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My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman - Family - Nairaland

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My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 10:26pm On Aug 06, 2016
Please I need your sincere advice Nairalanders:

I got married in 2011,I dated my husband briefly before we Traditionally got married and shortly after that he traveled out.I was already pregnant and it was tough for me to be alone throughout the period the period of my pregnancy.He was assisting me financially sending money monthly but shortly after i gave birth he started complaining that he was having problem with his business that it was tough for him over there.

I encouraged him to come to Nigeria but he refused.On my own things where so tough that at a point i went to live with his brother but the treatment i received from his brothers wife forced me back to Lagos after staying there for one month.

I came back to Lagos started looking for work,i first got a job that couldn't even take care of my son and my needs even for a week,it was tough all through those period but i was able to pull through as i finally got a stable job, paid for a house and gave my son a much better life than what we where used to.

I really thank God who has been with me all this while because i bore all the expenses alone,my husband was always complaining that he didn't have money and no body to help and at point he said he was sick,though he always calls everyday but it got to point he remained incommunicado for about 10 months.

I just focused on my son and work,then one day a friend of his called and started telling me to forgive him that things have so tough for him over there.that he always talks how much he loves

Like the good girl i was i forgave him,this is 5 years plus i have been waiting for this man that have begging me to have patient for him,always taking love.he hasn't even set eyes on his son.

Something happened recently that made me make up my mind to finally move on though my mother and sister keep begging to forgive him.

He called that he wanted to finally relocate back to Nigeria,I was happy to hear that only for one lady to send friend request on Facebook that there was something she wanted me to know that I should forgive her that i all happened because my husband was not honest with her.

The lady told me how she got pregnant and only found out that he was married after she already pregnant for him that when things became too tough for him that he had to move in with her and they have been living together for 5 years now.Now she wanted to know about her daughter that i forgive her.I saw the daughter's picture and she looks exactly like my husband.I called him and confronted him he didn't deny and he didn't say yes.he only said when he comes back that he will explain to me what happened.Seriously i think i have had enough and is better for me to forget the marriage and move on but my mother and sister keeps begging me to forgive him.

Please i need some advice here and also i recently met a single guy who is asking me for a relationship though i don't know what he actually wants and he knows about my son.
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 10:31pm On Aug 06, 2016
This man doesn't love you.
He is not after your Happiness.
It's guilt that's making him to care.

But it's your life. So it's up to you. So ask yourself:

- Do you still love him?
- Are you comfortable with polygamy?
- Is this the man you want your son to look up too?
- Do you trust him?
- What does he have to offer you don't have?


You have to think hard and good.
Moreover there's someone giving you attention.
And you've been doing well to cope for five years.

I advice you to diss him.

14 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 10:36pm On Aug 06, 2016
Seriously nobody here knows what's best for u except God. Pray and follow your heart. Bt wait a bit n listen to wat ur hubby as to say after all dt woman has now confirmed dt things were honestly tough for him



Meanwhile...
Check my signature

2 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by thorpido(m): 10:44pm On Aug 06, 2016
I'll say you should allow your hubby come back first before making any hasty decision.
When you come face to face,have a talk to really assess him,where he stands and what he wants.If he wants you and the family and is ready to be committed, secure a job and be financially responsible,you may find a place in your heart to forgive him.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by izzou(m): 11:02pm On Aug 06, 2016
Please I need your sincere advice Nairalanders:

I got married in 2011,I dated my husband briefly before we Traditionally got married and shortly after that he traveled out.I was already pregnant and it was tough for me to be alone throughout the period the period of my pregnancy.He was assisting me financially sending money monthly but shortly after i gave birth he started complaining that he was having problem with his business that it was tough for him over there.

That was your mistake. You didn't know him too well

Just pray to God for guidance and wait for him to be back

Am so sorry for what you are passing through

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 11:07pm On Aug 06, 2016
All I can say is wow! shocked
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by JustHere2Observ(f): 11:47pm On Aug 06, 2016
Hmm, only you know if you can go on with the marriage or not. Good luck

1 Like

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 12:03am On Aug 07, 2016
It may be hard.... but it would be better you separate (not divorce)

Give him time to explain, but also keep a reasonable distance until you have figured out his actual state of mind now and the reasons for his actions. You also need to find out if he wants to continue his relationship with you or her... it cannot be both. You need to find out to what extent he depends on her and how much of his presence or absence could impact on your son. All these will help you assess the relationship on whether to proceed for a divorce or to get back together depending on his answers to you


If he married the lady, you have to go for an annulment or divorce. You need to prayerfully consider all your options

izzou:
Please I need your sincere advice Nairalanders:
That was your mistake. You didn't know him too well
Just pray to God for guidance and wait for him to be back
Am so sorry for what you are passing through

She doesn't deserve this blame you are dumping on her. Even if she kbew him well, he would have likely done the same. Even of they dated for 10 years.

