I read this story in one of the dailies nd i couldn't help but think how callous we men can be atimes. It is rather long as it consists of two parts. i'll let u be the judge of it.

Excerpts:-


[b]PLEASE, enlighten me on what to do.

I am in a very dicey situation and the unfortunate thing is that everyone trying to mediate and plead on my husband's behalf now knew nothing about what happened between us, why he left and the reason I am reluctant to have anything to do with him again.

I am not God, forgiveness belongs to God. From the bottom of my heart, I have forgiven him. I have been able to find strength in what he did to me. He made me a better person and I thank God for that. A Yoruba adage says, “Adani ’loro ’fagbara koni? What I do not understand now is why he wants to come back and be a part of that life which he scornfully said was his problem and he would do anything to stifle. His family members then, especially his elder sister who was bent on making life miserable for me, also wants us to get back together. I wonder what happened to all her curses then.

What if I had died like they wished me? What would have happened to our four children? But I thank God today, that he is my God and he will forever be the lifter of my head. At times, I wondered if my husband (Gboyega) family knew what happened. Maybe, if they know, their attitude towards me would have been better.

But in all honesty, I have forgotten about all that now but I want to be left alone. Maybe if I told the whole story of my life, you will understand me better.

The incident happened years ago when I was a young bride. I married Gboyega at a very young age. I was only 22 years and just finished my ND at Yaba College of Technology. He was already a graduate and was already working and had a bright future. When my parents discovered I was pregnant they were annoyed and disappointed, because like every parent they wanted the best for me.

Initially, my father refused his consent to our marriage not because of my educational level alone, but because of the fact that ’Gboyega also comes from the part of Yoruba land he had always warned us not to think of marrying from. Eventually, we got over all these, I married Gboyega, with a promise from him that as soon as I deliver my baby I would go back to school.

But unfortunately, this never happened. It was partly my fault too because, I became pregnant with my second child before my first daughter was one year old. I had to stay back and nurse the pregnancy and baby again.

The third child came too in quick succession. The three of them were girls. This was the beginning of my problems with Gboyega. He began to nag, and complain about the fact that our children were all female and he wanted a male child.

He started dating other women and would beat me up and maltreat me all the time. I became a sad woman and a shadow of myself. After my third child, my father got me a job as a Personal Assistant to one of his cousins – ; a woman leaving the house to do something useful with my time gave me some respite.

Although my educational level was low, my boss (aunty) paid me well and with my financial independence came some degree of freedom.

I could no longer hold on to Gboyega again as my husband because of his behaviour.

Sometimes he would leave the kids and I at home for months and won’t come home and whenever he does, he came with trouble. One day he came home dead drunk; he raped me and to make the matter worse, while he was at it, he was calling me another woman’s name and could hardly face him or stand him after this incident. He really did not care, as he was hardly around.

My mum knew I was not happy, but I did not open up to her, until the day my aunty and boss caught me crying in the office. I had no choice but to open up to her, after she heard all I was going through, she insisted I must tell my mother, if I wont tell my father. I did and she was very shocked, and to think I have kept all that to myself all the while I however pleaded with her not to tell my father because of his impression of my husband. Mummy promised she wouldn't tell him and she equally advised me to pray and she would pray along with me.

The rape incident resulted in another pregnancy. I made up my mind to have an abortion but my aunty and mum prevailed on me not to. I had a baby boy, and I felt his birth, ,at least change the situation of things between my husband and I, but it did not. In fact, on the day my son was to be christened, my husband did not show up. This was why my mother decided that I should let his family members know what was going on. I felt I was close to his immediate elder sister, who incidentally is the first born of their family. After narrating my plight to her, her answer shocked me.

She said, "Gboyega is still a very young man and I should allow him to enjoy himself and no man would leave a good wife at home and seek others outside," that I should check myself and make ammends, and my husband would come back home. I was too shocked to say anything. One of his junior sisters, however, came to spend some days with us and she witnessed some of his excesses. It was this young lady who reported him to their mother.

She came immediately to see me and pleaded with me and she promised to pray along with me.[/b]

This is the second part.


[b]A few months after I had my son (he was about seven months) Gboyega lost his job, and getting another job became a problem. One after the other, his friends and women left him.

Despite all he did, I never complained or tried to get back at him. I took care of him like I should and I had to give him cash many times.

One fateful day, he came to the house and told me that one of his friends told him of a Pastor, who resides in a village close to his home town and that he would love me to come with him as the man of God would ask of me and going there as a couple would be better.

