.

When you don't have time for your children,pls don't marry. I repeat don't marry or if u marry,dont born . Cos at the end ur children may disgrace u

I wish to marry a teacher. I have my reasons

Change your nanny and see maybe this will help.

This is very important so that your girl won't make u a grandfather at the age of 12

Very well you noticed that when she's still small . First and foremost ... Desist from going to that nanny's place first of all . And try spend much time with them also . Make sure she gets busy with something that she won't get tired of doing ... for instance my little cousin won't stop running around the house till there's a Tom & Jerry viewing on the screens of the television set . He rarely eats when he's watching . That's 1.
Then too , try find another Nanny who can stay @ your own home , which will also give you the right to dish out orders to whom ever the nanny is .
Most of our Nigerian movies aren't good @ all , that's something you should bear in mind .
She's still a child and things can still be done to change the situation of things now .
I wish you luck in whatever you chose to do .
My best wishes to your fam .
Have a nice day .

Akkord4gov:
When you don't have time for your children,pls don't marry. I repeat don't marry or if u marry,dont born . Cos at the end ur children may disgrace u

I wish to marry a teacher. I have my reasons

Something to point out for you to understand - I never said I don't have time for my kids. All I said was we go to work and class everyday and we drop them off at the nanny's, something most working family couples do. I stay at home most weekends and take them out. Fridays my wife and I don't work and we spend time with them at home.

metalgear:


Something to point out for you to understand - I never said I don't have time for my kids. All I said was we go to work and class everyday and we drop them off at the nanny's, something most working family couples do. I stay at home most weekends and take them out. Fridays my wife and I don't work and we spend time with them at home.

We are still sayin the samething. There must be challenges when you give ur responsibility to another person. You and your wife should sit down and think of the way forward. She can change work that will give her more time so u can train your kids the way you want them and watch them grow the way u wish

Na wa o

U av heard/seen/observed the problem

U av also identified the source beyond reasonable doubt

Wat oda advice dyu need?

Oga,do d needful

Stanleywaxy:
Very well you noticed that when she's still small . First and foremost ... Desist from going to that nanny's place first of all . And try spend much time with them also . Make sure she gets busy with something that she won't get tired of doing ... for instance my little cousin won't stop running around the house till there's a Tom & Jerry viewing on the screens of the television set . He rarely eats when he's watching . That's 1.
Then too , try find another Nanny who can stay @ your own home , which will also give you the right to dish out orders to whom ever the nanny is .
Most of our Nigerian movies aren't good @ all , that's something you should bear in mind .
She's still a child and things can still be done to change the situation of things now .
I wish you luck in whatever you chose to do .
My best wishes to your fam .
Have a nice day .

Thanks for the advice.

First of all, my little girl is a bit of a busy-bee. She kinda gets engrossed with so many things, sometimes she confuses herself. That's why I always have the programs on for her and i bought so many coloring books and educational toys, a writing board, the works. But these things she can't take with her to the nanny's place and knowing her, she get's bored of something easily and focuses her attention to the next available thing.

Finding another nanny to stay in the house is another issue. I really don't know of anyone who we won't pay less than $1000 a month to live-in, and that is extra money we cannot afford. I've talked to my wife maybe we could bring someone in from Nigeria, probably one of her elderly people in her family, but that doesn't seem to be working out.

I can't really control what they watch during the day because I'm not there. Sometimes i turn on the TV to a kiddies program in the morning and when i get back, it's either a nigerian movie on or something else. I've told them there several times but it doesn't seem to work.

I guess the best thing is to find another place, but my fear is if it won't be the same over there. The other place we tried out, after two days my little boy fell so sick that when my dad came around, he started accusing us of neglecting the boy and malnourishing him, something that really offended my wife.

metalgear:


Something to point out for you to understand - I never said I don't have time for my kids. All I said was we go to work and class everyday and we drop them off at the nanny's, something most working family couples do. I stay at home most weekends and take them out. Fridays my wife and I don't work and we spend time with them at home.

