Recently, she called to tell me that ever since I got married that I have stopped buying things for my siblings which is not true because sometimes I send credit to them and that is all I can do for now. My mum tried to push the blame to my husband and I told her to keep my husband out of the matter,she got angry and cut the call, then she later sent me a text saying "thank God am not her only child and that I should marry my husband very well" meanwhile my husband bought her a very expensive Samsung phone in December and he constantly recharges it for her.
One week after she said that stuff, I fainted due to exam stress( meanwhile am heavily pregnant and almost due). my husband called to intimate her about it, but since then she has not called to know how am doing.
Mum has once asked me how much my husband earns and I told her I don't know. by the way money is not her problem because she has chains of business. she expects me to tell her everything that happens in my home, but I can't discuss my family, assuming she discussed hers, she wouldn't have built a stable successful home with dad. I have discussed with her and dad about this, but she still won't stop. she always insults me at will, she is used to blackmailing someone emotionally, then plays the victim.
So my fellow nairalanders, how can I get to stop her excesses and emotional blackmailing nature? am so tired of her, she stresses me mentally

ignore her for 2 months non stop

Give her vague answer that wud shut down issue quickly, things like "we have settle it", "i have heard now", or always divert her discussion into very wierd issues and keep the diverting but give her clear answers if she ask the right question but do not stop picking her calls or ignoring her. Also pray that she understands.

joychioma19:
you have to check dates and wordings correctly, revisit that thread. besides this is a new topic.

ITS QUITE UNFORTUNATE THAT YOU ARE EXPOSING YA FAMILY ON NAIRALAND AND YOU CALLED YOURSELF LEARNED FELLOW TOMORROW YOU GO TELL US SAY YOUR HUSBAND NO SABI SHINE YOUR CONGO MEAT. IDIKA THE STORY TELLER

She might be inquisitive, domineering and all but I don't think she's a bad mother. Just try as much as you can to contain her excesses. If you still feel bad she didn't call after you fainted, you might have to call her yourself to inform her you are now OK and life goes on. Thank God she's your Mom, if it was your Mom in-law nko?
You mentioned you're almost due and you'll definitely need her help soon. Please and please, manage her well, don't tell her most things about you and your husband but you should be able to let her know things about your pregnant condition, she'll be glad to hear them. She'll soon come for omugwo, plan on how best to manage her during those times. Don't build bad impressions about her so don't find her stay uncomfortable. It's well with you, wishing you a safe delivery girl!!

I already told my mum now, an though I don't even have a girlfriend yet.
Mother, Its gonna be my own family, so I don't want any meddling and intruding in my home....not even from you!
I made it so clear!

Oyind17:
OK

IJOBA2:
ITS QUITE UNFORTUNATE THAT YOU ARE EXPOSING YA FAMILY ON NAIRALAND AND YOU CALLED YOURSELF LEARNED FELLOW TOMORROW YOU GO TELL US SAY YOUR HUSBAND NO SABI SHINE YOUR CONGO MEAT. IDIKA THE STORY TELLER

I thought things like this only happen in Nigeria movies

I just finish reading a story of a mother disown her 16 year old son, so maybe u disown ur mother too, atlist d film would av a gud ending... naughty...

Scratching balls

sorry to say that is not a mother but an incubator,not all women that bear children are mothers,if i was you,I would tell her off,you people just dont understand when the scriptures says a man/woman shall "leave" his parents and be joined to their spouse,it's deeper than that.if she persist excommunicate her,it's a hard choice but it's for the sake of your own family, you dont owe her anything or your siblings, naija ppl be talking about parents should eat the fruits of the labour of their children that is absolutely wrong,it's the responsibility of your parents to raise you and leave an inheritance for you,thats how its supposed to be....

4nobody4every1:

You seem to be acting like inspector Colombus.

joychioma19:
Good afternoon all. I got married last year June to my lover of 3years

i read your full post,pls i'll recommend you buy and read the book "why you act the way you do" written by tim lahaye.your mum is of the choleric temperament,the book will guide u on how to relate and curtail ur mum's excesses.

