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Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now - Family - Nairaland

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Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Juzzybabe(f): 3:17pm On Jun 13, 2016
Hi family,am here again. Some of us here have been following my story and for those who haven't,this link will give you an idea of whats at stake. https://www.nairaland.com/2056750/advice-he-wants-me-leave
I think divorce is just what i need right now but before then, my husband obviously married me with no intention of settling down and having a family. THIS IS A DAMAGE DONE TO MY LIFE how can i make him pay for this?
Secondly, he has up to this moment shown no sign of remorse over he and his parents acts towards me. As for our child,he doesn't support her in anyway.But i really hate the fact where people would say you cannot deny a child his or her father. In my case where the father doesn't care what can i do? Am sure that stingy man is relaxing and waiting after i have done the work on her,den he will come to claim child. He lives and works in Dubai and am here in GH. It is either he signs to support this kid or forget he ever had a child with me (People says that's impossible). How does the law favor me in this ?
All in all, our marriage is not even working out and i see no sign of seriousness in him. I need to move on,I think waiting on him to make amends is not just fruitful. The guy doesn't care! I need divorce to move on. Please people,I am here again,i will appreciate some good advises.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Nobody: 3:54pm On Jun 13, 2016
So sorry it got to this.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by AnotherSeun(m): 4:02pm On Jun 13, 2016
obviously seems yu married the wrong guy

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Dreal11247: 4:04pm On Jun 13, 2016
Having gone through your previous post, it's very clear that the marriage is established on a faulty foundation. I'm counselling as a true child of God. We always advice intending couples that they engage in much prayers before marriage against the plots of the wicked and for God to stop the marriage if it is not going to be favourable.
With this, there is still hope for you in God. Prayers are needed to correct all that are not right. I will advice that you forget about divorce as that is never a good option. There are forces that fight marriages. Some of them remain silent till immediately after the marriage.
With God, all things are possible.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by thorpido(m): 4:28pm On Jun 13, 2016
Juzzybabe my sister.I'm pro-marriage but this one you have is just not it.Having waited this long and your hubby is still not making amends and trying to work out the marriage,I'll say you should move on.
Since the child is with you,you will raise the child all by yourself.
It's true you may not be able to deny the child meeting the father in the future but I believe the law will favour you having custody of the child.
Just get a good lawyer who will advise you.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Meringe(m): 4:54pm On Jun 13, 2016
All these obodo oyibo marriage. Most of them end this way. One common thing about them are lies and deceit.
My dear, it's left for you to know what you want. I have two friends who found themselves in your shoes but theirs are slightly different cos their then partners was sending them money on regular basis, but it is not about money. Marriage needs to be enjoyed, not endured. I hate it when people deceive others to marriage. Kai

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Onegai(f): 4:55pm On Jun 13, 2016
2 years later, after all that wahala. Sigh.

Contact a lawyer depending on the country you got married in (Nigeria or Ghana). They will give you the best advice. You should prepare yourself by having a paying job and secure accomodation, the court will look at that. Also, have prrof of payments that show you have been handling bills without the biological father's financial input. A good lawyer will sort out the rest.

As for him collecting the child after she's grown (i recall it was a girl you had, right?), he can't. Not unless he's a billionaire and it is in your child's best interest to secure her share of inheritance. She may show curiosity about her parent, but most of the kids, the more they grow, go from Anger (at missing parent) to Understanding that life happened. But not Love. I'm speaking from experience of knowing at least 5 people who grew up without ona parent and the only one who cared was the one whose father showed up to make amends when he was in his teens (and father introduced him to his half siblings and he started a family relationship). All the others, when the missing parent eventually showed up in their adulthood, the child wanted nothing to do with them or treated them as acquaintances. Don't insult him to your child, just say "life happened and I'll explain every day till you can make sense of it".

Africans are very sentimental, so they will say stuff like "a child must locate its father". Rarely true, especially when the child realises that the father had a choice to stay and be involved but chose not to.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Juzzybabe(f): 5:24pm On Jun 13, 2016
Onegai:
2 years later, after all that wahala. Sigh.

Contact a lawyer depending on the country you got married in (Nigeria or Ghana). They will give you the best advice. You should prepare yourself by having a paying job and secure accomodation, the court will look at that. Also, have prrof of payments that show you have been handling bills without the biological father's financial input. A good lawyer will sort out the rest.

