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What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? - Family - Nairaland

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What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by amakoro(m): 9:37am On May 19, 2016
In the olden days two people meet 2 times and got married on the 3rd meeting – and these marriages lasted a lifetime. Today couples date for 3 years and get divorced 6 months after finally getting married. What has changed?


All across Africa, traditional cultural weddings are dying out with the influx of the so-called White Western wedding. African weddings are a spiritual and social family affair that brings together two lives, two families, and even two communities. The union of man and woman is a celebration of the natural continuity of life. Marriage is the only known incubator for the raising of balanced socially functional children.


A Brief History of How Our Traditional Weddings Were Carried Out


Marriage were contracted by exchanging of commodities – salts, metals, weapon, farming tools, fish, bush meat tubers of yam etc., with the bride-to-be, so when a man wants to take a lady for a wife, his parents enter into an exchange bargain with the parent of the bride. They offer the bride’s parent the quantity of any commodity they wanted so as to marry their daughter.


After that era, Cowries was introduced as a legal tender, it was valued as money for payment for goods and services. At pre-historical time a wealthy man is known by the numbers of bags of cowries he has. So bride price were paid with cowries

Read complete write-up here http://amarachia..com/2016/05/african-marriage-sacred-institution-meaning-values.html

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by amiskurie(m): 10:11am On May 19, 2016
Well,it has no values anymore since they now demand ipone as a symbol of love instead of flowers and attention.

We have no choice other than shopping foreign.

#GoAndMarryYourselves or #GoAndMarryYourDildos or #GoAndMarryYourDogs

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by amakoro(m): 3:33pm On May 19, 2016
amiskurie:
Well,it has no values anymore since they now demand ipone as a symbol of love instead of flowers and attention.

We have no choice other than shopping foreign.

#GoAndMarryYourselves or #GoAndMarryYourDildos or #GoAndMarryYourDogs

Hahahaha grin grin grin na so oo

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by cococandy(f): 5:50pm On May 19, 2016
According to nairaland popular opinion, African marriage and its values is all about satisfying the whims of the man regardless of whoever else in the family gets hurt in the process.

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Creamish(f): 5:58pm On May 19, 2016
cococandy:
According to nairaland popular opinion, African marriage and its values is all about satisfying the whims of the man regardless of whoever else in the family gets hurt in the process.

Confused bunch of new generation African boys... smh

4 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Onegai(f): 6:21pm On May 19, 2016
Creamish:


Confused bunch of new generation African boys... smh

You should be worried. These boys will want to marry your daughter. And with what I read on NL, I refuse to allow Baby E marry a Nigerian man. Because it's getting worse. This is how corruption started and no-one asked tough questions and it was left unchecked. Now it is a huge hydra-headed monster that cannot be killed. Same thing with our Family, Community and Menfolk. If men are truly the heads of the family, what does it say that infidelity, domestic violence, shifting of responsibility and blame, child rape and children out-of-wedlock are accepted nowadays. At the rate we are going, the next generation of women will be glad that their husbands only beat them once in a while. This is how India started, to the point where getting on a public bus became an invitation to rape, assault and Murder. This is how South Africa started and look at them now.

I am not demonizing men. But for God's sake, all you guys not worried when you read NL's frontpage? Is there no little part in your brain going "yeah, I love fighting in Family section's on-going Gender wars, but sh.it, the level of craze I see exhibited by a lot of men is getting frightening".

6 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Creamish(f): 6:39pm On May 19, 2016
Onegai:


You should be worried. These boys will want to marry your daughter
. And with what I read on NL, I refuse to allow Baby E marry a Nigerian man. Because it's getting worse. This is how corruption started and no-one asked tough questions and it was left unchecked. Now it is a huge hydra-headed monster that cannot be killed. Same thing with our Family, Community and Menfolk. If men are truly the heads of the family, what does it say that infidelity, domestic violence, shifting of responsibility and blame, child rape and children out-of-wedlock are accepted nowadays. At the rate we are going, the next generation of women will be glad that their husbands only beat them once in a while. This is how India started, to the point where getting on a public bus became an invitation to rape, assault and Murder. This is how South Africa started and look at them now.