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by KanwuliaExtra: 3:28am On Aug 07, 2016
I don't see any problem here o. undecided
I feel so sorry for those of you who take marriage vows seriously.


A single guy is asking you out?
Dating is your main priority at this time? undecided
To do what? undecided
And HEAVY RAIN is still falling on your head o?
I just pity your life and your son's life even more.

Ye ye dey ooooooze!

Tsk!

4 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nyceguy92: 3:32am On Aug 07, 2016
You did not mention where your husband travelled to.
But if it was to one of those countries with strict immigration/work policy, life could be really hard.

Overseas, some new male and female immigrants without the necessary papers find life difficult.
As a result, they are forced to "attach" themselves to a more comfortable acquaintance, often the opposite sex, to ease settling down.
Things result from such relationships.

I strongly suspect that this is why happened to your husband. Not that he doesn't love you anymore; he was simply frustrated.

As others here have said, wait for your husband to return and then listen to his explanations before you make a decision.
And you need not worry about the other woman because your husband is not under any compulsion to marry her. He already has a wife: you.

I must commend your perseverance and steadfastness. It is not easy at all.
In fact, I have known women who passed through similar experience.
One lady waited for 7 years, only that no other woman was involved.

3 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 5:09am On Aug 07, 2016
Thanks to everyone that responded,I am taking note of your points
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 5:15am On Aug 07, 2016
Suprnov3r:
It may be hard.... but it would be better you separate (not divorce)

Give him time to explain, but also keep a reasonable distance until you have figured out his actual state of mind now and the reasons for his actions. You also need to find out if he wants to continue his relationahip with you or her... it cannot be both. You need to find out to what extent he depends on her and how much of his presence or absence could impact on your son. All these will help you re access the relationship on whether to proceed for a divorce or to get back together depending on his answers to you


If he married the lady, you have to go for an annulment or divorce. You need to prayerfully consider all your options



She doesn't deserve this blame you are dumping on her. Even 8f she kbew him well, he would have likely done the same. Even of they dated for 10 years.


I think it was total dependence,I will use the lady's words she said 'I took care of him from the moment he was placed on path'
What baffles me is how someone who was doing well here in lagos even with a nice car will now totally depend on a woman to fend for him.
She also said upon all she did for him,she knows that he still loves me that he only used her as his convenience.
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 5:16am On Aug 07, 2016
Suprnov3r:
It may be hard.... but it would be better you separate (not divorce)

Give him time to explain, but also keep a reasonable distance until you have figured out his actual state of mind now and the reasons for his actions. You also need to find out if he wants to continue his relationahip with you or her... it cannot be both. You need to find out to what extent he depends on her and how much of his presence or absence could impact on your son. All these will help you re access the relationship on whether to proceed for a divorce or to get back together depending on his answers to you


If he married the lady, you have to go for an annulment or divorce. You need to prayerfully consider all your options



She doesn't deserve this blame you are dumping on her. Even 8f she kbew him well, he would have likely done the same. Even of they dated for 10 years.


Thanks for your words.
I think it was total dependence,I will use the lady's words she said 'I took care of him from the moment he was placed on path'

What baffles me is how someone who was doing well here in lagos even with a nice car will now totally depend on a woman to fend for him.

She also said upon all she did for him,she knows that he still loves me that he only used her as his convenience.
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 5:18am On Aug 07, 2016
Nyceguy92:
You did not mention where your husband travelled to.
But if it was to one of those countries with strict immigration/work policy, life could be really hard.

Overseas, some new male and female immigrants without the necessary papers find life difficult.
As a result, they are forced to "attach" themselves to a more comfortable acquaintance, often the opposite sex, to ease settling down.
Things result from such relationships.

I strongly suspect that this is why happened to your husband. Not that he doesn't love you anymore; he was simply frustrated.

As others here have said, wait for your husband to return and then listen to his explanations before you make a decision.
And you need not worry about the other woman because your husband is not under any compulsion to marry her. He already has a wife: you.

