It is painful, really painful. Here I am thinking out my next line of action. My husband slaps and tries to strangle me at any little provocation. Whe he has a date, he looks for a quarrel and sleeps out.

I am tired of both physical and emotional humiliation. I have 3 kids-6/4/24mnths, I bring the food to the house for him and the kids. He works with a private firm but often come back home saying no money. I work for the government and takes care of family bills. The cars in the house are all mine and he drives any at will.

He has no value or respect for family / wife or mother. I am ashamed of complaining to my mum or the church. DON'T SAY HIS MUM OR DAD, he walks out on them and have no respect for anyone.

When you see him out, he looks calm and nice but believe me he is a wolf in sheep clothing.

I have been thinking out what to do when he returns home today. This is 6:33am he left the house since about 10:pm last night without a word to any one. I overheard his mum(she's been with us for Omugwo) asking where he was going to , he ignored her and drove off.

I am tired and thinking out my mind what to do when he returns.

I have no strong bones like him so don't advise I fight him, but I am thinking I should lock the gate and do not allow him in. Pls nairaland family help me out. What should I do?
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) 1 Share (Un-Share)

Cheund:

It is painful, really painful. Here I am thinking out my next line of action. My husband slaps and tries to strangle me at any little provocation. Whe he has a date, he looks for a quarrel and sleeps out.

I am tired of both physical and emotional humiliation. I have 3 kids-6/4/24mnths, I bring the food to the house for him and the kids. He works with a private firm but often come back home saying no money. I work for the government and takes care of family bills. The cars in the house are all mine and he drives any at will.

He has no value or respect for family / wife or mother. I am ashamed of complaining to my mum or the church. DON'T SAY HIS MUM OR DAD, he walks out on them and have no respect for anyone.

When you see him out, he looks calm and nice but believe me he is a wolf in sheep clothing.

I have been thinking out what to do when he returns home today. This is 6:33am he left the house since about 10:pm last night without a word to any one. I overheard his mum(she's been with us for Omugwo) asking where he was going to , he ignored her and drove off.

I am tired and thinking out my mind what to do when he returns.

I have no strong bones like him so don't advise I fight him, but I am thinking I should lock the gate and do not allow him in. Pls nairaland family help me out. What should I do?
(Modify) (Quote) (Report) 1 Share (Un-Share)

Try watch MR & MRS. It's a naija/ghana movie. It will help u deal with him.

Hope don't have fault of your own.

Try to have a heart to heart discussion with him,ask him what you've done wrong to deserve all he does to you.Most times,women are the cause of their problems.You might have offended him without knowing and he finds it very difficult to forgive you.Search yourself very well,the answer to your problem might be in your hands.

ds is disheartening! Just divorce him, don't let d niccur drive ur car n stil strangle u! jst divorce the lazy goat

Mxm.

nyben4eva:
Try to have a heart to heart discussion with him,ask him what you've done wrong to deserve all he does to you.Most times,women are the cause of their problems.You might have offended him without knowing and he finds it very difficult to forgive you.Search yourself very well,the answer to your problem might be in your hands.

I don't usually like commenting on issues like this but pls don't lock d gate on him because it will kick up another problem in ur home and people will blame u for locking ur hubby out. Just talk ur MIL about ur worries.

Is the house yours or his?

No respect for his own mum and dad and walks out on them, so how will he have any respect for you?
Where did you come across such a man?
This one that he is always trying to strangle you, I hope he doesn't succeed one day.

Please don't lock the gate or do anything that will put you at risk because from the look of it, his mother wont be able to stop her son from injuring you.

Go to your family and discuss with them, hopefully they will be able to support you and assist you through the next steps you need to take.
Life has no duplicate
Think of your children at least and what will happen to them if God forbid this man succeeds in strangling you one day

amtaken:
Is the house yours or his?

We're on rent I paid for it

tearoses:
No respect for his own mum and dad and walks out on them, so how will he have any respect for you?
Where did you come across such a man?
This one that he is always trying to strangle you, I hope he doesn't succeed one day.

Please don't lock the gate or do anything that will put you at risk because from the look of it, his mother wont be able to stop her son from injuring

Go to your family and discuss with them, hopefully they will be able to support you and assist you through the next steps you need to take.
Life has no duplicate
Think of your children at least and what will happen to them if God forbid this man succeeds in strangling you one day

My mum is a widow and the first time I complain to her, she worry herself to sickness. I can't afford putting her through this again

amtaken:
Mxm.

