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How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? - Family (1) - Nairaland

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Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by agathamari(f): 11:29pm On Sep 17, 2009
@ Miss Ife you asked about what it is like to be a white woman married to a Nigerian. Let’s face it no matter what any Nigerian woman will say, they don’t know what it is like no more than if they wanted to know how it is being a Nigerian woman married to a Scottish man, they would want to hear the answer from a Nigerian in the same position. You have gotten plenty of answers from many foreign women on their personal experiences and observations. No one is going to tell you the down sides of their own people and they are going to sugar coat their answers. If you want to see how people here view foreign wives, marriage and fidelity read the other posts on the site and the replies therein. Some other posts are “should an American wife change for her husband?”, “would you date an engaged man?”, “real men cheat” and “why do women date married men?”.
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by Nwaka77: 8:31pm On Sep 19, 2009
agathamari:

@ Miss Ife you asked about what it is like to be a white woman married to a Nigerian. Let’s face it no matter what any Nigerian woman will say, they don’t know what it is like no more than if they wanted to know how it is being a Nigerian woman married to a Scottish man, they would want to hear the answer from a Nigerian in the same position. You have gotten plenty of answers from many foreign women on their personal experiences and observations. No one is going to tell you the down sides of their own people and they are going to sugar coat their answers. If you want to see how people here view foreign wives, marriage and fidelity read the other posts on the site and the replies therein. Some other posts are “should an American wife change for her husband?”, “would you date an engaged man?”, “real men cheat” and “why do women date married men?”.


And as usual, you missed the point the white women married to Naija men on this forum were trying to tell you which is: STOP GENERALIZING!! Since you are in the business of always bad mouthing Naija people, then for Christ's sake, why did you marry one? Or are you one of those over weight, ugly, oyinbo women with bad skin that no oyinbo man wants and so you decided to settle for an African man? You sound so bitter. Is it by force to stay married to a man whose country and people you so dispise? I fear some of you white women oh! Tufiakwa!! undecided
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by agathamari(f): 5:05pm On Sep 20, 2009
Nwaka77:


And as usual, you missed the point the white women married to Naija men on this forum were trying to tell you which is: STOP GENERALIZING!! Since you are in the business of always bad mouthing Naija people, then for Christ's sake, why did you marry one? Or are you one of those over weight, ugly, oyinbo women with bad skin that no oyinbo man wants and so you decided to settle for an African man? You sound so bitter. Is it by force to stay married to a man whose country and people you so dispise? I fear some of you white women oh! Tufiakwa!! undecided

i love how when i nigerian woman makes the same comments as many above had then she is rght but if a white woman makes the comment she is generalising. other people have made the same observations and have made mention of it. you are a nigerian and therfor have no idea of what it is like being white in nigeria as i have no idea of what it is like to be black in the US. if you were moving to china to get married would you want chinese women telling you what it is like or other nigerian women in china who can relate to your siuation? you would pick the nigerian woman. the woman asked and i as well as others replied on our personal views and observations. that is what she got as well as the advice to view other comments made by nigerians about nigerians. regardless of where you are from a person will always see and sayonly the positive to a foriener. you go to the us and ask about anything and your going to be told only the positive aspects of society and the same anywhere else. when you travel to a country you dont seek advice from those who are fom the country but those who visited there. the answers and opinions you will get from a tourst are far different from what you will be told from a local. if anyoe has pure distane it is you
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by Leilah(f): 8:53pm On Sep 20, 2009
Would only visit there, no way I would live there, its a mans paradise down there, women will do ANYTHING to snatch your hubby as he has money especially and that you are WHITE.  Women will do anything to get him.

No way,

I received a very warm welcome from everyone I loved it there. I personally would be up the walls with worry thinking someone would snatch my husband (too many beautiful naija women).
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by Rosabelle(f): 8:21am On Sep 22, 2009
agathamari:

i love how when i nigerian woman makes the same comments as many above had then she is rght but if a white woman makes the comment she is generalising. other people have made the same observations and have made mention of it. you are a nigerian and therfor have no idea of what it is like being white in nigeria as i have no idea of what it is like to be black in the US. if you were moving to china to get married would you want chinese women telling you what it is like or other nigerian women in china who can relate to your siuation? you would pick the nigerian woman. the woman asked and i as well as others replied on our personal views and observations. that is what she got as well as the advice to view other comments made by nigerians about nigerians. regardless of where you are from a person will always see and sayonly the positive to a foriener. you go to the us and ask about anything and your going to be told only the positive aspects of society and the same anywhere else. when you travel to a country you dont seek advice from those who are fom the country but those who visited there. the answers and opinions you will get from a tourst are far different from what you will be told from a local. if anyoe has pure distane it is you
I dont know what experiences youve had, but I think Nwaka77 was the only one who replied to you in the negative. Almost everyone on this thread gave a negative answer to the posters question. So Im not sure youre alone in your observation on being married to a Nigerian man. Unfortunately they were negative, but true. A good 65% of african men are badly brought up and this reflects in their association with women.