I must commend your perseverance and steadfastness. It is not easy at all.
In fact, I have known women who passed through similar experience.
One lady waited for 7 years, only that no other woman was involved.
He is in South Africa
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 5:26am On Aug 07, 2016
KanwuliaExtra:
I don't see any problem here o. undecided I feel so sorry for those of you who take marriage vows seriously.

A single guy is asking you out? Dating is your main priority at this time? undecided To do what? undecided And HEAVY RAIN is still falling on your head o? I just pity your life and your son,s life even more.
Ye ye dey ooooooze!
Tsk!
Thanks,I got your point but you didn't have to insult

1 Like

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by cococandy(f): 5:45am On Aug 07, 2016
If you're considering forgiving him, make sure you take him for HIV testing when he comes back. One immediately he comes back and another one 6 months later before engaging in unprotected sex with him.

Read this my post. Print it. And paste it somewhere that you'll always see it and be reminded. I know why I'm telling you this.

Health is more important than marriage. Better healthy for your child than sick and on medication for the rest of your life.

16 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 5:58am On Aug 07, 2016
Furiosa:
This man doesn't love you.
He is not after your Happiness.
It's guilt that's making him to care.

But it's your life. So it's up to you. So ask yourself:

- Do you still love him?
- Are you comfortable with polygamy?
- Is this the man you want your son to look up too?
- Do you trust him?
- What does he have to offer you don't have?


You have to think hard and good.
Moreover there's someone giving you attention.
And you've been doing well to cope for five years.

I advice you to diss him.

The only thing I think he can offer my life now is a sibling to my son. I come from a polygamous home,I know the battles we fought and I don't wish that even for an enemy. I don't want to have children from different men.
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 6:00am On Aug 07, 2016
cococandy:
If you're considering forgiving him, make sure you take him for HIV testing when he comes back. One immediately he comes back and another one 6 months later before engaging in unprotected sex with him.

Read this my post. Print it. And paste it somewhere that you'll always see it and be reminded. I know why I'm telling you this.

Health is more important than marriage. Better healthy for your child than sick and on medication for the rest of your life.
Thanks for this.

1 Like

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by cococandy(f): 6:41am On Aug 07, 2016
urbanmsg:

Thanks for this.
you're welcome
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by izzou(m): 6:46am On Aug 07, 2016
Suprnov3r:
It may be hard.... but it would be better you separate (not divorce)

Give him time to explain, but also keep a reasonable distance until you have figured out his actual state of mind now and the reasons for his actions. You also need to find out if he wants to continue his relationahip with you or her... it cannot be both. You need to find out to what extent he depends on her and how much of his presence or absence could impact on your son. All these will help you re access the relationship on whether to proceed for a divorce or to get back together depending on his answers to you


If he married the lady, you have to go for an annulment or divorce. You need to prayerfully consider all your options



She doesn't deserve this blame you are dumping on her. Even 8f she kbew him well, he would have likely done the same. Even of they dated for 10 years.




A leopard can never change its skin. 80% of lasting marriages have resulted from those who spent longer times together. I didnt blame her. I only pointed where i thought the fault was from.

Sometimes, we are so in love that we tend to neglect or discard or partner's true character when they display them.

And besides its just my own tbought. It might be trash to you... Of which.... is not my business

Happy sunday

cool
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Onegai(f): 7:36am On Aug 07, 2016
urbanmsg:


The only thing I think he can offer my life now is a sibling to my son. I come from a polygamous home,I know the battles we fought and I don't wish that even for an enemy. I don't want to have children from different men.

I'm sorry for what you want through. I don't think there was any need for your hubby to have moved in with that lady. I don't think S.A. works that way So what benefit was there in his behaviour? Guys who pull this stunt do it in the US and Europe and Asia for papers, but I've not heard anyone in SA needing to do this to work. And it doesn't seem like he was working. Also, what was he doing with himself for 5 years that she was supporting him and he still had no money to support your son? Isn't that worrying? He's spent the same amount of time with this lady that he has with you: both of you are essentially co-wives and you're already in a polygamous marriage.

I understand wanting more children and not wanting to mess things up. Life is crazy, you may have one child, meet a great guy who will love that child. Or you may have more kids with this guy, then realise that this man you were married to came back to Nigeria to mooch off you. Just like the first lady. You won't be the first woman to fall into such a trap. Your mum and sister are worried about the shame of it all and are not going to give you money if he comes back to Nigeria and starts living off you. Infact are you sure he's not coming back because he heard you have stabilised yourself and he needs another place and woman to live off on? This may well be the case.

