Hello Dear Fellow Nairalanders,

Please i need wise and matured opinion on a particular issue that has stolen my joy and peace of mind for some couple of months now.
I welcome only reasonable and constructive comments alone as this particular issue has drained me emotionally for long.
I am 31 years old and my partner is 35 years old we are married legally with 3kids,Am ibo and my husband is from osun state.We both loved each other greatly when the relationship started that we did not mind our place of origin.We currently reside in the US,We both share the responsibilities of the home here which is quiet normal.Trouble started when he suggested for us to run a joint account.i rejected at first knowing his spending habits but at the end i suggested that we could have a joint account put a certain amount then run a separate personal account.It dint go down well with him and he started fighting me over that ,He has called his parents over 4 times to report me that i am not contributing to his success.This is a man that i dont even make financial demands from rather i spend and manage my monthly income without depending on him.i feed and cloth myself and the 3kids i gave birth to for him.

He is into buying of cars from here in America where we reside,i gave him a some of 1 million naira.Nigerian money to add to his business ,He doesn't acknowledge this or even appreciate all i have done he said it to my face that when the profit comes are we not going to spend together,Am still waiting for the profits to come till date.He said am doing and playing my role as a wife and he keeps quoting Ephesians 5 -22,23 to justify his act of ingratitude.
Now his family sees me as the obstruction to him not sending them money back at home couple with the fact that he has gone to tarnish my image in there presence,I send money to his people and mine whenever i have sufficient funds ,he removes clothes from my body in the presence of his people and comes home to show me love in the house.

I dont love him like i use to do because this is the greatest act of betrayal a man can do to his wife.I am sincerely hanging on because of my kids.How can a man feel comfortable tarnishing the image of his wife in the presence of his people and still want the woman to go through thick and thin with him truthfully.
Is it a crime to make suggestions in a marriage
is it a crime to reject a decision that doesnt go well with you in a relationship

Am so confuse now and very unhappy that my kids can sense it in me,I need only MATURED AND CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS,I have been criticized enough on this issue.Thanks and God bless you all

Is it possible to have that joint account and both of you are signatories to it?Money doesn't leave that account except you both sign the cheque or withdrawal booklet?
You can both sit down to draw a list of your expenditure and decide on how much you spend and what you spend on.
I don't know how well this joint account works cos I don't practice it but someone who does will come to advise you.

I believe you guys dated before marriage but I don't think you discussed issues like finances well before tying the knots.
Seems your husband is a Christian since he quotes the bible.Are you both committed Christians?You can have someone who has some spiritual leadership at your local assembly talk to him.

Your suggestion of having a joint account as well as your own personal account is reasonable and the only option you should accept. Him not wanting you to have your own personal account but just a joint account with him is not only a way for him to have access to money as he wishes because you're the one with stable income, but it's greediness on his part and due to his spending habits, could be potentially unhealthy for your already not-so-happy marriage. You do have three children to look after. You said you're the one who has been feeding them {and providing other necessities they need, I'm sure}. I would be wary of having a joint account with someone whose spending habits are questionable, especially when we have three children to take care of.

Unless he agrees to the requirement of a joint consent before the withdrawal of funds, which he likely wouldn't be keen on. I don't even like this idea because you shouldn't have to seek his permission before withdrawing when you would be the one making the most contributions to the account, but he, on the other hand, should. Having a joint account and your own personal account is your safest bet if you don't want you and the children to end up on the streets.

He is definitely a prototype of how men behave when they're not doing well financially; anger, controlling tendencies, blaming the spouse for their inability to generate income, gossiping about you to their family to make you look bad (oh yes, men gossip too), etc. I hope it won't get to the point where he starts abusing you physically. Him spreading lies about you to his family and telling them you're not contributing to his success is cruel and definitely not the action of a man who truly loves his woman. I'm sure he left out the part where you gave him 1 million Naira for his car-exporting business. You're trying by supporting him already, as a wife should. You should tell your own family back home what's going on, too.

I wish people would take the time to know their potential spouse before marrying him or her, which includes getting to know how they handle money, what they're doing with their lives or plan on doing to support themselves, income-wise. People can suddenly change but some of these habits are always there from the onset but one may overlook them for one reason or the other.

@ shideovlai,

Most men usually forget the following passages:

Ephesians 5:21
Instructions for Christian Households
21 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

Madam, your husband is trying to be cunning. He is already showing the traits. Please don't fall for it to avoid stories that touch.

That being said, you can agree to a joint account (but still have a personal account), where you both contribute (monthly) a specific percentage (or amount if he doesn't have a stable income). Have all manners of restrictions on that account because I believe (I may be wrong) that he wants to have unrestricted access to your money. Also don't pre-sign any checks.

Please be wise. If you have strong faith in Christ, ask him for wisdom and guidance.

1000 likes!

Yieldings:
Your suggestion of having a joint account as well as your own personal account is reasonable and the only option you should accept...People can suddenly change but some of these habits are always there from the onset but one may overlook them for one reason or the other.

Neverquit:
1000 likes!

Hello shideovlai,

How was the issue resolved? This is a learning opportunity for current and future marriages.

