The situation in the country isn't looking good and finances are hardly available but there seem to be an ugly trend rearing its head among us.

This is partly due to the societal pressure to get married.


I was with my elder brother some months back when I heard a friend telling him to help with N20,000 to do introduction. After he left, I told my brother not to give him. The reason is simple albeit hash-- why should one sort for money to do introduction at this stage and what will happen when kids start arriving?

A week ago a friend based in South Africa told me he had to change his line due to excessive demands and one of them was a case of his friend asking him for money to get married.

What the hell are we turning into?

If you are among the legion of those who advice people to get married, without financial foundation, you have no right to complain about economic crisis biting hard on us because you are part of the problem and the multiplier effect is people giving birth to kids like rat that they can hardly cater for and thereby breeding so many social vices. Do we need to be told that we are already over populated in this country to feed on few or non available resources?

Furthermore the kids can barely get good feeding, let alone good education.

Why do we see marriage as an ultimate Olympic gold medal in this country?

Instead of telling people to get married when they aren't financially buoyant enough, why not tell them to work smarter and harder to get enough money.

In the western world's people do not see marriage the way we see it. Tyler Perry, the creator of many family oriented movies, didn't get married until a year or two ago and so are other great Americans. What if we emulate these set of people by getting our priorities right?

10 Reasons You Don’t Have to Get Married

I’m at that age when pretty much every time I get on social media, someone else I know has gotten engaged or married. The ring-finger picture with the “I said yes” caption is a daily occurrence. I’m always happy and excited for the friend who gets to start a new chapter in her life. OK, almost always. This trend started in my early 20s, when the couples getting engaged then still got the “aren’t you a little young for that?” look. As I climb toward my 30s, I notice more than ever that I’m starting to get those questioning looks, but now people are wondering what the holdup is.
Ticktock goes the marriage clock — especially considering that I have been in a committed relationship with my significant other for several years, moved across the country with him, and lived with him for quite some time. I definitely understand that the topic will naturally come up now and then.
Here’s the thing: I think marriage is great. For some people. For me and plenty of others out there, though, it may not be the right way to go, and that’s really OK — despite a more widely held notion (held most of all by my mom) that my life, in fact, is not complete until I tie that knot.
While there are many pros to getting married for some people, the alternative is true for those who decide not to get married. And don’t get me wrong — who knows what will happen down the line? But in the meantime, here are some reasons why choosing not to get married, ever or until later in life, can be a good thing.
1. You Get to Know Yourself and Find Your Personal Happiness
One isn’t the loneliest number! Being unmarried offers you a unique freedom to spend time with yourself and make mistakes and learn from them — without having to worry about how those mistakes may affect your spouse. Putting yourself first may sound selfish, but it really just means that you are eager to grow as an individual, and that’s definitely a good thing. Within a marriage, it’s easy to become dependent on one another for your happiness, but ultimately you have to be the one who decides this for yourself.
2. Your Finances Are Your Own
Some of the biggest stressors on marriage are the financial aspects of it. Combining assets, joint bank accounts, disagreements on where and what to spend money on — all these things are extra weight on any relationship but especially on a married couple.
3. There Are Other Ways to Define Commitment
Who says that marriage is the best way to show someone you love them? Commitment to a person and real love for them can be shown in a million ways — marriage is just one of them. Plus not marrying someone doesn’t mean being alone forever — it just means doing things a little differently!
4. You Can Travel and Be Social
Unmarried couples and single people tend to travel more and engage more socially with new people. That’s not to say married couples don’t — but it’s sometimes easier for unmarried people to have that freedom without as many conflicts when trying to do so.
5. Getting Married Can Complicate Other Relationships
Getting married changes everything. It can mean moving away or spending more time with other married couples, and sometimes it just means that relationships shift and change. While some may strengthen, others are at risk of weakening.
6. You Can Invest in Your Career and Future
Instead of spending money on a wedding, honeymoon, new house, etc., you can be putting those dollars and efforts into building your career and growing in a field you love. Taking marriage off the table can make room for things that otherwise may have taken the backseat to wedding and marriage plans.
7. Marriage Is Sometimes Done For Others, and That Should Never Be the Case!
If you aren’t getting married for yourself, then you shouldn’t be getting married. It’s easy to feel pressured by people around you, but if you don’t want to get married, you simply don’t have to.
8. Divorce Is a Possibility
With any relationship comes the possibility of a breakup, but with marriage comes the possibility of an even more complicated and painful ending — divorce.
9. You Can Still Build and Have a Wonderful Family
The idea of family is almost always tied in with marriage, especially when children come into the picture. But the definition of family is extremely diverse and personal for each family unit. Not being married doesn’t mean that you can’t have a happy and healthy family with or without kids.
10. Since Love Is Different For Everyone, the Same Traditions Don’t Always Apply
Love is personal. It’s specific to a person or relationship, it’s constantly changing, and it’s always unique. If love is so changeable and diverse, then in some cases, confining it to an institution like marriage isn’t what’s best to help it thrive.

http://lailamedia.com/10-reasons-you-dont-have-to-get-married/

u go die ontop person matter.

