Stelvin101:


Did I tell u am a saint? I gat just two words to describe ur type. "Fake hoe"

LOL! Ekpa boy. For your mind now you have insulted me with 'fake hoe'. You don't know me obviously to think calling me a hoe will make me feel insulted. Why is that the first thing boys use to try put ladies down sef? Try better thing next time you hear? Ozige

KevinDein:
why can't he just divorce her and save himself all these stress

Not so my dear, you don't throw the baby away with the bath water. She is human and has erred just like anyone else.
Remember nobody is without sin, I know if the reverse were the case nobody would be calling for the man's head at all.

OpinionCounts:


Sis, and if the man doesn't do all that or worst still doesn't have the means(either money or chance) to do all that, does it give her justification to cheat? I am just asking I am not saying that you implied that. And as for the age difference u raised, was she blind when she was getting married to him? This may be a case of a man dat was once loved by the wife because he had money and now is of no use to her because things are not too rosy anymore as before. People should understand what marriage is, it is a covenant taken by two supposedly adults to remain faithful in all circumstances and condition to each other and not only when things are rosy.

You sound very reasonable, I made those suggestions because I know that no woman in her right thinking mind would want to trade a loving family and adoring husband for mere flings. You see, most couples especially the men forget that women need attention especially after giving birth to children and staying together for years. Trust me before a woman would go out she is obviously lacking that care and attention from her man and must have dropped subtle hints to him about her needs. I am in no way inferring or condoning the fact that cheating is right but i tell you, the man needs to do a double check and have a heart to heart talk with her. For the outings i mentioned, most times those things don't cost a dime or fortune. Take for example they decide to stroll out in the evenings or go see a movie...that won't cost more that 3k. How about weekend getaways? say in a hotel in another point of town not necessarily an expensive one. They could even go to gardens, parks or shopping malls without spending a dime. Just anything to rekindle the love. Not forgetting praying together and studying the word of God together and even making sure that the "bedroom dance" is alive and well.

MizTyna:


LOL! Ekpa boy. For your mind now you have insulted me with 'fake hoe'. You don't know me obviously to think calling me a hoe will make me feel insulted. Why is that the first thing boys use to try put ladies down sef? Try better thing next time you hear? Ozige

Epic response! why men think the easiest way to attack a lady they've never met or 'hoed' with by calling her a hoe, beats my imagination.

dinachi:

Will you just shut up if you have nothing to say! Show an adulterer love? Are you mentally deranged? Our generation shows women by far more love than our forefathers generations, then what do we get in return? Infidelities, Lesbianism and women who have absolutely no respect for their homes. Our forefathers were by far wiser in handling their women, period!

Blessed!

fpeter:



You sound very reasonable, I made those suggestions because I know that no woman in her right thinking mind would want to trade a loving family and adoring husband for mere flings. You see, most couples especially the men forget that women need attention especially after giving birth to children and staying together for years. Trust me before a woman would go out she is obviously lacking that care and attention from her man and must have dropped subtle hints to him about her needs. I am in no way inferring or condoning the fact that cheating is right but i tell you, the man needs to do a double check and have a heart to heart talk with her. For the outings i mentioned, most times those things don't cost a dime or fortune. Take for example they decide to stroll out in the evenings or go see a movie...that won't cost more that 3k. How about weekend getaways? say in a hotel in another point of town not necessarily an expensive one. They could even go to gardens, parks or shopping malls without spending a dime. Just anything to rekindle the love. Not forgetting praying together and studying the word of God together and even making sure that the "bedroom dance" is alive and well.

Thanks @very reasonable , @bedroom dance. You are right at your post. You see, I always tell my friends to work out the best
qualities in their partners not to sit back and only criticize and condemn. Bliv me you owe your spouse the responsibility of bringing out the best in him/her, this also helps you because at the end you are the one to enjoy those good qualities you created in him/her,that is how marriage was designed, it is like a case of "the way u make your bed is the way you lye on it" and in this case you have only one bed. That is why successful marriages happen btwn partners dat have determined to make it work. But you see this can only happen btwn two partners that understand and respect the sanctity of the marriage covenant, because they understand that when you're in, you're in, but when one or both do not respect that, then they don't really care about their spouse because to them if he/she starts misbehaving they feel they are at liberty to look outside to get what they are missing inside.
You see, we need to pray before going into marriage and even pray more after marriage because it is not all very rosy all the time.

This is a fact based on what is happening in my family presently.


Around last week Fridays afternoon i saw my mom hiding her phone from me at first, i didn't even bother but when I discovered she was sending messages to a unknown number i started putting notice to it. This happened till late in the night like around 2 am, i was awake and I went to the sitting room only to see her washing clothes in the laundry and simultaneously chatting with someone and this is very unusual of her but my father didn't notice notice anyways.