As for him collecting the child after she's grown (i recall it was a girl you had, right?), he can't. Not unless he's a billionaire and it is in your child's best interest to secure her share of inheritance. She may show curiosity about her parent, but most of the kids, the more they grow, go from Anger (at missing parent) to Understanding that life happened. But not Love. I'm speaking from experience of knowing at least 5 people who grew up without ona parent and the only one who cared was the one whose father showed up to make amends when he was in his teens (and father introduced him to his half siblings and he started a family relationship). All the others, when the missing parent eventually showed up in their adulthood, the child wanted nothing to do with them or treated them as acquaintances. Don't insult him to your child, just say "life happened and I'll explain every day till you can make sense of it".
Africans are very sentimental, so they will say stuff like "a child must locate its father". Rarely true, especially when the child realises that the father had a choice to stay and be involved but chose not to.

What breaks my heart is sometimes even my mum lives on that belief that the guy will come and claim his child,but how is he supposed to when he is not being a responsible father? That is why i want to know my legal stand so that when time comes,i wont hear the African story of child must meet father.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Juzzybabe(f): 5:29pm On Jun 13, 2016
Dreal11247:
Having gone through your previous post, it's very clear that the marriage is established on a faulty foundation. I'm counselling as a true child of God. We always advice intending couples that they engage in much prayers before marriage against the plots of the wicked and for God to stop the marriage if it is not going to be favourable.
With this, there is still hope for you in God. Prayers are needed to correct all that are not right. I will advice that you forget about divorce as that is never a good option. There are forces that fight marriages. Some of them remain silent till immediately after the marriage.
With God, all things are possible.

Even if God wants to answer my prayer,if he cant work the miracle in the direction of changing him completely,let him find me another man that will treat me with love and respect. If you know how much beatings i got even while pregnant from that beast i married,every time he visited i was his boxing sand bag. I never for a day enjoy the marriage i happily signed for. i don't want it again o. and i cant even waste my prayers in that direction again

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Prettiepearlz(f): 5:43pm On Jun 13, 2016
Juzzybabe:


Even if God wants to answer my prayer,if he cant work the miracle in the direction of changing him completely,let him find me another man that will treat me with love and respect. If you know how much beatings i got even while pregnant from that beast i married,every time he visited i was his boxing sand bag. I never for a day enjoy the marriage i happily signed for. i don't want it again o. and i cant even waste my prayers in that direction again
Hmmmmm, I have always been a silent follower of all your threads, although I don't comment I never fail to say a word of prayer for you, although I don't remember you mentioning he was assaulting you physically even when pregnant(na wa oooooo and that mother of his keeps running her mouth supporting her son despite knowing he beats you up, yet she go talk say she be Christian mother or probably an active member in the CWO), I always pray for you that God restores your marriage but it seem your mind is made up and you are ready to move on with your life, I support you 100% and wish you well in all your endeavours because you have really tried. I am also a Catholic and I am not in support of divorce but in your case, God knows you have endured enough. Just ask God for directions and he will guide you.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Dreal11247: 5:58pm On Jun 13, 2016
Juzzybabe:


Even if God wants to answer my prayer,if he cant work the miracle in the direction of changing him completely,let him find me another man that will treat me with love and respect. If you know how much beatings i got even while pregnant from that beast i married,every time he visited i was his boxing sand bag. I never for a day enjoy the marriage i happily signed for. i don't want it again o. and i cant even waste my prayers in that direction again
Painful it may be. Really sorry for the experience.
But I made a statement that there are forces that fight marriages and at times automatically start working immediately after the marriage. There is nothing prayers cannot do . Most of the times, it is the man''s spirit wife and the woman's spirit husband that are fighting which now manipulate the couple into hating each other. If not properly and cautiously arrested with adequate prayers, could result in the breakage of the marriage.

I learnt of a case in which the man was chasing after the wife with a cutlass. The woman escaped to a church and was praying. Later on, the man located the wife and when asked why he was chasing after the wife with a cutlass, you won't believe his answer. He said that he was chasing after a goat with all seriousness. Assuming the woman didn't run for her dear life, that would have been her end. Divorce l don't think is the best solution. Prayer is still your best option.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Bolade005: 6:00pm On Jun 13, 2016
If you got married in Nigeria and you need a lawyer, I can get a friend to help.