He's kinda right, not enough time for your kids. You and your wife have to sit down and really think about what's best for your family. It may be that you or your wife may have to postpone some things in your career. It may be that you have to send that child back to grandma (you won't be the first and most of them turn out okay). But you cannot keep sending your child to someone's grandma whose beliefs and ideas about childcare are different than yours. So start shopping around for a new Nanny or playschool (3 is old enough) and both of you sit down as as a family and see if you can get flexible with your classes and work (rather than take Fridays off together, one person takes Friday's and another gets another day, that's 2 days during the week at home with your child). There are people who have been in your situation and kept quiet and the child turned out okay. There are people who kept quiet and are regretting. It's a chance you have to take and a choice you have to make. And childcare is the same everywhere, you have to shop till you find something you like. G'night .

For anyone coming home to fiddle with the tv, set up Parental control and password it. I'm going to do the same (because I left my baby at an aunt's place and when I got there, the maid and baby were watching Africa Magic. And I have seen lots of children attending million-naira nursery and primary school and sounding like the maids. Because that is whom they stay with the most and the maids switch on Africa Magic once the parent leaves home, no matter the numerous complaints from their employers). We watch Cbeebies until baby E is asleep and Daddy is the only one not in "Formation" but I will whip him into shape soon.

Yes, I referenced a Beyonce song

Sometimes we need to sacrifice to ensure we don't wallow in regret later in life.
I don't think its wise that you both are busy at this formative years of your children. Somethings gotta give. Sit down and think it through. Moving to a different nanny might also be a wrong decision. I think you need to decide who will take a less stressful job and also think of deferring your course

I will Never jeopardise my childrens safety and well being. Think!!

Globalization and entertainment pioneered by social media is the major culprit for the breakdown in our value system.

metalgear:


Thanks for the advice.

First of all, my little girl is a bit of a busy-bee. She kinda gets engrossed with so many things, sometimes she confuses herself. That's why I always have the programs on for her and i bought so many coloring books and educational toys, a writing board, the works. But these things she can't take with her to the nanny's place and knowing her, she get's bored of something easily and focuses her attention to the next available thing.

Finding another nanny to stay in the house is another issue. I really don't know of anyone who we won't pay less than $1000 a month to live-in, and that is extra money we cannot afford. I've talked to my wife maybe we could bring someone in from Nigeria, probably one of her elderly people in her family, but that doesn't seem to be working out.

I can't really control what they watch during the day because I'm not there. Sometimes i turn on the TV to a kiddies program in the morning and when i get back, it's either a nigerian movie on or something else. I've told them there several times but it doesn't seem to work.

I guess the best thing is to find another place, but my fear is if it won't be the same over there. The other place we tried out, after two days my little boy fell so sick that when my dad came around, he started accusing us of neglecting the boy and malnourishing him, something that really offended my wife.

This won't be easy but I assure you , that you'll surely get out of it all . Don't let those books , toys , colouring instruments whatever out of her sight , else she'll makes use of the next available option which is the main issue .
Finding a nanny these days can be hard too , my aunt's been searching for one since she delivered last year but we Still haven't found any ... Just take sometime and have a close discussion on this issue with your wife ... Don't leave the discussion without reaching to a certain conclusion ...make sure you talk things out smoothly ... This is a kid that will take care of you when age is no longer on your side .

Remember , that a Dad is always the daughter's first love ...
Cheers

Stories like this makes one get scared. God help the those of us who wants to be a working mom.successful career and Good parenting seem to be two parallel lines

Akkord4gov:


We are still sayin the samething. There must be challenges when you give ur responsibility to another person. You and your wife should sit down and think of the way forward. She can change work that will give her more time so u can train your kids the way you want them and watch them grow the way u wish

that's how easy it is to change work?
Because you have all the jobs lined up out there for you to pick the one you want.

The live in care giver thing can save you loads of funds.try to concentrate more on that.
Another way around this is to bring your parents(mums)
In by alternating their visits every six months.(I.e they spend six months each).
It works a lot.


For your little kid, get her a Samsung tab, download educational apps on it .You can download Yk(YouTube for kids). It's strictly cartoons that are educative. Pls put parental control.

