Hello guys
I have a sis who is about 22 years old, schools in a private university. She lives alone off her school campus but a friend of hers stays with her, she own a car which is less than six months that she uses for school runs and other social activity. She called me a couple of minutes ago saying she had mistakenly crashed the car against the fence of her building and she needed me to get it repaired. But the truth about it according to what a friend of mine who studies in her in school told me was that she is seeing a particular guy, who she recklessly spends on, and it was he who damaged the car and not my sis..... I plan on paying her a visit tomorrow at school.... The question here is should I strip her completely of all the benefits she enjoys or talk to her about the guy who she is allegedly dating

She's matured and miles away from your family, hence you can hardly stop her from dating. Just advise her to be careful the kind of guys she dates and all that...

Lovelynature:
She's matured and miles away from your family, hence you can hardly stop her from dating. Just advise her to be careful the kind of guys she dates and all that...

Thanks bro

Driving a car on campus in Nigeria is always seen as a sign of affluence and it has a way of attracting undue attention to the point of distraction.
It appears your sister's boyfriend is on the reckless side because when you drive someone else's car as a student, you exercise great care.

"Spending recklessly" is a subjective opinion. It needs to be quantified.
Does she buy her boyfriend items beyond the reach of the average student's purse?

Talk to her about the company she keeps, male or female.
You may repair her car on a proviso of your choosing - mostly to be of good behavior, etc.

Alternatively, why doesn't she live in the campus with other students?
That way, she will be able to focus more on her studies.

My opinion sha.

Nyceguy92:
Driving a car on campus in Nigeria is always seen as a sign of affluence and it has a way of attracting undue attention to the point of distraction.
It appears your sister's boyfriend is on the reckless side because when you drive someone else's car as a student, you exercise great care.

"Spending recklessly" is a subjective opinion. It needs to be quantified.
Does she buy her boyfriend items beyond the reach of the average student's purse?

Talk to her about the company she keeps, male or female.
You may repair her car on a proviso of your choosing - mostly to be of good behavior, etc.

Alternatively, why doesn't she live in the campus with other students?
That way, she will be able to focus more on her studies.

My opinion sha.

Thanks

Chepy1:
Hello guys
I have a sis who is about 22 years old, schools in a private university. She lives alone off her school campus but a friend of hers stays with her, she own a car which is less than six months that she uses for school runs and other social activity. She called me a couple of minutes ago saying she had mistakenly crashed the car against the fence of her building and she needed me to get it repaired. But the truth about it according to what a friend of mine who studies in her in school told me was that she is seeing a particular guy, who she recklessly spends on, and it was he who damaged the car and not my sis..... I plan on paying her a visit tomorrow at school.... The question here is should I strip her completely of all the benefits she enjoys or talk to her about the guy who she is allegedly dating

Why will a girl own a car at school in the first place ?

Who bought the car for her?

Poorboy:
Who bought the car for her?

Me bro

Chepy1:

Me bro

If that is the first time of such incident, you could just repair the car.

Poorboy:
If that is the first time of such incident, you could just repair the car.

Yea...Its the first time tho, but the fear I have is that she could continue spending on the guy she's dating and keep demanding for money every now and then.

Marcan:
Why will a girl own a car at school in the first place ?

For her school runs because she lives off school campus

Chepy1:

Yea...Its the first time tho, but the fear I have is that she could continue spending on the guy she's dating and keep demanding for money every now and then.

Hahahahahaha Boss don't worry who she spends her money with, your concern should be that she is happy and fine... Check the guy's background and personality if the guy is ok don't bother.

Chepy1:
For her school runs because she lives off school campus

Which kain yeye school runs. collect everything she has jare.

Poorboy:
Hahahahahaha Boss don't worry who she spends her money with, your concern should be that she is happy and fine... Check the guy's background and personality if the guy is ok don't bother.

Baba, I know my sis, she doesn't always make good decisions.....But I'll find out about the guy sha

Chepy1:

Baba, I know my sis, she doesn't always make good decisions.....But I'll find out about the guy sha

Good find out about the guy then you know what to do.

Poorboy:
Good find out about the guy then you know what to do.

Thanks bro

Chepy1:
Thanks bro

uwc Bo$$!

Chepy1:
Hello guys
I have a sis who is about 22 years old, schools in a private university. She lives alone off her school campus but a friend of hers stays with her, she own a car which is less than six months that she uses for school runs and other social activity. She called me a couple of minutes ago saying she had mistakenly crashed the car against the fence of her building and she needed me to get it repaired. But the truth about it according to what a friend of mine who studies in her in school told me was that she is seeing a particular guy, who she recklessly spends on, and it was he who damaged the car and not my sis..... I plan on paying her a visit tomorrow at school.... The question here is should I strip her completely of all the benefits she enjoys or talk to her about the guy who she is allegedly dating

that guy is a strong guy but i think you should seat her down and talk to her

Chepy1:

Baba, I know my sis, she doesn't always make good decisions.....But I'll find out about the guy sha

Take the car away from her temporarily, under the pretext of fixing it. Sit her down and gist with her: share some of your romantic escapades, bring up some of your friends and tell her about some you read on NL. Infact, let me give you 2 stories that come to mind:

A girl had a thread where she was dating some guy who used to live off her financially. It got so bad that the loser even asked her to give him the N50k her dad have her to buy a laptop for school, so he could further his (non-existent) music career. He kept trying to make her feel guilty (she added screengrabs of their convo).

Someone mentioned how a girl was dating a guy and he took her car and drove it around whilst she took public transport. He refused to return it after they broke up and he had an accident and destroyed the car. He sent her back the wreck and moved on to the next available mugu.