Get out of that marriage while you're still young and you still got your sanity.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Juzzybabe(f): 6:04pm On Jun 13, 2016
Bolade005:
If you got married in Nigeria and you need a lawyer, I can get a friend to help.

Get out of that marriage while you're still young and you still got your sanity.

Yes i got married in Nigeria. And i seriously needs a lawyer.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by iamord(m): 6:05pm On Jun 13, 2016
Juzzybabe:


Even if God wants to answer my prayer,if he cant work the miracle in the direction of changing him completely,let him find me another man that will treat me with love and respect. If you know how much beatings i got even while pregnant from that beast i married,every time he visited i was his boxing sand bag. I never for a day enjoy the marriage i happily signed for. i don't want it again o. and i cant even waste my prayers in that direction again

This got me sad. It's sad that you tied the knots with the wrong guy. Well what has happened has happened. It's not over as you still have a bright future ahead of you. Rise up and pick what you have with you. I know it will take some time. It's a gradual process. File for divorce in the country you did your marriage. If possible get a restraining order. Get a job and make something to support yourself. . . You and the child will be great. Work like he does not exist. As you move and choose not to be weighed down. Doors will open up to you. Later he will come back biting his words.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Bolade005: 6:07pm On Jun 13, 2016
Juzzybabe:


Yes i got married in Nigeria. And i seriously needs a lawyer.
I will talk to him and forward links to your threads to him so he can fully understand what you're going through. I will get back to you.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by iamord(m): 6:08pm On Jun 13, 2016
Dreal11247:

Painful it may be. Really sorry for the experience.
But I made a statement that there are forces that fight marriages and at times automatically start working immediately after the marriage. There is nothing prayers cannot do . Most of the times, it is the man''s spirit wife and the woman's spirit husband that are fighting which now manipulate the couple into hating each other. If not properly and cautiously arrested with adequate prayers, could result in the breakage of the marriage.

I learnt of a case in which the man was chasing after the wife with a cutlass. The woman escaped to a church and was praying. Later on, the man located the wife and when asked why he was chasing after the wife with a cutlass, you won't believe his answer. He said that he was chasing after a goat with all seriousness. Assuming the woman didn't run for her dear life, that would have been her end. Divorce l don't think is the best solution. Prayer is still your best option.

What is spirit husband and spirit wife again na. So cos say person dey irresponsible means say na Devil .

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Project400: 6:42pm On Jun 13, 2016
Take good care of your baby, and care less about who 'owns' the child. Some day, your child would ask about his father even if he's denied of participatory fatherhood at childhood. As a matter of fact, you cannot 'hide' him forever, it's just a matter of time before he begins to ask questions.

Just make yourself happy as much as possible. smiley

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Juzzybabe(f): 6:42pm On Jun 13, 2016
Bolade005:

I will talk to him and forward links to your threads to him so he can fully understand what you're going through. I will get back to you.

Ok. Thanks.
Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Juzzybabe(f): 6:45pm On Jun 13, 2016
iamord:


This got me sad. It's sad that you tied the knots with the wrong guy. Well what has happened has happened. It's not over as you still have a bright future ahead of you. Rise up and pick what you have with you. I know it will take some time. It's a gradual process. File for divorce in the country you did your marriage. If possible get a restraining order. Get a job and make something to support yourself. . . You and the child will be great. Work like he does not exist. As you move and choose not to be weighed down. Doors will open up to you. Later he will come back biting his words.

Thanks. I have a good job and my baby is fine. But it will so pain me if after all my effort on this kid,that guy comes and claim where he didnt sow. thats y i need legal advice now.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Juzzybabe(f): 6:53pm On Jun 13, 2016
Prettiepearlz:

Hmmmmm, I have always been a silent follower of all your threads, although I don't comment I never fail to say a word of prayer for you, although I don't remember you mentioning he was assaulting you physically even when pregnant(na wa oooooo and that mother of his keeps running her mouth supporting her son despite knowing he beats you up, yet she go talk say she be Christian mother or probably an active member in the CWO), I always pray for you that God restores your marriage but it seem your mind is made up and you are ready to move on with your life, I support you 100% and wish you well in all your endeavors because you have really tried. I am also a Catholic and I am not in support of divorce but in your case, God knows you have endured enough. Just ask God for directions and he will guide you.