7 years In marriage, have tried several options.

Then kick his ass outta your house.


What are you waiting for?

Cheund:


We're on rent I paid for it

Pls don't forget to update us when he finally strangles you and tell the police you where cheating on him with your government boss.

You know him better than any onine folks yet you siddon there saying he strangles you.

I'm sure you haven't even made a statement yet to the police about the abuse.

Stay there. We will give you award on best wife on earth when you leave your kids behind due to your inability to make decision.


Stay there!!

All comments and views are highly appreciated. He just came back now, and his mum opened the house for him. I am speechless and with no strength to confront him after reading your comments.
His mother came in asking me to forgive him. What should I do or shouldn't do. I have been doing my best to keep my home and honestly, I am about giving up hope.
How long will this continues? I am bearing all these because of my children, my mum and younger ones and my place of work. They look up to and expect much from me. What should i do or shouldn't I do?

I am gradually getting frustrated and losing focus and inspiration from my around me. I will be 32 by late this year, with a promising career and viable business I do from the comfort of my home just to augment govt salary.

I need stability mentally and emotionally and my hubby is threatening all these by his attitude.

I am thinking about quitting the marriage but don't know if it's right at this time and I am also scared about the other phase of life.

Really sad..

Your husband behaves like one who's frustrated ... Do you think he maybe having some challenges?

nyben4eva:
Try to have a heart to heart discussion with him,ask him what you've done wrong to deserve all he does to you.Most times,women are the cause of their problems.You might have offended him without knowing and he finds it very difficult to forgive you.Search yourself very well,the answer to your problem might be in your hands.

His wife offended him and the best he could do was to cheat and abuse everyone ?? How is his attitude going to solve the problem?

What happened to communication?

Cheund:
All comments and views are highly appreciated. He just came back now, and his mum opened the house for him. I am speechless and with no strength to confront him after reading your comments.
His mother came in asking me to forgive him. What should I do or shouldn't do. I have been doing my best to keep my home and honestly, I am about giving up hope.
How long will this continues? I am bearing all these because of my children, my mum and younger ones and my place of work. They look up to and expect much from me. What should i do or shouldn't I do?

I am gradually getting frustrated and losing focus and inspiration from my around me. I will be 32 by late this year, with a promising career and viable business I do from the comfort of my home just to augment govt salary.

I need stability mentally and emotionally and my hubby is threatening all these by his attitude.

I am thinking about quitting the marriage but don't know if it's right at this time and I am also scared about the other phase of life.

One step at a time
I know your mind is in turmoil right now but you have to think straight
Stop worrying about 200 things but focus on the most important thing which is your safety
Separation does not mean divorce
Separation sometimes resets the relationship rather than end it
If you die in this, the same children you are protecting now will still suffer God forbid
Get yourself across to a shelter
Ifyalways, onegai, blank pls your help is needed here ladies

Also your mum needs to be involved
Yes she is a widow and worried; however all parents worry and so she should be used to it by now
You need her support and strength
Unless she is ill
If not then go and talk to her. She will be able to gather other family members together and have a united front.
You need everyone's strength right now.

As for scared of the future
Leave that to God
I attended a wedding 4 weeks ago
Lady already had a 10 year old daughter
She married a young never married no children man
Not just any yeye man o!
Very decent man, the type of man I would happily welcome into my own family sef.
The wedding was huge
Security were sending people back

Did you not notice this traits, or you choose to ignore them during courtship.

Lady, there's little you can do now, except you take a walk outta the marriage.

Any defence you put up, it's an excuse or him tp continue his acts.

Use your brain.

Cheund:
All comments and views are highly appreciated. He just came back now, and his mum opened the house for him. I am speechless and with no strength to confront him after reading your comments.
His mother came in asking me to forgive him. What should I do or shouldn't do. I have been doing my best to keep my home and honestly, I am about giving up hope.
How long will this continues? I am bearing all these because of my children, my mum and younger ones and my place of work. They look up to and expect much from me. What should i do or shouldn't I do?

I am gradually getting frustrated and losing focus and inspiration from my around me. I will be 32 by late this year, with a promising career and viable business I do from the comfort of my home just to augment govt salary.

I need stability mentally and emotionally and my hubby is threatening all these by his attitude.

