Me and my supernatural girlfriend 
A story written by ademolar

Episode 1

On a cool Tuesday evening, I was sitting under a magoe tree located at the eastern region of our building. I guess y’all wana ask why I said our building..On the 12th of June (my birthday) I and my brother finally moved out of lagos to a new hood due to his transfer from lagos down  to ekiti . It was not that easy to relocate to a new area where one would actually not have access to the kinda things he was patronising before .. As you all know me,am that holy boy who don’t drink, smoke, flex and clubbing. But according to my friend favourite quote “no one dies a virgin,life f--k us all”.

 life kick us anywhere he wants. I still remain my humble and loyal self until we moved into our new home, then devil finally worsen it, he come dash me oluzo as best friend. That was when I truly understand what the aged wise men were actually saying “agutan toh bah ba aja rin a jegbe” meaning, sheep whey follow dog make friend go chop s--t.. ..

Oh! Sorry for my inconsistency  My name is promise mathias but my niggaz dem call me harno ,am 23 years old, black, skinny and good looking in nature. Ever since I have lost my parents, I have been staying with my brother (nino) and we have been surviving on our own without the help of our so called family..

             (BACK TO THE STORY)

I was busy chitchatting with my friends on whatsapp about my new environment , then suddenly I saw something beautiful and glittering approaching. Who could this be? I soliloquies, so something whey make brain like this de this dryland.. as I was pondering about what I saw, she walked passed.
Blood of kafaya!! See ukwu..luckily for me something fell from her purse when she was receiving a call, I quickly rushed down to check it out, and its her atm card. I quickly picked it up and run after her,i called her and she paused for a while ,she  gave me a quizzical look before she proceed. I called her again but she refused to reply me. 

Mehn! Wetin de work this girl nah? Shey person no fit call girl for another matter again ni. Omo bad ppl like ele, klef, tpumpy, frosh, eliboy, stanlex and khola don spoil market for innocent people like me sha. Anyways no lele, I stop following her and I returned to my previous position .

‎ Then I saw a black, infact black is an understatement, dark  skinny guy coming out of a yellow face me I plank you building sitting opposite our building..I wasn’t really concerned about where he was actually heading to, not until he stretch forth his palm requesting for a hand shake..
At first i gave him a thorough scrutinising before I responded..

He is a cute looking guy, he has a brown eyes and a sexy lips, he wore a blue crazy gean and a white polo shirt,he is actually not too tall but he is more or less of my size,his hair were beautifully shaved with dreadlock style.

Guy : hey nigga, my name is olu but my friends call me oluzo, and that is my dad’s building “he said pointing to the building he just came out of”
Me : am promise ..but call me harno
Oluzo : hmmm! Harno that’s a nice nick 
(He sat right besides me and proceed with his talking  )
Oluzo : guy why you like  to de dull yourself? I hear say na lagos una take pack come here..
Me : yes! But how I take dull myself? “I throw a Confused look”
Oluzo : everytime whey I de see you, na under this mango tree you de always sit like person whey no get house..

“This guy like story sha!” I said that withing me..
Me : ehn! I just like fresh air ni since I no get anything to do inside..
Oluzo : ok nah, naso e de be sha if person newly enter one hood,him go like form angel..and as I de look you so, you go bad gan!
Me : bad for wetin?… I no bad o 

The conversation continues for several hours..within the short period of our conversation I get to know more about the area and the way they behave…

Me : ehen! Bros no vex o, I get something whey I was ask o..
Oluzo : where the Bros de? 
Me : hahahaaha! Na you naw
Oluzo : no vex o, I no know when I turn Bros ni..ok I de with you..
I went ahead to narrate everything to him but the way he respond almost made me thought of something strange..

To be continued

Me and my supernatural girlfriend 
A story written by ademolar

‎
Episode 2

Immediately oluzo stood up and gave me a devilish smile
Me : oga follow me yarn abeg! Who is she?”I quarried with much anticipation ”
Oluzo : alaye harno chillaz, that chima whey you de try describe so? Na she be goddess whey all boys for here they worship , most guyz don try am taya but she no gree,some even went about to offer her money and stuffs but she refused them.. the most annoying story was, that of a man who brought her car, just to win her heart only for her to turned down his request in a disgraceful manner 
Me : disgraceful keh! Yarn me abeg
Oluzo : she turn water untop the foolish man head ni..
Me : hahahaha!! I no fit laFf o..kai! But I like the girl sha!
Oluzo : no wahala, you na my own, since you don like her, no worry I go help you arrange her
Me : but the girl big o
Oluzo : oga forget nothing is big girl, all na packaging..
Me : ok..
Oluzo : anytime whey you don see her, follow her yarn.heaven no go fall..
Me : ok thanks..

