@Op from your writeup I could sense love and pain at the same time, this situation is critical. based on my experience as a detective I would like you to see your relationship as a ship sailing to its destination which is marriage.
the ship needs to be balanced on both side if it is to get to its destination. the weight from the mans family is heavy and its pulling the ship down and sinking it. I would advice you to save yourself from such family. it could get worse after marriage.

AdaAda1331:



Thank you for your response. Again, I mentioned that the only reason that I mentioned my career path is because that's mostly what nigerians look at when it comes to marriage. I thought that would be relatable. I don't call the shots, they don't actually hate me. His brother just called me names because I didn't ask how his move was. If it sounds ridiculous here, it is because that was the sole reason. Thing is my family is not the only one that's worried about this union. All our close family friends, priest, godmother, are all worried about me entering the family, they don't think I should enter the on-going family drama. The reason I put the don't see my worth is because it has been implied by his father with no concrete reason. I have a lot to work on, I know that, I'm not the best but I know I'm not the worst as they point me out to be. I'm still young and I'm open to change. But I DO know that I come from a good family, I'm a child after God's heart and I'm trying my best to prepare a good future for my future children.

Honestly, I think the family sees you as a very proud person and sincerely too, that is what am seeing from your write up and response so far. I apologise if I sounded so offensively. See in marriage, u need to put aside whatever u think u are and put on the garment of humility and simplicity. Forget about u being a doctor or self worth, in marriage it doesn't count as long as the relations are concern, all they are interested in is a humble, peaceloving and a simple lady. If you love this guy, humble yourself and stay away from his relatives for sometimes before visiting them again but most importantly be humble, simple and coolheaded in other to win your guys relative to your side after which u wouldn't struggle to earn their love and respect. Abeg, no vex for me oooooo, am just contributing from my deepest concern.

...

AdaAda1331:


You have it exactly right. That's why I'm on this forum. I know you all can't make the decision for me but I'm having second thoughts if this is something I'll immensely regret doing/not doing. I had an idea about his family behavior but it never directly affected me until now that I'm being attacked. I know God wouldn't want me to make a decision out of fear but I'm still on the fence if this is also God's way of telling me to run. I see the fire now before marriage and me saying yes will be me putting my hand in it. I don't know if that's wise.

See, I have a sister who have been confronted with all you have said prior to her wedding. Hers was even physical, that her would be mother in law and sister in law were at their doorpost waiting to feast on me with slaps and blows, while her would be brother in law kept fuelling and aggravating the whole situation by telling lies upon lies just to get her out of the way but today, they are married and she is loved by both her mother in law and all her sisters in law, because first and foremost, she cried to God and excused herself from the family tussle for a period of a year while the family members thought they have broken off. Nothing good comes easy. Five years is not a joke but just be sure that your man loves you more than you love him and if you guys were meant to be, nothing can stop destiny from fulfilling. Sorry once again if I stepped on your toes with my previous comment.

Girl my only advise is that his family may not matter now but they do in the long run

African families and their issues. Fine marriage is between families but some African families really take advantage of this to meddle in couples private lives. Smh

@op I'll say your bfs family feels you are controlling and selfish because they "think" you are the one forcing him into getting married,am not saying he also does not have it in mind but it depends on the way he "might" have presented the issue to them making them feel you are controlling him or something and I have 1 question for you if you don't mind,why the rush to get married I know you have dated for 5 years I just sincerely hope your parents are not the ones pushing for you guys to get married ASAP just because you've dated for 5 years(I know no parent will love to see their daughter dating for so long and no progress being made) My advice to you is to stick with him since you love him,put all marriage plans on hold face your career and also work on yourself a bit if you are truly the controlling type because even if you break up with him today because of his family,how are you so sure the next family won't see the same thing,am not saying you are bad or not perfect but try and be perfect and I can assure you everything will fall in place naturally. Cheers

AdaAda1331:



Thank you for your response. Again, I mentioned that the only reason that I mentioned my career path is because that's mostly what nigerians look at when it comes to marriage. I thought that would be relatable. I don't call the shots, they don't actually hate me. His brother just called me names because I didn't ask how his move was. If it sounds ridiculous here, it is because that was the sole reason. Thing is my family is not the only one that's worried about this union. All our close family friends, priest, godmother, are all worried about me entering the family, they don't think I should enter the on-going family drama. The reason I put the don't see my worth is because it has been implied by his father with no concrete reason. I have a lot to work on, I know that, I'm not the best but I know I'm not the worst as they point me out to be. I'm still young and I'm open to change. But I DO know that I come from a good family, I'm a child after God's heart and I'm trying my best to prepare a good future for my future children.