I am not demonizing men. But for God's sake, all you guys not worried when you read NL's frontpage? Is there no little part in your brain going "yeah, I love fighting in Family section's on-going Gender wars, but sh.it, the level of craze I see exhibited by a lot of men is getting frightening".

@bolded.. Not sure if I should be thankful I've got sons only..

Nwayz.. in all d craze, there r still good men there so all is not totally lost. Let's hope all they r doing now is bragging. When they get mature and ready to settle down wit responsibilities, they will change for the better..
Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Nobody: 6:41pm On May 19, 2016
you are what you attract.

am not scared one bit for my future daughter cod I and my husband will set an example for her and she would be confident and smart to know her worth, not to settle for nonsense, also save in the believe that some mother's like me will train thier sons to be a good man, father and husband.

5 Likes 2 Shares

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by cococandy(f): 6:51pm On May 19, 2016
Joavid:
you are what you attract.

am not scared one bit for my future daughter cod I and my husband will set an example for her and she would be confident and smart to know her worth, not to settle for nonsense, also save in the believe that some mother's like me will train thier sons to be a good man, father and husband.
Funny. You think being afraid means it's all about marriage?
How about if your sweet innocent daughter gets molested one day and gets blamed for it since according to popular opinion, she must have invited it upon herself (because it's a crime for a man to take responsibility for his actions).

It's more than marriage. It's about the society at large.

5 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by cococandy(f): 6:55pm On May 19, 2016
Read front page about that TVC presenter who allegedly beat his girlfriend and left her injured.
And some posters were more concerned that she's not married to him hence has not right to complain.
Smh.



Onegai:


You should be worried. These boys will want to marry your daughter. And with what I read on NL, I refuse to allow Baby E marry a Nigerian man. Because it's getting worse. This is how corruption started and no-one asked tough questions and it was left unchecked. Now it is a huge hydra-headed monster that cannot be killed. Same thing with our Family, Community and Menfolk. If men are truly the heads of the family, what does it say that infidelity, domestic violence, shifting of responsibility and blame, child rape and children out-of-wedlock are accepted nowadays. At the rate we are going, the next generation of women will be glad that their husbands only beat them once in a while. This is how India started, to the point where getting on a public bus became an invitation to rape, assault and Murder. This is how South Africa started and look at them now.

I am not demonizing men. But for God's sake, all you guys not worried when you read NL's frontpage? Is there no little part in your brain going "yeah, I love fighting in Family section's on-going Gender wars, but sh.it, the level of craze I see exhibited by a lot of men is getting frightening".

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by raumdeuter: 7:03pm On May 19, 2016
Its best Nigerian men marry foreigners and Nigerian female marry foreign men

At least both party would be free from bondage

Girls once a Naija guy toast you, please decline and go for other nationalities who are better. Same with guys

5 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by PinketteDawn: 7:44pm On May 19, 2016
amakoro:
In the olden days two people meet 2 times and got married on the 3rd meeting – and these marriages lasted a lifetime. Today couples date for 3 years and get divorced 6 months after finally getting married. What has changed?


All across Africa, traditional cultural weddings are dying out with the influx of the so-called White Western wedding. African weddings are a spiritual and social family affair that brings together two lives, two families, and even two communities. The union of man and woman is a celebration of the natural continuity of life. Marriage is the only known incubator for the raising of balanced socially functional children.


A Brief History of How Our Traditional Weddings Were Carried Out


Marriage were contracted by exchanging of commodities – salts, metals, weapon, farming tools, fish, bush meat tubers of yam etc., with the bride-to-be, so when a man wants to take a lady for a wife, his parents enter into an exchange bargain with the parent of the bride. They offer the bride’s parent the quantity of any commodity they wanted so as to marry their daughter.


