I had a dream last night and feel I should share.

I was seated in the living with my Uncle and my phone rang. I asked to excuse myself so I could take the call but he refuted. Taking my phone from me, he dismantled it and threw it outside in the rain. Afterwards, he proceeded to slapping and beating me. I tried to free myself from his grip but he just kept punching me. A few seconds after he freed me, another Uncle of mine turned me into a punching bag. He chased me in the rain and we were running from one end of the street to the other.

To say the least, I was broken when everything was over. I taught of a way to make them pay for all what they had done and since I could not fight them back, my best bet was suicide. Yes. The last memory they would have of me was putting me through so much pain and I believed that would really break them. I can’t remember how I committed the suicide but I immediately felt a sudden weightlessness. Something felt wrong and there was no way of getting a hold of what was happening.

On a busy road, I saw people walking around me. They went about their activities without saying a word to me or throwing a glance. I walked inside what happened to be a room in my house and met a girl there. She saw as I entered but said nothing and that made me even more curious to ask, “What is happening?”

She stared at me for a while as if seeing through me and replied, “You’re dead.”
I was shocked but that help me to come to terms with my surroundings.

The next few minutes were of great guilt. All of a sudden I began to feel heavy sadness and pain. I had thought killing myself would send me into a state of oblivion; non-existence. Here I was, aware of everything happening around me yet I couldn’t partake.

Curiously I asked her “how is it possible you can see me?”

“I am dead but I have moved to a higher plane.”

Her words were tormenting and I wondered how it is that she was so comfortable while all I could think of was the heavy sadness that seemed to suppress me by the second.

Instantly, I began to recall bits and pieces of what had happened that day. I had gone out with a few friends earlier and I started to think of the shock they would go through when they realised a friend they saw that morning had committed suicide. They would cry, get scared and possibly blame themselves, thinking they surely would have been a way for them to notice something was wrong and stop it.
I also recalled my phone had been ringing constantly and it was a call from my boyfriend. I taught he still had to be calling and he would think I refused to take his calls.

“Please, you have to tell my boyfriend that I’m dead. I killed myself in a lonely place and it might take a while before anybody gets to find where I am” I told the girl before me.

She opened the door and shortly a boy stepped in. It was the 15-yr old boy I usually sent on errands. In the dream, he represented my boyfriend. I could hear what she was saying to him in the beginning but soon lost understanding. His eyes went red and I started to feel all the sadness he felt. I wanted to die again and not be able to feel any of it. His thoughts were like an open book that I could read and in his heart, he was wondering why I took my life knowing I was loved by so many people.

“I have other important things to do.”

He walked out of the room. Just like that. I was beside him the whole time yet he didn’t see me. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for not considering the people who had loved and sacrificed for me. I could give anything just to be with him again. I wanted to be in a state of nothingness and not have to feel the overwhelming regret.
My family had to be told and since the closest person to me was my grandmother, I couldn’t imagine the anguish she would feel knowing I took my own life. My course mates would have to be informed and they would recall how much of a jovial person I was. My neighbours would be told and my belongings would have to be evacuated from my apartment. There were people whose lives I could have positively affected and at that moment of doing the unthinkable, I made them unable to experience it.
All this and more made me feel angered. I started to walk. I was walking to nowhere in particular; I just walked here and there. I wondered if this was the hell I had imagined, the emotional guilt seemed to surpass my knowledge of that fiery place. It felt like I was dying again and again and each time I taught that I put myself in this state of total hopelessness, I felt I was going insane.

Determined to not have to spend eternity that way, I went back to this girl I had met.
“Is this how I am going to end up?” I asked her.

“You have put a lot of people in pain and you must suffer. You will feel all their sadness and despair.”

“No!” I yelled, “I cannot end up like this. I want to leave this place; I want to stop feeling like this. This is too much for me to bear.”

She looked at me as if surprised yet aware of my intention, “you are dead. You intentionally terminated your life and you have to face the consequences.”
“Maybe my life isn’t over” I said, unsatisfied with her response “I can’t end up this way. Please pray with me, God could help me to come back to life.”

She said nothing in response rather than keep a fixed gaze on me. I could tell what she was thinking however; she seemed to imply there was no God and as such I was fooling myself. I had to try however, if for anything to restore my sanity.

“God, this is not how I want to spend eternity, please give me another chance.”
My dream ended and I trembled in fear.

I never take dreams seriously, except those that shows a breakthrough in problems I wish to solve. I take them to be what they scientifically are.

I hope this is not a dream, like the one we sleep and dream. You just imagined it, yea?

is this really a dream or what? p.s. you wan tremble in joy before?

This seems to be more than a dream, I'm happy you're still leaving. A dream at times has many undertones.