Please tell him to stay with his friends when he comes back and both of you can meet somewhere publicly and discuss things. Don't let him move into the house you struggled for and don't let him come and beg you in your family house, you don't want to make this decision surrounded by emotional blackmail.

There are men like this and unfortunately a lot of women fall prey to them. I personally feel moving on is your best option. He went silent for 10 months, haba how much is credit that he couldn't afford to send a text? Is the other woman's child about the same age as your child? Then there's a possibility that it was her money that he may have been sending to you during your pregnancy to support you. And when she had her baby, there was not enough to go round. Shocking but it happens.

So let him come and speak for himself. But let us be clear: he has no excuses. So what was he doing in that woman's house for so long and what has he been doing with himself that he could not support his family?

I wish you all the best.

21 Likes 4 Shares

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by EfemenaXY: 7:48am On Aug 07, 2016
urbanmsg:
Please I need your sincere advice Nairalanders:
I got married in 2011,I dated my husband briefly before we Traditionally got married and shortly after that he traveled out.I was already pregnant and it was tough for me to be alone throughout the period the period of my pregnancy.He was assisting me financially sending money monthly but shortly after i gave birth he started complaining that he was having problem with his business that it was tough for him over there.
I encouraged him to come to Nigeria but he refused.On my own things where so tough that at a point i went to live with his brother but the treatment i received from his brothers wife forced me back to Lagos after staying there for one month.
I came back to Lagos started looking for work,i first got a job that couldn't even take care of my son and my needs even for a week,it was tough all through those period but i was able to pull through as i finally got a stable job, paid for a house and gave my son a much better life than what we where used to.
I really thank God who has been with me all this while because i bore all the expenses alone,my husband was always complaining that he didn't have money and no body to help and at point he said he was sick,though he always calls everyday but it got to point he remained incommunicado for about 10 months.
I just focused on my son and work,then one day a friend of his called and started telling me to forgive him that things have so tough for him over there.that he always talks how much he loves
Like the good girl i was i forgave him,this is 5 years plus i have been waiting for this man that have begging me to have patient for him,always taking love.he hasn't even set eyes on his son.
Something happened recently that made me make up my mind to finally move on though my mother and sister keep begging to forgive him.
He called that he wanted to finally relocate back to Nigeria,I was happy to hear that only for one lady to send friend request on Facebook that there was something she wanted me to know that I should forgive her that i all happened because my husband was not honest with her.
The lady told me how she got pregnant and only found out that he was married after she already pregnant for him that when things became too tough for him that he had to move in with her and they have been living together for 5 years now.Now she wanted to know about her daughter that i forgive her.I saw the daughter's picture and she looks exactly like my husband.I called him and confronted him he didn't deny and he didn't say yes.he only said when he comes back that he will explain to me what happened.Seriously i think i have had enough and is better for me to forget the marriage and move on but my mother and sister keeps begging me to forgive him.
Please i need some advice here and also i recently met a single guy who is asking me for a relationship though i don't know what he actually wants and he knows about my son.

I honestly don't get some women.

Why is it so difficult to set standards of what is acceptable and what is intolerable? Why compromise your self-respect by making excuses for actions which normally are viewed as taboo by one party?

Let me ask you this: if the tables were turned, do you think we'll even be having this discussion in the first place?

I.e: Immediately after your wedding, you travel abroad leaving your newly wed husband behind in Naija. Initially you send him money for his upkeep, this dwindles and eventually stops. You stop communicating with him and the few times you do, you complain of things being "tight" at your end.

Meanwhile, you move in with another man abroad, spread your legs for him and have his kid. Then 5 years later, this man contacts your husband on Facebook claiming he didn't know you were married, you only used him for convenience, but you still love your husband.

Let me repeat that last line: Another man links up with your husband on Facebook informing him that despite the fact you birthed kid no.2 for man no.2, man no.1 should know that you still love him and want to relocate to Naija to continue your "marriage" with him.

Now tell me honestly: what do you really think your husband's reaction will be? Will you even dare show your face to him? If not, why not?

Now d'you get what I meant by my earlier statement about setting standards and not accepting actions that will compromise your self-respect?

Your decision sha.