On Saturday Last week the following morning i heard her making calls that she will be there by afternoon i felt like confronting her but i felt that she might just be going to her place of work. Afternoon came and she said she was going to another town for a naming ceremony we didn't mind. I left the house and i came back around 9pm and discovered that she wasn't back yet so i called her and she told me she won't be coming back that night then i knew she was up to something. I listened to the background very much and I noticed it isn't a party stuff or anything.

On Sunday she came back and I was mad but i just kept mute as i thought that I was not in a position to confront her.

Fast forward to today's early morning around 4 am. I heard my dad's angry voice he was very angry with my mum at first I thought she broke something in the room but i later heard my mum pleading that he didn't have sex with the man. After much contemplating, i went out of my room to the sitting room where they were and i saw my mom holding her phone i sensed that, her act has been exposed. My father left us there and went to his room. I confronted my mom and told her that i knew she didn't go for a naming ceremony the previous week and she was kind of surprised and she asked me how i got to know but I didn't reply her.
My dad came out of his room and asked her to come inside. Like after about two hours, my mom came to call me and I went to their room and dad sat me down and told me that he saw a text message on my mom phone the sender said they were to meet the day before but she my mom didn't meet him. My mom said the man is just a boss at his office and nothing more. So dad told me that I am his witness that if such happens again that he is going to divorce my mom. Well, my mom insisted that she didn't have sex with the man

I have 3 siblings and but they are still small am the first born am about clocking 20 years of age.

What should I do please?

Just be serious to confront her, tell her what u know about her acts and d embarrassment she is causing u and the family. Tell her that u are monitoring her and if anything of such should repeat itself that she will not only have ur father to contend with, but that u will make her life a living hell.


After the warning, allow it all to die down there, don't disrespect her, don't take advantage of that either to blackmail her.


Just tell her how disappointed u are.

Why do men feel bad when a woman cheats on them? so called son, mind your damn business cause she's your mother not your wife. Mumu go text your father that it will still repeat and see how your father will send her packing and the new wife will use you and your siblings as a punching bag. Your small brain needs re adjustment to take sides with your dad over what you ain't sure of.

Ejemehn:
For the sake of your younger siblings and the sake of the unity of the whole family you have to forget your age in this issue and handle it like the man you'll one day be proud of.

There's a reason why God has let you in on all this.

On a wonderful night while everyone is asleep, call your mum to the sitting room and talk to her. Let her know the imminent danger she's putting you, your dad, your siblings and the family at large. See, there's no good in infidelity. The Bible says there's a way that seemeth right unto man but the end thereof is destruction, and one of such ways is infidelity. Let her know she'll only tear the family apart with her current ways. Whether she's had sex with the man or not she erred big time. Going to a place and lying. Not to mention she went their without informing your father.

On another night. Call your dad and also talk to him too. Tell him to work on himself. Probably there are things he might need to work on.

After sometime, on another night call the two of them and sit them down and talk to them pointing out reasons why the family must stay together.

I tell you the truth. Your parents will never see you like a 20 year old again.

A broken home is not the best. Do your best to mend this crack.

God shall strengthen you. Go to him for wisdom.

Wish you the best of luck

true talk bro...u spoke as a matured mind

MizTyna:


LOL! Ekpa boy. For your mind now you have insulted me with 'fake hoe'. You don't know me obviously to think calling me a hoe will make me feel insulted. Why is that the first thing boys use to try put ladies down sef? Try better thing next time you hear? Ozige

I don't need to know u in person to know ur a fake hoe biatch. Ur comment and reaction to dis thread said it all. Try and change ur mentally and orientation about stuff like dis. A word of advice and for the record, u r far from being my type so stop that trying to put a lady down shiit.

dinachi:

Will you just shut up if you have nothing to say! Show an adulterer love? Are you mentally deranged? Our generation shows women by far more love than our forefathers generations, then what do we get in return? Infidelities, Lesbianism and women who have absolutely no respect for their homes. Our forefathers were by far wiser in handling their women, period!

are you aware you're calling someone's mother an adulterer without proof?

Re-read my post again cos you ddn't seem to comprehend what i said.

And if you still don't understand, Re-read... This time, sloowly...

egojiokwu:
That's the consequences of having se* with men before marriage. One of us once said that the easiest married woman to sleep with is the one you have been sleeping with before she got married.

Well said, currently I know a married woman sleeping with a married man, her ex. I just pity the spouse of both homes.

OP,
Try and make peace reign in your home since you are involved. Also, Ask your Dad if he has wrong your mum one way or the other? He may not give you an answer to that but his conscience will tell him!!!

Are you sure your Dad is close to your mum?
Also, is he giving her attention?

Extra marital affairs can be very dangerous, let your mum know this!!!!?

It can lead to death of members of the family most especially if the spouse of her lover knows.

Also, if your Dad divorce her you may think it won't affect you cos you older, think of your younger once. Most especially if he decides to re marry it will affect your younger ones and you I can guarantee you.