After that era, Cowries was introduced as a legal tender, it was valued as money for payment for goods and services. At pre-historical time a wealthy man is known by the numbers of bags of cowries he has. So bride price were paid with cowries

Read complete write-up here http://www.weddingtin.com/2016/05/african-marriage-sacred-institution-meaning-values.html

OP, don't even get me started on this one now ohh...lol

Marriage is still sacred. Even till today.

In the olden days, do you know that according to the custom, a woman can return her brideprice, get up and walk out of that marriage without looking back, if the man is not taking care of her? Infact, where I come from, if a woman leaves her husband's house on a particular market day, there is no negotiation to be done oh. Infact, she has left for good. My point is that marriage was also regarded as an agreement between families even as far back as then and if one party fails in the agreement, the union would be broken.

Roles were clearly defined back then. Men were providers, women take care of the home and bask in their husband's wealth. Today, with the present state of the economy, a man cannot fully take on responsibilities alone without the help of his wife so will you blame the woman if she wants to also have a say in what goes on in the home?

Also, men respected women back then. If a man marries 10 wives, he respects those women. If he chooses to marry 1 and keep concubines, he does so with discretion. Never, ever putting the needs of the concubine above that of his wife. Women back then understood this and accommodated it. With the introduction of Christianity, the scale tipped. Everything changed. From selfish misinterpretation of the bible, to intimidation with the word of God. ( I have learned that a man can commit murder today and find a bible verse to twist in order to support his crime).

Marriage is still sacred till today. But like I always say, you cannot eat your cake and have it. You cannot disrespect, disregard, abuse your wife and threaten her with marrying another woman as an African man only for you to come back and tell her that God hates divorce, when she finally leaves you for her peach of mind.

Choose the one you want to believe in. Find someone whose beliefs also align with yours. Lay everything out on the table so that each person knows what he is getting into. Finally, be consistent, even after marriage. Then you will find out that your marriage will remain sacred till eternity.

4 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Nobody: 7:45pm On May 19, 2016
I don't know what an African marriage is, hence, knowing it's values does not arise.

All I know is 'marriage' as an institution created by God, and I would love to think I know some of the values needed to maintain it. Nothing more.

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by postmann: 7:47pm On May 19, 2016
Creamish:


Confused bunch of new generation African boys... smh

Has creamish too been taken by the current tide of new generation male prejudice?

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by postmann: 7:51pm On May 19, 2016
Onegai:


You should be worried. These boys will want to marry your daughter. And with what I read on NL, I refuse to allow Baby E marry a Nigerian man. Because it's getting worse. This is how corruption started and no-one asked tough questions and it was left unchecked. Now it is a huge hydra-headed monster that cannot be killed. Same thing with our Family, Community and Menfolk. If men are truly the heads of the family, what does it say that infidelity, domestic violence, shifting of responsibility and blame, child rape and children out-of-wedlock are accepted nowadays. At the rate we are going, the next generation of women will be glad that their husbands only beat them once in a while. This is how India started, to the point where getting on a public bus became an invitation to rape, assault and Murder. This is how South Africa started and look at them now.

I am not demonizing men. But for God's sake, all you guys not worried when you read NL's frontpage? Is there no little part in your brain going "yeah, I love fighting in Family section's on-going Gender wars, but sh.it, the level of craze I see exhibited by a lot of men is getting frightening".

I didn't bother to read beyond the emboldened. I was forced to bring my reading to a halt.

I think you're drunk with ignorance and prejudice to have generalized all Nigerian men, putting them in one basket.

2 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by raumdeuter: 7:54pm On May 19, 2016
postmann:


I didn't bother to read beyond the emboldened. I was forced to bring my reading to a halt.

I think you're drunk with ignorance and prejudice to have generalized all Nigerian men, putting them in one basket.

The funny part is majority of them are married to these so called evil Nigerian men, Ask them if they are abused in their marriage they would all say No

4 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Nobody: 7:59pm On May 19, 2016
cococandy:

Funny. You think being afraid means it's all about marriage?
How about if your sweet innocent daughter gets molested one day and gets blamed for it since according to popular opinion, she must have invited it upon herself (because it's a crime for a man to take responsibility for his actions).

