I got marreid to the boy of my choice and we were going around for 3 years b4 getting marreid.Those 3 years where spent in distance.I was very excited when i got married to him.But right from the first day he put me at the last place for his priorities.His mother and sister got insecure and for him they were everything.He never supported me becoz both of them were insecure of losing him.They never let us live our llife.Big mistake is of my husband who always supported them and left me alone infront of them.First they were indirectly creating disturbance in our lives then they strated directly when they realised my husband is supporting them.
My husband not even supported me on r son's birth he expected me to cook and do all house stuff right from first day of giving birth.He didnt understand my pains and left me alone, n then he say i complain he hit me when i was 9 months preganent.He say i have complaining nature.His sister came here to stya with us she is 4 eyars younger to me she hit me and called me names and when i expected my husband to support me he supported my sisterinlaw saying that she is under depression of leaving my husband,
n now my husband blaim me for everything he says its part of family life and it happen everywhere, its my mistake i should have beared everything and that m making his family life hard.he always showz attitude to me if i try to speak to him he is always rude to me.he hardly give me any money and earn alot,
i dont know wat to do i have decided to leave him forever which i know would be hard for me i loved him so much and m bearing everything from last 5 year with a hope that he would be alright with me but more i m tolerating more he is trying to hurt me, is this married life, is this luv , our is luv marraige but i hardly felt his luv and care for me,

He never supported you while you were dating, what made you think he'd change after marriage?

comprimise means both sides give in. your husband is controling and it is definitly not normal. since his family wont help you but instead side agaist you it will never get better only worse. be very careful, if he can hit you while pregnant he can beat his children and could possibly beat you into the hospital or grave if mad enough

Women are Men's property

My sister, It is well. You are in the relationship for real, therefore don't quit. Keep talking to your husband on the reason why he needs to see both of you as one. He should treat the same way he will treat himself. What God has joined together no man should separate. He needs to know the palce of In-laws in marriage and the place of wife. In-laws can not live with him for life, it is you that will do that. Both of you need to be pray until things change. But remember, you are married, so don't think of quiting but work it out.

Thats why l say love is overated!
Thank God his case is  not that of womaniser.   You said u love him, if actually u do, u have to TOLERATE his imperfections. After 5 years of ur marriage, u supposed to have learned his likes and dislikes.  Concentrate on doing and saying things to make him happy and also in loving yourself and baby. Stop looking for faults, no one can love u more than urself.  All u owe urself is happiness and dont crave it from anybody.  He case is not too bad, just that he is attached to his family.  l believe if u stop making him the centre of your happiness, u will find happiness naturally.  Stop watching too much love movies and books, they are not real!

Marriage is a school, just tell yourself that your marriage must work. and come up with new ideas that will make it work. you must not quit.
may God help you

He is no good.
A man that can lay his hands on you should be kicked to the curb.

Has nothing to do with all men. . . You married a JERK plain and Simple.

@ Mypeace, I like intelligent people; please what is your email address or send me an email to mecussey@yahoo.com, need to ask you a question.

You married a BOY of your dream? That's right. You got yourself a bargain. He is a BOY not yet a man. what do you expect from a boy? You need a man for a husband not a boy

well said

Don't let your husband fool you. It is not like that everywhere. How can a man hit his pregnant wife. 9 months pregnant for that matter. I don't know how you've managed sha. How old is your kid now? Na wa. Unfortunately your in laws are useless too. Does your family know he hits you

Hi,

You're not alone, the exact same thing happened to someone that is very close to me, it all depends on whether the guy changes, luckily for us he changed - but probably by force, but before he changed, she had to create some physical distance.

A cruel man who controls everything i.e. money, life, when you get pregnant can abuse these. He knows you can't fend off for yourself, that you have to ask or beg before you can get any money, and it's like all your decisions are in your hands. Another man may nurture his wife and protect her, and encourage her to achieve her goals, maybe even to start her own career.

