Hi guys,

My girl will be 4 in few weeks. The second is above 2.

Her sister beats her and she cries. This get me irritated always. And I always tell her, u re the big sister, can't u beat your own back?

She is just too quiet and on few occasions I av seen her in sch with that weakness. And I always tell her when someone beat you, beat your own back.

I am not trying to make her a trouble maker, but a least, when they beat her she should respond.

The second one is the exact opposite. As old as you re, if u beat her, she will try to treat your f**k up too.

I think the first kid took after my dad. My dad was a perfect gentleman. When he died at 90 in 2013, everyone came with a single word. What a peaceful and gentle man!

So experienced fathers n mothers in the house, how did you handle this type o kid o..

NB: other than this, she is perfect in everything. Playing, singing, in school n church an everything else.

Thanks.
DC

I am not an experienced parent yet, But I have been teaching children for a long time now.
In my opinion... Life is a balance, it is unwise to distort it. So also is your child's personality. Don't try to make her hard, because you will end up distorting her personality and this will affect her functionality eventually in life. For such children who are calm and peaceful, let them grow in that light, because when you make her hard, even you will feel the brunt of her hardness and won't be able to curtail it eventually.
Children are a gift.
#peace.

Thanks for this reply.

Yes, she is extremely peaceful.

DCTrendy:
Hi guys,

My girl will be 4 in few weeks. The second is above 2.

Her sister beats her and she cries. This get me irritated always. And I always tell her, u re the big sister, can't u beat your own back?

She is just too quiet and on few occasions I av seen her in sch with that weakness. And I always tell her when someone beat you, beat your own back.

I am not trying to make her a trouble maker, but a least, when they beat her she should respond.

The second one is the exact opposite. As old as you re, if u beat her, she will try to treat your f**k up too.

I think the first kid took after my dad. My dad was a perfect gentleman. When he died at 90 in 2013, everyone came with a single word. What a peaceful and gentle man!

So experienced fathers n mothers in the house, how did you handle this type o kid o..

NB: other than this, she is perfect in everything. Playing, singing, in school n church an everything else.

Thanks.
DC

What are her strengths? You need to work on her strengths instead of focusing on her weaknesses. It seems she is calm,kind and compassionate hence her refusal to fight back. This means she can easily be taught leadership skills. Stop comparing your kids.

This is her temperament, if you keep shouting at her she will just keep recoiling into a shell

My girl was also like your daughter but I have learnt to appreciate her strength and this has really built up her confidence. Children are different, don't compare her with other children or even her sister. focus more on her strengths, encourage her always and praise her when she performs excellently. God bless our children.

Thank God for you guys.

You av all said the same thing. I will go with that. Yes, she is too kind, don't know why she won't give her younger sister a single slap n reset her brain for once!....lol.

As for her strength, temperament! My wife and I were JJC back them so the younger once came quickly. You ll expect her to be weeping and falling sick, but no! She behaved like an understanding adult and even when u expect her to be very hungry n cry, she will still maintain her calm.

Also, she doesn't joke with singing and books!

Those re the things I have identified in her so far.

Pls sorry to derail...lets switch kids.
Take my 13months daughter and lemmi hav your 4years baby.

My daughter can beat her crechemates and those slightly above her for africa..yu spank her...she spanks you back.

***pls lets switch babies**

Yorubas say "omo kii rin owo kan" simply meaning children are not the same.


To the glory of God, I'm an experience mother and I can confidently tell you that I have them all in different types, the extremely cool one, the extra over extremely active one, the one in the middle, the hostile one........

The funniest of it all is that each one of them is distinct in his or her own way, and there is a time or day you'll definitely need each of them, without any need of comparison.

And the secret is that, they complement one another.

What to do...........Love them equally.

Stop comparing them.

Appreciate their strengths.

Be free with them individually and collectively.

Teach them to love and complement each other.

Teach them to appreciate each other.


The truth is that you're so lucky to have them in different types.

Thank God for that.