o yea, beating was part of it o. Especially when i was in my eight month,he visited Nigeria and beat me almost to coma,he left me bloody and was still beating until i managed to escape. when i escaped,his mum got angrier,she said i ran out to expose her family to outsiders. That made my case even worse. My dear the story is long and i cant even mention all my terrible experiences.
worst of all, he now calls my family and insults them claiming they have his child,and when they ask him what he's doing to restore his family he says its irrelevant to the discussion. I need to move on,i cant keep waiting.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Prettiepearlz(f): 7:28pm On Jun 13, 2016
Juzzybabe:


o yea, beating was part of it o. Especially when i was in my eight month,he visited Nigeria and beat me almost to coma,he left me bloody and was still beating until i managed to escape. when i escaped,his mum got angrier,she said i ran out to expose her family to outsiders. That made my case even worse. My dear the story is long and i cant even mention all my terrible experiences.
worst of all, he now calls my family and insults them claiming they have his child,and when they ask him what he's doing to restore his family he says its irrelevant to the discussion. I need to move on,i cant keep waiting.
Yes, you need to move on. you mean all these happened and she said those about you exposing her family, hmmmm, your MIL is one of those women who wants her family to be seen as a perfect one whereas they are far from it, does she have a female child at all? if yes, are they also supporting their mum and brother? Cos I doubt she would appreciate it if her daughters were treated the way you were treated. Gosh, how can a mother watch an eight months pregnant woman being assaulted by her own son knowing that stage is a delicate one and all she cares about is her family's reputation. As for your baby, she is a special child oooooo, pls take get good care of her, after enduring all those bloody beatings during your gestational period she still no gree oooooo, she still came as a comfort to you. As for your husband, with all due respect ma'am he is an asshole so if he had killed the baby in your womb during his occasional beatings then would there have been a baby he is asking for now, you own that child and it's your decision that should count, he was only a channel for that lovely angel coming to the world, but I thought he was begging you to come back, what happened to him?

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Juzzybabe(f): 7:38pm On Jun 13, 2016
Prettiepearlz:

Yes, you need to move on. you mean all these happened and she said those about you exposing her family, hmmmm, your MIL are one of those women who wants her family to be seen as a perfect one whereas they are far from it, does she have a female child at all? if yes, are they also supporting their mum and brother? Cos I doubt she would appreciate it if her daughters were treated the way you were treated. Gosh, how can a mother watch an eight months pregnant woman being assaulted by her own son knowing that stage is a delicate one and all she cares about is her family's reputation. As for your baby, she is a special child oooooo, pls take get good care of her, after enduring all those bloody beatings during your gestational period she still no gree oooooo, she still came as a comfort to you. As for your husband, with all due respect ma'am he is an asshole so if he had killed the baby in your womb during his occasional beatings then would there have been a baby he is asking for now, you own that child and it's your decision that should count, he was only a channel for that lovely angel coming to the world, but I thought he was begging you to come back, what happened to him?

He's no more begging o,in short, i realized he was only begging to cajole me in bringing back the baby so that he can take her. I keep asking him the same question,the same baby he almost killed in my womb,now he wanna claim he has a child,what if she had not survived the tension. Anyway,my daughter is very strong o, and very brilliant. Am grateful to God for his Grace Tho. His siblings has been silent in all of this. None of them has said anything.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Prettiepearlz(f): 8:08pm On Jun 13, 2016
Juzzybabe:


He's no more begging o,in short, i realized he was only begging to cajole me in bringing back the baby so that he can take her. I keep asking him the same question,the same baby he almost killed in my womb,now he wanna claim he has a child,what if she had not survived the tension. Anyway,my daughter is very strong o, and very brilliant. Am grateful to God for his Grace Tho. His siblings has been silent in all of this. None of them has said anything.
Probably they(the siblings) are those who fall into the category of people who don't interfere in other people's life or they actually know their mother and brother are wrong but are too scared to talk because of their mum and they don't want to be on anybody's wrong side or maybe they are just the silent green snakes. Whatever the case maybe, don't stop struggling, fight for your right and please seek God's approval in everything you do. Is your mum in support of the divorce?

