I AM HERE TODAY TO SEEK ADVICE CONCERNING MY MARRIAGE AND I BELIEVE I WILL GET IT. I WAS ONCE HERE SOMETIME IN 2006 WHEN I MET THIS GUY AND FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND WE WANTED TO GET MARRIED AND I NEEDED HELP AND ADVICE AND DUE TO THE ADVICE I GOT HERE I WAS ABLE TO MAKE A DECISION, AND I HOPE I WILL BE ABLE TO DO THAT AFTER POSTING THIS TOPIC FROM YOUR ADVICE

I AM MARRIED TO A SICKLER AS IT IS POPULARLY CALLED, I HAVE TWO LOVELY KIDS FOR HIM A BOY AND A GIRL BUT I AM TIRED OF THE MARRIAGE. I WANT TO QUIT, IT IS PAINFUL COS THAT IS NOT THE PLAN I HAD INITIALLY WHEN I GOT MARRIED BUT MY HUSBAND AND THE MOTHER ARE DEALING WITH ME. HE IS WORKING ON THE INSTRUCTIONS OF THE MOTHER. ITS NOT LIKE THERE IS ONE THING I AM ENJOYING AND THE WOMAN WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO REST.

THIS MAN IS NOT WORKING, I AM THE ONE TAKING CARE OF THE FAMILY,

HE DOES NOT HELP ME IN ANYWAY, I DO ALL THE HOUSE WORK MYSELF, SOMETIMES I WILL BACK MY LITTLE CHILD AND BE COOKING EVEN WHEN THE OTHER ONE IS CRYING AND HOLDING MY LEGS HE WILL NOT HELP, HE CANNOT WASH HIS CLOTHS IF I DO NOT DO THAT HE IS READY TO WEAR SMELLING CLOTHS, ALL HE DOES IS WATCH TELEVISION, EAT, STAY ON THE PHONE ALL NIGHT MAKING CALLS TO GIRLS.

THROUGHOUT WHEN I WAS PREGNANT OF MY SECOND CHILD HE ONLY MADE LOVE TO ME TWICE FOR THE NINE MONTH AND SINCE I GAVE BIRTH (6 MONTHS)HE HAS NOT COME CLOSE TO ME, THIS IS BASED ON INSTRUCTIONS FROM THE MUM, THAT I SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN, IN FACT SHE WAS ANGRY WHEN I TOLD HER I WAS PREGNANT FOR MY SECOND CHILD. THE WOMAN HAS BEEN ON MY NECK, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT I DID TO HER, SHE IS MAINLY ANGRY THAT I AM NOT A YORUBA WOMAN, I MARRIED MY HUSBAND WHEN HE WAS 41 YEARS, AND CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT TILL DATE THE WOMAN CALLS HIM TWICE EVERYDAY, THAT WAY SHE IS AWARE OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN OUR HOUSE BEFORE NIGHT FALL,

MY HUSBAND DO NOT GO TO CHURCH, AND WHEN I COMPLAINED TO MY MOTHER IN LAW, SO THAT SHE CAN ADVICE HIM SHE FACED ME AND INSULTED ME THAT I SHOULD LEAVE HIM ALONE AND FACE MY LIFE, THAT WHAT RIGHT DO I HAVE TO COMPLAIN THAT HE DOES NOT GO TO CHURCH.

I WORK THROUGHOUT THE DAY TO MAKE ENDS MEET, I PAY THE RENT, PAY BILLS, PAY FEES, BUY FOOD, EVERYTHING WITHOUT A SINGLE ASSISTANCE FROM THIS MAN, I EVEN GIVE HIM MONEY, BUY HIM CLOTHS, BUT I DO NOT HAVE PEACE, I DO NOT ENJOY ANYTHING AND RIGHT NOW I FEEL LIKE MOVING ON WITH MY LIFE, SO THAT THIS WOMAN CAN MARRY HER SON, I WANT TO TRAIN MY CHILDREN, SO THAT THEY WILL KNOW THAT A MAN IS THE HEAD OF THE HOUSE, THE MAN IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE WELFARE AND UPKEEP OF HIS FAMILY.