22 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 8:06am On Aug 07, 2016
Op your husband behaved very badly.
He should have come back home if things weren't going on for him is SA rather than shack up with another woman.
He is married and made vows and therefore has a moral responsibility to both of you and that should have been evident in his actions and decisions.
He wont be the first and last to cut losses and come home if things are not working abroad.

He is not straight forward too and people like that cant be trusted totally and He has given another woman what you and your son should have; companionship, friendship, love, time, provision and care.

Something you said caught my attention about not wanting to birth children for different men.
I agree, its the best thing to do, however you don't bring an innocent child into a broken down relationship just because you want to follow a trend that favours you. Its even better just to have one kid than having other kids with someone you don't share a healthy relationship with.

There is a yoruba proverb that says that the eyes that will serve you till old age will not start watering early in the day. This man has disappointed and let you and your son down very badly.

How would he have felt if during the 10 months that he was incommunicado, you too went and shacked up with another man?

Anyway do have a deep think about things and do what you feel is best for you and your son.
You and only you can make the decision on what you want to do.
All the best.

6 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by christinnah(f): 8:39am On Aug 07, 2016
how sad!! cry cry cry i feel sorry for you
You're in the hardest situation...
but you need to think wise
follow whatever your heart say
ask God for help and comfort your heart so you can overcome all those problems
also you have to do the best option for your son.
Just ignore that man..he's not the only man of your life..
cry cry cry

THINK WISE & MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION!!!!!
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by oweniwe(m): 9:20am On Aug 07, 2016
Efemena nailed it......

It is because Nigerian women tolerate all these bull shits, that is why Nigerian men do it.

Because you are a woman and he is a man doesn't mean he can do all manners of rubbish he likes and you should always forgive and forget.... If you're my sister and I see that man near you, I'll use a long cans to drive him away.

People do things according to standard.... The standard of the S.A lady is most likely to be higher than the O.p 's. If he comes back, it'll be like downgrading from Android to Symbian..... If u allow him, back, after a few months he'll start looking for another lady with S.A lady's attributes so you'll be back to square 1...

Let me put it plainly..... He's tasted other women who may have higher "swags" than you so he'll no longer b satisfied wit u

For a man to be alive and not see his son for 5 years.... Ah.... I don't pray to have that kind of father. angry .. And he might still run away again.

Women don't know how to use their head when it comes to men/love sha.... I know a lady who was battered and thrown out with 4 kids for over 8 years, she raised her kids alone and yet wen d man died she cried for him as if he was her Romeo....

That's naija women for u undecided

12 Likes 2 Shares

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 9:34am On Aug 07, 2016
Onegai:


I'm sorry for what you want through. I don't think there was any need for your hubby to have moved in with that lady. I don't think S.A. works that way So what benefit was there in his behaviour? Guys who pull this stunt do it in the US and Europe and Asia for papers, but I've not heard anyone in SA needing to do this to work. And it doesn't seem like he was working. Also, what was he doing with himself for 5 years that she was supporting him and he still had no money to support your son? Isn't that worrying? He's spent the same amount of time with this lady that he has with you: both of you are essentially co-wives and you're already in a polygamous marriage.

I understand wanting more children and not wanting to mess things up. Life is crazy, you may have one child, meet a great guy who will love that child. Or you may have more kids with this guy, then realise that this man you were married to came back to Nigeria to mooch off you. Just like the first lady. You won't be the first woman to fall into such a trap. Your mum and sister are worried about the shame of it all and are not going to give you money if he comes back to Nigeria and starts living off you. Infact are you sure he's not coming back because he heard you have stabilised yourself and he needs another place and woman to live off on? This may well be the case.

Please tell him to stay with his friends when he comes back and both of you can meet somewhere publicly and discuss things. Don't let him move into the house you struggled for and don't let him come and beg you in your family house, you don't want to make this decision surrounded by emotional blackmail.

There are men like this and unfortunately a lot of women fall prey to them. I personally feel moving on is your best option. He went silent for 10 months, haba how much is credit that he couldn't afford to send a text? Is the other woman's child about the same age as your child? Then there's a possibility that it was her money that he may have been sending to you during your pregnancy to support you. And when she had her baby, there was not enough to go round. Shocking but it happens.

So let him come and speak for himself. But let us be clear: he has no excuses. So what was he doing in that woman's house for so long and what has he been doing with himself that he could not support his family?

I wish you all the best.