My dear having read all your comments so far, I would say you shouldn't push anything and let nature take it course because it seems you have more than one enemy and the only person who sees the good in you is your fiance. The family are already taking a dislike for you even before you being a wife and I would say it isn't healthy but on a second note like we Catholic faithfuls say "Caritas vincit omnia" which means "Love conquers all" but you got to think with your head and not your heart baby. Good luck dear.

Babe, u don't knw wat marriage is all abt yet. U still need to cultivate a lot of HUMILITY. An adage says, actions speaks better dan voice. U still need more marital orientation. Don't talk abt marriage yet.

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

My advice is that you pray about it and make your decision. God will back you up. A thing to note is whether the family members you just mentioned have any influence over his life or his decisions. If they do, my advice is to stay away, God will provide another.

well, i think you should follow your heart but be wise, talk to him about what you notice from his family

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

i will only say that such men are hard to come by these days....you dont know what you have until you lose it. you love him..he loves you? what more? remember family aint always right...flow with your heart and lets see if the tides can outweigh you.

If you are sure that he loves you, then marry him without delay.
My sister good husband is scarce these days o
I talk from experience

ferdison:
its two ways now....
If u follow ur heart and things turn out bad, ur family will blame u... And if u follow ur family n end up wit anoda person who gives u hell, then u will not forgive ur family....
i advice u pray more, follow ur heart n take counsel from mayb ur pastor....()

Wonderful advice

toksbisola:
@OP; what I’m going to say first might come out a bit harsh but permit me as no offence and hope none taken.

Young lady, it’s not rocket science for one to deduce the tone in your write-up as commanding (you might not have intended for it to be that way). Any wonder why your BF's brother mentioned that you’re controlling? Sometimes, we might not even know we have certain character flaws until it’s pointed out to us and when that occurs, all we need to do is work on them rather than being defensive (Not saying you are). Just had to mention this first before I made my comment . That said let’s move on swiftly.

My question to you would be are you prepared to fight this battle? Best believe, family have their own influence. Some men are able to put their family at arms length in connection to their intending spouse/partner (especially if their family don't like them) whilst some struggle to do that. The question is which category does your man fall into?
Another thing I noticed in your write-up which is a bit worrying is your not having complementary words to say about your man’s family? Ok see your own quotes below;
His father, step mother and brother are very difficult people.
They are uncompromising and closed minded.
Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least.
I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

Oh please give me a break. So far, you’ve described your family as a peaceful one, but only negative so far about your intended in-laws; WHY? Is it because there is nothing positive to say about this family? I’m a bit taken aback as this is the family you intend to marry into hence, look for positive things to say about them.How does your man feel about this on-going saga of non acceptance between you and his family? It’s going to be a hard nut for you to crack. I’ll strictly tell you that if you’re marrying into a family that don’t like you, you might encounter problems for a long while to come (I might be right as well as wrong) but only time will tell. I have seen some women toil this part and some have been married for years and their in-laws still never liked them despite them even having children in the union.

Think very well and hard if you are up for that struggle and if you are, then all well and good; follow your heart but note that love is not enough as you yourself have attested to the fact that you’re not only marrying your man but you're also marrying his family. Are you ready to be uncomfortable among your intended in-laws for a long while to come? Bear in mind that assumptions may be made when problems arise, and the in-laws will tell your man we told you so; as your family are not giving you the go ahead either they might also say we told you so as well.

Your parents are already seeing the problems that may occur and giving you the warning signs to move on but they might be right as well as wrong. Only you can make that final decision as they can only give guidance but the decision stops at your door step as only you will be in that marital home.

