My heart is so heavy and my search for a solution brought me here. Okay. For sometimes,i've been a little down emotionally because of some issues. Hubby asked me what the major problem is and I told him I want to pursue my career dream as I feel I let go of my goals in the process of working on my marriage. The issue now is hubby said no problem that I should pursue my career and he would sort himself out and that if I mentioned this earlier, we would have not been married. Pls, married people in the house, what does this mean? Matured minds only please

What kinda of career do you want to pursue exactly? ? Be more explicit

Also, does it mean your husband wants you to be a housewife for life or what? What suggestions did he make?

Maybe he doesnt wish to marry a career woman....

I beg hold tight your marriage before you can back with another touching story.

What stops you from pursuing your career while still married?It depends on what you want to do however because marriage will require you go about it in a way different from if you are still single.

Your husband's concern has to do with how much you pursuing your career will affect the family.

I know its not easy but i suggest you both should come to a consensus on how you both will build the family.Sometimes one of you will have to make the sacrifice of raising the children for a while before pursuing career.I suggest the love for keeping your home will have to compell you to make sacrifices for the sake of the home.Women make the home,men are figure heads blessed by God to love their wives and women are supposed to be submissive to their husbands.

What type of career are you talking about and how does it affect your family? I always advocate that you hold unto the one that is worth it for you .

Thanks @all
I've been at home for a while now and hubby is more comfortable with it. He says what do I need a job for as he can conveniently take care of our bills,which is true but there is an inner longing to do something that I have. After spending all the years I spent in school, I don't want to ever be a full housewife and I'm scared that if I have to wait till when the children grow, I might be really outdated by then and no company would hire an outdated married woman.

nawa o

itsy:
Thanks @all
I've been at home for a while now and hubby is more comfortable with it. He says what do I need a job for as he can conveniently take care of our bills,which is true but there is an inner longing to do something that I have. After spending all the years I spent in school, I don't want to ever be a full housewife and I'm scared that if I have to wait till when the children grow, I might be really outdated by then and no company would hire an outdated married woman.

Hmmmm, this one is strong oo.. so we still have men who want FULL housewives

Nne, you both have to reach a compromise, can never advise you stay at home PERMANENTLY.. . NEVER!
You can convince him that what you'll do wouldn't be detrimental to the family; you can find something flexible to do.. Promise him that, if the career comes in the way of your family, you're willing to stop...
Just find a way to convince him... you really need to be adding value to yourself no matter how little. ..

But seriously, this is something you both would have discussed before marriage. .. Nothing like marrying someone you've same values with. ..

All the best..

It's so clear.
Pursue Your Career ND His Gonna Go After Dem Babes..... That's wah he meant.
So d Choice is yours to make.

Sister, there are always compromise in relationships but We still need alot of info to solve the puzzle.

What's your career goal? Masters? Corporate job Owing a business

Where do you intend to pursue them Location of the intended business, school or job

What does your hubby do for a living Where does he stay Is he financially bouyant

I believe no one outside your home cancan tell you what to do.
I don't know what people discuss during courtship. It is not about snapping pre-wedding pictures or going to silverbird galleria. This is one of the issues to effectively iron out.

Now, what you need is for both of you to arrive at a compromise. Let him understand it is not about money but fulfillment. You need to let him know the type of job you intend doing and how it will never impact on the family negatively.

As crude as it sounds, at this stage, you need his agreement before you go ahead with anything. It's either you convince him and win him to you or you forget the marriage. You are a female, employ the God given wisdom and skills women have to win their husband.

I pray you get a positive resolution to the benefits of your family.

Talk to your husband and make him see reasons,
Try and know what exactly are his fears for insisting you stay at home and address them.

