Naijasinglegirl:
[s]don’t think there anything more painful than watching others eat their share of the wedding jollof rice while the only thing you were able to get is serviette to dry your tears.
I’m usually so mad that once I leave the wedding, I stop by nearest fast food and throw a wedding buffet where I am the only attendee.
I have been a victim far too many times that I have been left with no choice but to research on all the possible ways to avoid this.

See below;

1. Pick the right table
Choose a table closest to where the food is being kept (If it’s a buffet) or where the influential people are seated to minimise the chances of being missed. E.g The mummies of the day canopy.
Some ‘big girls’ are fond of seating far away from the crowd then cry foul when they don’t get food.
Ushers assume five things which affects your chances of getting food.
– You are an uninvited guest.
– You are waiting for someone.
– You are too big to eat.
– You are waiting to clean the arena.
– You were not noticed when food was being served.
– You are the groom’s wicked ex.

2. Don’t let strangers sit with you
Most event decors at wedding receptions usually arrange a table for five or six. Assuming you attend a wedding reception alone or with a friend, there’s a high probability you would sit with four or more strangers at your table, who may be chronic long throats.
If this happens, the small-chops, cake, drinks, wine and whatever was kept on the table before the reception commenced are at risk!
Don NOT LET this happen! Lie the seat is already occupied if you have to.

A couple of a years ago, I attended a wedding reception with my cousins and when we were barely seated, one old lady in matron uniform who was obviously an uninvited guest claimed the last vacant seat.
Before I could say ‘Jollof’, she pulled out a Sacks&Motors bag and began fiddling with it. The wine was the first thing that went missing, followed by two cans of coke and all the disposable cups. When I asked her if she had seen ‘our wine’, she pointed at the juice.
Later she kept hovering around the kitchen area and I saw her quarrelling for souvenirs. Needless to say, when the reception ended, our lucky lady left with a full Sack&Motors bag. The only thing she didn’t go home with was the bride’s bouquet.

3. Sit with the gang you came with
Or people you are familiar with. This is the only way you’d be able to eat comfortably or call the police to arrest anyone that attempts to cheat you of your share of small-chops on the table.
Alternatively, you can try the head-girl method. Let me explain;
If I attend a wedding alone, what I usually do is make friends with kids I feel I can dominate during the church service so I can trick them to sit with me when the reception begins.

4. Sit with a guy
Naturally, guys would try to respect themselves at wedding receptions especially if they are trying to impress a girl.
Is any guy at the wedding hitting on you? Accept the invitation to sit with him and his group of friends.
Congratulations!
You’ve just earned yourself all the 6 packs of small chops on the table.

5 Smile when food is being shared
Ushers are more inclined to serve your table if you maintain a cheerful disposition. At least for the sake of the innocent people seated with you, SMILE! Put yourself in the ushers shoes, won’t you avoid serving the table where those seated wear a perpetual frown?

6 Compliment the ushers
Ladies naturally love compliments. Before the reception commences, tell an usher her teeth look nice, you admire the way she’s diligent at her job, you like the way her conscience radiates or she’s the most beautiful girl at the wedding and I, Naijasinglegirl, solemnly promise you won’t go home hungry in Jesus name.

7 Arrive early
If you arrive late to a wedding reception, you are on your own! First, all seats would be occupied and no one would serve you food while you are standing. Secondly, you stand a high chance of missing the exact time for item 7.
In fact, the only reason you should arrive late is if you are coming from a buffet or if your dietician recommended left-over cold jollof rice with no meat for you.

9 Be calm
If for whatever reasons, the ushers skip you when food was being served, even after you raise your head and kept whistling “Shhhhhhh excuse me. Hello? Excus…excuse meeeeeee,” stay calm.
Remain where you are, bend your head slowly on the table and cry your eyes out if it makes you feel better. Serviet to wipe your tears are always in excess, remember.
The last thing you want to do is switch to rows or columns where food hasn’t been served yet. You would only end up embarrassing yourself since ushers usually serve in a haphazard manner. If you have answers for accusations like, “I thought I saw you there earlier!”, “I gave you food,” “Madam please go back to your seat,” “Which kind long throat you be,” etc
By all means, continue chasing the ushers from row to row.

To summarise, if all else fails, realise shit happens and it is not the last wedding reception in world. I wish you success in your next wedding.[/s]


http://www.naijasinglegirl.com/get-food-nigerian-wedding/

sapiosexual1:
I don't eat at public events, cos I was brought up not to eat outside. I make it a point of duty to fill my stomach before any public function. The most I could take is maybe a drink, wouldn't even take a snack......
......
.........
so let me quietly walk out of the thread, I don't belong here

mamajaz:
Other tips:
*make sure you buy and wear the "as ebi".* If you have Ankara, Semo is almost 95% sure for you.
*Ask for your portion if they don't want to serve you.
*I agreed with that generosity with praise
I was at a wedding engagement party last week but the serving style was an error, as God would have it they mistakenly place a tray with about five plates of party jollof beside me while arguing away situations, I just stretched my hands and picked two plates, passed one to one mama that had not been served and devoured the other one, when they started shouting don't take it... I said do you want hunger to kill person here?
The second day was a wedding reception of my HOD's daughter, and they are in good morning.
When I got there, some people were already leaving and another oga ordered food for us but the servers just kept saying OK they didn't bring anything.
I just rose up with my benbe tommy (am close to term), and really everybody wants iya 'Beji to eat.
I was immediately served, got to where drinks were, but none was available, fortunately the best lady was there to pick something and I just admired her and said hers will be more glorious, after telling me the bottled water had finished (that's what I care for at parties, not sugar coated drinks), she dipped her hands in the icing drum and brought me water.
Issue is if they go home with most of those things nah waste sure pass...

yemmit90:
The best thing is to attend only the ceremonies you would be respected as one of important guests.

Those special foods or meat you see them avoiding serving to just anybody are usually been keeping for some important guests.

Smartsyn:
I missed a wedding rice once before, even though I can afford that rice one hundred times, but e pain me...


Nothing compares to a wedding jollof rice. I swear..

Thanks for the tips Op, I will follow it to the letters

Smartsyn:
I missed a wedding rice once before, even though I can afford that rice one hundred times, but e pain me...


Nothing compares to a wedding jollof rice. I swear..

Thanks for the tips Op, I will follow it to the letters

dipznano:
This cracked me

I remember overhearing a babe at a wedding narrate to her friend 'three weddings now I've not been served, 1st one I sat in front food no reach, 2nd one I sat towards d back food no reach, now Today I sat in d middle ppl in d front and back ate, dem con talk say meat don finish to serve ppl for middle'

Omo since den if I go party I dey look out for dah babe, na to sit opposite her location...

Kachisbarbie:


funny you.
It is my favourite food, I ate it this morning sef.
No I don't have 6packs. Rice bores me...

ChukwuIbrahim:
"buy and wear d aso ebi?" hw much be the food?

Kenturkey048:
how many tyms av u been recognised as an important guest?

anigold:


ahahahahahaha the OP is really a comediene like seriously all these for food. All i know is that Gentleman no de eat for Lagos wedding .,because the way users serve food is mostimes wonderful,especially if one of the usher's Boyfriend is around,she will do everything humanly possible to feed him with all the drinks/food in the process jumping over other tables/guests,if you are lucky to sit on the same table with her boyfriend ..you go chop taya lol especially ushers with big asses.....

yemmit90:


Why are you asking this type of question from someone you dont know?

Try to upgrade your reasoning skill man.

Naijasinglegirl:
Awww...Crying

Gboliwe:

Does this look familiar?