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by MRBrownJ: 8:09pm On Jun 13, 2016
so many clueless women will be so desperate to punish a man that they wouldnt even understand that the worst person affected here is the poor kid in the middle. they selfishly use children as the bait for unwilling men (for whatever reason) to stay with them, or have any contact with their kids under their BS rules. keep fooling yourself!

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Juzzybabe(f): 8:37pm On Jun 13, 2016
Prettiepearlz:

Probably they(the siblings) are those who fall into the category of people who don't interfere in other people's life or they actually know their mother and brother are wrong but are too scared to talk because of their mum and they don't want to be on anybody's wrong side or maybe they are just the silent green snakes. Whatever the case maybe, don't stop struggling, fight for your right and please seek God's approval in everything you do. Is your mum in support of the divorce?

My mum is still praying and hoping for the best but am human. If the man was showing some care,I would have been patient but he's not nice at all. I can't keep waiting.
Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Nobody: 8:38pm On Jun 13, 2016
Hmmmm.. this is really deep...

My sister, I really wish I can have a heart to heart talk with you.. I'll probably send you a pm.

Whatever u decide , put God first and consider your child....
May God ordain your steps. I'll pm you soon.
Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Prettiepearlz(f): 8:59pm On Jun 13, 2016
Juzzybabe:


My mum is still praying and hoping for the best but am human. If the man was showing some care,I would have been patient but he's not nice at all. I can't keep waiting.
God will see you through dear. Just do what's best for you and your baby.
Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Amicable24: 10:16pm On Jun 13, 2016
Juzzybabe:


Even if God wants to answer my prayer,if he cant work the miracle in the direction of changing him completely,let him find me another man that will treat me with love and respect. If you know how much beatings i got even while pregnant from that beast i married,every time he visited i was his boxing sand bag. I never for a day enjoy the marriage i happily signed for. i don't want it again o. and i cant even waste my prayers in that direction again
Was he like this during courtship?? What was your relationship like before the wedding??
.
.
BTW, I'll recommend you see the movie 'War Room' by Kendrick Brothers.. It's a Christian movie about broken marriage and the way forward.. I saw it jst recently and it made a huge impact in my life (though I'm still single). It gave me a new perception about marriage and how God can make a broken marriage stable again.. Pls, watch it if u can, and dnt relent on prayers and the Word of God.. These are the weapon of warfare we Christians use to overcome Satan and his wicked ways.. Pls see that movie, and I hope it will be of great help to you.. I'm not saying you should rely on the movie for a restoration in your marriage, no, it's only God that can restore love and happiness in your marriage..

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by soonest(f): 10:29pm On Jun 13, 2016
@juzzy, I followed your thread then. it's unfortunate things turned out this way. Count your losses and move ahead.

As for that misogynist up there, you are fast becoming a nuisance.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by cococandy(f): 5:29am On Jun 14, 2016
Congratulations on finding yourself and making the best decision for you.

As for your daughter, don't worry about him coming to claim her later. If he comes while she's still young, he must show willingness to be a good parent to her and of course have no ideas about having sole custody of her.

If he comes when she's grown, it will be her decision to make and no one forgets those who took care of them to follow absentee fellows who turn up out of the blues.

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Nobody: 7:44am On Jun 14, 2016
You are angry, disappointed, hurt and let down and rightly so and its okay for you to go through all these emotions.
Let it out.....mourn, cry, scream, talk, sing, pray and do all that you need to do to purge yourself.
Then sit down
Look at the situation and work out the best ways forward
Its the end of the marriage but not the end of your life
You have many many years to go
It is a setback, but the journey continues

What I don't want you to do is to be damaged and twisted or you will miss the beauty in this world
You can love again
You can live again

Put all the thoughts of trying to damage him or stop him from seeing his daughter to one side
It will drain you and stop you from moving on
Dont let him take more than he has already taken


You loved and you lost this time
You can still love again
You can still be loved

Look after your daughter
Look after yourself


(Hugs)

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Re: Advice: After Two Wasted Years, I Want Divorce Now by Bolade005: 10:50am On Jun 14, 2016
Juzzybabe:


My mum is still praying and hoping for the best but am human. If the man was showing some care,I would have been patient but he's not nice at all. I can't keep waiting.
Hello Juzzybabe, I already talked to the lawyer friend and he is ready to assist. Send me a PM so I can forward his number to you then you call him and discuss further.

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