I am thinking about quitting the marriage but don't know if it's right at this time and I am also scared about the other phase of life.

what actually happened?
it is obvious there is something u are not telling us, because u women know how to lie very well.
was he like this before u both got married? what happened?

Op i know you are lying but am enjoying your story with live update..

You paid for the house,car,wedding,school fee,groom price etc..wating the man com dey do.sleep and wake up.

If you wanna sell this story.pm me

Don't have time to soften the post for you. Or encourage you to work it out with him.
You don't negotiate with killers.

Walk away.

But plan your exit carefully. Lest he gets enraged and succeeds in strangling you.


That's if you're for real. Something tells me you might be trolling. No offense o.

Well, first and foremost, take a deep breath. Then pray and ask God to give you strength.

Go buy a new sim, register it today.

Do you have a trusted friend or relative to stay with? Get one. Someone with space.

Start packing quietly, just clothes and the necessities for you and your kids. Anyone ask, mummy told you to visit (tell your mum the lie).

Ask immediately on any platform and from everyone is there is a place to rent. Small, 2 bedroom, around your office. Say it is for a cousin. If you can move back in with your mother, that will be best.

Inform some of your friends and one trusted person in position of authority (Nigerians like Pastors so tell yours). Do NOT let anyone convince you to stay. They will gossip but so what? Had gossip killed anyone? If they cannot say it to your face, who cares?

Once you get all these in order (I'm giving you a week to move out so Saturday your kids should be at your trusted friend's place), call a family meeting betweent your mum, his parents and do NOT let your husband know. Inform them that you're moving out for your safety and sanity. That you want to stay alive to raise your children. That when your husband comes to his senses, they can look for you. Do not let them convince you to stay. His parents will prioritise their son's welfare over your welfare. So do NOT allow them convince you to stay.

Leave immediately after that meeting and switch your sims. I don't want your husband knowing where you are for 3 weeks. He can speak to you on the phone (call him and let him greet his kids, politely say "please excuse me" and drop the phone if he starts insults and threats. Save any messages threatening you).

I'm asking you to do this because your husband is no longer a husband, no longer a father and no longer even a son. He has lost himself and doesn't even know it. And you cannot tell him and cannot save him. So prioritise your welfare and that of your kids. If and when he comes back to his senses, you have work to do on your marriage but he has even more work and forgiveness and trust to earn back.

johnson232:

what actually happened?
it is obvious there is something u are not telling us, because u women know how to lie very well.
was he like this before u both got married? what happened?

We courted for 3 months before marriage, just graduated and had no job. I got a job before him and few weeks into my job, he was called back were he served and has been there ever since. Initially, I thought he is behaving this way because I earn more than him,so I gave him access to my account via my atm card.

Like I wrote earlier, he looks calm and we have been into this for almost 7 yrs.
This attitude of his is becoming worrisome for me cos is affecting everything about me. I tried letting the pains pass by but lately, it's not been easy.

Happiness inspires me and I tried making my home as happy and beautiful as much as I can. I have my flaws of course as a human.

I just served him breakfast whole heartedly but honestly my mouth is like sealed and my mind is busy thinking out how to go about all these.

My calmness seems to douse the situation as he is busy chatting and laughing with his mum. Note: I have never heard any problem with his mum even though we are not very close but we have a very warm relationship.

Cheund:

We courted for 3 months before marriage, just graduated and had no job. I got a job before him and few weeks into my job, he was called back were he served and has been there ever since. Initially, I thought he is behaving this way because I earn more than him,so I gave him access to my account via my atm card.

Like I wrote earlier, he looks calm and we have been into this for almost 7 yrs.
This attitude of his is becoming worrisome for me cos is affecting everything about me. I tried letting the pains pass by but lately, it's not been easy.

Happiness inspires me and I tried making my home as happy and beautiful as much as I can. I have my flaws of course as a human.

I just served him breakfast whole heartedly but honestly my mouth is like sealed and my mind is busy thinking out how to go about all these.

My calmness seems to douse the situation as he is busy chatting and laughing with his mum. Note: I have never heard any problem with his mum even though we are not very close but we have a very warm relationship.