You can also download and register her for IXL if she's kindergarteen age. You get a weekly report on ur kids progress. That way you know if they actually practised or not.
I used preschool prep for my daughter when she was a preschooler. It's very engaging and educating. I switched to IXL for JK &SK.

Alternate their viewings between this apps.
I hope you find a solution around this.

It's important that you note that it would be difficult for you to control the tv viewing in someone else's house.

Maybe really look into bringing someone from Nigeria. Why is that not working out?
I think it's the most practical for now. Expense wise and all.

Or take them to a formal day care not someone else's house where you can't lay down the rules.

You guys could try to work less hours if your jobs are flexible or take fewer classes at a time to give you more hrs during the week.

Jisike. Life is not easy.

[quote author=captainhoo post=45013757]Stories like this makes one get scared. God help the those of us who wants to be a working mom.successful career and Good parenting seem to be two parallel lines [/quote

It's ok dear. You don't av to be scared. There are ways around these things.
You could get a 9 to 5.30pm job.
Your parents can help out. ( mum,auntys) We all need the support system.
If you can afford a live in Nanny, why not?
My mums help out. So there would always be a way out for u.

I learnt this from my boss. We both worked in a bank where we resume 7am and close not earlier than 8pm.
I noticed she got one of her aunts to stay with her in her home. This aunt had a store where she sells food stuffs and the likes and her last child was in university. But she told her to close the shop.
So every month she gives her aunt abt 100 thousand naira for upkeep and was giving the son upkeep funds also. Meanwhile they lived in my boss's house and were well fed.
This was a means to an end for my boss. But she had a trustworthy adult that was taking very good care of her child while she was away.
So we can always devise a mutual benefitting relationship. We all need a good and trustworthy support system.

Akkord4gov:
When you don't have time for your children,pls don't marry. I repeat don't marry or if u marry,dont born . Cos at the end ur children may disgrace u

I wish to marry a teacher. I have my reasons

there you go, I am a teacher by profession.

Please just take those kids to nursery. Also go with onegais suggestion of each taking alternative days off work to reduce the cost of childcare. Also it is a very very very very bad idea to leave your children with someone else for such a long period of time every day 8am -9 or 10pm is just way too long.

These are their formative years. You really need to b more present to have more of an influence on how they turn out. I suggest one of you defer your course until they start school . Please do not leave them to the care of someone who is not trained.

A lot of people have given constructive advice.

I am guessing you are in the States or Canada but even here in the UK childcare for Children under 5 is one of the biggest( if not the biggest self) issue that faces working parents. I can feel you both BUT one thing is clear and that is sacrifices and compromises must be made. Its either you pay through your nose for a registered trained child care provider(very painful I know the feeling when the DD used to leave my account every month but na who send me born pikin ) One day I calculated how much we have paid for child care so far and that finally sealed my decision on no more children cos I cant imagine doing it all again. Me sef wan build mansion for naija But sadly as you are replacing childcare, extra curricular takes over

One or both of you ( again I don't know how it works states or Canada) could ask for flexible working so that even if they will still be with a child care provider it will be for less hours and thereby cheaper. Problem is this might mean a pay cut. I would always prefer a registered child care provider and I had people telling me I was wasting money when I could pay someone £10 a day but our priorities in life are different I guess. Those 'nannies or child minders' save money but are they really worth it in the long run

How are we even sure the person from Nigeria who is also not a trained childcare person might not go down the Nollywood route when you are not home as well? Childcare from a certain age is more than just finding someone that stay with the child. I think your daughter needs to start getting stimulated and don't underestimate the amount of learning children need to get from play. So play at this stage needs to be intentional so they are learning.

Staying and looking after lil children can be mentally exhausting and when are you not trained or being paid well to do it believe me the easiest thing to shut them up is what you will go for. And one way to do that that is plonking them in front of TV all day long. These ones are not even viewing child appropriate programs so its even worse.Even with my own child it took a conscious effort to take my son out to play centres,parks,museums etc cos some days all you just want them to do is sleep.Or put them in front of an Ipad or TV and get stuff done.

A 3 year old is different from an infant who just sleeps and eats. That child needs to interact,play and engage in mentally stimulating activities. The stimulus she is receiving at the moment is what she is playing out.

