Silkmoth33:
What's up nah!

John share ur own experience , who do u like better ur dad or mom. As for me I love my dad way more.

Many people's parents were sadists. Looks like your dad is not an exception.

My dad denied me from birth.... said i was too fair...lol. never paid my fees, never bought me a biscuit... but do i hate him? No! My life is too good to be bitter... i can only be thankful to my mum for being strong for me...

He is claiming he has a correct son now though.

Just leave the bitterness and embrace greatness. Everyone will rally round.... the journey is just starting.... until i get my mum a big house in lekki im not heaving a sigh of relief yet.....

Maybe i wont beat my kids when i have them though from the trend im seeing on this thread.

tayooluwole:
This is how I feel when ever my Mum tells me that my Dad will be travelling on a long journey... I don't like seeing my Dad around at all, he is too harsh and authoritative, there is no fatherly relationship btwn me and him. When ever he comes in trough the front gate, I immediately jump out through d next available backyard door... Me and him don't talk cordially except he wanna ask me something and after aswering him I immediately take my leave

Same here bro... I do not hate him o but I no dey like make he dey around

When would u nw lyk I'm,is it when his died already?FOOL

calliope:

NOPE, waiting for the right woman to come along

You wanna marry a woman?

omonnakoda:
Life is complex . There is no point to pretend about it if you do not like your parents. There is a world of difference between liking a person and loving them.It is difficult to like a person who makes you feel fear and anxiety all the time.
However as you get older you have to take responsibility for your self and your life and that means finding someway to let go of negative energy.Some people call this forgiveness.But that is too simplistic a word. In fact often it is meaningless.You can say you forgive forever without changing how you feel or removing the fear and anxiety you feel
Quite often you have to start with understanding the person that hurt you. You must somehow see his perspective to understand his motivations .Quite often they may have been treated the same way or worse and not know any better.May have some mental health problems e.g depression or alcoholism or just be a complete shiitt. Eventually you will start to feel pity for this person because they lacked correct knowledge and or thinking. Life has thrown that emotional baggage your way and your psychological task is to solve it and therefore grow.That is a journey.Learn to meditate.
The future: It is almost impossible to repair these relationships to a level that you might like i.e that you become buddies,confidants etc especially if your father has no insight or understanding.What may be a best scenario is you are polite and respectful and DUTIFUL.
I emphasize the word dutiful ,meaning you perform all socially expected duties and are polite and respectful .This is the usual scenario whilst keeping your emotional distance.
There is one final point I will emphasize for the spiritual minded that will not go down well with so called Christians.Many Christians only pray for good things and want to keep pain and suffering away from themselves. This is foolishness. If any person is suffering you are suffering if any person is evil you are evil.If you are able to empathize with the good person and the bad person and see their evil and pain as your own their misdeeds as your own then it is easier to forgive because their is no separation I am you and you are me.
Ifa says
"an old man cannot be angry with his shitt"
Whatever evil another man does, you did it, that is the essence of forgiveness. The You -I separation is an illusion. an illustration of our intrinsic selfishness. If we spend a lot more of our time reflecting on those who slept outside and went hungry last night imagining it was us or our loved ones.In short taking the pain of others personally we would see how easy it is to forgive and purge negative energy

Beautiful comment! please pm me. i'll love us to be e-friends:-)

favourmic:


I get your point,but spoil the rock?..... Any way its deepend the kind of parent we fall into...


if you see the way some kids behave this days you go fear God and blame their parent..

But how can a father just beat his kids any how without no offence? I'm still curious

There are ways to correct a child. But hitting shouldn't be one of them. It is nothing but inflicting pain(physical and emotional) and does nothing to address why you believe the offence is wrong.
Let the punishment relate to the offence but also take time to explain why they are being punished.
With my child, I simply take away whatever privileges he has at that moment. Yes some kids can push your buttons but when I see myself about to react in anger, I walk away before I lash out and hurt him.
Only when I have calmed down do I address the behaviour.
You hit your child, you are only teaching them to solve problems with violence. We have to think about the message we want them to take forward.
Help them understand why the action is wrong rather than simply communicating that they are wrong.

You should be thanking ur God and him for sticking around,he probably wanted the best for you and didn't want to see you go astray.

Go ask those that their dad was never around e.g tupac shakur.


I just saw a thread similar to what I was trying say.so I tot I should modify my post.

See pic below for the thread.

shaybebaby:

There are ways to correct a child. But hitting shouldn't be one of them. It is nothing but inflicting pain(physical and emotional) and does nothing to address why you believe the offence is wrong.
Let the punishment relate to the offence but also take time to explain why they are being punished.
With my child, I simply take away whatever privileges he has at that moment. Yes some kids can push your buttons but when I see myself about to react in anger, I walk away before I lash out and hurt him.
Only when I have calmed down do I address the behaviour.
You hit your child, you are only teaching them to solve problems with violence. We have to think about the message we want them to take forward.
Help them understand why the action is wrong rather than simply communicating that they are wrong.