I would do anything for him to get his job back. I agreed to follow him. But lo and behold, when we got there, I discovered that he took me to a Babalawo’s house. I was shocked and asked why the deceit and why he resorted into this.

He told me he knew I would not come with him, if he told me where we were going and that it was necessary because he was becoming desperate. The person who introduced the Baba to him also told him that the Baba would help him at all costs.

I eventually agreed to see the Baba with him; all the while we were there, I kept praying and asking God to forgive me and save me as I was very uncomfortable with the situation.

After all said and done, Baba said both of us would have to do some things together but first we have to take a bath. Bath? I asked, he said yes and because there was just one bathroom, I as the woman, should go first.

I was afraid but believed that Gboyega would not open his eyes and allow any evil to befall me.

What really got me scared was the fact that when they thought I was not listening, Baba spoke in their dialect and asked my husband if I was not menstruating. He told Baba no; Baba answered that he forgot to tell him not to bring me to his house if I was on as the gods don’t like such blood. I carried the concoction water into the bathroom and Gboyega waited for me outside. Baba was inside his hut. As I undressed to start bathing, I felt something flew from my inside . I touched myself to feel it because I was so scared and I discovered that my period had started.

I called Gboyega and told him. Incidentally, I had not had any flow since the birth of my son, I really did not know what to make of it then. But I was scared. Gboyega rushed in to tell Baba, and you needed to see the speed at which Baba came out. I had quickly dressed up before they both came back and it was Baba’s reaction that exposed them.

His behaviour made me have a re-think. My mind told me there was more to it and instead of following them back inside, I took to my heels when they went back inside.
I was able to find my way back to Lagos. As soon as I got to Lagos, I went to see my mother’s pastor, he prayed and asked me to go home that I should not fight my husband for any reason.

As soon as I left, he called my mother and told her that I was very lucky that God used my mentrual flow as a saving grace as my husband intended to use me for money ritual but my God was alive. He asked my mum to warn me not to fight or change my attitude. I should pretend as if I really did not understand what happened as he could hurt me if he found out that I knew what he wanted to do. Pretending was difficult, but it became important, because apart from my mother’s pastor two other men of God told me the same thing.

As if his family members were a part of the plot, they all started accusing me of several things after the incident; they accused me of using his glory and turning him into my houseboy.

Throughout this time, I held my peace. The good thing about it was that it brought me closer to God. After about 11 months, Gboyega woke me up in the middle of the night one day and said he was leaving . That he could no longer live with me.

Despite the fact that I had been told this would happen, I still pleaded with him but he refused.

He was out of my life for nine years, within which I was able to do a lot of things. I went back to school, got a degree and even a Master's degree.

Through the Grace of God, and the people He used in my life, I built three houses and my kids are going to the best schools and are doing well. I now have a thriving business of my own and God has been good.

I was, however ,surprised to see Gboyega and his mother last month, precisely on the 22nd of July 2009. They came to my office – their mission was to beg me to forgive Gboyega and take him back. Can you imagine? I told him I have forgiven not only Gboyega but all of them a long time ago, but take him back, no!

They have since been coming and going. I refused to allow them in my house and won’t take him back. The last time he came, he called me all sorts of names and even accused me of playing God. Please, Taiwo, what should I do?

Kindly advise me.
[/b]

hmmm very touching,pray to God for direction ok
only God will tell you what to do.
remember as long as your husband is still alive,if you have sex with another man is a sin,so pray seasonlessly ok.God is your strenght

There is no problem here. All the woman need to do is get the man a boys quarter in one of her houses. But she must ensure that the house is far away from the one she lives. Furthermore, she can allow him to have his women in the boys quarter but ensure agian that she would not be the new wife. With this, she will then pass by the house everyday and give him food and drinks on her way to work as one will do for a beggar!


I am so sure that the man is shameless. I wonder what he would have done if the woman has not been successful. shame on men who abandon their wives after making a covenant to stay for better for worse.