Akkord4gov:
When you don't have time for your children,pls don't marry. I repeat don't marry or if u marry,dont born . Cos at the end ur children may disgrace u

I wish to marry a teacher. I have my reasons

I've an aunt who is a teacher with one private school here in Lagos, she wakes up at 4:00am, leaves home for work at 6:30am and nd come back 6:50pm everyday!!!

Teaching work ain't as flexible anymore..

tameera:





I've an aunt who is a teacher with one private school here in Lagos, she wakes up at 4:00am, leaves home for work at 6:30am and nd come back 6:50pm everyday!!!

Teaching work ain't as flexible anymore..

If there is one advise I hate on NL its the 'go and look for teaching Job' for women so they can look after children.

No wonder our educational system is nose diving.
Teaching is a vocation and time consuming if you are good at it.
I don't get why people think being a teacher is a walk in the park. I have a friend who is a teacher and I get home before her most evenings.

Every afternoon when I go to pick up my daughter from after school club you still find the school car park filled with teachers' cars most of them lesson prepping for the next day. They even have to take home assessments and other work sometimes to be done later in the evening when most people are relaxing. Depending on what year they teach some of them have to even in come early and during holidays to do extra coaching with their students/pupils.

Except you are not a good teacher being a teacher is not the 'easy option' that people tend to make it as on NL. The only incentive that I can take think off that they have is they are off during the school holidays. Which in the UK is not even that great because for those that don't have children it means they have to pay more for vacations as school holiday period is when vacations cost the most. They cant even take time off in term time.Or maybe that they have first hand knowledge of the curriculum and as such would be better suited to teaching and helping their children with homework.

damiso:
A lot of people have given constructive advice.

I am guessing you are in the States or Canada but even here in the UK childcare for Children under 5 is one of the biggest( if not the biggest self) issue that faces working parents. I can feel you both BUT one thing is clear and that is sacrifices and compromises must be made. Its either you pay through your nose for a registered trained child care provider(very painful I know the feeling when the DD used to leave my account every month but na who send me born pikin ) One day I calculated how much we have paid for child care so far and that finally sealed my decision on no more children cos I cant imagine doing it all again. Me sef wan build mansion for naija But sadly as you are replacing childcare, extra curricular takes over

One or both of you ( again I don't know how it works states or Canada) could ask for flexible working so that even if they will still be with a child care provider it will be for less hours and thereby cheaper. Problem is this might mean a pay cut. I would always prefer a registered child care provider and I had people telling me I was wasting money when I could pay someone £10 a day but our priorities in life are different I guess. Those 'nannies or child minders' save money but are they really worth it in the long run

How are we even sure the person from Nigeria who is also not a trained childcare person might not go down the Nollywood route when you are not home as well? Childcare from a certain age is more than just finding someone that stay with the child. I think your daughter needs to start getting stimulated and don't underestimate the amount of learning children need to get from play. So play at this stage needs to be intentional so they are learning.

Staying and looking after lil children can be mentally exhausting and when are you not trained or being paid well to do it believe me the easiest thing to shut them up is what you will go for. And one way to do that that is plonking them in front of TV all day long. These ones are not even viewing child appropriate programs so its even worse.Even with my own child it took a conscious effort to take my son out to play centres,parks,museums etc cos some days all you just want them to do is sleep.Or put them in front of an Ipad or TV and get stuff done.

A 3 year old is different from an infant who just sleeps and eats. That child needs to interact,play and engage in mentally stimulating activities. The stimulus she is receiving at the moment is what she is playing out.

Damiso you so spot on mehn. I can use an untrained child minder for a few hours for a break but not day in day out for 12 hours a day .

Even the cheapest registered child minder around me is £5 /hr. Imagine £5×2 kids×40hrs. When I am not dangote . Just had to stay home mehn.

fem29:


Damiso you so spot on mehn. I can use an untrained child minder for a few hours for a break but not day in day out for 12 hours a day .

Even the cheapest registered child minder around me is £5 /hr. Imagine £5×2 kids×40hrs. When I am not dangote . Just had to stay home mehn.