You so sound like my wife.what privilege does average Africa child have?

nikkypearl:
I hate to be the third to comment on a rustic thread

Do you know you ain't doing anybody a favour by forgiving?bitterness is like a poison,when you harbor it within,everything around you begins to wither away!

Nikky... You've almost said my mind...

@airforce1 .... You will be a father somehow and you'll beat ur child when he's either wrong or not and he'll not see it as a punishment but as hatred...

You have to let go whatever your father did to you and be in harmony with him.....

Call him and be free.. Else, you will regret somehow if u realised that u hated him for nothing!

I dnt think your dad will jst beat u when u've not done somfin wrong!

Gofwane:
i'm telling you. My dad became useless to us immediately our mum died in 2003. He abandoned 5 of us at our grandmother's place including our newly born sister that survived the childbirth that killed our mum. without giving anything for our upkeep.


All he does with his money was drinking. At times, he will drink to stupor and fall on the way and passersby would rob him of his phone and money before coming to call us to come and pick him up.

I ended up not talking to him whenever we meet. I even stopped greeting him. We were not in talking terms till i left home to go hustle in another state. Few years later, i was called and told the man had died! That was when i began to feel bad about my behaviour. It was then i realised that two wrongs don't make a right. I wept badly and wished i could reverse the hands of time but twas already late.

i got to love him on his dying bed.i couldn't take it seeing him struggle to live...I still regret not loving him.blood is always be thicker than water

qoura123:

if mine die I will just bury him and move on if not for my mum he will never see or hear my voice
some men are never fit to bring up children to this world my dad was one.
all men should treat their wife and children with love and respect.

bros I bet if he dies you will live to remember him someday and ud wished u were close to him

tntcorps:


Maybe he didn't think you are brainy enough
No hard feelings just saying

and I don't think you are brainy enough to quote me.

Airforce1:
So today I took my niece to go play with her mates at Sweet sensation children funfair in my crib..
She was so happy playing with her mates and I on the other side keeping an eye on her got carried away by the thought of not having enough love by that man that called himself my father back in the days as a kid.

I remember my dad beating me up at every slightest provocation even on children's day.

He is a bad man
I remember catching him with a strange woman while momma was away
But he fucking deceived me she was his course mate back in university.

What made me hate him more was the day he flogged me in the presence of my child hood girl friend .
I can't forget that day.
He messed me up so badly that I had to run to momma to ask if that man was actually my father.

I hate him with passion.

Till these present day that I'm grown up , I don't even call him , I don't care about him... I only care about mom because she gave me confidence , showed me love and treat me right .


So to the parents reading my story, you've got to be not just mom and dad to your children , you've got to be friends with them too so they don't go online and write my kind of story about you when they became adults.


Thanks for reading.
Airforce!

We are in the same boat. I thought I was the only one. My friends with wonderful dads keep advising me to forgive him but little do they know that the issue has nothing to do with forgiveness, we just can't be close. I just can't call him and I just don't care about him.

sugarbeesmith:
bros I bet if he dies you will live to remember him someday and ud wished u were close to him

no bro it just natural blood is thicker than water hell no.
the blood of friendship (cult) is thicker than water (from the womb) if he dies I pay a visit bury him move on sikena

@Airforce 1. Congrats for letting us know what you are doing to yourself. It could actually turn out to be to your good if you listen to kind advice. You people going around hating anyone including your fathers, remember you will be someone's parent someday. What goes around comes around. I had reasons to dislike my dad also but I didn't have a choice but to forgive him, cos he's my dad and I couldn't have come to this world without him. I confronted him one day and he wasn't happy but I freed my mind of what I was carrying inside and became free. My dads only way of correction was flogging and I didn't improve until he changed his methods to advising me. He also kept comparing me to my cousins that usually do better than me in school for instance.
Bros, free yourself. Tell your dad what is going on inside of you and begin your healing process. Tell him in the way he will understand. If you don't do this, you will see the long term effects of grudge. And it's not a good thing. Good luck!

euromilion:


You so sound like my wife.what privilege does average Africa child have?

You'll be amazed. It's a matter of taking something "THEY" like away.
My child for instance likes to tell me when to shower and I humour him because I find it funny, like he is the shower police.
Any ways, it was bedtime and he had just had his shower and as usual was like" mummy shower". He had been naughty during his shower, tipping water over the floor and generally being a little terror.
So of course when the usual order came, I refused. No point in rewarding bad behaviour with nice mummy who generally runs around trying to please him. You should have seen the tears that day , one would think he would have preferred it if I had smacked him.
Needless to say, it worked a treat. Actually his reaction made me laugh but if I had smacked him, it wouldn't have hit home where it should have.