Please let her be, children are not the same, that is her own God given nature.

ahnie:
Pls sorry to derail...lets switch kids.
Take my 13months daughter and lemmi hav your 4years baby.

My daughter can beat her crechemates and those slightly above her for africa..yu spank her...she spanks you back.

***pls lets switch babies**

For where? Hold ur 13 month o... lol... the kids re funny sometimes. There is one particular boy in church,he should be about 5-6. I don't know how his parents have been managing. Ahh... Just give him 5mins, and every child around him will know say someone arrived!...lol.

DCTrendy:
Thank God for you guys.

You av all said the same thing. I will go with that. Yes, she is too kind, don't know why she won't give her younger sister a single slap n reset her brain for once!....lol.

As for her strength, temperament! My wife and I were JJC back them so the younger once came quickly. You ll expect her to be weeping and falling sick, but no! She behaved like an understanding adult and even when u expect her to be very hungry n cry, she will still maintain her calm.

Also, she doesn't joke with singing and books!

Those re the things I have identified in her so far.

Wow! I see a woman of substance in that little child. Please don't try and change her instead, start appreciating the good in her. You will also need to teach her to love herself the way she is and never wish she was hard. Make her see and appreciate her good qualities. Like someone said earlier, those are great leadership skills. You'll have to do this because those words you've been saying to her in a bid to make her a little bit hard might have gotten to her and she'll hate herself because she can't bring herself to do those stuffs and thereby think something is wrong with her.

op u are very funny....

she is just 4, the other above 2, you already want her to become john cena, the other undertaker... u really do sound like a woman, this ought to be coming from your wife, not u...

were the time dey, to be observing children not even up to 10?

your child is too young for this...

u go get time well well sha....

greatgod2012:
Yorubas say "omo kii rin owo kan" simply meaning children are not the same.


To the glory of God, I'm an experience mother and I can confidently tell you that I have them all in different types, the extremely cool one, the extra over extremely active one, the one in the middle, the hostile one........

The funniest of it all is that each one of them is distinct in his or her own way, and there is a time or day you'll definitely need each of them, without any need of comparison.

And the secret is that, they complement one another.

What to do...........Love them equally.

Stop comparing them.

Appreciate their strengths.

Be free with them individually and collectively.

Teach them to love and complement each other.

Teach them to appreciate each other.


The truth is that you're so lucky to have them in different types.

Thank God for that.

After reading your comment, am going to be more grateful to God now.

Oluwa o se!

iAmCharis:
Wow! I see a woman of substance in that little child. Please don't try and change her instead, start appreciating the good in her. You will also need to teach her to love herself the way she is and never wish she was hard. Make her see and appreciate her good qualities. Like someone said earlier, those are great leadership skills. You'll have to do this because those words you've been saying to her in a bid to make her a little bit hard might have gotten to her and she'll hate herself because she can't bring herself to do those stuffs and thereby think something is wrong with her.

Yes. Am going to stop saying that to her! Am grateful I opened this thread. Thanks to everyone.

johnson232:
op u are very funny....

she is just 4, the other above 2, you already want her to become john cena, the other undertaker... u really do sound like a woman, this ought to be coming from your wife, not u...

were the time dey, to be observing children not even up to 10?


your child is too young for this...

u go get time well well sha....

Ahhh... I get time o... plenty time sef.

I run a small business an pick them in school by 5. Wify works in a bank and comes back around 7. So from 5-10pm am with them almost daily o...

Thanks all the same.

www.nairaland.com/3257988/woman-cuts-husbands-lips-sending



The result of being "hard".



Do not push or teach a gentle person the need for retaliation. The result is not always good.

Go and get this book "Why you act the way you do" by Tim Lahaye. Read the book and apply it. It will not only tell you who she is,it will also tell you, who you are.

egbedore:
Go and get this book "Why you act the way you do" by Tim Lahaye. Read the book and apply it. It will not only tell you who she is,it will also tell you, who you are.

Thanks. I will Google that asap. Thanks

DCTrendy:
Thank God for you guys.