Leilah:

Would only visit there, no way I would live there, its a mans paradise down there, women will do ANYTHING to snatch your hubby as he has money especially and that you are WHITE. Women will do anything to get him.
No way,
I received a very warm welcome from everyone I loved it there. I personally would be up the walls with worry thinking someone would snatch my husband (too many beautiful naija women).
You got that right. Everyone is warm to you, but its just show. We LOVE show in nigeria. That doesnt mean we arent genuinely nice. But until our women start to understand they have to bring up their boys with just as much severity as they bring up their girls, the situation will only get worse.
I love my country, but sometimes, the truth has to be said.
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by spoilt(f): 12:22am On Sep 23, 2009
Living in Nigeria requires resilience! grin

You can best believe that the visits can be deceptive as they are brief with preparations for your coming beginning weeks in advance. Yeah honey, the drums are definitely rolled out for the white woman.
Be ready to face the everyday grind of living in Nigeria where the system does not work. I love Nigeria. Its the best place on earth. All you need is a supportive family and everything else is manageable.
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by Rosabelle(f): 7:40am On Sep 23, 2009
spoilt:

Living in Nigeria requires resilience! grin
You can best believe that the visits can be deceptive as they are brief with preparations for your coming beginning weeks in advance. Yeah honey, the drums are definitely rolled out for the white woman.
Be ready to face the everyday grind of living in Nigeria where the system does not work. I love Nigeria. Its the best place on earth. All you need is a supportive family and everything else is manageable.
Lolll. Even as a native, when you get back, the drums are rolled out, but only for one or two days, after that, youre on your own. Thank God for family smiley
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by netotse(m): 2:23pm On Sep 23, 2009
Rosabelle:

I dont know what experiences youve had, but I think Nwaka77 was the only one who replied to you in the negative. Almost everyone on this thread gave a negative answer to the posters question. So Im not sure youre alone in your observation on being married to a Nigerian man. Unfortunately they were negative, but true. A good 65% of african men are badly brought up and this reflects in their association with women.

You got that right. Everyone is warm to you, but its just show. We LOVE show in nigeria. That doesnt mean we arent genuinely nice. But until our women start to understand they have to bring up their boys with just as much severity as they bring up their girls, the situation will only get worse.
I love my country, but sometimes, the truth has to be said.

@rosabelle
i agree with you wholeheartedly on the bolded

@thread
ok, is this thread about moving back to naija or about who thinks naija men we're not raised properly or who has had bad experiences with naija men? am beginning to get confused
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by Rosabelle(f): 2:38pm On Sep 23, 2009
netotse:

@thread
ok, is this thread about moving back to naija or about who thinks naija men we're not raised properly or who has had bad experiences with naija men? am beginning to get confused
LOOLL, it has drifted I know.
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by redsky1: 3:00pm On Sep 23, 2009
i would also like to know what its like to be a nigerian wife in nigeria even thou you grew up in the UK.

Thanks
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by N101: 8:56pm On Nov 03, 2009
redsky1:

i would also like to know what its like to be a nigerian wife in nigeria even thou you grew up in the UK.

Thanks
I think I'd like to know more about what it's like having a Nigerian spouse and living in Nigeria as a non-Nigerian.  The challenges as a non-Nigerian wife I believe are far greater than those as a non-Nigerian husband.
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by Fhemmmy: 1:28am On Nov 04, 2009
it is like being a black wife in western world.
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by N101: 10:45pm On Nov 04, 2009
Fhemmmy:

it is like being a black wife in western world.
Not quite.  Marrying across cultures comes with far more challenges. 

In any case, it depends on what you mean by "being a black wife in the western world".  What type of black wife - North American, Caribbean, South American, British, African?  That would presume their culture is significantly different to that they are marrying into.  In the African, Caribbean and South American context, this is more likely to be true that not.  But to many Black American and Black British women, the "Western" world is all they know.
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by Fhemmmy: 4:17am On Nov 05, 2009
N101:

Not quite.  Marrying across cultures comes with far more challenges. 

In any case, it depends on what you mean by "being a black wife in the western world".  What type of black wife - North American, Caribbean, South American, British, African?  That would presume their culture is significantly different to that they are marrying into.  In the African, Caribbean and South American context, this is more likely to be true that not.  But to many Black American and Black British women, the "Western" world is all they know.