On the second note, the woman must realize that she was inadvertently a major beneficiary of the man waywardness. All glory must go to God and not to her. If she has remained the man husband, there is little chance that she would have been forced to work harder and independently. She should forgive the man from the very depth of her mind and maybe she can as suggested earlier "give the man alms everyday" with maximum dignity. After all, he is her children father. I wonder how it will be for such couple to lie together again as husband and wife without the past creeping to the now-wretched man. He must be very ashamed. On other hand, if the wife can cope with this, she may go ahead and remarry him. BUT SHE MUST NEVER MAKE A MISTAKE OF LETTING HIM CONTROL HER BUSINESS. ALL HER PROPERTIES AND WHATEVER MUST BE WILLED TO HER CHILDREN,. NOT A SINGLE COIN FOR THE MAN.

Shocked! I will drop a note as soon as I recover.

@chiejik, of all the problems this lady has, the only thing you can talk about is her having sex with another mann
This is obviously a spiritual matter and only the Grace of the Almighty Father saved her in the first palce 9yrs ago.
She doesnt need to pray and she doesn need any advice. She needs to thank God that he has been with her all this time, and she needs to RUN like the devil himself is after her!

why should she take him back after all he did

abeg woman better run for your dear life jare, who knows his next evil plan

i believe you have been given a second chance to life again better dont mess it up the second time cox you might not be so lucky this time around.

i hear no change in him/ he's probably coming back becos he's a broke ass and looking for who to latch on.

better be careful

Ha!!!

I wonder what the church's stance will be on this issue. Since they are always preaching " Thou shalt not divorce" . Am sure some people will tell her to go back to that devil incarnate.
The man doesnt have sense sha. You're calling her to beg for over 10 years neglect, and then you call her names and accuse her of playing God. If it takes you a century to beg her, beg and dont call names.
I wonder why she has'nt divorced him though.
GOD is truly on her side.

I say run, if ur husband could use you for rituals, he could kill you. stay away from him and concentrate on your kids. ignore the begging from his family because he is not worth it.

Thank God he saved you from this man, why would u want to jump back in again

The Lord gave this woman a haven against all odds, it's faith in all its glory. As for her hubby, i think she should set him free, permanently. There is nothing like taking him back, unless she wants to be miserable again. Imagine someone coming to beg still trying to belittle her, he has indeed doomed himself.

Love covereth a multitude of sin, but with a Fetish man?, mba, rara!

These are the kind of men we want "extinct"

Woman, not even for the kids dont accept him. he might be back cos of your wealth or to use one of the kids for rituals. its good you have forgiven him, if u can just assist him financialy once and for all, im sure you can buy the the kids parternity off him, he can never make a good father and the kids wont be proud of him. Dont take him back, he is dangerous.

Hello Woman,  the problem with we Nigerians is dat we pray alots in issues we've to think, take action and decide.  God had served u d 1st time because of your innocency and for the seek of your kids.  If u make d 2nd mistake, God may just look at U.  Continue your life as long as u've forgiven him.  If he had remorse, he won't still belittle U.  Who knows his next plan or step?  Leave him to his conscience.

Sorry my sister for this question. If u were suffering with dat children would he have come back? THINK O!!!

oh my God things do happen. please woman dont go back to him

remember as long as your husband is still alive,if you have sex with another man is a sin,so pray seasonlessly ok.God is your strenght

Jesus specifically mentioned marital infidelity as grounds for a divorce, so they crossed that bridge a long time ago. If she says she has forgiven him, that is great. Scripturally, I think that is what is required of her. I see no basis for taking him back.

It is even paining me so much that she is asking the question! What should I do??
Don't even try to take the devil back again. He tried to kill you before remember, he obviously has not changed !! I beg you in the name of God, don't set your eyes on him ever gain, run for your dear life

dont take the dog back

The lady shouldn't accept gboyega back into her life because if he ever comes , he'll simply finish up wat he started and she shuld 4give him . I suggest caution

[font=Lucida Sans Unicode]Poster:

This man never showed any evidence of repentance but after 9 years! still came back to slaughter you with abusive words and maltreatment.

It is never God's intention for you or any woman to be abused: He violated you, mistreated you, exposed you to the dangers of veneral disease, wasn't a good provider, neglected his children, and so on,

I believe in forgiveness but [b]HE HAS NOT REPENTED (CHANGED HIS ATTITUDE) OR SEEMED LIKE HE IS SORROWFUL.[/b]EVEN our Holy God requires that we confess and repent if we want to be reconciled to HIM

Now, why would God lift you higher out of the muck and mire just be thrust back in the dirt emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally?

The God who delivered you and helped you is the same God who has the perfect will in mind for your life. Seek Him and not the will of man. This man apparently can't love himself. Therefore, he will never love you properly unless a drastic change comes about