Go to the riverside. Wash your head.

Because you didn't give. Someone else ll
Help at every point once u re able to.
Those pple begging today ll not all remain beggars

remedick:

The situation in the country isn't looking good and finances are hardly available but there seem to be an ugly trend rearing its head among us.

This is partly due to the societal pressure to get married.


I was with my elder brother some months back when I heard a friend telling him to help with N20,000 to do introduction. After he left, I told my brother not to give him. The reason is simple albeit hash-- why should one sort for money to do introduction at this stage and what will happen when kids start arriving?

A week ago a friend based in South Africa told me he had to change his line due to excessive demands and one of them was a case of his friend asking him for money to get married.

What the hell are we turning into?

If you are among the legion of those who advice people to get married, without financial foundation, you have no right to complain about economic crisis biting hard on us because you are part of the problem and the multiplier effect is people giving birth to kids like rat that they can hardly cater for and thereby breeding so many social vices. Do we need to be told that we are already over populated in this country to feed on few or non available resources?

Furthermore the kids can barely get good feeding, let alone good education.

Why do we see marriage as an ultimate Olympic gold medal in this country?

Instead of telling people to get married when they aren't financially buoyant enough, why not tell them to work smarter and harder to get enough money.

In the western world's people do not see marriage the way we see it. Tyler Perry, the creator of many family oriented movies, didn't get married until a year or two ago and so are other great Americans. What if we emulate these set of people by getting our priorities right?

I concur; 100%.

OP, you've made a lot of sense. Personally, i'll never borrow anyone money for marriage. Yes! I can support after I see your commendable efforts towards the wedding/marriage, like shelter and a source of income.

Their problem may become everyone's iish soon enough, if care is not taken, so its wrong to tell the op or anyone for that matter to mind his business.

OP I feel you... This marriage of a thing has been over flocked, I don't know why a dude without a work, hope in view or any reasonable plan should be raising kid, I don't know when having kids without anything to offer them makes someone a man. We need to strike balance and get our mindset right about these issues.

Cutehector:
u go die ontop person matter.

my brother, my mama no suffer me. Why I go bring pikin come world come suffer? It is taboo to me.

My problem is that most times people borrow for wedding, they do so for extravagant reasons/items. They throw parties in hotels, cook and buy drinks with borrowed money but paying back is always an issue for them. The earlier we focus on the important issues alone, the better for our living standards

PLEASE DO NOT MARRY IF YOU DO NOT HAVE MONEY TO FINANCE AND SUPPORT YOUR MARRIAGE, DO NOT GET MARRIED.
DONT BE A LIABILITY.
RAISING A FAMILY IS NOT EASY, SCHOOL FEES, BOOKS, CLOTHES, HOUSERENT IS NOT CHEAP

Op, tell them... They will never hear.
The couples involves will tell u God wil provide .
When the guy earns only 30k monthly,and lady could either earn 50k or less and both of them will come together saying God will provide.
After borrowing money to marry.. When labour time arrives on the wife and money is needed for ceaserian operation due to some complications, the husband will still go around begging to pay hospital bill. After delivery. Instead of feeding the baby well with breast milk and later with formula.. Because she too weak ,no enoughilk in her breast, they will force the baby to swallow pap, ogi, by closing the nostrils of the baby and forcing the ogi down.
Some new borns pass on, to the great beyond after bn suffocated...smhhhh.

I wonder when will some nigerians learn.

Some suitors do woo me, individually for marriage, which am grateful for and its a good thing. Then i ask some crucial questions like whats yur job? How do you earn? Where do u reside? And what kind of apartment do u envisioned us to live in during d begining of bn married?
The guy will start stuttering.. I will say ok lemme start with mine first, i work at Abc, i earn so so naira, i reside at Anc, and i would love to start with miniflat or two bedroom flat.. He gulps quietly and say but am.not earning much and i thought we could start from one room?
I will be like what? One room? Ok how about we do it this way, why cant we bring our funds together and rent a two bedroom? He will hmmm, i dont have much savings but i know as time goes on , God will provide.
I will look at him with shock and am like do u think its easy financially getting and to stay married? My dear, i cant get married and start taking care two or three mouths with our kid inclusive...