Smiling and behaving wonderfully does not stop abuse. It is normal for a human being (Even a woman and a wife) to be upset about things. It is NOT normal when the person you are upset with lashes out at you violently for justifiable reasonable God-given emotions. All these his smiles is because whatever maggot that eats his brain is not affecting right now. The next second may change it and if you want to spend the rest of your life on tiptoes and occasionally getting beaten up the way you decide to be a human being, please ignore me and listen to everyone saying that his violence is your fault. Every human being (Even a woman and a wife) is allowed to get angry but nobody has the right to express his anger in a violent manner. If your husband is a hot-tempered man, if it was truly all about Anger, he would be fighting the policeman on the street. But he isn't, he's acting like a gentleman outside and dealing with you inside. That is Pretense and it is NOT normal.

If anything happens to you, you will become gist for max a week and we will all forget and move on to the next sensational case. But your children, your friends, your mother, their lives are almost destroyed. Reflect on that.

Onegai:
Well, first and foremost, take a deep breath. Then pray and ask God to give you strength.

Go buy a new sim, register it today.

Do you have a trusted friend or relative to stay with? Get one. Someone with space.

Start packing quietly, just clothes and the necessities for you and your kids. Anyone ask, mummy told you to visit (tell your mum the lie).

Ask immediately on any platform and from everyone is there is a place to rent. Small, 2 bedroom, around your office. Say it is for a cousin. If you can move back in with your mother, that will be best.

Inform some of your friends and one trusted person in position of authority (Nigerians like Pastors so tell yours). Do NOT let anyone convince you to stay. They will gossip but so what? Had gossip killed anyone? If they cannot say it to your face, who cares?

Once you get all these in order (I'm giving you a week to move out so Saturday your kids should be at your trusted friend's place), call a family meeting betweent your mum, his parents and do NOT let your husband know. Inform them that you're moving out for your safety and sanity. That you want to stay alive to raise your children. That when your husband comes to his senses, they can look for you. Do not let them convince you to stay. His parents will prioritise their son's welfare over your welfare. So do NOT allow them convince you to stay.

Leave immediately after that meeting and switch your sims. I don't want your husband knowing where you are for 3 weeks. He can speak to you on the phone (call him and let him greet his kids, politely say "please excuse me" and drop the phone if he starts insults and threats. Save any messages threatening you).

I'm asking you to do this because your husband is no longer a husband, no longer a father and no longer even a son. He has lost himself and doesn't even know it. And you cannot tell him and cannot save him. So prioritise your welfare and that of your kids. If and when he comes back to his senses, you have work to do on your marriage but he has even more work and forgiveness and trust to earn back.

Thank you sister. Already thinking on working on this.

Cheund:

We courted for 3 months before marriage, just graduated and had no job. I got a job before him and few weeks into my job, he was called back were he served and has been there ever since. Initially, I thought he is behaving this way because I earn more than him,so I gave him access to my account via my atm card.

Like I wrote earlier, he looks calm and we have been into this for almost 7 yrs.
This attitude of his is becoming worrisome for me cos is affecting everything about me. I tried letting the pains pass by but lately, it's not been easy.

Happiness inspires me and I tried making my home as happy and beautiful as much as I can. I have my flaws of course as a human.

I just served him breakfast whole heartedly but honestly my mouth is like sealed and my mind is busy thinking out how to go about all these.

My calmness seems to douse the situation as he is busy chatting and laughing with his mum. Note: I have never heard any problem with his mum even though we are not very close but we have a very warm relationship.

u sound really cool...
it means u saw those trait during courtship and still went ahead?
my worry is, human hardly change, his attitude wasnt because of your earnings, i think that is the way he is. but are u sure u didnt contribute to it one way or the other?
because am sure though he had issues during courtship, but he wasnt like this.
do u normally disrespect and mock him because u earn more than him?

Onegai:
Well, first and foremost, take a deep breath. Then pray and ask God to give you strength.

Go buy a new sim, register it today.

Do you have a trusted friend or relative to stay with? Get one. Someone with space.

Start packing quietly, just clothes and the necessities for you and your kids. Anyone ask, mummy told you to visit (tell your mum the lie).

Ask immediately on any platform and from everyone is there is a place to rent. Small, 2 bedroom, around your office. Say it is for a cousin. If you can move back in with your mother, that will be best.

Inform some of your friends and one trusted person in position of authority (Nigerians like Pastors so tell yours). Do NOT let anyone convince you to stay. They will gossip but so what? Had gossip killed anyone? If they cannot say it to your face, who cares?

