Are you married? About to marry? Are you terrified at the mere
mention of the name 'mother-in-law'? Do you feel a few drops of hot
urine stream down your panties when you hear your mother-in-law
knocking at the door? Well, I grew up in West Africa and I know that
some mothers-in-law are actually monsters-in-law (but that is not to
say that all daughters-in-law are angels). So, how do you become best
of friends with the mother of your husband and lover? Let's roll!
As a wife, it is a great fear lurking in your heart, and you wonder: Will
my mother-in-law tear us apart? Will she hate me with passion? Or
love me like a daughter? What can I do? What will I do? Will he support
her and tell me to go to hell? Get a glass of chilled pineapple juice and
relax! I can feel your heart thumping already, and yeah, get a
handkerchief and wipe off the steamy sweat! The legendary war
between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has been there from the
beginning of time but with wisdom, you will not only survive it, you will
be a darling daughter to your mama-in-law. Memorize these tips, girl!

1. Never See Your Mother-In-Law As Your Rival:
Actions start from thoughts and you nursing such dangerous ideas will
only lead you astray. See her as who she is: your mother-in-law and
the mother of your husband, and hopefully, your newest female friend.
She is NOT your rival. Some ladies enter marriage with a nuclear
arsenal and the mindset of 'demolishing' their 'enemy'. Don't create
problems for yourself. As a woman thinketh in her heart, so she is.
Yelz ke.

2. Do Not Put Him In A Tight Corner:
Some ladies go to the silly extent of giving the guy an ultimatum or
asking that nauseating question to choose between you and his
mother (like who does that?) If you cannot differentiate between
maternal love and spousal love, then you are not ready to become a
wife. Your roles are different, distinct AND separate. It is also an idiotic
or kpalasa husband who will ask you to choose between him or your
own mother. Water and oil are both liquids, but they just don't mix.
Hope you get that, sweetheart? Next!

3. Become A Detective:
Huh? I don't mean you have to take up a job with the FBI or the SSS,
but hell yes, get as much information as possible about your mother-
in-law. Know her preferences, understand her thinking, comprehend
what she likes (especially what will make her laugh no matter how
angry she is) and those things that really makes her go gaga with fury.
Such CIA job should not be too much for you to do for a woman you
will be stuck with for years. I said be a detective and not a spy....lol!
Your hubby will surely help you with that.

4. Be Respectful And Courteous:
According to the Yorubas, ile oko, ile eko ni. What that means is that
marriage is a place to learn (especially manners, etiquette and good
behaviour). If you really love and respect your husband in the first
place, you will have no problem with this. If you are too pompous,
arrogant or downright disrespectful, you may as well stop reading
here. In virtually all the societies of the world, respecting your in-laws
is very crucial to having a warm relationship with them and stabilizing
your own marriage. However, I must mention something very important
here: to be respectful does not mean you should become a slave or
servant. You are a wife and you must always maintain your dignity. Do
not be rude but be firm. A daughter-in-law does not have the same
spelling as a housemaid. Hope you get my English?

5. Never Make The Mistake:
Of what? Of pointing out a mistake, flaw or error of your mother-in-law
in front of your hubby. You are his wife and as a lady, there are much
more subtle and cunny ways to draw his attention. Do not criticize
your mother-in-law. Ridicule her, you ridicule your lover, and of course,
the granny of your kids. According to Shimon Peres, the Israeli
President, there are two things in life that you cannot achieve without
closing a bit of your eyes: peace and love. Let me rephrase that: the
personal lifestyle of your MIL is not your business.

6. Do Not Be Too Forward:
Inasmuch as you are to be proactive when relating with your mother-
in-law, do not try too hard to impress. Do not go to her place everyday
(familiarity breeds contempt) but see her on special occasions or when
she requests to see your lovely face (with or without your husband
and kids). According to one of the 48 Laws of Power, scarcity will
always create value. If you don't believe that, why are diamonds much
more valued than stones and rocks? You will come out as fake and
you may even be suspected of having a hidden agenda if you are
always trying too hard. Remember how that girlfriend of yours irritates
you with her fake life? Be yourself, be natural and genuine. She will
appreciate that.

7. Let Her Know You Love Him:
Yes, forget the superficial jealousy, a mother-in-law will love you to
pieces when she knows that her son is in safe hands. But, that has to
be done with maturity. Every mother wants a good wife for her son but
their maternal instincts makes it difficult for them to just let go. Blame
the hormones. Prove to her (by your actions) that you are caring
enough and you will over-ride her instincts.

8. Appreciate Her Gestures Of Kindness:
Not all mother-in-laws are devils. Some are really really very nice and
will love you immensely even before they meet you. Appreciate them
and not take them for granted.

9. Discuss With Him:
In a case where your duties as a wife are being encroached by an
overbearing mother-in-law who will dictate what he eats or what he
wears, register your displeasure with him (but relate well with her). A
loving husband will come back to his senses, and a sensible hubby
will not even allow such a scenario in the first place.

10. Place Yourself In Her Shoes:
Know that it hurts her and is a patch of mixed feelings. Yes, he is your
husband but it's still her son, even though she now knows that
another lady (YOU!) will now get all the attention and devotion that
she has received UNCHALLENGED for decades. She will
subconsciously see you as a coup-plotter ovethrowing her
'government', and displacing her from power. Once you understand
this, you should be smart enough to sympathize with her by reacting
with wisdom. In short, do not take everything personal.