Your husband has got you in such a bad position because he probably thinks that you will never be able to leave, his mum and sister probably give him bad advice and they probably encourage him to beat you to 'keep you in line'.

Well, it was about 20 years after everything started that the mother-in-law apologised. Can you picture the gravity of a 80+ year old woman (husband's mother) and her 40+ year old daughters on their knees begging for forgiveness to the woman? Miracles happen. People change, but you can't rely on them, you have to use wisdom, this could be a very dangerous environment for your children.

What are your options?

You husband is an asshole. . .sorry

Very sad !! since you've discussed it with him, you can either wait it out, or move along. It's one life you've got, how much more of it do you want to spend crying over spilt milk?

Ha ha ha, long distance indeed! If you don't grab your man another girl will take him. If you think because you are married to him he can't talk to his family again you are wrong.
A lot of ladies out there always think that once they get married nobody has the right to command their husband besides them.
I may put your husband on the same analogy with me. When I wanted to travel; I barely saw anybody to help other than my mum and my sisters. If you are they type of girl who doesn't know how I grew up and just want me to tell my family to hit the door just because of her, I ain't stupid. If you love me you have got to love my family too.

Did you even read what she wrote or did you just feel like exercising your fingers today

akigbemaru:

Ha ha ha, long distance indeed! If you don't grab your man another girl will take him. If you think because you are married to him he can't talk to his family again you are wrong.
A lot of ladies out there always think that once they get married nobody has the right to command their husband besides them.
I may put your husband on the same analogy with me. When I wanted to travel; I barely saw anybody to help other than my mum and my sisters. If you are they type of girl who doesn't know how I grew up and just want me to tell my family to hit the door just because of her, I ain't stupid. If you love me you have got to love my family too.

Outstrip:

Did you even read what she wrote or did you just feel like exercising your fingers today

Na. He woke up late but his brain is still asleep!

akigbemaru:

Ha ha ha, long distance indeed! If you don't grab your man another girl will take him. If you think because you are married to him he can't talk to his family again you are wrong.
A lot of ladies out there always think that once they get married nobody has the right to command their husband besides them.
I may put your husband on the same analogy with me. When I wanted to travel; I barely saw anybody to help other than my mum and my sisters. If you  are they type of girl who doesn't know how I grew up and just want me to tell my family to hit the door just because of her, I ain't stupid. If you love me you have got to love my family too.

so being married means your idiota so called husband hitting you when you're 9 months pregnant abi? i guess it also means letting your sister to hit your wife and just let things slip huh? and neglecting your wife too? there's always a limit to everything and that includes in marriages too.

I'm with you Akigbemaru

some women, infact, most women, just love love love to play the victim when it comes to domestic problems.

all of you busy here calling the husband an idiot, have you heard what he has to say? the OP could very well be playing things up. If he hit her in any way, then that's wrong. obviously. but i dont believe that for one minute. it's sounds to me she's angry and just adding things up to make the cast herself as the victim and make the guy look bad.

look its only women who get married and think their marriage life is their everything and all else comes second. Us men dont think like that. This guy probably goes to visit his mum every weekend and that is what she is complaining about o?

in my experience 90% of the stories women have to tell about their mother in laws are lies. from the stories my mother used to tell about my father's mother to the stories i hear women telling today. they are all rubbish.

my cousin's wife was complaining because his mom calls him every week to find out how he is. the wife said that's too much and that it is intefering. when she told me and i said i dont see any big deal, i'm sure she will be telling her friends how her husband's family are ganging up against her to make her marriage a living hell.

[b] THERE ARE TWO SIDES TO EVERY STORY AND EVERYONE KNOWS THAT!