Notwithstanding what the op may have posted about her (or her friend's) relationship in the past, I think we should stick to topic.

This is an issue that affects lots of people, both male and female. Rather than playing detective, let those who have valuable advice to offer step up for the benefit of all.

You are a good wife. Don't let her drag your husband into this. You should continue to shield him from her wahala. Keep witholding private info and she will get tired of intruding later on. Wish you all the best.

[quote author=4nobody4every1 post=44923054] Kai this man na real badoo, that Mikel picture sumed it up & I just cant stop laughing! Invariably, its apparent that the op keeps her diary on nairaland but she needs advice on her present predicament & not some sort of wikileaks expose on past events.

joychioma19:
Good afternoon all. I got married last year June to my lover of 3years

Is your mother happy in her marriage (with your dad)?

Do you issues in your marriage that made you confide in her previously?

itstpia8:
Is it difficult to switch off your phone in the morning?

I wonder o.

How someone will be disturbing another by 6am like say nah witch..

joychioma19:
That post was for my friend. am ignoring please @itstpia8

sorry

In the words of my uncle " go settle ur issues with ur mother; you knw her better than anyone else and dem no dey enter mother n daughter matter". Family is everything n every parent ve their own way of expressing their love n affection fr their children. If at all..... Dnt wanna offend no one here bt if at all there's an issue, i believe she's only missing you bt is expressin it d wrong way n actually she's a first timer. All im sayin is, deal wisely, mama na mama however she be

I think......u've to kip things to ya sef ok!!!

Joychioma19
Aunty i feel u die. Am nt married bt am in d same situation as u are. Those saying they cant imagine such happening, i pray u don't witness such. Cos u will be wondering if it is d same woman dat birth u. It is God and prayers oo. Nothing else. Not picking her calls, doesn't stop u frm facing her wrath. And ow will u make ur husband see things. Just act maturely and b wise. Siblings go dey okay, one day, they will tell u dy av responsibilities too. Everyone has his/her life to live.

Need I say this a delicate and dangerous issue?

U've got to take stern measures if u're to save ur marriage. Trust me,I totally understand the situation u're in right now and the sort of mum you have. My granny was like that. She just couldn't stay out of her daughters' marriage. Whenever they had the slightest marital issue, rather than encourage them on how to salvage and preserve their marriage,she encouraged them to get out of it. Funny enough, she's still legally married to my grandfather till this day,even if she keeps insisting men are of no use. She,unfortunately was too much of a stakeholder in all their affairs. I don't want to bring in sordid family details here just because I need to advise you.

But know this, ur marriage is ur priority right now. Your husband isn't a perfect man,but u chose him still and u entered into a sacred union with him. U have to preserve that union and ur mum shouldn't be the one to cause asunder. Have her stay out of ur affairs, even if she acts hurt.

ur case is fair,if i tell u about a frnd who is facing a worse prob u wil think of choosing btw ur mum and ur hubby. My advise 4 u base on that experience is this dont tel ur husband about ur mum attitude and dont discuss ur home wit ur mum cos ur mum advise wil surely set u against ur hubby. Besides if ur husband discovered that u r leaking his secret 2 ur mum he wil surely begin 2 hide things frm u which may break ur home

Usually, I don't make comments on things like this but this caught my attention. My heartfelt advise to you is this....make it very clear to you mum that you home is not a place she can have a say or decide to want to start intruding into. You are under the authority of your husband and you guys need to be left alone to build your own home.Has respectfulay as possible define your comittment to them financially and carry your husband along.

4nobody4every1:

You nor well
Kai!

chimkaire:
You nor well
Kai!

joychioma19:
my husband called to intimate her about it, but since then she has not called to know how am doing.

Do u want her to be calling or not?

If she calls to ask how u r doing,be sure she will ask oda questions also

U av said she shldnt be calling u,and here u are saying she hasnt called

She's expressing herself the way she knows how to.and im sure it didn't start today

She is used to hearing gists from u....u need to work it out with her

joychioma19:
do you think that everything posted on nl by a poster means they are the victim?..

yes,99% .do your findings,you will know.

Tell her off! Trust me its a quicker remedy.