Any black marrying a white in America or western world is marrying across culture as well.
Western knows all about western, and what happen to the foreigner that they marry? let dem feel the heat a lil. . . . kiss
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by N101: 1:21am On Nov 08, 2009
Fhemmmy:

Any black marrying a white in America or western world is marrying across culture as well.
Western knows all about western, and what happen to the foreigner that they marry? let dem feel the heat a lil. . . .  kiss
Ah you see, it's a bit more complicated.  The problem usually comes in if it's the woman marrying the man, because women are the ones who do most of the compromising/accommodating, and that is where culture will play a part.

Marrying across races doesn't necessarily mean it will be cross-cultural.  A White Brit marrying a White American, or a Jamaican marrying a Nigerian would be considered cross-cultural.  Black and white Americans marrying each other could be bi-racial but not necessarily cross-cultural.

For two people from similar backgrounds - as in the case of the grandchildren of first generation migrants who've only lived in the West along with their parents - the lines are a lot more blurred.  Hope that makes sense.
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by Radiant(f): 4:29am On Nov 08, 2009
Relocating to a new country is not always easy. New people, new lifestyle, new culture and traditions, etc

In the beginning it always seems like you wanna run but if you stay back you'll actually get used to the place and the people. Bad experiences are sure to be the order of the day initially but thank God this is not peculiar to certain countries.

You've been to Nigeria so at least you've seen the state of the basic infrastructure. At least you wouldn't be a shock absorber in that area.

Anybody can live anywhere. The reason why people see it as a difficult step is because they're used to their comfort zone. One just has to be mentally prepared.
As for the "attitudes" well, it's a common thing with women, isn't it?

One advice though, just make sure you communicate well with your husband and have a very good understanding. The rest you can handle. Cheers!  smiley
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by yommyuk: 5:51am On Nov 09, 2009
Make sure u have money for a return ticket for u and the children if it does not work out.
BITTER TRUTH sad
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by leahsarahk(f): 3:55am On Dec 09, 2009
I look forward to going to Nigeria someday. For now I have not seen the place, but like to hear about what Nigeria is like. My husband is vague about Nigeria. He says to go there we have to be financially stable. We need to take presents for the family and money. I dont know how soon we will go there. For now we dont have enough money or time because of work. What is the best time of year to go there? Do most people stay in a hotel when visiting, or do they have thier homes to stay in with family? I have learned a few words in yoruba, but need to learn more. When being there, were you able to learn the language better. Do they speak yoruba to you? What about the food? Do you cook with your mother in law?
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by seyibrown(f): 1:39pm On Aug 07, 2010
@Miss_Ife

How's it going? Hope you've enjoyed your move so far!
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by melidee: 4:39pm On Aug 30, 2010
Nwaka 77 you make it sound like a black man would marry anything which is true lol they put themselves to shame with no standards most of the africans anyway
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by melidee: 4:49pm On Aug 30, 2010
it depends on how much you are willing to give when you get there if you can give give and give they will like you the minute you cannot give you will see the true colours of niger people. You could use sense or use the situation to your advantage as you can buy an nigerians genuinenees, kindness and luv with MONEY anythings possible with MONEY down there and i mean anything. so be careful
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by MissIfe(f): 4:02pm On Aug 31, 2010
seyibrown:

@Miss_Ife

How's it going? Hope you've enjoyed your move so far!

Hey guys  smiley

Didn't see this post was up here again,  Well, since last time we moved to a new country but not nigeria yet. We actually came back to europe so I could get another degree before (hopefully) moving to nigeria. Before then we should still have time to go on holiday, and time for me to study the place and infrastructures more. I already met a few people from my country who are living/lived in nigeria, even though they stayed there a shorter time than what I plan to, it was still very interesting to hear their point of view.

as leahsarak asked, language is actually an important part of my decision to move to nigeria, i think there is no better place to learn than in the "real" environment. As for food and daily life, my husband cannot do without his nigerian food, so i always cook nigerian food at home (learned a lot on that forum btw wink ).

Another concern, though, is finances: how much would be the cost of living in nigeria for a family with 2/3 kids, and a "western style" house (not mansion owink )? I am a bit worried of the rent, bills, car prices,
Re: How Is It To Be A "White Wife" In Nigeria? by seyibrown(f): 10:50pm On Sep 01, 2010
Thanks for the update! Like most moves, you'll love some things, hate some things, and miss some things about home. I hope it works out well when you eventually move. smiley

Those in Naija will be able to fill you in on the current cost of living!

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