I’ll strongly suggest you try and iron this unlikeness between you and your intended in-laws before you take the final “I DO” step as MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES. As a saying goes "If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen". Think very carefully before you make your decision on whether you'll go ahead with him or find someone else. DON'T IGNORE THE SIGNS.

I rest my case

Nigerian men so hate it when a woman has guts and brains. And Nigerian women cant bear it when their fellow is shining.

All these people trying to twist the lady's words, forming Shylock and James Bond put together, first ask yourselves: what am I afraid of? Why do I feel the need to attack this woman? The answer to those questions are perhaps some of the reasons her BF's brother and family are uneasy.

People fear what they don't know, and hate what they can't conquer. Haven't known the OP for more than five minutes but I can see she has a good head on her shoulders. Something most women lack. Any confident, intelligent, strong, wise, independent-minded man will be blessed to have her as a wife.

Hate it when relationships go sour.

toksbisola:
@OP; what I’m going to say first might come out a bit harsh but permit me as no offence and hope none taken.

Young lady, it’s not rocket science for one to deduce the tone in your write-up as commanding (you might not have intended for it to be that way). Any wonder why your BF's brother mentioned that you’re controlling? Sometimes, we might not even know we have certain character flaws until it’s pointed out to us and when that occurs, all we need to do is work on them rather than being defensive (Not saying you are). Just had to mention this first before I made my comment . That said let’s move on swiftly.

My question to you would be are you prepared to fight this battle? Best believe, family have their own influence. Some men are able to put their family at arms length in connection to their intending spouse/partner (especially if their family don't like them) whilst some struggle to do that. The question is which category does your man fall into?

Another thing I noticed in your write-up which is a bit worrying is your not having complementary words to say about your man’s family? Ok see your own quotes below;

His father, step mother and brother are very difficult people.
They are uncompromising and closed minded.
Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least.
I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

Oh please give me a break. So far, you’ve described your family as a peaceful one, but only negative so far about your intended in-laws; WHY? Is it because there is nothing positive to say about this family? I’m a bit taken aback as this is the family you intend to marry into hence, look for positive things to say about them.

How does your man feel about this on-going saga of non acceptance between you and his family? It’s going to be a hard nut for you to crack. I’ll strictly tell you that if you’re marrying into a family that don’t like you, you might encounter problems for a long while to come (I might be right as well as wrong) but only time will tell. I have seen some women toil this part and some have been married for years and their in-laws still never liked them despite them even having children in the union.

Think very well and hard if you are up for that struggle and if you are, then all well and good; follow your heart but note that love is not enough as you yourself have attested to the fact that you’re not only marrying your man but you're also marrying his family. Are you ready to be uncomfortable among your intended in-laws for a long while to come? Bear in mind that assumptions may be made when problems arise, and the in-laws will tell your man we told you so; as your family are not giving you the go ahead either they might also say we told you so as well.

Your parents are already seeing the problems that may occur and giving you the warning signs to move on but they might be right as well as wrong. Only you can make that final decision as they can only give guidance but the decision stops at your door step as only you will be in that marital home.

I’ll strongly suggest you try and iron this unlikeness between you and your intended in-laws before you take the final “I DO” step as MARRIAGE IS NOT A BED OF ROSES. As a saying goes "If you can’t stand the heat get out of the kitchen". Think very carefully before you make your decision on whether you'll go ahead with him or find someone else. DON'T IGNORE THE SIGNS.

I rest my case

I totally agree with you concerning that FLAW aspect, Most ladies always assume they are perfect, that is why they will be asking questions when a man turn out to react to their excesses......Thinking of yourself as perfect and flawless always is a costly assumption.

devvland:



Nigerian men so hate it when a woman has guts and brains. And Nigerian women cant bear it when their fellow is shining.

All these people trying to twist the lady's words, forming Shylock and James Bond put together, first ask yourselves: what am I afraid of? Why do I feel the need to attack this woman? The answer to those questions are perhaps some of the reasons her BF's brother and family are uneasy.