PLEASE I NEED HONEST ADVICE, I DO NOT WANT INSULTS.

hi

well 4rm ur story its obvious ur d bread winner of d family and if ur mother inlaw feels she wants to control her son den i advise he packs his bag nd move in2 her house u pay d rent,feedn den wat d f**** dos he want again,he belongs to his mum so be it,honestly speakn if hs mum is in charge den she throw some money down on ur family if nt my dear,

wont say u shud move out of d house bt cum2 tink of it,ur payn d bills rite? dat also includes d house rent, babes as long as u can fend 4ur kids on ur own let ur over grown baby of a husband get some attention 4rm hs mum

my dear u av d key u control ur money decide who dservs2 spend it

Dear folow ur heart. If they r goin 2 allow u take ur kids wit u good. Or else de wuld sufer nd u wuld not b hapi wit da. Or u stay nd contnue 2 pray tins get beta. Gud luck

Where are you from?

Are u sayn u were not aware he is lazy n attached 2 his mum b4 marriage?wel if u knw they wil not snatch ur babies frm u,u can divorce him.As 4 me i think u did not luk b4 u leapt into d marriage and i hope this wil not b number 1 of ur countless marriages

Leilah (f)

Re: My Marriage In Trouble
« #3 on: Yesterday at 06:34:15 PM »

Where are you from?

I am from Edo state NiGERIA




Tolueneno


Re: My Marriage In Trouble

« #4 on: Today at 01:37:38 AM »

Are u sayn u were not aware he is lazy n attached 2 his mum b4 marriage?wel if u knw they wil not snatch your babies frm u,u can divorce him.As 4 me i think u did not luk b4 u leapt into d marriage and i hope this wil not b number 1 of your countless marriages



Well, I can say I was not aware,  because he never showed all this kind of behaviours to me then, we dated for 1 year before we got married
and he was not like that initially. But i can remember one day we were discussing and he told me that some of his friends told him that  i will rule him  because i am the one that has money, and there was a day the mum said something like that, the babe was crying and i was in the kitchen cooking i now called him to carry the babe, and the mum was like is that how she sends u messages, she called  me that i should come and carry my babe, there she told me that i should not use her son as if he is an house boy just bacause he  has no job, that i should put my baby in my back

Well if i divorse him i do not have the intention of remarrying, i will stay and take care of my kids i have a good job that  can sustain us.

Did you not get some signs before signing the agreement; am almost sure he was not going to church before you married him.

marriage in trouble, hate my wife not in love with my husband, had a fight with my wife, married the wrong person, I don tire u people are scaring us
about marriage geezz

na wa ooooooo thisn marriGE THING SEF BUT PEOPLE MAKE UNA NO FEAR GOD dey

sexyLeamon:

marriage in trouble, hate my wife not in love with my husband, had a fight with my wife, married the wrong person, I don tire u people are scaring us
about marriage geezz

tell me about it

Abeg divorce him. You can claim custody of your kids since they are under 7. Get a good lawyer if they try to be difficult. What part of the country are you? Lazy men everywhere. They have plenty stories and excuses for their laziness. Mothers are doing a terrible job raising lazy and irresponsible gold diggers as men

chaircover:

SexyLeamon its not like that. For every bad marriage there are lots of people enjoying theirs. Its by the Grace of God and a lot of hardwork on both sides.

In confused's situation, she let things go to the point that it has now become a mountain before her.

I always say that you don't have to be a doormat to be walked all over or a fool before you show your husband that you are a good and respectful wife.

People for some strange reason always believe that their man/woman will change for the better tomorrow so excuse all sorts of ridiculous behaviour.

How did you get to the stage that you are working, while hubby is at home doing nothing but to watch tv. How did you get to the stage that the mother and son have ganged up on you in your own home against you.

Women have to learn to be wise in dealing with their husbands and difficult people around him; I'm not saying be rude, aggressive  or confrontational but there are ways round these things when they first start. There is no point crying now that things have gotten so bad.

good point

Stop paying con edison bill and let them disconnect the light but gat flash light by the side

Stop putting food on the table for him take your kids out to resturant and feed your stomach

Give your mother-in-law red flag by ignoring her totally since your complain is a torn of the flesh to her and she is giving you another headache

Focus on what you are doing and don't let him and his family pull you down. It is not compulsory to stay in an abusive relationship what counts is that the kids are civil.

you can drop dead god forbid by all these stress around you. Remember one life to live

Very sorry confused.