Work those stories casually into your conversation. Tell her that unfortunately there are digusting people who prey on men and women for financial comfort. Tell her that when any situation looks bad, people involved are not honest with themselves and see themselves as the exceptions, rather than the rules. Remind her gently that an honest man may need her support from time to time but he will never make her uncomfortable so he can sit down in comfort. That you are her brother and a man and you got her a car to make her comfy. Gently mention that an honest man will have no qualms introducing himself to her brother as her bobo.

Leave the conversation at that and listen to what she says. Keep the car for 3 months and cut down her allowance (tell her things are tight). That should get rid of anybody scrounging off her.

You may think it is a long method but i have come to appreciate the fact that we humans don't always like the truth giving to us bluntly and head-on. We will scream and fight to defend our point of view. But a careful and gentle nudge in the right direction will work wonders much better.

Onegai:


Take the car away from her temporarily, under the pretext of fixing it. Sit her down and gist with her: share some of your romantic escapades, bring up some of your friends and tell her about some you read on NL. Infact, let me give you 2 stories that come to mind:

A girl had a thread where she was dating some guy who used to live off her financially. It got so bad that the loser even asked her to give him the N50k her dad have her to buy a laptop for school, so he could further his (non-existent) music career. He kept trying to make her feel guilty (she added screengrabs of their convo).

Someone mentioned how a girl was dating a guy and he took her car and drove it around whilst she took public transport. He refused to return it after they broke up and he had an accident and destroyed the car. He sent her back the wreck and moved on to the next available mugu.

Work those stories casually into your conversation. Tell her that unfortunately there are digusting people who prey on men and women for financial comfort. Tell her that when any situation looks bad, people involved are not honest with themselves and see themselves as the exceptions, rather than the rules. Remind her gently that an honest man may need her support from time to time but he will never make her uncomfortable so he can sit down in comfort. That you are her brother and a man and you got her a car to make her comfy. Gently mention that an honest man will have no qualms introducing himself to her brother as her bobo.

Leave the conversation at that and listen to what she says. Keep the car for 3 months and cut down her allowance (tell her things are tight). That should get rid of anybody scrounging off her.

You may think it is a long method but i have come to appreciate the fact that we humans don't always like the truth giving to us bluntly and head-on. We will scream and fight to defend our point of view. But a careful and gentle nudge in the right direction will work wonders much better.

Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate

collect the car from her. let her use public transport like her friends do. If you spend excessively on her, stop it! The excess money you give her, she spends on her boyfriend. The kind of extravagant lifestyle your sister lives in campus can attract bad people to her. she has to be very careful.

You love your sister too much and you don't want to hurt her feelings.




But sometimes, you have to so that things can go right. Let her boyfriend drive his own car.
Remove the car for about 3months like poster up there suggested. Trust me the so called boyfr would not even last that long.

The main point is not even the car but keeping good company, making good decicions and being a proper adult

veave:
You love your sister too much and you don't want to hurt her feelings.




But sometimes, you have to so that things can go right. Let her boyfriend drive his own car.
Remove the car for about 3months like poster up there suggested. Trust me the so called boyfr would not even last that long.

The main point is not even the car but keeping good company, making good decicions and being a proper adult

Thanks dear, I've collected the car from her and split are allowance to two. She's angry but I think its best for her...Thanks for your advice

Beremx:
collect the car from her. let her use public transport like her friends do. If you spend excessively on her, stop it! The excess money you give her, she spends on her boyfriend. The kind of extravagant lifestyle your sister lives in campus can attract bad people to her. she has to be very careful.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate

Pls let her grow and mature well. Seize d car for some tym pls..she needs to know what life is. Life is not a bed of roses at all. And its not good she learns d hardest way wich might even destroy her. God help u.

I m so sorry for disturbing u ma/sir. Pls I want u to vote
PHOTOSHOOT in ds ongoing Mr nairaland contest. D finals will hold
on Saturday from 10am-6pm, the thread will be on d fashion
section.
Ejur e ranwa lowo..enyere anyi biko...pls help us to win ds crown, familylanders.
Thanks fams.

I would've preferred if she fixed the Car herself.
Having someone else clean up her mess would not help her understand the gravity of what she has put herself into.
Independence is key.
Most students start becoming independent while in school.
I think the car is unnecessary.
She can relocate to somewhere closer to school or sweat it out in the sun...
That's my take anyway... maybe I am one of those who believe in tough love.

She is matured and the best way to handle her wouldn't be with force but words...

You gave her a car and it wouldn't make sense if you collect it back but allow her to be solely responsible for the car...

You said she is not good at making good decisions...a whole lot of it coming from her friends..she has the wrong type of friends prolly because of attention..

Secondly,that car and money you guys are giving her is also attracting the wrong type of people and for example the guy she is known to be dating...

Don't collect the car back but let her be responsible for it...don't give her more than you think should be required...be strict when it comes to the issue of money..if you could buy a car for her,definitely,giving her money won't be a big problem too...

Finding out about the guy won't do anything..she'll date him if she wants to date him...

Talk to her about the negativity of what her actions might cause her...

I hope this has some effects on her tho..

Chepy1:

Thanks dear, I've collected the car from her and split are allowance to two. She's angry but I think its best for her...Thanks for your advice

Does she know the reasons why?

She has to know the reasons why. Plus she should also know she gets everything and more back when you start seeing improvements. Both academics, attitude and all. You can even tell her you hve someone watching her incase she wants to start misbehaving.

veave:





You can even tell her you hve someone watching her incase she wants to start misbehaving.

Great idea, I'll do just that....Thanks once again dear