11. Detach Yourself When It Gets Too Hot:
If she is still determined to give you a tough time and make life hell for
you, detach yourself emotionally and discuss with your husband. Just
know that some mother-in-laws are incorrigible and can never be
satisfied. Do not kill yourself over that. Maintain your distance but
never disrespect her or worsen the condition. At this point, your hubby
will do the rest of the healing.

12. Gauge Yourself:
Are you wicked yourself? Yes, you. Stop rolling your eyes...lol! Is there
anything evil or indecent about you that is always pissing off your
mother-in-law? For the sake of your marriage and peace in your home,
assess yourself and make sure that there is no fault from your own
side.

13. Draw The Lines:
You married her son, and not her. Let her know when she is crossing
the boundaries. Do this compassionately and very subtly. Get clues
from your spouse. In the African setting, many mother-in-laws find it
very easy to intimidate wives who do not seem firm or do not even
know the basic responsibilities of a wife. But remember, in asserting
your rights as a wife, do it with the tact and skills of a diplomat. Don't
get him irritated.

14. Sync Her Up With Your Own Mother:
Mothers-in-law suffer from the same 'son absence syndrome' and
always understand themselves better. Also, being of the same
generation, age and mentality, your MIL is more likely to get along
better with your mother than you, a 'flashy' babe of the 21st century.
Let your mother handle that aspect. A good relationship between the
two women will only tip the table in your favour, okay? Good.

15. Communicate With Her:
Did your heart just skip a beat?! I hear some of the ladies saying 'Over
my dead body! I can't have anything to do with my mother-in-law'.
Remember, loving the honey and hating the bees is not only
hypocritical, it does not make sense. Choose your time very well, when
she is in high spirits and have a deep, mother-daughter discussion
with her. Do not avoid your MIL. You will only succeed in making
yourself more of a stranger (which was your status before).
16. Be kind and compassionate:
Especially if she is of frail health. You've got a mother too and one
day, you will also become a mother-in-law. Remember the Golden Rule,
and yeah, the Law of Karma.

17. Chill:
Most of the time, mothers-in-law do not have any evil behind even the
most mischievous of their actions. They are only a bit insecure
thinking that no person is good enough for their child, or a woman has
come to spoil the existing mother-son relationship. Such a reaction is
perfectly normal and natural. Do not give yourself sleepless nights
over that. Studies have show that most of the time, they mean no
harm.

18. Prod Him On If Need Be:
Make sure your husband performs his roles and fulfills his
responsibilities as a child to parents. Apart from the fact that you will
be laying a very good foundation for your own kids, no one will accuse
you of being a callous wife who made him turn his back on his siblings
and parents. Be very firm and insistent on this. That he is madly in
love with you does not mean he should forget his source. Remind him
if he drifts off, it will be to your benefit.

19. Do Not Let Your Ego Get In The Way:
Do not think twice before apologizing and making amends if you have
offended her. But do not degrade yourself for something you've never
done. Do not allow anyone to blackmail you into submission or
surrender. Funnily enough, she may find it difficult to apologize to you
because of many reasons. Do not take that to heart. It is the pride of a
mother-in-law.

20. Avoid Arguments With Her:
Oh, you prefer to cook meat by boiling it and she prefers steaks? Do
not drag the issue needlessly. Calmly agree. Remember arguments
with even your own Mom do not always come out nicely. It is better to
lose an argument to your mother-in-law than for you to lose your
mother-in-law to an argument. Use your head and keep your debating
skills for your girlfriends (especially if you are a lawyer...lmao!)

21. Always See The Good Side Of Your MIL:
Positivity helps. Avoid being judgmental. You cannot form that bond
of love if you are always judging her.

22. Let Her Mingle With Her Grandchildren Freely.
Studies have shown that mother-in-laws actually see your own kids as
100% theirs! If she wants to pamper them to high heavens and take
them out and have them to herself all day long at the beach, just let
them go. You will even have the whole house to yourself and your
husband! And what can be better than that? #winks!

23. Pray, pray and PRAY!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
For those who think MILs are overbearing, you need to realize that she
actually made him who he is. She fed him, suffered for him, was hurt
because of him, kept him safe and warm, watched him grow...all these
understandably makes her possessive (she has the right to), and that
is normal (are you not jealously possessive of your hubby even
without all these, yes, you now gerrit). She may also be afraid or
insecure that she will grow old and the son she has laboured for all
her life will forget and abandon her. As a daughter-in-law, ease all
these fears, see things through her lenses and you become best of
friends!

Remember that even the strongest of marriages can be destroyed with
inlaw troubles. Be smart, diplomatic and calm in all your dealings. A
friendly disposition will go a long way to helping you and making
friends out of your enemies. Atimes, you may need to work very hard
to make it work but do not give up because it is worth it.
This post is specially dedicated to our readers who are married or
planning to marry .Very best of wishes and warm regards to your
mother-in-law!
24. Add yours

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Wow. Thanks for sharing ds. I learned a lot. Thank you.

I think the most important thing is to be yourself. No pretend or try hard to please one mama. Being urself no mean say u be witch or u be bad wife, just make dem know u 4 who u are. Its not that u'll be rude ..but no jampack ur head with 24 laws of mother-in-law bruhaha. U fit do everything finish sef make her hatred for you come tie wrapper the more. Just be ur respectful self.

I no even read am

good stuff, I'm saving this for my future mil





#Oluwaprovideaboo☺