I cant over labour myself overworking so hard to pay rent , then feed the home and when hospital bills come during delivery what happens? Am an orphan oo. Dont think because i look robust, am Not dangote's daughter.. Am not oo

So please, go home, go back to the drawing board and start saving.. I will also save more... But i cannot spend beyond my means because i want to.married..my body system does not approve of too much labour .. Orelse am done for.. So i know myself and my body very well. I cant die before my time because am paying bills beyond my capacity.. So please re think again.
He will grumble and say ok

While some will say, but u look rich enough to care for babies nah

I will look at this type with shock and horror.

Mehn some guys are just somethingelse
.

Amelian:
Op, tell them... They will never hear.
The couples involves will tell u God wil provide .
When the guy earns only 30k monthly,and lady could either earn 50k or less and both of them will come together saying God will provide.
After borrowing money to marry.. When labour time arrives on the wife and money is needed for ceaserian operation due to some complications, the husband will still go around begging to pay hospital bill. After delivery. Instead of feeding the baby well with breast milk and later with formula.. Because she too weak ,no enoughilk in her breast, they will force the baby to swallow pap, ogi, by closing the nostrils of the baby and forcing the ogi down.
Some new borns pass on, to the great beyond after bn suffocated...smhhhh.

I wonder when will some nigerians learn.

Some suitors do woo me, individually for marriage, which am grateful for and its a good thing. Then i ask some crucial questions like whats yur job? How do you earn? Where do u reside? And what kind of apartment do u envisioned us to live in during d begining of bn married?
The guy will start stuttering.. I will say ok lemme start with mine first, i work at Abc, i earn so so naira, i reside at Anc, and i would love to start with miniflat or two bedroom flat.. He gulps quietly and say but am.not earning much and i thought we could start from one room?
I will be like what? One room? Ok how about we do it this way, why cant we bring our funds together and rent a two bedroom? He will hmmm, i dont have much savings but i know as time goes on , God will provide.
I will look at him with shock and am like do u think its easy financially getting and to stay married? My dear, i cant get married and start taking care two or three mouths with our kid inclusive...

I cant over labour myself overworking so hard to pay rent , then feed the home and when hospital bills come during delivery what happens? Am an orphan oo. Dont think because i look robust, am Not dangote's daughter.. Am not oo

So please, go home, go back to the drawing board and start saving.. I will also save more... But i cannot spend beyond my means because i want to.married..my body system does not approve of too much labour .. Orelse am done for.. So i know myself and my body very well. I cant die before my time because am paying bills beyond my capacity.. So please re think again.
He will grumble and say ok

While some will say, but u look rich enough to care for babies nah

I will look at this type with shock and horror.

Mehn some guys are just somethingelse
.

You are a very smart woman, I like realistic people.

tensazangetsu:

You are a very smart woman, I like realistic people.

Bros, i have to be very realistic.. Times are hard gaaannnn!

And am.not used to suffering and smiling way of life


My unborn kids, when they are eventually borne wont suffer.. At all.!
Amin Jesu

Amelian:
Op, tell them... They will never hear.
The couples involves will tell u God wil provide .
When the guy earns only 30k monthly,and lady could either earn 50k or less and both of them will come together saying God will provide.
After borrowing money to marry.. When labour time arrives on the wife and money is needed for ceaserian operation due to some complications, the husband will still go around begging to pay hospital bill. After delivery. Instead of feeding the baby well with breast milk and later with formula.. Because she too weak ,no enoughilk in her breast, they will force the baby to swallow pap, ogi, by closing the nostrils of the baby and forcing the ogi down.
Some new borns pass on, to the great beyond after bn suffocated...smhhhh.

I wonder when will some nigerians learn.

Some suitors do woo me, individually for marriage, which am grateful for and its a good thing. Then i ask some crucial questions like whats yur job? How do you earn? Where do u reside? And what kind of apartment do u envisioned us to live in during d begining of bn married?
The guy will start stuttering.. I will say ok lemme start with mine first, i work at Abc, i earn so so naira, i reside at Anc, and i would love to start with miniflat or two bedroom flat.. He gulps quietly and say but am.not earning much and i thought we could start from one room?
I will be like what? One room? Ok how about we do it this way, why cant we bring our funds together and rent a two bedroom? He will hmmm, i dont have much savings but i know as time goes on , God will provide.
I will look at him with shock and am like do u think its easy financially getting and to stay married? My dear, i cant get married and start taking care two or three mouths with our kid inclusive...

I cant over labour myself overworking so hard to pay rent , then feed the home and when hospital bills come during delivery what happens? Am an orphan oo. Dont think because i look robust, am Not dangote's daughter.. Am not oo

So please, go home, go back to the drawing board and start saving.. I will also save more... But i cannot spend beyond my means because i want to.married..my body system does not approve of too much labour .. Orelse am done for.. So i know myself and my body very well. I cant die before my time because am paying bills beyond my capacity.. So please re think again.
He will grumble and say ok

While some will say, but u look rich enough to care for babies nah

I will look at this type with shock and horror.