Next time your mother in law runs her mouth you need to let her know that you will not tolerate that in your house. Let her know that she is welcome there but she needs to respect you. What is the worst she can do? As for the husband when next your mother in law is there ask your husband to help with the baby and when she makes a comment remind her that this is a husband and wife issue and her opinion is not needed.
You said your husband is SS so I can see how his mother over pampered him and that is why he is over 40 and not working but sitting on the phone gossiping with his mother but he is married now. The truth is that your husband is completely useless from what you say. The man can not even give it to you on a regular basis. You need to at lease make it clear to your mother in law that you will no longer tolerate her behavior and let your husband know that you expect some contribution to parenting the children and raising a family. You have decided to leave anyway so why not try this first before you leave

nne

so somehow we convinced you to marry him, now u need our advice to dump him,

My heart goes out to you. These Nigerian men are a trickish bunch. Maybe on the TV you see white man looking for rich wife but in real life most white people believe in true love and expect that it will last. They marry some make it and some don't. When you start dealing with people from a country with such hardship then all the belief is true love is pushed aside and many people men and woman are just thinking to have a better life standing on the head of whoever is in their way.

So you get girls who marry old men to get a visa or a sugar daddy. Many of these men are lovely kind people who just want someone who will be with them and care for them. Good Christian men. Men who marry a good christian woman to get a visa then cheat behind her back with every girl.

In the end a woman must look deep inside and think. If I am dead from all this stress will he mourn for me? Will he suddenly start to nurture the babes we have made together? If you cant answer yes to this then you must do what is necessary to protect your life and well being so you can be well and whole to deliver the children to a full life.

I know this deeply. My husband is cheating on me with a Nigerian girl from this country we are living and she even knows about me. They are plotting behind my back to do all the things we planned to do together. He was always a kind and gentle man. But nothing is ever his fault. For five years I have done all I can to be a good wife. Now I am just working to remove him. It is not an easy thing in any society to remove a man who is stubborn. I have to work carefully and move while he is in Nigeria next month.

But here is the thing I loved him so I believed him. Please Naija people don't start shoving blame at the girl suffering here. We all know it is possible to have good intentions but then hard formed habits take over.

If you can bear the burden of two children a household chores and a full-time job as well as an abusive husband then you can consider to remain with him. But if you are dying a little each day and you health or employment or even mental health is at risk then you must do something to make sure you are there for the children.

Can you return to your parents with the children for a bit. This will allow him time to miss you. DO not give any more money. I like the suggestion to eat at restaurant with the children and let the light off. Even advise the landlord that you will no longer be paying the rent and if he wishes to continue to rent the house to your spouse it is no concern of yours. Ask your parents or siblings to help you in this transition and just go.

Hold fast to your job and you will be able with help from your family to ride out this rough time. I beg move on and look after yourself and the children.

He will be fine he has his mother.

Life is too short to be a slave to an abuser.

My prayers are with you.

frecklesnz:

My heart goes out to you. These Nigerian men are a trickish bunch. Maybe on the TV you see white man looking for rich wife but in real life most white people believe in true love and expect that it will last. They marry some make it and some don't. When you start dealing with people from a country with such hardship then all the belief is true love is pushed aside and many people men and woman are just thinking to have a better life standing on the head of whoever is in their way.

So you get girls who marry old men to get a visa or a sugar daddy. Many of these men are lovely kind people who just want someone who will be with them and care for them. Good Christian men. Men who marry a good christian woman to get a visa then cheat behind her back with every girl.

In the end a woman must look deep inside and think. If I am dead from all this stress will he mourn for me? Will he suddenly start to nurture the babes we have made together? If you cant answer yes to this then you must do what is necessary to protect your life and well being so you can be well and whole to deliver the children to a full life.

I know this deeply. My husband is cheating on me with a Nigerian girl from this country we are living and she even knows about me. They are plotting behind my back to do all the things we planned to do together. He was always a kind and gentle man. But nothing is ever his fault. For five years I have done all I can to be a good wife. Now I am just working to remove him. It is not an easy thing in any society to remove a man who is stubborn. I have to work carefully and move while he is in Nigeria next month.