People fear what they don't know, and hate what they can't conquer. Haven't known the OP for more than five minutes but I can see she has a good head on her shoulders. Something most women lack. Any confident, intelligent, strong, wise, independent-minded man will be blessed to have her as a wife.

I like same qualities in a woman, but now take all those qualities and let her start applying it so magnificently, selfishly and not 'graciously' on your family, you or the family you came from.. Let us see If you would not be the first to hate her passionately

A Flaw: is a good character is not applied appropriately with the right balance

Listen to your parents and wait for suitor. In Nigeria you can not marry without marrying your spouse family, I can see danger ambushing in one conner.

I will advice you don't spend such lengthy time in a relationship again. Secondly, learn to be humble. .. do not allow your course of study enter your head. Thirdly, learn to tolerate as there are different people with different temperament and don't be too choosy...dont think you are still young at early 20. Finally, i will advice you give the man a chance as such people are very rare and diffidifficult to come by. Put God first in all you do, he will lead you aright .

Women = confusion. . .fuckin unpredictable. . .never Trust a woman. . Women! Oh women!

Bahahahaha! Una dey advise woman! Eyaah! It fuckin goes in one ear and out d other. . . . .bahahaha! Bahahahaha!

@Adaada1331

I will go against the grain and say I absolutely love your self confidence.I love the fact that you know you are worth something good and that you realise that you come from a good family,not ready to drop your self belief because of marriage.I applaud that ,many kudos to your parents.Id be very proud of you if you were my child for thinking so logically.
It's good to know you are in a position to make a choice while young,use it wisely.Love love does it mean you must marry.I think getting married should be a logical decision while weighing pros and cons methodically and even choosing one that's most advantageous to you.Yes it sounds cold,but you have to look at a person minus your emotions then try to deduce the outcome and choose the best one for yourself.
Know though that no matter how methodical you are sef life still has its curve balls and you can't say the future but still it's best to give yourself the best headstart possible.

You are still very young so I'll say take your time,you will definitely make better decisions when you are sayyy three years older as your taste becomes more refined.It means you will have more time to come into yourself,more time to know yourself and what exactly you want.The fact that your man is good doesn't mean he's for you or you for him,that doesn't mean you are a bad person or there's something wrong with him.University boyfriend may not be the choice you'd make when you are a working lady so just take your time.I do not believe there is one man for every woman or one woman for a man,I believe in choosing the best possible personality match for yourself from an array of samples.

Getting along with family definitely makes things easier but I'm not of the opinion that you need a guys family to love you before you can marry him.What i subscribe to is mutual respect,cordiality and boundaries especially in a situation where there's no love lost.Truth is some people will want you to bow to them and be a puppet,some people will want to be in your bizniz daily,some will give you space,some will value your opinions,some will only respect you if you have money,it just depends on where you find yourself.Already there is hostility..if you are to continue in this situation,you must learn to be emotionless BUT fair in your dealings.Avoid unnecessary back talk and deal with each situation as they pass by.No need to engage in unnecessary to and fro.Polite but firm and be able to stand up for yourself. I'd much rather you enter a less volatile situation though.Also take into consideration your guys attitude at this point.Whats he saying in all this?Whats he doing in all this?

His family may be against him marrying now because he's still quite young,not necessarily cos they have something against you.I think that's something worth considering.You should also look into why his parents broke up.Red flags if abuse or philandering.
Please focus on your books for now.Plenty of time to decide which way forward.

With the way you have presented yourself though,I believe you will be an asset and a treasure to any man you decide to be with.

I wish you all the luck possible.

[quote author=thorpido post=47970671]If he has shown himself to be someone of exemplary character as you say,I'll say you should give it a chance.
One thing I want you to consider is how much independence he has.Does his family control the decisions he makes?Also,if you marry,are you going to live close to them?

Answer these questions.[/quote
You are very wise.

I have read through your write up and I can deduce that both you and your fiance are medical students.

I have been in your shoes though in an entirely different circumstance. But I will give you some straight up advice.

1. The family is just worried that after training their child throug Medschool that it is wrong for him to come out and dabble into marriage without giving back to the family that made him.

