The Biggest Dilemma Of My Life!:  I Need Advice!

This might be a bit long,  but please be patient and read, I need advise urgently,  thanks.

Im 18 years old and I live in the UK ,  last summer i went back home and I stayed with different family members,  I stayed with the family of a guy I grew up with while still in naija and I've been told we were cousins but I wasn't so sure, 

when i was back there we were really close,  we got along so well and we developed a really strong bond,  then wen i returned to the UK,  we chatted on yahoo messenger a lot and one night he confessed to have falling deeply and head over heels in love with me,  i guess i kinda feel something too coz we have a strong bond and he's really hot and a really good guy,

I was scared at first and i wanted to get to the root of how exactly we are related before I let my feelings get too deep,  my mother told me that my grandmother and his grandfather a half=siblings,  that makes us half-second cousins,

This guy is crazy about me and I think I kinda like him too; he's such a great guy and I'm scared that if I let him go i might regret it,  please nairalanders, what should I do?  Is falling for him a taboo?

I feel like I might never find someone as close to my ideal man,  but yet a relationship with him might be frowned upon please advise me.

@poster
dnt rlly knw bout u datin or nt datin 'half-second cousin', but i thnk u shld take it easy/slow and dont do any 'underground runs' cos it ll end up blowin up in ur face!
i dnt thnk NL is d right place to get honest opinion!
, involve ur mum,siblings or relatives, dey will know better!
take care

Hi, why does your story remind me of so many others. My friend from the UK went to Nigeria this summer, and so many guys have said the same thing to her also, and it's not difficult to keep in contact and make effort to chat and form a relationship with someone, even if they're abroad, especially as you can use the internet with so many different programs to communicate with the other. The person who 'fell in love' with her, also confessed to their feelings increasing, but this is typical of a naive person.

You are 18 so you have plenty of time, any guy who gives you a time limit obviously wasn't into you in the first place. Whilst you're here asking for help, he might be doing the same or he could be counting his chances of getting with you, and seeing if he can acquire backup, if things fail with you.

For some people, the idea of being in this crazy Romeo and Juliet, distanced lovers scenario is so interesting, and they can get all tied up, emotionally.

Only time will tell whether he is worth it, you just have to decide which is worse for you, losing him, or jumping into things and then having a terrible emotional breakup.

topup:

any guy who gives you a time limit obviously wasn't into you in the first place.

Off-topic, tope stop telling lies.  This is not true.
I've given girls ultimatums before and it's not because I wasn't into her.
Dude, some girls want to fiddle around with other guys while keeping you as a back up.  You don't have to settle for second-best just because you are in "like" with a female.  Tell her to make up her damn mind or you will get to stepping.  You can't eat your cake and have it back unless you vomit.

I think you should play this teenage-love game  wisely my dear
Dont care if the guy is your half,semi,quater or wateva cousin,its neva gonna work.
Your parent , his parent are neva gonna feel gud abt it
Why go into a relationship you cant boldly tell your parent and your friends that your bf is your half cousin
Well I fink you guys are just 
You cant tell your parent becos they are neva gonna allow you
I know how it is to av fallen inlove wit someone you know u cant av
And lettin it go sometimes is so hard even wen you know it's wrong
But trust me it's better to let it go.

i guess my question is how close is your whole family?? if you date this guy you both might create a big problem in your family

jassie:

_{Hmm. . . Sounds Familiar. . .}

That's what I was thinking.

C2H5OH:

stop telling lies.  This is not true.
I've given girls ultimatums before and it's not because I wasn't into her.

It's all relative, I wouldn't give any guy I really honestly felt was the right one for me, or 'best for me' an ultimatum.

We're not talking about a girl who is messing around and having committments here, we're talking about someone who is taking things slowly, still trying to get to know the guy. To give an ultimatum isn't serious in this case, it's like pushing someone to discard their common sense (which is telling them to get to know the guy better) and just run off with him to start a romance pronto. Such an ultimatum is usually from an unserious guy. Patient are those who are really confident in what they are getting, impatient are those who are uncertain or might have another destination queued after yours. .

Yes, tope, of course it's all relative. But you omitted that part in your post. Either that or you just tactfully chose not to mention it.

amosexy:

I think you should play this teenage-love game wisely my dear
Dont care if the guy is your half,semi,quater or wateva cousin,its neva gonna work.
Your parent , his parent are neva gonna feel gud abt it
Why go into a relationship you cant boldly tell your parent and your friends that your bf is your half cousin
Well I fink you guys are just
You cant tell your parent becos they are neva gonna allow you
I know how it is to av fallen inlove wit someone you know u cant av
And lettin it go sometimes is so hard even wen you know it's wrong
But trust me it's better to let it go.

thank you so much dear, ur making a lot of sense, thats wot ive been thinking but dis guy is so persistent nd he says im his first true love,
but anyway thanx 4 ur advice

topup:

any guy who gives you a time limit obviously wasn't into you in the first place.

thanks but he never gave me any time limit,

LOVE IS GOOD BUT IF IT DONT WORK OUT THE WHOLE OF YOUR FAMILY IS INVOLVED AT 18Y YOU SHOULD CONCETRATE MORE ON YOUR STUDIES OK TAKE CARE.