But here is the thing I loved him so I believed him. Please Naija people don't start shoving blame at the girl suffering here. We all know it is possible to have good intentions but then hard formed habits take over.

If you can bear the burden of two children a household chores and a full-time job as well as an abusive husband then you can consider to remain with him. But if you are dying a little each day and you health or employment or even mental health is at risk then you must do something to make sure you are there for the children.

Can you return to your parents with the children for a bit. This will allow him time to miss you. DO not give any more money. I like the suggestion to eat at restaurant with the children and let the light off. Even advise the landlord that you will no longer be paying the rent and if he wishes to continue to rent the house to your spouse it is no concern of yours. Ask your parents or siblings to help you in this transition and just go.

Hold fast to your job and you will be able with help from your family to ride out this rough time. I beg move on and look after yourself and the children.

He will be fine he has his mother.

Life is too short to be a slave to an abuser.

My prayers are with you.

I love your courage. What kind of men are mothers raising these days, Lazy selfish men. Its sad because i know lots of women facing worse situations in thier marriages. Its sad.

U seem smart enough to know the situation.Divorce should be the ace up your sleeves, use it when all else fails. Let the mom know u r d boss if he sits at home all day. Then start saving ,both to teach him a lesson and to take care of your kids.

Stop paying any unnncessary bills for him - phone,tv,new clothes. Once you are at work and your kids are at school,leave as little food at home as possible. Then wait n see if he comes to his senses b4 giving him the red card

Confused, I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. You seem such a lovely and strong woman. The problem is that you have set a precedent now for both his behaviour and his mother's actions and nasty words.

Can you take some leave from your job and spend time away? I think it is a great idea to go and see parents or family for a while. Let him see what he is missing - a caring, hard working wife and 2 beautiful children. Try and shake him out of his coma - if you just up and leave - you cannot say you tried everything. Make it temporary.

I have a lot of respect for you. Everyone woman deserves to be looked after by their man - ok some Nigerian guys may not be so hands on with cooking and kids etc - but at least let him show you appreciation or give out some kind words. Watch out for your Mum in Law - try and stay civil to her at all times or they will have ammunition to throw back at you. Be the lady you are, put some distance between you and pray things can turn around.

If not, honestly, I believe in marriage but maybe you should go it alone with your kids. Can't be any harder than this right?

Good luck.

mrsb:

Confused, I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. You seem such a lovely and strong woman. The problem is that you have set a precedent now for both his behaviour and his mother's actions and nasty words.

Can you take some leave from your job and spend time away? I think it is a great idea to go and see parents or family for a while. Let him see what he is missing - a caring, hard working wife and 2 beautiful children. Try and shake him out of his coma - if you just up and leave - you cannot say you tried everything. Make it temporary.

I have a lot of respect for you. Everyone woman deserves to be looked after by their man - ok some Nigerian guys may not be so hands on with cooking and kids etc - but at least let him show you appreciation or give out some kind words. Watch out for your Mum in Law - try and stay civil to her at all times or they will have ammunition to throw back at you. Be the lady you are, put some distance between you and pray things can turn around.

If not, honestly, I believe in marriage but maybe you should go it alone with your kids. Can't be any harder than this right?

Nice one Mrsb
My dear confused, as your fellow woman i felt ur pain going through your story. I advise you don't take to divorce, but believe that no matter how bad it is their can be a better way out other than divorce. So many have gone through this and even worse and have survived, so u too can survive it if you believe. I think what you need is a temporal separation for now. Just go away with ur kids for some time and have time for your self, cool ur head to be able to have an organised thinking. Every dirty water has its source. try and find out where and how the whole wahala started and commit yourself to prayers with a good prayer points. I thank God you said you attend church. Try and go for counseling in your church, that will help.

Again, from your story i must say the problem of your husband is not that he is the devil but, he is suffering from ignorant. I always tell young people that LOVE is not enough to see one through in marriage and this is a practical truth. We all ; men and women, husband and wife need to have good knowledge of what marriage is & the will of God for marriage. Your number one target to reclaim you husband back should be on how to deliver him from his IGNORANCE.