Few hours time my brother returned from work and we both went inside..that very night my dream was all about the beautiful damsel I saw..
 the next morning we don’t have much water in the house so I decide to go and fetch some at the river. I journeyed down to the nearest river ,then I saw that same lady whom I saw the other day, she was busy chatting with her friends they actually sat besides the river bank.. but as a lasgidi boy, I package myself , I went ahead to fill  my jerrycan with enough water..then I boldly walked up to her..

Me : hy girls..
They didn’t replied but I was not bothered.. I went ahead with my mission..
Me : anyways, my name is promise but my friends call me harno 
(one of her friends cut in)
Girl : sorry sir, we are not here for you c--k-and-bull story   . Pls go straight to the  point..
Me : ok! Am here to see your friend (I said pointing towards that same girl I saw the other day)

But this time she refused me claiming if I can’t say it before her friends, I should forget it.. I tried to be scared but my good conscience never let me..
Me : ok, no problem since you  guyz won’t give me an audience, I guess I should keep what I have for you till you are ready to hear me out…
I walked away from them and went ahead to fill my one left jellycan ,suddenly  someone tapped  me from behind . 

I turned to get an eyeful of who  actually gave me such cold tap.. to God be the glory, it’s still that same girl ,luckily for me her friends had left , and the vicinity was left wide for both of us to converse..
Girl : am nifemi, so am here now, tell me what you want..
Me : hmmm hmmm *clears throat *actually I found something you lost and I was about giving you when you ignored me yesterday..
Nifemi : and what is that?
Me : truelove..(i said jokingly) 

She hissed 
Nifemi : Mr man, if you don’t have anything reasonable to say. Just get lost
Me : ok. Ok am sorry, I helped you found this( I pulled out her atm card..)

She collected it without any form of appreciation and walked away ..omo, this girl rude sha! Wetin she de form ontop self.. kini nka na, kini tan ti laaa paa in #olamide’s voice.(Wetin be that thin self, something whey dem don chop taya).
I carried my jerrycan and walked home in sad mood!

To be continued

Me and my supernatural girlfriend
A story written by ademolar

Episode 3

I got home and discussed everything with oluzo , of which he assured me that everything is gonna be fine.. I keep Chasing and hunting nifemi ,But she de form iron lady!!!!
She just felt I was not good enough for her or maybe something else, because any move I was making was all to no avail….

I  took it from all the contemporary  known style of approaching a lady ,Down to stone aged ampersand ancient  methods. Thanks to oluzo’s idea.. I started
writing scented  letters, folded in a love shape….most times I do Send flowers with notes, most time I do ‎Bribe her friends to help me get the letter to her and sometimes various other stuff for her …

Wetin she want make I do self, abi she de expect shekau head ni?.. nawa  o ‎maybe Na to de stand for her room window for night, begin shout her name…then when she come outside we go  begin sing with a romantic band whey I arranged  together
Which  will involve oluzo, klef, khola, kpumpy and some other friends of mine….

But as e be say We no sabi sing at all,make we just maintain our status-quo, and make we kuku respect our old age, to avoid story that touches ‎.cus i no want wahala…
Naija girls en, chai! I suffered like mad.. ‎days of
Phone calls, Text messages, Recharge card ..of which she  neva accept instead, sometimes I could recall when she sent back the card to me, with curse . Omo I almost pee on my pant..

Most times oluzo will call her and talked to her on my behalf!  But she turned him down without giving it a second thought..

(three weeks later)
My conversation with oluzo on whatsapp

Me : guy hafa
Oluzo : am fine, hafa for the girl mata nah
Me : the girl too wicked o..she no wan gree
Oluzo :she dey mad?…she must gree joor!!! Attached with *wink* smiley
Me : ogbeni make we hear word jorh..! You be fk guy.
Oluzo : how I take be fk guy..
Me : you see fire for front you come push me enter..
Oluzo : you de craze?.. which time I do you that one?
Me : you mumu sha! Shey you no sabi proverb ni?
Oluzo : oga tell me wetin happen. 
Me : nifemi whey you say make I de runz no pass fire abi?