You and your fiance have been through too many tough times that its difficult to see yourself with any other person but him . I bet he's even the love of your life.

Two things I don't know is how young or old this your man is .

But my advice to you is this :

DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN , HE HAS A LOT OF BAGGAGE.

The family is already attacking you because they think you are pushing their son to marry at an early stage when he's not prepared.

Most people think Doctors have loads of cash , which isn't necessarily true. so when you marry him and he's not dolling out the cash as they expect, you are immediately accused as the cause and culprit.

My advice , you are young. you will definitely find a better prepared man by the time you start your housemanship who would adore you and whose family will worship your intelligence and not feel threatened by it.

Marriage is a lifetime journey , you don't have to go through life avoiding your in-laws. Marriage is better than that.

In time you will find out that love is not everything , life is more complex than that.
I understand your fears , I was once in your shoes. you would definitely find another love.

problem is how do you go about it , medschool is a very narrow society once you graduate you would see the world is a better place. I'm telling you this because I can already tell that you are a very intelligent girl who has the brains and poise to attract the best man to herself.

only an insecure man cannot see that you are a treasure.

My advice , stop trying to be the super hero , you can't fix your boo's family problems cos automatically the family sees u as their new problem.

gradually start withdrawal from him now , start hinting him that this marriage thing might not work as your family is not supportive and his isn't too.

Tell him you can never enter a marriage without the blessings of both parents. let him understand that the problem is not him that you love him more than everything but also your family is everything to you.

Don't stop the relationship overnight cos it might break him down cos you people have come a long way.

The truth is that your fiancee has to invest back at least for 2 years on his family before settling downI made similar decision several years ago and I'm happy I did. today she's happily married and so am I . we are still very good friends who appreciate the roles we played in each other's life when we were younger.


Be strong and take the bold steps , please don't break his heart. gradually disentangle all the covalent bond holding the relationship together , in time distance of housemanship or youth service might take its toll on the relationship and it will give way.

On the flipside it might survive it all and you guys might end up together when it is right.

Just step back a bit and with time it will become clearer , no need for the rush.

sorry for the long epistle , I hope it helps .

God's grace.

AdaAda1331:
Thank you for all of your responses, I honestly appreciate each of them. Your responses are very similar to my mother's, my brother, his mother and other of my family members. Very different and very honest.

Someone above mentioned that I should treat this as a car sale. You're actually on to something. I still see this in a similar way but not totally. In my mind, he's a Lamborghini but that doesn't mean it's the only Lamborghini I'll see.

Alot of you gave constructive criticism that I may be controlling or I should be mature and I don't have people's skills. I understand that as well. I haven't dismissed my opportunity of growth. I know there's still a lot for me to learn. I also understand that its what youve been able to decipher from my short message. Understand though that I'm not affected by his brother calling me names. I actually laughed when I heard it unintentionally. I didnt take it personal because I knew it wasn't coming from a place of constructive criticism but just plain criticism. My parents are the ones in disbelief, that I haven't even done the introduction but his family are already calling me unnecessary names out of spite.

I made the decision last week to end the relationship. I came on here to see if I did it with the right mindset and heart and I know I did now because I have peace. My point of view is to allow things to run its course. I'll focus on my graduating next year as I have been and I've told him to do the same. Nothing stays the same, I know we will both come out of this. I don't know what will end up happening, but I've decided not to focus on that.

Young woman, I had spent time reading through your post and so far am convinced that your parents did have a great child and that personality is you... Huummmm. Take care and God bless you

AdaAda1331:



Thank you for your response. Again, I mentioned that the only reason that I mentioned my career path is because that's mostly what nigerians look at when it comes to marriage. I thought that would be relatable. I don't call the shots, they don't actually hate me. His brother just called me names because I didn't ask how his move was. If it sounds ridiculous here, it is because that was the sole reason. Thing is my family is not the only one that's worried about this union. All our close family friends, priest, godmother, are all worried about me entering the family, they don't think I should enter the on-going family drama. The reason I put the don't see my worth is because it has been implied by his father with no concrete reason. I have a lot to work on, I know that, I'm not the best but I know I'm not the worst as they point me out to be. I'm still young and I'm open to change. But I DO know that I come from a good family, I'm a child after God's heart and I'm trying my best to prepare a good future for my future children.

