Hmmm! I never knew it would turn out this way. I thought I had everything planned out; I thought I knew what I was doing but it isn't looking like that anymore. My iife is filled with regret: I dream, eat and drink it. It looks like my whole life is a big mistake. I regret every mistake I make; I wished I had taiked and asked more questions; I regret the decisions I allow others make for me. I have never been able to step up to my responsibility as a man. I have failed woefully in that aspect, I had watched and let life pass me by, I feel so empty, I wish I can use words to fully describe the way I feel. I am Lost! I never wanted to turn out this way, I had big dreams, big aspirations and potentials as well. It all started with negligence: those things you feel is not necessary, those corrections you refuse to make; and those sins you commit thinking everyone is guilty of same. I had never fitted in anyways, am always the odd amongst everyone. I find it difficult interacting with people and i never feel comfortable around them. I always operate below optimum level because am always stock in my head. I am apologizing to everyone I failed over the years: my dad, mum, sisters, brother, friends (not many always), extended family. To my mum, am really sorry that I never turned out to be the son you wanted me to become. You are the best of mothers and I can't ask for a better one. I don't deserve you because all I ever caused you was pain, am really sorry all I really wanted to do is to make you happy. To my dad, you have always wanted the best for us (your children). I wish I know you more than I do, I have always felt there is a big gulf between us in terms of our relationship. I have always admire you as a man. You are a good man. To my siblings, I am sorry I never became the brother you deserve. I always wanted to be our home to be lively/funfilled despite the storm and tension in our house those years. I had always tried to ensure we are closely knitted not wanting our parents differences to come between us. I owe you guys more apologise because I never became that brother you all can look up to. I am really sorry if I misled you guys through my behaviour. I pray you all find your way to greater height. I had always known this moment would come. I have always heard voices in my head. I wish I could turn back the hand of time, there are loads of things I would love to change but wishes are not horses. I am really sorry I disappointed you, I never deserved a family like yours. I have always been the black sheep. Nobody should cry for me because I don't deserve it. I never lived I only existed. I didn't impact my generation. Mine is a tale of potential that was never fulfilled.