You stories are just infinitesimal compared to mine. My dad was a monster. Still a monster. I became short-sighted due to one of his beatings. I was filled with fear anytime I was sleeping. I couldn't sleep deep for abt 10 yrs of my life. He was a Pharaoh in my life. Also very fetish (he is a pastor too, dt makes me laff). There are some tins I can't just type here. I can write a story about him and it will make a hit. Sorry terrible a father.

AnalyticEngine:


We are in the same boat. I thought I was the only one. My friends with wonderful dads keep advising me to forgive him but little do they know that the issue has nothing to do with forgiveness, we just can't be close. I just can't call him and I just don't care about him.

The issue is not really forgiving him. I think that is where people get confused. First of all what does it mean to forgive a person. Imagine if you have a driver that drinks a lot. You sack him and he comes back to plead and you forgive him but he is still a drinker would you reemploy him? So forgiveness is not about getting close and going out partying together. Forgiving is a process of SELF PURIFICATION. Failure to forgive often manifests in dreams one way or another.
Infact it is not only others we need to forgive. We need to forgive ourselves too. There are many things we have all done small and big for which we have not forgiven ourselves and may not even be aware of .On the other hand there are times when we believe we have forgiven others and we really have not.Whatever ma be the case unless in situations where we can actually inflict suffering on the offender Our forgiveness is irrelevant to them.

We must understand that our mind and our bodies are continuations one of the other and failure to forgive can result in physical illnesses in fact Jesus spoke of forgiveness before prayer or something like that.Funny I am quoting Jesus as I am an Ifa adherent.
If you have difficulty forgiving a particular person and it causes difficulty you can perform some rituals e.g coconut breaking or prayer to cleanse yourself, for the concretely minded otherwise contemplation and meditation should do. In other to forgive you must persuade yourself that somehow whatever offence was committed was committed by you or AS IF by you and that you are the one in need of forgiveness. i.e empathizing with the offender. This is a profound psychological task and that is why people rarely forgive even though they claim to have done so
The end result of forgiveness should be a state of mind where you feel compassion and understanding for the offender but also you must acquire something in the process.The knowledge that people including yourself are weak and fallible and that you too offend and need forgiveness too. There is no forgiveness without forgiving and so on.

shaybebaby:

You'll be amazed. It's a matter of taking something "THEY" like away.
My child for instance likes to tell me when to shower and I humour him because I find it funny, like he is the shower police.
Any ways, it was bedtime and he had just had his shower and as usual was like" mummy shower". He had been naughty during his shower, tipping water over the floor and generally being a little terror.
So of course when the usual order came, I refused. No point in rewarding bad behaviour with nice mummy who generally runs around trying to please him. You should have seen the tears that day , one would think he would have preferred it if I had smacked him.
Needless to say, it worked a treat. Actually his reaction made me laugh but if I had smacked him, it wouldn't have hit home where it should have.

I know it works,but not in Africa,African kids has no privilege,I can't remember anything that my parents could've taken away from me then.

I however do use your method on my kids,because they've things that I could take away.

But as for average African kids,all I could say is Lord have mercy.some African parents are so poor,that all they've is their kids.

euromilion:


I know it works,but not in Africa,African kids has no privilege,I can't remember anything that my parents could've taken away from me then.

I however do use your method on my kids,because they've things that I could take away.

But as for average African kids,all I could say is Lord have mercy.some African parents are so poor,that all they've is their kids.

That just made me sad. Broke my heart

shaybebaby:

That just made me sad. Broke my heart

I know it's sad,but that's the life we are living on,bad politicians in Africa are the cause,not me or you.

All me and you can do is to try and educate people around us,especially those in Africa,not to have kids if they can't afford it.

Shalom.

MsFaith:


inshort I could share some annoying things my mother did to me online, that when I remember I can't help but hate her

And you think anyone online will have pity on you? Go on share, you are only given them the ammunition to use against you

cocktopuss:
My dad denied me from birth.... said i was too fair...lol. never paid my fees, never bought me a biscuit... but do i hate him? No! My life is too good to be bitter... i can only be thankful to my mum for being strong for me...

He is claiming he has a correct son now though.

Just leave the bitterness and embrace greatness. Everyone will rally round.... the journey is just starting.... until i get my mum a big house in lekki im not heaving a sigh of relief yet.....

Maybe i wont beat my kids when i have them though from the trend im seeing on this thread.