You're 22 and it shows. To be honest, you ain't ready for marriage. Marriage is not a game. It can never be between you and your partner alone even if you live abroad.
It's best you humble yourself and win the family over or you find your way out. You come across as intelligent, focused and know what you want. However, you also come across as inexperienced and naive. Nigerians don't think career is very important when choosing a spouse, especially a wife. I don't know why u keep emphasizing that.
Marriage is more than finance, swag, romance and sex. It's more of tolerance, sacrifice, genuine love and respect for both spouse and their families. You might have to take shit from your husband's family, it's part of what comes with some marriage in Africa.
My advice, humble yourself and win them over or take a walk.

Hmmmm

Folzye:


I like same qualities in a woman, but now take all those qualities and let her start applying it so magnificently, selfishly and not 'graciously' on your family, you or the family you came from.. Let us see If you would not be the first to hate her passionately

A Flaw: is a good character is not applied appropriately with the right balance

FLAW. How is she flawed? Because she knows her worth and wishes to valued for it? Because she speaks her mind? Because she seems to insist to be treated right? Because she sounds intelligent and has presented and marshalled her thoughts with unerring precision? If you love those qualities you wouldn't be so quick to assume they would easily degenerate to FLAWS.

We admire brilliance from a distance. We hate to have it stand next to us cos it shines bright and illuminates all our own flaws, inadequacies and pretences.

If that lady was a man nobody would call her flawed. In fact everybody here would be admiring her level headedness. But we have such double standards...that confidence and self-esteem (the cardinal traits for strong human personality) are a flaw in a woman. Funny thing is we don't even see that our perception is flawed. It's a shame.

AdaAda1331:
I've been in a relationship for 5 years with a great man; we met very young and we're still in school but almost about to graduate. We love each other and things would be easier if family wasn't involved.

His parents are currently divorced and his father, step mother and brother are very difficult people. They are uncompromising and closed minded. His brother has called me selfish and controlling even before the introduction has taken place.

I'm currently in my early twenties and I will be graduating as a doctor next year and I'm from a very peaceful home. I have not been wayward during school and I'm a christian. Seeing that his family doesn't see my value is very disappointing to say the least. I expected much more because I know I'm worth much more.

When you marry in the Nigerian community, you don't just marry the person, the whole family is involved. I have strong feelings for this man. He has refused to adopt his families negative characteristics. His values and character is more than any mother, future wife or friend can ask for. I'm lucky to have even known him.

Now, I'm at crossroads. I've prayed to God and I do have peace, but my parents are telling me to disregard that relationship and move on because of his family. Is it worth it? Is family a rate limiting step to choosing a spouse? How involved are family members in during marriage? Should I move on?

permit me to twist Yoruba adage to "oko buruku se fe,ana buruku ni ko she ni."I will advise u to follow wat ur parent said,was once in such dilemma.

zed7:


You're 22 and it shows. To be honest, you ain't ready for marriage. Marriage is not a game. It can never be between you and your partner alone even if you live abroad.
It's best you humble yourself and win the family over or you find your way out. You come across as intelligent, focused and know what you want. However, you also come across as inexperienced and naive. Nigerians don't think career is very important when choosing a spouse, especially a wife. I don't know why u keep emphasizing that.
Marriage is more than finance, swag, romance and sex. It's more of tolerance, sacrifice, genuine love and respect for both spouse and their families. You might have to take shit from your husband's family, it's part of what comes with some marriage in Africa.
My advice, humble yourself and win him over or take a walk.

abeg dont try to chose career relating to counselling hence,u will mislead pple.wat u just said is d similitude of u seeing a problem approaching, yet u dabble into it instead of circumventing it.

Gcool2:
abeg dont try to chose career relating to counselling hence,u will mislead pple.wat u just said is d similitude of u seeing a problem approaching, yet u dabble into it instead of circumventing it.

You're not making sense. Totally incoherent.