Mehn some guys are just somethingelse
.

Well well well... I am impressed! This is no time to for sentiments or emotions but a time to be realistic. For instance, I was telling a girl that I do not want to have more then 2 kids considering economic revelations and I asked her how many would she want to have. She opened her mouth and said 4.

I asked her where will the money come from and she said, like you rightly stated, "God will provide"

Nigerians like to dream without actions, they are expert at fantasizing, day dreaming and hoping.

I do not know about anyone but when I look at the situation around AND how my mum raised me, I never starved while she was alive. So, why should I bring a child into this world to suffer?

You wrote many things up but I just do not have strength to highlight them. Kudos! Just like you, I hate stress and uncomfortable living. Till this dates, I get angry when people ask me to help them with some thing when I do not have it, let alone my own kids.

I want a situation whereby my house will be filled with more than enough food and money. Another issue is that we are hypocrites by default. Tomorrow these set of people who bring kids into this world without planning will also open their mouth to blame the government.

It's just pathetic!

Amelian:
Op, tell them... They will never hear.
The couples involves will tell u God wil provide .
When the guy earns only 30k monthly,and lady could either earn 50k or less and both of them will come together saying God will provide.
After borrowing money to marry.. When labour time arrives on the wife and money is needed for ceaserian operation due to some complications, the husband will still go around begging to pay hospital bill. After delivery. Instead of feeding the baby well with breast milk and later with formula.. Because she too weak ,no enoughilk in her breast, they will force the baby to swallow pap, ogi, by closing the nostrils of the baby and forcing the ogi down.
Some new borns pass on, to the great beyond after bn suffocated...smhhhh.

I wonder when will some nigerians learn.

Some suitors do woo me, individually for marriage, which am grateful for and its a good thing. Then i ask some crucial questions like whats yur job? How do you earn? Where do u reside? And what kind of apartment do u envisioned us to live in during d begining of bn married?
The guy will start stuttering.. I will say ok lemme start with mine first, i work at Abc, i earn so so naira, i reside at Anc, and i would love to start with miniflat or two bedroom flat.. He gulps quietly and say but am.not earning much and i thought we could start from one room?
I will be like what? One room? Ok how about we do it this way, why cant we bring our funds together and rent a two bedroom? He will hmmm, i dont have much savings but i know as time goes on , God will provide.
I will look at him with shock and am like do u think its easy financially getting and to stay married? My dear, i cant get married and start taking care two or three mouths with our kid inclusive...

I cant over labour myself overworking so hard to pay rent , then feed the home and when hospital bills come during delivery what happens? Am an orphan oo. Dont think because i look robust, am Not dangote's daughter.. Am not oo

So please, go home, go back to the drawing board and start saving.. I will also save more... But i cannot spend beyond my means because i want to.married..my body system does not approve of too much labour .. Orelse am done for.. So i know myself and my body very well. I cant die before my time because am paying bills beyond my capacity.. So please re think again.
He will grumble and say ok

While some will say, but u look rich enough to care for babies nah

I will look at this type with shock and horror.

Mehn some guys are just somethingelse
.

With all due respect I agree with some of your points, but i feel you need to act soft on some certain issues, for the good of both of you.

Laird:
PLEASE DO NOT MARRY IF YOU DO NOT HAVE MONEY TO FINANCE AND SUPPORT YOUR MARRIAGE, DO NOT GET MARRIED.
DONT BE A LIABILITY.
RAISING A FAMILY IS NOT EASY, SCHOOL FEES, BOOKS, CLOTHES, HOUSERENT IS NOT CHEAP

yes

Amelian:
Op, tell them... They will never hear.
The couples involves will tell u God wil provide .
Mehn some guys are just somethingelse
.

Everybody knows that "No one knows tomorrow" but then if people are more realistic like you I know we will have less issues in marriage.
Studies have shown that the majority of marital issues are finance related and not infidelity, while we are talking about how faithful he is, lets still look at money matter

favoured234:

Everybody knows that "No one knows tomorrow" but then if people are more realistic like you I know we will have less issues in marriage.
Studies have shown that the majority of marital issues are finance related and not infidelity, while we are talking about how faithful he is, lets still look at money matter

lol. Did you see where a lady is even against my advice to my brother not to give his friend money to do introduction?

It's was right here on nairaland that people were donating money for a woman whose husband absconded, leaving her with 4 kids.

Nigerians hardly learn.

Tlyer Perry was over 40 years old when he had his first child and of course with millions of dollars in the bank.