I may not know you but from you comment it showed you are one of the few mature minds here. You post is deep

Thank you

[quote author=shaybebaby post=46050068]
There are ways to correct a child. But hitting shouldn't be one of them. It is nothing but inflicting pain(physical and emotional) and does nothing to address why you believe the offence is wrong.
Let the punishment relate to the offence but also take time to explain why they are being punished.
With my child, I simply take away whatever privileges he has at that moment. Yes some kids can push your buttons but when I see myself about to react in anger, I walk away before I lash out and hurt him.
Only when I have calmed down do I address the behaviour.
You hit your child, you are only teaching them to solve problems with violence. We have to think about the message we want them to take forward.
Help them understand why the action is wrong rather than simply communicating that they are wrong.[/quote


Then why the Bible say A child's heart has a tendency to do wrong, but the rod of discipline removes it far away from him. I remember back in school I used to came late then, even never too serious about my studies my highest scored is 4/10 during our test, but when this teacher Mr Lash take over my life never remain the same although I don't like him then but no I always pray for him and want to do more for him.

Airforce1:
So today I took my niece to go play with her mates at Sweet sensation children funfair in my crib..
She was so happy playing with her mates and I on the other side keeping an eye on her got carried away by the thought of not having enough love by that man that called himself my father back in the days as a kid.

I remember my dad beating me up at every slightest provocation even on children's day.

He is a bad man
I remember catching him with a strange woman while momma was away
But he fucking deceived me she was his course mate back in university.

What made me hate him more was the day he flogged me in the presence of my child hood girl friend .
I can't forget that day.
He messed me up so badly that I had to run to momma to ask if that man was actually my father.

I hate him with passion.

Till these present day that I'm grown up , I don't even call him , I don't care about him... I only care about mom because she gave me confidence , showed me love and treat me right .


So to the parents reading my story, you've got to be not just mom and dad to your children , you've got to be friends with them too so they don't go online and write my kind of story about you when they became adults.


Thanks for reading.
Airforce!

If you see how I rush to come read weytin your gather do you enh.

omonnakoda:
The issue is not really forgiving him. I think that is where people get confused. First of all what does it mean to forgive a person. Imagine if you have a driver that drinks a lot. You sack him and he comes back to plead and you forgive him but he is still a drinker would you reemploy him? So forgiveness is not about getting close and going out partying together. Forgiving is a process of SELF PURIFICATION. Failure to forgive often manifests in dreams one way or another.
Infact it is not only others we need to forgive. We need to forgive ourselves too. There are many things we have all done small and big for which we have not forgiven ourselves and may not even be aware of .On the other hand there are times when we believe we have forgiven others and we really have not.Whatever ma be the case unless in situations where we can actually inflict suffering on the offender Our forgiveness is irrelevant to them.

We must understand that our mind and our bodies are continuations one of the other and failure to forgive can result in physical illnesses in fact Jesus spoke of forgiveness before prayer or something like that.Funny I am quoting Jesus as I am an Ifa adherent.
If you have difficulty forgiving a particular person and it causes difficulty you can perform some rituals e.g coconut breaking or prayer to cleanse yourself, for the concretely minded otherwise contemplation and meditation should do. In other to forgive you must persuade yourself that somehow whatever offence was committed was committed by you or AS IF by you and that you are the one in need of forgiveness. i.e empathizing with the offender. This is a profound psychological task and that is why people rarely forgive even though they claim to have done so
The end result of forgiveness should be a state of mind where you feel compassion and understanding for the offender but also you must acquire something in the process.The knowledge that people including yourself are weak and fallible and that you too offend and need forgiveness too. There is no forgiveness without forgiving and so on.

Nice one.

Hmmm father's love..
I promise when i ve my own kids i will give them all the love in the world.

I will make sure none of them repeat my mistakes.. And in all the places my father ve had his short comings towards me, i will learn from it to better my kids life.

Unfortunately when u disdain your parents, as u grow up u find yourself doing exactly the samething.

free2ryhme:


And you think anyone online will have pity on you? Go on share, you are only given them the ammunition to use against you

but you are funny o.
He came online to share his pain, you are suppose to advice him not criticise him. Even on this same thread, people are speaking up and testifying to the kind of hatred they built for their parents over the years. What would you say about those that came to seek advice over some issues?

naijaboiy:

Thank you very much.

He should be enjoying the attention and sympathy from people now but I also hope he will realize that opening this thread is not worth it at all.

I actually think op did the right thing by pouring out his hidden pain in an anonymous forum. We can't continue to live in pretence.
See how many others have been encouraged by his frankness to open up on their own hurt.
There are ladies who can't ever muster the courage to inform their mothers how they were sexually abused by their fathers
Admitting that there is a problem is the first step toward healing.
My own father! I don't want to go there but my siblings and I decided to be everything he was not. So evil behavior isn't genetic.