Its not easy sis I tell ya. That was one of the reasons why I was home for a while till my eldest got into full time school. Cos we would have been paying about £2,000 a month on childcare for 2 children under 5. I just could not pay that amount of money while schooling/working and still be stressed as well. My mum is my children's only grand parent but she has her own life/business in Nigeria so getting her to stay indefinitely was not possible. If she lived here or I lived in Naija might have been different but I have friends whose parents live here and its still the same. I think our own parents are not like our grandparents( my grandmother did like 50% of the work while we were growing up in short my mum had sooo much help) and most likely we too wont leave our lives to permanently stay and help our kids raise their kids.

One of my mums friends even did Omugwo from hotel

Now on some days I am stressed but at least I am not forking out £2,000 on top my stress

I can feel the OP and his wife but like I said they have to think long and hard about what their priorities are in the long and short term.

And I hear you all saying its nollywood.

Your daughter is being introduced to sex here and you are still discussing your work schedule.

Do you even know who is fiddling with who in that nanny's house from 9am to 9pm?

Are you going to wait till she's da sexually abused before you take action. Una still dey trade blame.

They are your children yet you are treating their quality of care with such .....

You are just shipping them to whoever is available whilst you pursue your lives.

You need to reset your priorities

I was raised in a home where my parents don't watch non-christian movies. Back in the days, there is hardly any Mount Zion movie you won't find in our home. Everything I learnt via those movies shaped my value system and beliefs.

Whatever you give your child at a tender age, grows and stay with him/her. Today, globalization has made me associate with other beliefs and value systems (there is hardly any secular artists or Nigerian celeb I don't know), but it doesn't change my value system (which I learned at the earlier stage).

This is the period to shape your child sir. Shape her into what you want for your child or watch her adopt strange values from complete strangers.

If you need to disconnect your cable and African magic, please do it. I was raised with a black/white TV, and video cassettes that promote sanity and sanctity, and I didn't die.

The world/technology is ever changing but good morals never change. Exposing these teens to ero.tic and secular displays won't make them "exposed" in the right direction; all these stunts will fade away before your child reach 15. So don't get carried away, and don't get too comfortable with a dynamic technology. Whatever will promote your children's morals should be priority. Do not expose them to Tonto Dike and Wizkid, these artistes would soon fade away, whilst leaving behind erot.ic & bad mor.als that never fade.

@poster I dont mean to scare you but I want you to know the truth
I belong to a whatsapp group of about 200 women
The other day we were discussing sexual abuse and I was shocked at the number of women who confessed to being abused sexually as kids
But what really surprised me was the closeness these abusers had to these women/family as children. They were people who were very close and trusted to the family. Lesson teachers, tenants, uncles, even church brothers who lived in the same compund etc

No one can be trusted and this is why I don't allow my kids to go on sleepovers because you never know who else has access to the house where your children are.

Your daughter is showing signs of being exposed to sexual behaviour
You are 100 percent sure that its not from home, so please what are you waiting for?

I know its hard.
Many of us have been there
Many of us have had to make difficult decisions
You are not alone.
My career never totally recovered from my part time hours but I will make the same choices over again.
Today sef im home looking after an unwell kid
These are the sacrifices that we make as parents
The kids you are working hard for will not thank you in the future if they grow up damaged

Once kids are in the picture, priorities have to change
Either you take it in turns to grow your career or one of you take a break altogether until your kids are old enough to go into full time education or at the very least please put them into the hands of a trained professional/nursery.

damiso:


Its not easy sis I tell ya. That was one of the reasons why I was home for a while till my eldest got into full time school. Cos we would have been paying about £2,000 a month on childcare for 2 children under 5. I just could not pay that amount of money while schooling/working and still be stressed as well. My mum is my children's only grand parent but she has her own life/business in Nigeria so getting her to stay indefinitely was not possible. If she lived here or I lived in Naija might have been different but I have friends whose parents live here and its still the same. I think our own parents are not like our grandparents( my grandmother did like 50% of the work while we were growing up in short my mum had sooo much help) and most likely we too wont leave our lives to permanently stay and help our kids raise their kids.