Oluzo :*laughing smiley*  Eyaa Pele my guy.. but I have an idea sha!
Me ; *happy smiley* oya let’s see it 
Oluzo : malu (cow) see as he de happy
Me : oga I de wait abeg.
Oluz : ok, we go arrange 4 boys for street make dem form like say dem wan rape her, and two of us go hide de look dem for corner ..if we don see say dem don almost tear her skirt..u and I go come rush go rescue her..but we go find dem something o

Me : yeeeeh!!! Oluzo baddest.. na u be baba.
Oluzo :‎ apa (fool) neva happy..wait make the plan work first..
Me : ok nah… two bottle of origin for u paddi mi.
Oluzo : lolz.. like say he fit drink one cup of origin. Later jare

We end the conversation and went ahead  to plan our next move, even if she get witch, na this  time she  go fall..no excuse.

To be continued

Me and my supernatural girlfriend
A story written by ademolar

Episode 4

The next morning oluzo took me to  some set  of street  guyz,who hardly show their face in daylight..i call them nightwalker..on getting there the storm of smoke that gushed out from their window is enough to make one go gaga..

Me : oluzo, you no tell me say na were them they preserve fish you de carry me go nah?
Abi them they preserve fish for here?
Oluzo : dis harno mumu sha!..the smell whey you hear resemble fish own?
Me : no vex na ask I ask.. how many ppl de smoke inside self? Dem bad o
Oluzo : hahaha! Naso me self see am..as them de so, them no get anything whey dem de reason, just give them one basket of igbo and two bottle of mcdowell.. my guy dem fit kill dem mama for you..

We entered ,they were actually four in number busy playing cards With stick of igbo in-between their fingers..we exchange pleasantries. 
Oluzo : jajah, meet my guy harno
Jajah : hafa nigga
Me : am cool
Heywhy : harno this is jajah,scorpion, otta and ibile, na them be the baba nla for this area.(he said with rasing his two hands up )
Me : good afternoon sirs..

Without wasting much time oluzo went ahead to narrate the plane to them and they accept. “But how far about the koko now ” jajah asked. 
Oluzo : that one na small thing, we go see una after the deal. Trust me
Jajah : ok nah.. consider it done. Tonight we will be ready just call me when you see the girl…
Oluzo : ok nah! Make we de go..

Both of us went home to relax till the night comes. From that moment, the time looks very slow to me, e come de do me like say make I go forward time…around 6:30pm , we saw her passing by, oluzo quickly called the guys and they assure us that they will be there in few minutes time.. I quickly went in to put on my shirt in preparation for the real deal. 

30 minutes later around 7pm when the dusk of the hour is dazzling before our eyes , the night was getting darker..oluzo received a call from jajah that nifemi is closing by, so we both rushed down to the scene, we hide ourselves behind a big mango tree and watch the scene..

As nifemi was approaching, jajah and otta stopped her,she tried to run back, then scorpion and ibile blocked her from behind. She screamed for help but no one could hear her voice.. they pull her down and started undressing her, she was crying furiously and begging for her dear life.. then jajah signal us to come..immediately I and Oluzo quickly  rushed out from where we were hiding.

To be continued

Me and my supernatural girlfriend
A story written by ademolar

Episode 5

On getting to the scene I was the first to talk..
Me : heey! Heey!! What are you doing to that girl? *you know nah, I de form James bond*
Otta : you de mad? .. who you de follow talk? 
Me : ha! Oluzo , see as this idiot de follow me talk o.. 
Oluzo : oya muna free that girl.
Ibile : if we no free her wetin una wan do?
Me : we go beat una ni * I said with full confidence *
Scorpion : una go beat who? Guyz make we chop dose Guyz jare..

Immediately ,three of them excluding Jajah, attacked us,tho we suppose run but base on planning things we gatz face them.. otta threw a faint punch towards me of which I immediately dodge “omo I don turn jet Lee sha” I responded with a side kick and he fell, I turned and face ibile, I gave him a fake punch and he fell. Oluzo pushed scorpion with his left foot and scorpion fell..