Seek ye first knowledge and other things shall be added unto u in due time.
Let it go, if it's meant 4 u, there will be no reason to let it go!

@Poster,
You still young my dear. Watch and pray and wait patiently unto the Lord for some years to come - 2 years at least and watch his reaction and monitor urs as well, if the feeling continues, let ur mum know about it before divin into ,

Bon Voyage!

1.  There's no rush.  You're very young.  You still have lots of time to find new guys.

2.  It's a long distance relationship.

3.  When a guy says he's "fallen in love", don't be unduly excited.  It's just a line.

It's a distant relationship and in some tradition can get united. It's not a taboo.

why are u all telling her 18 is too young.
at that same age am sure most of u were phocking like it was going out of fashion.

we seem to have missed the point of this thread and that is the fact that she is bothered about the family ties.

dear am not too big on cousins doing cousins.
be it second half cousins or extar time cousins.
just let it be.
family is family and bible frowns @ it.

_{the only time bible allowed it was in the era of adam and even, and hey they had no option. agro for kill them.}

Seun:

1.  There's no rush.  You're very young.  You still have lots of time to find new guys.

2.  It's a long distance relationship.

3.  When a guy says he's "fallen in love", don't be unduly excited.  It's just a line.

you are so right

izeek:

why are u all telling her 18 is too young.
at that same age am sure most of u were phocking like it was going out of fashion.

we seem to have missed the point of this thread and that is the fact that she is bothered about the family ties.

dear am not too big on cousins doing cousins.
be it second half cousins or extar time cousins.
just let it be.
family is family and bible frowns @ it.

_{the only time bible allowed it was in the era of adam and even, and hey they had no option. agro for kill them.}

well ,my advice for u is to burst the whole thing. normally things should go fine but we are africans and tins like this are taken seriously and ur parents wil definitely kick against it.
but if u kno u just want to date him for fun , why not go ahead,but be prepared to move ahead when the time is rite

my dar i think u should heed to the advice of being patient cos u will still see a lot of men and u will keep falling in love.by the way have u got enough evidence that u are in love and not infactuated or in lust as the case may be.

As a teenager u are, am seeing infatuation here. Just concentrate on ur studies because u still hav much time 4 love and u wl eventually see d real love dat u wl nt b afraid to let ur family knw abt. Ur conscience is telling u dat ur abt indulging in incest and dat is true.
You hav to quit it.

chidyke77:

As a teenager u are, am seeing infatuation here. Just concentrate on your studies because u still hav much time 4 love and u wl eventually see d real love dat u wl nt b afraid to let your family knw abt. your conscience is telling u dat your abt indulging in incest and dat is true.
You hav to quit it.

thank you very much, i did suggest to him once that maybe wot he felt was lust or infatuation but he said he has searched deep in his heart nd he is sure he's in love with me.
but thanks for ur advise, u do have a very valid point cheers

Girl you are 18. Trust me, you have no idea what your ideal man is. Here's a solid piece of advice; at 18, your emotions get the better of you (i know you've heard this all before bla bla) but really, the chances of you regretting a decision you make at 18 are very high. Even when you are making a decision you think is fairly straightforward.

Now if you are making a controversial decision at 18, i can assure you, you will come to regret it.

and the only thing you should be thinking about is you. How much he says he loves you doesn't mean jack. Girls are warned about this from childhoood but still make the same mistakes even as adults. Take this from a guy, who's been 18 before; Don't believe anything he says about love.

hmmm, teenage love. dont give your all into it.

There is nothing like Half-second cousins, half- brothers etc in the African environment except the half siblings grew separate and hardly know each other.

Effectively, you are second cousins in the eyes of everyone. You now have to decide how comfortable you are with dating your second cousin. 

You seem like a girl who has her head firmly on her shoulders, like everybody has been saying please think careful about this and think of the implication it will have firstly on you and the rest of the family, for me personally any relationship that will involve dating a distant relative is a big no no for me because it doesn't ends well, They are plenty of guys out there for you, i will suggest to just be his friend and nothing more, take care and all the best,

Ask and ask your parents very well
If it's true you people related

please don't provoke God and gods
by engaging yourselves in any relation.

as u are still young you will still find a heart robber  

follypimpi:


Init Brethen,where as there are loads of Gud Man dem around.Anyways howdie buddie ?

I am cool, bruv. Hope you are OK.

If the poster is based close to Brummie, I guess you can help distract her abit.