This shows he married you just for financial support

you sends money to his parents

he complaints to the same parents that his wife does not support him financially.. hmm

sometimes its more rewarding when you marry your tribe as no igbo man will throw shame to the bushes and expect his wife to finance him,

except in rear cases, which he Would make sure third party never have knowledge of it

@op: who pays the mortgage/rent and household bills? I think it's a good idea to have a joint account just for taking care of the family expenditure and savings. Both parties should contribute to this account. Both parties can then do whatever they want with the money in their separate accounts. Also please tell your husband that if his business isn't making any profit then he should call it a day and go and look for a regular job. Not everyone has got business acumen. There's no point in throwing money into a failing business. Also he needs to grow up. A man protects his wife and vice versa. He needs to sing your praises to his family, not make you look like a bad person in front of them.

So you want to be emotionally blackmailed And forced to run a joint account And keep on gettting financially exploited to show you're a good wife

Isokay.You can keep doing mother Xmas and Inlaw pleaser.please how much do you send to your family and how much time and money do you invest on yourself


I'm not sorry to tell You that you've been engaging in a fruitless investment. Meanwhile I won't be surprised if there's one orente somewhere feeding fat off you money in the name of buisness

ARE you sure your money isn't going into someone's house rent, Peruvian hair and clubbing

A foolish woman keeps spending like darosha without seeing evidences of where the money is entering. Mr wonlasewonie chapter 6 verses 4

Next

Op, u better be wise. If u must have joint acct, it should be in percentage ok by u and that aside, you should and must have ur personal account. Ignore his tantrums

Dear Op, my advice to you is to sit your husband down and have a heart-to-heart talk regarding the issues bothering you. Try and tell him how hurt you are with the way he portrays you to his family and with the way he runs the family. He's your husband and I'm very sure he still has an iota of feelings and regards for you like when you 1st started. I know it can be disheartening sometimes when someone you call yours goes about telling his family that you're a bad person but, just talk to him so as to lift your own burdens.

As regards your joint account, you've already accepted it so, the only thing you'll do now is to deal with him with wisdom. If there's any reason to use the money in the joint account, it must be reasonable enough. For me, please, please and please, try and have a separate account and if possible don't let him know much about it coz I'm sure he also has a separate account that he runs apart from the joint account. Men can be so funny sometimes.

are you married?

MissRike:
Dear Op, my advice to you is to sit your husband down and have a heart-to-heart talk regarding the issues bothering you. Try and tell him how hurt you are with the way he portrays you to his family and with the way he runs the family. He's your husband and I'm very sure he still has an iota of feelings and regards for you like when you 1st started. I know it can be disheartening sometimes when someone you call yours goes about telling his family that you're a bad person but, just talk to him so as to lift your own burdens.

As regards your joint account, you've already accepted it so, the only thing you'll do now is to deal with him with wisdom. If there's any reason to use the money in the joint account, it must be reasonable enough. For me, please, please and please, try and have a separate account and if possible don't let him know much about it coz I'm sure he also has a separate account that he runs apart from the joint account. Men can be so funny sometimes.

SteveOfu:
are you married?

If I may ask, why?

I saw you viewing a thread, hence my question.

MissRike:


If I may ask, why?

SteveOfu:
I saw you viewing a thread, hence my question.

Oh ok........ I've been a member of the old thread a long time ago.

To your question, I'm not married yet.

shideovlai:
Hello Dear Fellow Nairalanders,

Please i need wise and matured opinion on a particular issue that has stolen my joy and peace of mind for some couple of months now.
I welcome only reasonable and constructive comments alone as this particular issue has drained me emotionally for long.
I am 31 years old and my partner is 35 years old we are married legally with 3kids,Am ibo and my husband is from osun state.We both loved each other greatly when the relationship started that we did not mind our place of origin.We currently reside in the US,We both share the responsibilities of the home here which is quiet normal.Trouble started when he suggested for us to run a joint account.i rejected at first knowing his spending habits but at the end i suggested that we could have a joint account put a certain amount then run a separate personal account.It dint go down well with him and he started fighting me over that ,He has called his parents over 4 times to report me that i am not contributing to his success.This is a man that i dont even make financial demands from rather i spend and manage my monthly income without depending on him.i feed and cloth myself and the 3kids i gave birth to for him.

He is into buying of cars from here in America where we reside,i gave him a some of 1 million naira.Nigerian money to add to his business ,He doesn't acknowledge this or even appreciate all i have done he said it to my face that when the profit comes are we not going to spend together,Am still waiting for the profits to come till date.He said am doing and playing my role as a wife and he keeps quoting Ephesians 5 -22,23 to justify his act of ingratitude.
Now his family sees me as the obstruction to him not sending them money back at home couple with the fact that he has gone to tarnish my image in there presence,I send money to his people and mine whenever i have sufficient funds ,he removes clothes from my body in the presence of his people and comes home to show me love in the house.

I dont love him like i use to do because this is the greatest act of betrayal a man can do to his wife.I am sincerely hanging on because of my kids.How can a man feel comfortable tarnishing the image of his wife in the presence of his people and still want the woman to go through thick and thin with him truthfully.
Is it a crime to make suggestions in a marriage
is it a crime to reject a decision that doesnt go well with you in a relationship

Am so confuse now and very unhappy that my kids can sense it in me,I need only MATURED AND CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS,I have been criticized enough on this issue.Thanks and God bless you all

.

Op, how is it now

I no even check date