It's more than marriage. It's about the society at large.

according to the topic and the posts above, we are talking within the context of marriage.

child molestation is another topic entirely.

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by postmann: 7:59pm On May 19, 2016
raumdeuter:


The funny part is majority of them are married to these so called evil Nigerian men, Ask them if they are abused in their marriage they would all say No

My brother, I've never seen a mind as shallow as the mind of some women. They have come to the conclusion that what they see in foreign soap operas is what is obtainable in their climes.

Dim-witted cuckoos!

3 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by raumdeuter: 8:08pm On May 19, 2016
postmann:
My brother, I've never seen a mind as shallow as the mind of some women. They have come to the conclusion that what they see in foreign soap operas is what is obtainable in their climes.

Dim-witted cuckoos!

Some of them live abroad where these foreign men abound yet they ignored these angelic foreign men and managed to find the few evil Nigerian men that lived there.

Some have been married to the devilish Nigerian men for several yrs but wouldnt divorce him

4 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by postmann: 8:14pm On May 19, 2016
raumdeuter:


Some of them live abroad where these foreign men abound yet they ignored these angelic foreign men and managed to find the few evil Nigerian men that lived there.

Some have been married to the devilish Nigerian men for several yrs but wouldnt divorce him

They can only deceive themselves. Nigerian men are hot. Just ask around!

A lot of white folks hold nothing sacred. Not even marriage.

3 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Nobody: 8:27pm On May 19, 2016
More like buying and selling of commodity.

African marriage ke.


Taaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!

Any Barry who dosant wanna go to court can kiss my multi coloured asss...

Ain't no time for cowrie and goats.

5 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Nobody: 9:30pm On May 19, 2016
In the olden days two people meet 2 times and got married on the 3rd meeting – and these marriages lasted a lifetime. Today couples date for 3 years and get divorced 6 months after finally getting married. What has changed?


Were all the marital unions in the days of yore all beds of lilies?. I'm sure a boxful of them must have been fraught with irregularities as well.

And yes, a LOT has changed - 'Times have changed' and the proverbial boot, as they say, is now on the other foot.

Before matrimonies of the preceding decades can be benchmarked against those of today, some factors would first, have to be duly considered and taken into account.

For example: were the environmental conditions in that particular Zeitgeist kindred with those of today?
.

•I reckon that back then, there was no internet; neither were there social media platforms.

•High valuation was also never placed on the education of the womenfolk.

•Back then, women were primarily stay-at-home partners and never, partially or plenarily assumed the roles of the financial beams of the family.

•Back then, there was no inflationary spiral of wage and price increases.

•Back then, there were no TVs or telephones.

•Back then, a vast majority of the connubial institutes were contractually orchestrated - 'love' was usually a secondary factor in most cases; a concept which is at steep variance with the typical relationship of today where 'love' is a queen factor and unions are no longer prearranged by the parents of the male and female involved.

So yes, a LOT has changed and you appear to be a little bit behindhand.

Your question should have been structured thusly: 'How can the modern-day marriage be well-adjusted to the changing times?'.

3 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Ishilove: 9:30pm On May 19, 2016
amiskurie:
Well,it has no values anymore since they now demand ipone as a symbol of love instead of flowers and attention.

We have no choice other than shopping foreign.

#GoAndMarryYourselves or #GoAndMarryYourDildos or #GoAndMarryYourDogs
Have you ever offered a lady flowers? Flowers are also a western import
Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by bukatyne(f): 9:55pm On May 19, 2016
Gaborone:
I don't know what an African marriage is, hence, knowing it's values does not arise.

All I know is 'marriage' as an institution created by God, and I would love to think I know some of the values needed to maintain it. Nothing more.

@bold: lols! When I hear African anything on this forum, I don't wanna hear it. Nothing good ever came out of it.

@amakoro;
Define African marriage values that have gone extinct.