Jajah : guyz! Make we free dem…let’s go
Immediately all of them start running, then we followed them, we chased them to a point before  called me back to my senses ..
Oluzo : ode! Stop running after them jorh! You want make the chick go ni..
Me : oh! Na true o…

We returned to the spot , when nifemi saw us, she stood up ..did you caught  them!? She asked ..‎ yes, but ..*oluzo gave me a strong knock to signal me back to my senses *.. yeesHhh..i groan in pain
Oluzo : no, them run enter bush..
Me : yes, but that doesn’t matter. Your welfare is what matters most, so let’s accompany you home.. 

We both walked her home and she promised to visit me the next day. My prayers has been answered, I jumped up and gave oluzo a tight hug.
Me : oluzo, I swear after you na you..
Oluzo : shebi I tell you, dem no born am well she go fall.
Me : naso!…abeg make we enter one bar celebrate our victory..
Oluzo : naso, ehen, na now you de do like real lagos boy..

We entered the nearest beer parlour with the name “mama cash and carry beer parlour “.. we chill for a while and proceed with our discussion ,mama cash was actually getting furious cus we have been there for a while and we are yet to order for something.. then one of her sales girl asked..

Girl 1 : madam you sure say those boys no be thieves so?
Girl 2 : madam na true talk o, cus we never see them face for here before. 
Madam cash : you people should relax, shebi na me be madam cash.. I go challenge dem now..(she boasted)

she decide to let the cat out of the cage..
Mama cash : wetin una want? 
Me : mama cash, chill we de come
Mama cash : abeg, abeg, I no get time to waste I go soon close, if una know say na woman matter una wan come discuss here, make una begin go o..
Oluzo : mama cash!!! You too like money..haba.. oya give us beer make we high..

Mama cash : ehen na now una de talk.. wetin una want..
Oluzo ordered for one bottle of Goldberg and I ordered for a bottle of malt.. after few minutes we are off and we went home together ,waiting patiently for nifemi to visit…

To be continued

Me and my supernatural girlfriend 
A story written by ademolar

Episode 6

The next day was Saturday, my brother actually went to watch arsenal match, but them no born me well make I go, when almighty nifemi is coming to visit.. I sat home waiting patiently for her to come..i had arranged everything and I make sure I set everything according..i went outside in anticipation .oluzo on the other hand was not around due to the arsenal match but he keep texting me .

(me and oluzo whatsapp converse) 
Oluzo : hafa, she don show?
Me : *sad smiley* no
Oluzo : chill she go soon come
Me : *sad smiley* ok I go de wait..
Oluzo : no worry jorh, she go come, , and make sure say you no dull yourself o..
Me : trust me nah..
Oluzo : make sure u drink baby-okwu before una do anything o

Me : why nah?
Oluzo : harno why you like to de ask mumu questions self?
Me : ha! Shey I no go know wetin I wan take am do ni?
Oluzo : ok, to increase your level of performance, you know say the girl na one kind hard to get type. She fit no wan come again,and d stuff go give you mind, u no go fear to ask her anything.. so use your brain alaye..
Me : na true o..ok I don hear..

Oluzo : and make sure say you carry the chair whey de your room comot o.
Me : why?
Oluzo : mumu! U no know say if she come, she no go wan sit untop bed? And that one nogo allow you do wetin you wan do.
Me : chai! Oluzo! I envy your spirit of fornication o
Oluzo : lolz! Fool, na u no fornicate abi
Me : your own worst nah..
Oluzo : ok, bye mah watch the match first..

I don’t even bother to reply his last text,i stood up and went ahead to  search earnestly for my pack of CD, I quickly put it under my pillow,and I carried my chair to the sitting room, I quickly rushed down to malla musa’s place and I get one small bottle of baby-okwu.. though malla musa’s was wondering what an innocent looking boy like me wana do with the baby okwu.. but I don’t really care about what he thinks..

I went back inside and quickly consume and gulped the entire drop of the drink…today na today. I smirked..after 2 hours of waiting ,then finally I heard a soft knock on our door, I quickly jumped off my bed and rushed down to the sitting room, the level of joy in me was second to none. On getting there I pulled the door, i almost puched the person standing infront of the door.. it’s emeka omo-ibo..
Me : ehen! Wetin you de find? *frown*
Emeka : brother promise, one aunty de look for you..
Me : eeen! (mood changed) where she de?
Emeka : she de there (he said pointing towards the mango tree..)
Me : ok! Make we go..