Pray for him, Get some good people he respects to come and talk to him and above all you should always open your mouth to tell him the truth over and over again in every issues concerning your home. If any issue rises, don't try to bury it unnecessarily but talk to your man over it, even if he don't want to hear it or not. [b]But, please even as you open up to make your points in your home, never use abusive words (like calling him bad names) on the man. [/b]One thing we all should understand is that WORD IS A SEED, IT IS A GOOD WEAPON IF USED SINCERELY AND GODLY. Speak up, tell him things you dont like, advise him, tell him the will of God in a marriage as in Gen 2: 24, read it out to him even before his mother.

Understand that initially he will not want to listen to your words or advice but as you persistently speaks up and back it up with prayer, he will surely break down to you one day.
Good luck.

Marriage is a hard thing, communication is the key to healthy marriage. My dear based on your story you are suffering BIG TIME, however my advice to you is to have faith in God and keep fasting and praying over your marriage. consolut your Pastor for more instructions, Do not give up yet, because when it comes to God nothing is impossible. As for your husband keep serving him and being true wife to him, believe me you will be grandted from God later on and your children will look up to you. Your mother in law may God help her still communicate with her on minimal but do not complain to her about your husband. Do not share your marriage problems with neither family or friends. Just keep praying and keep your faith strong,

wow! did u say you married him @ 41yrs old? Jeez woman, i think you need to extract yourself from this situation, especially for your childrens sake, they don't need to grow up around all that tension. From what you've stated, you are capable of looking after them on your own, take the step, keep your sanity!

If u love urself, leave with ur kids! If not stay on n dnt 4get 2 tell ur peeps where 2 pick up ur corpse.

nezerst:

If u love urself, leave with your kids! If not stay on n dnt 4get 2 tell your peeps where 2 pick up your corpse.

I like when people can be real and str8 shooting

My dear, your story is a pathethic one, i almost shed a tear, if not that i am in a coporate enviroment, i am a married woman too, i have my stories too, but with God given wisdom, i was able to gain control.

i'll like to advise you from my heart to thread carefully, your home is your home, you dont move out of your home because of another person ; in this case the 'mother inlaw', i suggest you ignore your MIL totally, she is as far as you are concerned an outsider, when you know that she will be coming, leave the house with the kids; come back later; leave as little food as you can in the house, stop talking about promotions at work or salary increase, in short, stop talking about money, do not buy food in bulk, buy them in tins when ever you need them, this will pass a signal of trying to manage.

discuss with your husband on the possibility of getting a job even if it is on part time basis, let him know that the load is getting too heavy for your neck most women like to proove that they can do it but i have discovered that at the long run we can not take the place of men, a man must provide for his family, his medical condition not withstanding. i know SS persons can still rise up in their chosen career, so he should wake up. Tell him how you are feeling. Note that as long as you continue to feed him he will continue to depend on you

some men they are not sick but they pretend to be, they want to be fed. Stop every uneccessary spending on bills, cloth etc, if you dont know what to do with money, invest it wisely, set up a shop, start thinking of travelling abroad, make yourself happy, gather money, go to dubai and buy goods for sale, take your children to the beach and laugh, leave the man to sit and suck his mother's breast at home, very soon he will come back to his senses and go out to get a job.

make sure you always look good, if he does not want to go to church- leave him, you, go to church with your children and train them to love the lord, above all keep praying but do not leave your home. best of luck

Your situation is bizaare and pathetic. First, he is a sickler, has a nagging mother, denies you sex, and no contribution for home-keep. I think it is really sad. But don't quit for the sake of your children. Go on your knees and ask God to intervene. There is nothing he cannot do. Pray and keep on praying. God is with you, amen

I feel quite sorry 4 u but truth must be told. i am sure in ur quiet moments u saw d signs b4 commitin to ur husband. U dont deserve dis truth be told he is goin get worse cos both him and moda tink u won d prize. I am sure d have a plan u are not aware of, all modas want grand children but 4rm wat u said ur MIL is an exception. Use ur head ur children nid to grow wit peace and luv even if it comes 4rm only u . DONT BE CAUGHT UNAWARES ACT SMART . GOD GUIDE YOU

Eventhough I have not heard from the other party but I can say you should divorce him legally so that you can take care of your children