One of my mums friends even did Omugwo from hotel

Now on some days I am stressed but at least I am not forking out £2,000 on top my stress

I can feel the OP and his wife but like I said they have to think long and hard about what their priorities are in the long and short term.

The in thing now is aupairs and live in mama's
and I have heard heaps of horror stories about these too
I am not sure one can trust anyone these days
The things I have heard are not encouraging at all
I really feel for people with young kids

salsera:


And I hear you all saying its nollywood.

Your daughter is being introduced to sex here and you are still discussing your work schedule.

Do you even know who is fiddling with who in that nanny's house from 9am to 9pm?

Are you going to wait till she's da sexually abused before you take action. Una still dey trade blame.

They are your children yet you are treating their quality of care with such .....

You are just shipping them to whoever is available whilst you pursue your lives.

You need to reset your priorities

From this your response I deduce two things -

1. You are just fresh out of or still in school and you have no idea how it is to work to take care of a family.
2. You have no kids.

Life in the USA is not the same as life in Nigeria. You can't decide to just leave work or not show up just like we sometimes do at home. Most people here work by the hour and have bills to pay. The amount of rent we pay here a month, if we convert it to naira, it's enough to pay for a medium sized two-bedroom apartment back home for six months. And that doesn't include electricity, water, and gas. One source of income is usually not enough to take care of a family here, except you are working a high-paying job, and even at that a large chunk goes to taxes.

Kids do not care whether there's no diapers to wear or no food to eat at home. There's is to open there mouths and yell until there hunger is satisfied or their soiled clothes are changed. I cannot starve my kids and I have to work to take care of them. My wife and I try so hard to balance work, school and raising the kids. It's just unfortunate that some of our classes fall on the same day. We try as much as possible to minimize the time they stay at the nanny's as much as possible so that we have more time with them, but there are times we can't help it. So please don't lecture me on my priorities or the quality of care I give my kids. My number one priority is my family and we sometimes have to make difficult sacrifices for the best for them.

metalgear:


From this your response I deduce two things -

1. You are just fresh out of or still in school and you have no idea how it is to work to take care of a family.
2. You have no kids.

Life in the USA is not the same as life in Nigeria. You can't decide to just leave work or not show up just like we sometimes do at home. Most people here work by the hour and have bills to pay. The amount of rent we pay here a month, if we convert it to naira, it's enough to pay for a medium sized two-bedroom apartment back home for six months. And that doesn't include electricity, water, and gas. One source of income is usually not enough to take care of a family here, except you are working a high-paying job, and even at that a large chunk goes to taxes.

Kids do not care whether there's no diapers to wear or no food to eat at home. There's is to open there mouths and yell until there hunger is satisfied or their soiled clothes are changed. I cannot starve my kids and I have to work to take care of them. My wife and I try so hard to balance work, school and raising the kids. It's just unfortunate that some of our classes fall on the same day. We try as much as possible to minimize the time they stay at the nanny's as much as possible so that we have more time with them, but there are times we can't help it. So please don't lecture me on my priorities or the quality of care I give my kids. My number one priority is my family and we sometimes have to make difficult sacrifices for the best for them.

can one of you defer your course until the other person is done?
That way you have more hours with the kids
9 to 9 is a very long day even for the kids to be away from their home.
Can either of the grandparents come over?

tearoses:


can one of you defer your course until the other person is done?
That way you have more hours with the kids
9 to 9 is a very long day even for the kids to be away from their home.
Can either of the grandparents come over?

Sadly, the grandparents thing can't really work. My mother-in-law passed away in the Dana crash a month after our wedding. As for my mum...let me just say she has three other grand kids and my dad, so she can't be everywhere at the same time.

As for the deferral of school, she has about two more semesters till she finishes her program. I, being in a doctorate program, still have about 3 years. So I really don't want her to stop when she's close to the end. If anyone was to stop for now it would be me, but still we may be in the same pot cos I will still have to go to work during the day.

We've talked about bringing one of her elderly folks from home, but we've not come to a definite conclusion who it could be. I think that will have to be the last option.