I don't see why he would want an adult to just sit at home doing nothing.
Idleness is not good for anybody, he should know that.

itsy:
My heart is so heavy and my search for a solution brought me here. Okay. For sometimes,i've been a little down emotionally because of some issues. Hubby asked me what the major problem is and I told him I want to pursue my career dream as I feel I let go of my goals in the process of working on my marriage. The issue now is hubby said no problem that I should pursue my career and he would sort himself out and that if I mentioned this earlier, we would have not been married. Pls, married people in the house, what does this mean? Matured minds only please

this is something you shoud have sorted out during courtship.never entertain the thought of a divorce just to pursue your career(word).i have discovered that if not for the economic situation of the country,about seventy percent of nigerian men will not want a career woman.my point is,your husband has fears that he isnt teling and you must find out his fears in other to concince him to alloow you work.please take note,men dont really enjoy exposing their fears to women.so you must understand how to push his mumu botton.the moment you push this botton,then he will comfortably tell yyou abt his fears...only

itsy:
My heart is so heavy and my search for a solution brought me here. Okay. For sometimes,i've been a little down emotionally because of some issues. Hubby asked me what the major problem is and I told him I want to pursue my career dream as I feel I let go of my goals in the process of working on my marriage. The issue now is hubby said no problem that I should pursue my career and he would sort himself out and that if I mentioned this earlier, we would have not been married. Pls, married people in the house, what does this mean? Matured minds only please

Befor I open my mouth, did u guys talk about being a housewife and pursuing ur career during ur courtship?

LordDecency:
It's so clear.
Pursue Your Career ND His Gonna Go After Dem Babes..... That's wah he meant.
So d Choice is yours to make.

Dem babes ....are no longer a threat nowadays.

Start puncturing holes in his pocket till he begs you to dust your CV.
Quadruple every financial request you make to him.
Get that guy broke while you save the proceeds so that he will understand why you have to work.
Provoke your neighbours to insult and cajole you in his presence for being a redundant out of fashion housewife who knows only how to spend frivolously.
Get you sisters in laws and mumsy in law angry enough to blast you in your husband presence for being unproductive.
Make it real.
Boast to your friends how generous your husband is and do not hesitate to help them without them asking.
Cooking with ice fish should be a taboo...chicken..life chicken and turkey not frozen.
Am I clear here
Let's proceed
Show disinterest in anything called a career , further study or job, it is all about the latest designer cloths, kiddies toys, children shoes and all whatnot.
My wife does not own any pair of Jimmy Choo or the other red bottom shoes wetin be the name sef.... loubotin or whatever....buy them with his ATM cards.

This is plan A , plan B is loading

itsy:
Thanks @all
I've been at home for a while now and hubby is more comfortable with it. He says what do I need a job for as he can conveniently take care of our bills,which is true but there is an inner longing to do something that I have. After spending all the years I spent in school, I don't want to ever be a full housewife and I'm scared that if I have to wait till when the children grow, I might be really outdated by then and no company would hire an outdated married woman.

SirVintageCock:
Start puncturing holes in his pocket till he begs you to dust your CV.
Quadruple every financial request you make to him.
Get that guy broke while you save the proceeds so that he will understand why you have to work.
Provoke your neighbours to insult and cajole you in his presence for being a redundant out of fashion housewife who knows only how to spend frivolously.
Get you sisters in laws and mumsy in law angry enough to blast you in your husband presence for being unproductive.
Make it real.
Boast to your friends how generous your husband is and do no hesitate to help them without the asking.
Cooking with ice fish should be a taboo...chicken..life chicken and turkey not frozen.
Am I clear here
Let's proceed
Show disinterest in anything called a career , further study or job, it is all about the latest designer clots, kiddies toys, children shoes and all whatnot.
My wife do not own any pair of Jimmy Choo or the other red bottom shoes wetin be the name sef loubotin or whatever..buy it with his ATM cards.

This is plan A , plan B is loading

Aaahhhhhh!!!!

Alakoba somborri. You really want her to ruin the poor guy..

SirVintageCock:
Start puncturing holes in his pocket till he begs you to dust your CV.
Quadruple every financial request you make to him.
Get that guy broke while you save the proceeds so that he will understand why you have to work.
Provoke your neighbours to insult and cajole you in his presence for being a redundant out of fashion housewife who knows only how to spend frivolously.
Get you sisters in laws and mumsy in law angry enough to blast you in your husband presence for being unproductive.
Make it real.
Boast to your friends how generous your husband is and do no hesitate to help them without the asking.
Cooking with ice fish should be a taboo...chicken..life chicken and turkey not frozen.
Am I clear here
Let's proceed
Show disinterest in anything called a career , further study or job, it is all about the latest designer clots, kiddies toys, children shoes and all whatnot.
My wife do not own any pair of Jimmy Choo or the other red bottom shoes wetin be the name sef loubotin or whatever..buy it with his ATM cards.