P.S.: Those 'gals' in your picture doesn't depict old African values. I sure know that my mom's ladies in waiting did not wear leggings grin

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by bukatyne(f): 9:57pm On May 19, 2016
darkenedrebel:


Were all the marital unions in the days of yore all beds of lilies?. I'm sure a boxful of them must have been fraught with irregularities as well.

And yes, a LOT has changed - 'Times have changed' and the proverbial boot, as they say, is now on the other foot.

Before matrimonies of the preceding decades can be benchmarked against those of today, some factors would first, have to be duly considered and taking into account.

For example: were the environmental conditions in that particular Zeitgeist kindred with those of today?
.

•I reckon that back then, there was no internet; neither were there social media platforms.

•High valuation was also never placed on the education of the womenfolk.

•Back then, women were primarily stay-at-home partners and never, partially or plenarily assumed the roles of the financial beams of the family.

•Back then, there was no inflationary spiral of wage and price increases.

•Back then, there were no TVs or telephones.

•Back then, a vast majority of the connubial institutes were contractually orchestrated - 'love' was usually a secondary factor in most cases; a concept which is at steep variance with the typical relationship of today where 'love' is a queen factor and unions are no longer prearranged by the parents of the male and female involved.

So yes, a LOT has changed and you appear to be a little bit behindhand.

Your question should have been structured thusly: 'How can the modern-day marriage be well-adjusted to the changing times?'.

Good points.

Let the OP answer us.

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by bukatyne(f): 10:05pm On May 19, 2016
Joavid:
you are what you attract.

am not scared one bit for my future daughter cod I and my husband will set an example for her and she would be confident and smart to know her worth, not to settle for nonsense, also save in the believe that some mother's like me will train thier sons to be a good man, father and husband.

What do you think of arranged marriages?
Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Creamish(f): 11:01pm On May 19, 2016
postmann:


Has creamish too been taken by the current tide of new generation male prejudice?

Nope...but I've seen how some NL boys are getting sidetracked..thinking they're Alphas who have women at their beck n call.. lost souls.. wit no regard for the values of marriage...

5 Likes

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by amiskurie(m): 11:03pm On May 19, 2016
Ishilove:

Have you ever offered a lady flowers? Flowers are also a western import
Even before western civilizations,our forefathers has been offering their wives ugwu leaf,and in return,they make a nice ugwu soup to show appreciation.

I remember a day I offered my ex a rose,she was asking me what was it and she threw it on the table.
Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Nobody: 11:06pm On May 19, 2016
bukatyne:


@bold: lols! When I hear African anything on this forum, I don't wanna hear it. Nothing good ever came out of it.

@amakoro;
Define African marriage values that have gone extinct.

P.S.: Those 'gals' in your picture doesn't depict old African values. I sure know that my mom's ladies in waiting did not wear leggings grin

lol grin
Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by postmann: 11:09pm On May 19, 2016
Creamish:


Nope...but I've seen how some NL boys are getting sidetracked..thinking they're Alphas who have women at their beck n call.. lost souls.. wit no regard for the values of marriage...

What a relief! Thought we have been stripped of another great woman. No doubt there are juvenile minds yet to grasp the true value of being a man. With time some of these boys will learn.
cheesy grin

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by Creamish(f): 11:21pm On May 19, 2016
postmann:


What a relief! Thought we have been stripped of another great woman. No doubt there are juvenile minds yet to grasp the true value of being a man. With time some of these boys will learn.
cheesy grin

My point exactly. wink

1 Like

Re: What Is African Marriage About And What Is It Values? by joseph1832(m): 11:45pm On May 19, 2016
postmann:


What a relief! Thought we have been stripped of another great woman. No doubt there are juvenile minds yet to grasp the true value of being a man. With time some of these boys will learn.
cheesy grin
Aye! You see these minds everywhere, giving juvenile opinions about things they know not, just because they have the luxury of google.

Tell me Postmann, what can someone who is still being spoon fed by his parents know about marriage? When marriage in turn, reeks of responsibilities...

I'm amazed when someone who can not even pay his own school fees, talk less of accommodation, start spewing fancy words on marriage. grin

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