You av all said the same thing. I will go with that. Yes, she is too kind, don't know why she won't give her younger sister a single slap n reset her brain for once!....lol.

As for her strength, temperament! My wife and I were JJC back them so the younger once came quickly. You ll expect her to be weeping and falling sick, but no! She behaved like an understanding adult and even when u expect her to be very hungry n cry, she will still maintain her calm.

Also, she doesn't joke with singing and books!

Those re the things I have identified in her so far.

My son was just like this. The younger deals with him, little kids outside will injure him. My own na to dey treat. what nonsense?
I have to coach him on self defence. U don't come to show me injury caused by little kids outside, deal with them as well. They enjoy bullying u cos u r too soft. Fight back n I will take u to shop rite. lol
That was how change came. he dealth wt d bully last week, and I was so proud of him. he was proud of himself as well. u could see d winning smile on his face.

The dad is very soft as well. Even as a married man, he can't defend himself, talkless family. His younger ones oppress him n he won't say a word. To even react to me at times is a problem. he doesnt want his son to take after him.

Op my advice is for you nd every parent or intending parent and even teachers


You need to understand the different temperament/personality makeups.

Different psychologists have come up with ways of determining them but two stand out

The TIM LAHAYE PERSONALITY TYPING
THE MYERS BRIGGS TYPE INDICATOR BY CC JUNG (MBTI)

I'll advice you to first read Tim LaHaye book 'why you act the way you do' it's easier to understand it

But

The MBTI System I believe is much more complete just a little bit complicated when you are trying to type the person by yourself. It tells us that we have 16 distinct personalities and each person falls into one type .



OP you should be happy about that your first daughter because she's less likely to disobey you and give you wahala as they become teens nd adults.

Same thing I went through when I was a child, and because my family and , teachers kept telling me I was too quiet it gradually took away my self esteem, and I kept thinking everyone was better than me.
It took understanding my temperament, tears over the years and prayers to God for me to get it back. Now no body or circumstance can make me feel less than anyone.

I think you should focus on the smaller one and teach her respect of her seniors unless...
I remember my brother used to beat my mom back when she spanked him at about 4years old , one day she was advised, and beat the hell out of him when he tried it, he just had to Mellow down from that day

Sorry to say If you don't teach her, in the next few years it might be you or your wife she'll beat when she gets stronger and age sets in on you guys or haven't you heard of parents who indulged their kids and later suffered the consequences?

Don't teach her to be too soft, but teach her to only fight back when someone hits her. Tell her the only exception should be her seniors of course.

thelish:



My son was just like this. The younger deals with him, little kids outside will injure him. My own na to dey treat. what nonsense?
I have to coach him on self defence. U don't come to show me injury caused by little kids outside, deal with them as well. They enjoy bullying u cos u r too soft. Fight back n I will take u to shop rite. lol
That was how change came. he dealth wt d bully last week, and I was so proud of him. he was proud of himself as well. u could see d winning smile on his face.

The dad is very soft as well. Even as a married man, he can't defend himself, talkless family. His younger ones oppress him n he won't say a word. To even react to me at times is a problem. he doesnt want his son to take after him.

You married a kind hearted man and should be grateful
Other men are like the lion of the tribe of judas when they are @home nobody Says anything

qoura123:

You married a kind hearted man and should be grateful
Other men are like the lion of the tribe of judas when they are @home nobody Says anything

I appreciate that dear. Just that too much of everything is bad. It sometimes affect other aspect of life. I sure know what am talking about.

I'm not a mother yet though but please one advice
Try as much as possible to stop her younger one from beating her. Teach the younger one respect. Also allow your daughter be. There is nothing wrong with her personality

Dear OP.

IF IT AIN'T BROKE, DON'T FIX IT.

don't tell her such things as WHY CAN'T YOU BEAT BACK. you can take her out and enroll her in competitive and aggressive play groups where they play tug of war OR put her in Karate class.

But i still prefer you just allow her be and help her grow, show her she has your support 247. You might not like what she will become if you try to add some more pepper to her gentleness.