You can talk to your mum, get mad at her, fight with her but you or your younger ones can't do that with your step mum. It means doom!!!!!!

You are not that close to your Dad now that he married your mum. Don't you know your mum is the only one making communication easy between you and your Dad.

What will your communication be like when she is away....




The long term effect of their separation is negative result for you and your younger ones!!!!

Unite them...Since you are involved.

Ejemehn:
For the sake of your younger siblings and the sake of the unity of the whole family you have to forget your age in this issue and handle it like the man you'll one day be proud of.

There's a reason why God has let you in on all this.

On a wonderful night while everyone is asleep, call your mum to the sitting room and talk to her. Let her know the imminent danger she's putting you, your dad, your siblings and the family at large. See, there's no good in infidelity. The Bible says there's a way that seemeth right unto man but the end thereof is destruction, and one of such ways is infidelity. Let her know she'll only tear the family apart with her current ways. Whether she's had sex with the man or not she erred big time. Going to a place and lying. Not to mention she went their without informing your father.

On another night. Call your dad and also talk to him too. Tell him to work on himself. Probably there are things he might need to work on.

After sometime, on another night call the two of them and sit them down and talk to them pointing out reasons why the family must stay together.

I tell you the truth. Your parents will never see you like a 20 year old again.

A broken home is not the best. Do your best to mend this crack.

God shall strengthen you. Go to him for wisdom.

Wish you the best of luck

U just said it all bro

Op, you have seen and said it all. From your write up, something is wrong somewhere.

Please pray for your Mum.

Nairalanders, please I need your advice with similar situation. The difference here is that my mom is cheating WITH my dad who she never married, and there is a married chief who she is also having affair with for companionship. My dad broke off their engagement over 30 years ago to marry his other girlfriend when they both moved to the US, even though my mom was pregnant with me in Nigeria. My mother went on to marry someone else but the relationship was abusive, the whole 9 yards. Later my dad brought me to live with him and my stepmother and children in the US. My stepmom raised me, and my mom occasionally communicated with me by letter over the years. Over 15 years later she and I reconnected. At some point my dad started seeing her a few years ago when he visited Nigeria but they didn't tell me. By that time mom's husband who she has my other siblings with had already abandoned her for other women and he had other children. But my mom and dad were not straight forward about what was now going on between them. Dad just mentioned that mom had forgiven him for leaving her (for years they were not on good terms and she had blamed him for why her marital situation was the way it is). Now I brought my mom to the US and when she arrived my dad started coming to my house everyday to see her, kissing and all that in front of my children who begin to question me because they know my stepmom. He takes my mom out for many hours and overnight. I told her I disapprove - he is married to someone else and mom is not planning to leave the married chief either. I have told her many times that I wish she would remarry and have her own husband but she says the Catholic church won't approve and that at her age most men are all married. Not long after, without even asking me, my dad stayed overnight in bed with my mom at my house. It was then I decided to put my foot down. With all the godly principles my dad raised his children with and how he pride himself on not being like other men and being well-educated, he is now trying to justify his affair with my mom by saying they can make it mutual between them, referring to polygamy in the Old Testament and what even some bishops are doing, that it's not unheard of in our culture, that it's only not legalized yet in the US. He even said he doesn't believe the Bible the same way he used to. This has exploded into a fight unlike never before between my dad and my stepmom and it has caused a fight between my mom and I. Everyday my mom is gloating to her sister on the phone and to me how serious my dad is about her, now that she is in the same country with him, and she says my stepmom and anyone who doesn't like it can go to blazes. I never knew my mom was like this - just unremorseful about adultery. I have pleaded with her. She seems to think it's not a big deal and uses the excuse that she didn't ask to be abandoned by the men and that she never loved any man the same way as she loves dad. I then politely asked them to stop their acts of affection in my home, in front of my children or next time she comes, dad can get her a place where they can do what they want, and that they should not expect me to go along with it. Later in another argument about their continuing to see each other at my house, I told mom she was being self-centered, acting entitled, not caring for her grandchildren, and never satisfied even when I'm sacrificing for her. She started fighting me, blasted everything I have done for her, said she rejects me as her child and told my siblings back home not to call her my mother, and she cursed at me and my children. When dad came she acted like a victim and arrogantly said she will go out with him and have him visit her anytime. She's out with him everyday and he's acting like her knight in shining armor for everything she asks for, you would think he brought her here. My siblings back home said mom is like that and talks to anyone anyhow when upset, they are used to it, and that I should apologize to her. She and dad has shifted blame on me and made the focus on how I talked back to her and she is still acting like a victim and not talking to me. Dad says I should apologize and that she might not come back to me again. I feel its dad's fault, too. I didn't bring her here for him or for this drama and stress. What to do in this case, please?

*I apologize for this really long post.

leave them to handle their differences because you were not there at the beginning when there love life began