Once you get all these in order (I'm giving you a week to move out so Saturday your kids should be at your trusted friend's place), call a family meeting betweent your mum, his parents and do NOT let your husband know. Inform them that you're moving out for your safety and sanity. That you want to stay alive to raise your children. That when your husband comes to his senses, they can look for you. Do not let them convince you to stay. His parents will prioritise their son's welfare over your welfare. So do NOT allow them convince you to stay.

Leave immediately after that meeting and switch your sims. I don't want your husband knowing where you are for 3 weeks. He can speak to you on the phone (call him and let him greet his kids, politely say "please excuse me" and drop the phone if he starts insults and threats. Save any messages threatening you).

I'm asking you to do this because your husband is no longer a husband, no longer a father and no longer even a son. He has lost himself and doesn't even know it. And you cannot tell him and cannot save him. So prioritise your welfare and that of your kids. If and when he comes back to his senses, you have work to do on your marriage but he has even more work and forgiveness and trust to earn back.

instead of doing all these why not divorce him?

i know is a difficult decision, but then another man can come into the picture if she still want one.
what if the husband comes back to his senses and change's again? what will she do then?

i really dont support people doing things secretly..
if she is tired of the marriage, divorce the man and go your own way.

Onegai:


Smiling and behaving wonderfully does not stop abuse. It is normal for a human being (Even a woman and a wife) to be upset about things. It is NOT normal when the person you are upset with lashes out at you violently for justifiable reasonable God-given emotions. All these his smiles is because whatever maggot that eats his brain is not affecting right now. The next second may change it and if you want to spend the rest of your life on tiptoes and occasionally getting beaten up the way you decide to be a human being, please ignore me and listen to everyone saying that his violence is your fault. Every human being (Even a woman and a wife) is allowed to get angry but nobody has the right to express his anger in a violent manner. If your husband is a hot-tempered man, if it was truly all about Anger, he would be fighting the policeman on the street. But he isn't, he's acting like a gentleman outside and dealing with you inside. That is Pretense and it is NOT normal.

If anything happens to you, you will become gist for max a week and we will all forget and move on to the next sensational case. But your children, your friends, your mother, their lives are almost destroyed. Reflect on that.

Nothing to type again after this.
Op,for your own good,separate from him till he is ready to become a normal human being.

@OP, please leave that guy ASAP. You already got some good advice on the planning, waiting for 7 years hoping he would change has cost you a lot but you don't know yet. Kids should grow in an environment filled with love not hostility, you would leave if you love your kids and yourself.

Separation is good, as it will afford him the opportunity to seek help but you need to spell out the terms of the marriage after you leave and let him know that he must see a psychologist for some clean up. You are better off staying away from him if he would not be willing to follow through the "treatment" to make him human again.

Don't know if you have brothers or other men in the family, this is the time to open up and get some support that will build your confidence to take action. Do not delay!

johnson232:

u sound really cool...
it means u saw those trait during courtship and still went ahead?
my worry is, human hardly change, his attitude wasnt because of your earnings, i think that is the way he is. but are u sure u didnt contribute to it one way or the other?
because am sure though he had issues during courtship, but he wasnt like this.
do u normally disrespect and mock him because u earn more than him?

Courtship! I wasn't living with him during courtship and couldn't have known much about him. We were both working as corps members and only see each other after work and hang out on Saturdays. How could I have known much about him.

I am opting for separation for now, I pray God gives me enough Grace to work it out. I will be applying for my annual leave and stay far away with my children. I hope to work out something before my leave finished

Op,you don't deserve such treatment from anybody, even his mother cannot even caution him when he is wrong,instead she is advising you to forgive him,forgive what entirely? What he will still repeat the next day?

Look for a place to stay with your kids immediately,if he comes for you, fine,you can start communicating/working on your marriage from there.

Don't stay in an unhealthy relationship because of what people will say,people will always talk whether you stay or not.

Cheund:

It is painful, really painful. Here I am thinking out my next line of action. My husband slaps and tries to strangle me at any little provocation. Whe he has a date, he looks for a quarrel and sleeps out.

I am tired of both physical and emotional humiliation. I have 3 kids-6/4/24mnths, I bring the food to the house for him and the kids. He works with a private firm but often come back home saying no money. I work for the government and takes care of family bills. The cars in the house are all mine and he drives any at will.

Hmmn. You work for the government and you own multiple cars? Are you a politician?