This is plan A , plan B is loading

You are smart
I like you
What's your name?

SirVintageCock:
Dem babes ....are no longer a threat nowadays.

Naht in Nigeria tho.

Nawao so na everything be issue for marriage? Smh

itsy:
Thanks @all
I've been at home for a while now and hubby is more comfortable with it. He says what do I need a job for as he can conveniently take care of our bills,which is true but there is an inner longing to do something that I have. After spending all the years I spent in school, I don't want to ever be a full housewife and I'm scared that if I have to wait till when the children grow, I might be really outdated by then and no company would hire an outdated married woman.

You can still be outdated in your industry even if you have a job if you do not consciously equip yourself with current trends in that industry and going for trainings/short courses.

In the same vein, you can become a hot cake in your chosen career path, while being a stay at home mum temporarily, by reading up and taking professional courses within your sector.

In fact, once you're ready to hit the corporate world again, you'd be highly respected for staying relevant even when you took time off to handle a very tedious task as motherhood.

Pidggin:
Nawao so na everything be issue for marriage? Smh

]I tell you my sister. She should just divorce the man. That man doesn't deserve her one bit.

@itsy:

How far?

thanks to everyone that commented on this. Everything is settled now. I talked with hubby to find out what his fears are and I got to know that hubby is scared of a boss manipulating or 'seducing' his babe,lol. I assured him that whenever an issue like that arises, I will let him know and will remain faithful no matter the temptation and if it gets too much, I would resign. Yeah!am going after my dream with hubby's full support, thanks once again. nairaland is indeed,a family

itsy:
thanks to everyone that commented on this. Everything is settled now. I talked with hubby to find out what his fears are and I got to know that hubby is scared of a boss manipulating or 'seducing' his babe,lol. I assured him that whenever an issue like that arises, I will let him know and will remain faithful no matter the temptation and if it gets too much, I would resign. Yeah!am going after my dream with hubby's full support, thanks once again. nairaland is indeed,a family

I knew that is what his fears will be,most times communication is the key in every home

itsy:
thanks to everyone that commented on this. Everything is settled now. I talked with hubby to find out what his fears are and I got to know that hubby is scared of a boss manipulating or 'seducing' his babe,lol. I assured him that whenever an issue like that arises, I will let him know and will remain faithful no matter the temptation and if it gets too much, I would resign. Yeah!am going after my dream with hubby's full support, thanks once again. nairaland is indeed,a family

Congratulations dear

itsy:
thanks to everyone that commented on this. Everything is settled now. I talked with hubby to find out what his fears are and I got to know that hubby is scared of a boss manipulating or 'seducing' his babe,lol. I assured him that whenever an issue like that arises, I will let him know and will remain faithful no matter the temptation and if it gets too much, I would resign. Yeah!am going after my dream with hubby's full support, thanks once again. nairaland is indeed,a family

Good one.

Go girl!

itsy:
thanks to everyone that commented on this. Everything is settled now. I talked with hubby to find out what his fears are and I got to know that hubby is scared of a boss manipulating or 'seducing' his babe,lol. I assured him that whenever an issue like that arises, I will let him know and will remain faithful no matter the temptation and if it gets too much, I would resign. Yeah!am going after my dream with hubby's full support, thanks once again. nairaland is indeed,a family

Kindly overlook my advice above I beg you.
Congrats.

itsy:
Thanks @all
I've been at home for a while now and hubby is more comfortable with it. He says what do I need a job for as he can conveniently take care of our bills,which is true but there is an inner longing to do something that I have. After spending all the years I spent in school, I don't want to ever be a full housewife and I'm scared that if I have to wait till when the children grow, I might be really outdated by then and no company would hire an outdated married woman.

How can your husband still be thinking the way he does in this modern day where nothing is uncertain? What if something happens and you need finances of your own to fend for yourself? My dear, marriage is great but the benefits of a good career and having your own money is sweet as well! Don't be the woman who has to depend on her husband for every single thing. One day he will turn around and use it against you. Be wise, get a job close to home, get a nanny to watch your young kids or better still enroll them in a day care or Montessori and get your money girl! It's 2016, last time I checked ... The word 'housewife' is outdated