I quickly followed emeka down to the spot, to increase my level of generosity, I pulled out 200 naira from my wallet and gave it to emeka,and I make sure nifemi saw it, on a normal day, I won’t even dare to give him 20 naira for no reason.. emeka jumped up with joy and he dashed away.. low and behold my beautiful nifemi was sitting patiently under the mango  tree, I quickly Adjust may voice..
Me : hi nifemi! *smiles*
Nifemi : hey! Harno,how Are you doing 
Me : am fine, please let’s go inside.

I walked her in, I took her straight to my room..you have a nice apartment, she said in an encouraging tone..but am not even bothered about that, then she sat on my bed. Omo! This Oluzo get brain die ni,see as the idea de work..baba oluzo,i de untop bed de hail you with my boxer o..

To be continued ‎

Me and my supernatural girlfriend 
A story written by ademolar

Episode 7

I sat closer to her and we start discussing, she thanked me for the other night, but those ones no even enter my ear..the only word I heard was when she asked me what she could give me in return.. I opened my mouth to say nothing, but all I could hear was kiss, chimo! 
She paused for a while and wondered where on earth I could summon such courage from.. she asked again in order to confirm my words.. this time I tried to compose myself and act as a gentle man, but I still repeat the same statement. Pls Don’t blame me, the level of baby-okwu I consumed was performing wonders..

She stood up and tried to leave with anger, but I hold her hand and goes straight on my knees, I started raging sweet love and romantic words to her, of which on my normal sense I won’t have been able to do that due to my level of gynophobia or if you like feminophobia.. to me I was actually saying the right thing ,not knowing that my words was full of rubbish, omo alcohol na basterd..

She turned and starred at me in disgusting manner, then she started laughing, she pulled me up and walked me down to my bed. Like say my prayers don answer. She asked me to lay down and take a rest.. the next I saw was oluzo, planted himself before me like a tree..

Oluzo : alaye! Wake up! See as you de snore like goat..
Me : madman, na your potbelly papa de snore like goat..
Oluzo : you de craze? How many time I don warn you say make you no de curse my parents? 
Me : ask Google nah!
Oluzo : fool…
Me : oluzo abeg where we de?
Oluzo : untop tree.. shey na the hard staffing whey nifemi give you de make you loose your memory ni.
Me : serious na inside my room we de?
Oluzo : yes nah! Why you de ask?

Me : omo! I no don forget sha..
Oluzo : ehen! How far, shey you nack the girl? 
Me : which girl?
Oluzo : mama idowaa.. cow! Nifemi jare..
It was when he mentioned nifemi, that I could recall everything, nifemi actually left when I doze off, chimooo! . I screamed out loud like someone being whipped by a four mouthed koboko..

Oluzo : wetin happen?
Me : heeeeee! I don f--k up..
Oluzo : how nah?she carry your money go ni!?
Me : if na money e for better nah..
Oluzo : wetin she do?
I went ahead to narrate everything to oluzo and he was really furious at me..
Oluzo : you be idiot o.. anyways, shey una Roma sha..
Me : no!
Oluzo : ha! Shey you touch bobbisky(b**bs)
Me : no 
Oluzo : Yeh!una kiss?
Me : no
Oluzo : you know what?  just stand up now make you go jump enter river, cus you no fit get sense till Jesus come..

Me ; no be my fault nah.. u knw say I no Sabi drink and that baby-okwu chark me wella..
Oluzo : alaye! U be fool just admit the fact that your level of stupidity is second to none.. even mukaila whey mumu pass for this area no fit f--k up like dis..
 Me : ok! I admit say I f--k up, no vex u know say I be your guyz abeg make we plan another way.

Oluzo : who be your guy? I no de follow cow like you be guy. You too dull..
Me : alaye! Wetin nah, shey u no de do mistake ni? Na mistake no vex, next time I nogo fk..
Oluzo : see the idiot ! Anyways, na because I like you, plan de.. but I de hungry first mah go find something chop..

He said and walked out

To be continued