Based on that I have two answers to this topic.  Firstly, I am sure most people on N/L knows my stance on WIFE BATTERING and right now, I should not go deep into that, other than say,' get out of that silly marriage' immediately.  I could see your fear probably, you have no money, income or career to fall back to and this has always been a hinderance to women's FREEDOM to live a happy life.  I should advice you to do something to better yourself and get back that POWER - THAT WAY YOU WOULD GAIN BACK YOUR DIGNITY AND RESPECT.  When you allow a man to feed, cloth and even provide your sanitary towels I'm sorry you are, a SUCKER for him.  You would remain his SLAVE for ever.  Is that the kind of life you want for yourself? MEN DON'T LIKE DEPENDENT WOMEN, period!  So, empower yourself by getting a job, setting up a business of your own (if you can) or improving your education then, you would see the SUCKER kiss your a-se!  TRY IT, YOU WON'T REGRET IT!  The world can be a lonely place when you are vulnerable and have no support especially, from a man that claims to love you.  IF YOU NEED HELP, LET US KNOW WE ARE ALL HERE TO HELP YOU!  Men should be made aware, we are no longer in the 1st Century.  This is the 21st Century and they should ACT it.  My heart bleeds when I hear about a woman being battered by idiots who wants to prove their male-hood using a woman to do so.   Again, get out of that marriage before we hear about your coffin and if you CHOOSE to remain in it, that's equally good but WARN HIM NEVER TO DO THAT AGAIN AND IF HE DOES?  SHOW HIM WHERE TO GO IN HIS SLEEP, HE WOULD THEN LEARN HIS LESSONS.   

Secondly, you have to be fair!  You know he had a FAMILY before you came into his life?  He had a family that has always been there for him 'THICK AND THIN! before you came to the scene and you want him to abandon them for you particularly, his own mother. Naaaa!!  Abi, you are a mother now ain't you?  So, you'd be very happy to be abandoned for your son's wife when the time comes, would you  Obviously, not!  So, TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED - that's my take.      His mother has brought him up, made all the sacrifices parents make for their children and that, made him the man he is today that attracted you to him, and obviously led to you marrying him.  And now, you want it all for yourself and probably, your own side of family with his own family looking in from outside, abi  Naaaaah!  That's not right, ok!  Open the door and welcome them all and SHARE WHAT YOU HAVE afterall, its all yours why being selfish.   The family sees you as a threat because of your behaviour.  Afterall, you are the STANGER who came into their well settled and quiet lives and should lie low until you gain your grounds, support and love from your husband's family then, you can start to show what you are made of.  You see the mistake most Nigerian women make is, assuming that, because they have PRODUCED A godamn SON (African ideology/mentality) - they are in-charge now, Naaaah! You see, SON or no SON - a man can abandon you and set up another family any where in the world if he finds you troublesome and your children may not have a right to his property and investments other than the ones in Nigeria which might amount to nothing, really!  So, COOL DOWN, show friendship and EMBRACE HIS FAMILY.  In a nutshell, BE KIND TO YOUR HUSBANDS FAMILY AND LOVE THEM.  As for the BATTERING?  Please, insist on your DIGNITY AND RESPECT because, it's not normal for an ADULT to be beaten like an animal.[/b]

mylifevik:

I got marreid to the boy of my choice

What else were you expecting from a boy??

I think it has being from the law of ,

That's because they are so selfish.

I think we're all jumping into conclusions; lets get the facts of the case:

1. What was the personal relationship btw u & ur mother-in-law especially before ur marriage.
2. If I understand the scenario,ur hubby was abroad & arranged for u to join him,is this correct?
3. How would you rate yourself(honestly) with respect to home management?
4.Where ur in-laws living with ur hubby before marriage? & did he ake this clear to you before now?

Answers will help me make my own contribution.

@poster

If you live in Australia, you can certainly try some marriage counselling services. You should also look around how domestic violences were being handled locally. But, first of all try your best to change his behaviour by finding yourself too and see if you also need to change. It doesn't mean you need to be more submissive to your husband than necessary.

once a man is married, his allegiance must be to his wife first. Family comes a distant second.

fayahsoul:

Woman be submissive to your husband. . .



and stop perming your hair.

:oSchweeeeeeeppes??,I trip o,which levels na bros??

davidylan:

once a man is married, his allegiance must be to his wife first. Family comes a distant second.

And how many metres or kilometres are we looking at here?