Thanks you so much,he already wanted to come stay with me which I refused after finding out about his daughter. so now he has decided to go down to his village and he was saying that I will have come to his village for discussion which I will not do for several reasons. Thank you so much because now you have given options on how to go about it.

Yes the woman's child is almost same age with my son from all my calculation with her birthday pictures I saw on facebook,my son is only 2 months older than her.
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 9:47am On Aug 07, 2016
tearoses:
Op your husband behaved very badly.
He should have come back home if things weren't going on for him is SA rather than shack up with another woman.
He is married and made vows and therefore has a moral responsibility to both of you and that should have been evident in his actions and decisions.
He wont be the first and last to cut losses and come home if things are not working abroad.

He is not straight forward too and people like that cant be trusted totally and He has given another woman what you and your son should have; companionship, friendship, love, time, provision and care.

Something you said caught my attention about not wanting to birth children for different men.
I agree, its the best thing to do, however you don't bring an innocent child into a broken down relationship just because you want to follow a trend that favours you. Its even better just to have one kid than having other kids with someone you don't share a healthy relationship with.

There is a yoruba proverb that says that the eyes that will serve you till old age will not start watering early in the day. This man has disappointed and let you and your son down very badly.

How would he have felt if during the 10 months that he was incommunicado, you too went and shacked up with another man?

Anyway do have a deep think about things and do what you feel is best for you and your son.
You and only you can make the decision on what you want to do.
All the best.
Thanks,I have been weakened to the bone since my first discussion with that lady. I keep asking God why this should happen to me. I have tried all my life to lead a responsible life. Now someone comes and messes it up this way. I appreciate your words because I am getting a clearer picture.

2 Likes

Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 9:56am On Aug 07, 2016
oweniwe:
Efemena nailed it......

It is because Nigerian women tolerate all these bull shits, that is why Nigerian men do it.

Because you are a woman and he is a man doesn't mean he can do all manners of rubbish he likes and you should always forgive and forget.... If you're my sister and I see that man near you, I'll use a long cans to drive him away.

People do things according to standard.... The standard of the S.A lady is most likely to be higher than the O.p 's. If he comes back, it'll be like downgrading from Android to Symbian..... If u allow him, back, after a few months he'll start looking for another lady with S.A lady's attributes so you'll be back to square 1...

Let me put it plainly..... He's tasted other women who may have higher "swags" than you so he'll no longer b satisfied wit u

For a man to be alive and not see his son for 5 years.... Ah.... I don't pray to have that kind of father. angry .. And he might still run away again.

Women don't know how to use their head when it comes to men/love sha.... I know a lady who was battered and thrown out with 4 kids for over 8 years, she raised her kids alone and yet wen d man died she cried for him as if he was her Romeo....

That's naija women for u undecided
Thanks,I laughed reading your text. You are just saying the truth because from her profile I have seen where she works and I no reach her.
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 10:01am On Aug 07, 2016
EfemenaXY:


I honestly don't get some women.

Why is it so difficult to set standards of what is acceptable and what is intolerable? Why compromise your self-respect by making excuses for actions which normally are viewed as taboo by one party?

Let me ask you this: if the tables were turned, do you think we'll even be having this discussion in the first place?

I.e: Immediately after your wedding, you travel abroad leaving your newly wed husband behind in Naija. Initially you send him money for his upkeep, this dwindles and eventually stops. You stop communicating with him and the few times you do, you complain of things being "tight" at your end.

Meanwhile, you move in with another man abroad, spread your legs for him and have his kid. Then 5 years later, this man contacts your husband on Facebook claiming he didn't know you were married, you only used him for convenience, but you still love your husband.

Let me repeat that last line: Another man links up with your husband on Facebook informing him that despite the fact you birthed kid no.2 for man no.2, man no.1 should know that you still love him and want to relocate to Naija to continue your "marriage" with him.

Now tell me honestly: what do you really think your husband's reaction will be? Will you even dare show your face to him? If not, why not?

Now d'you get what I meant by my earlier statement about setting standards and not accepting actions that will compromise your self-respect?

Your decision sha.

Thanks now I get it from the other side
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by oweniwe(m): 10:39am On Aug 07, 2016
urbanmsg:

Thanks,I laughed reading your text. You are just saying the truth because from her profile I have seen where she works and I no reach her.

You laughed ? Ah!!!

I was thinking my words were too harsh... I should have used soft words.

Do you know why he wants to leave the SA lady?

Just curious smiley
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by Nobody: 11:15am On Aug 07, 2016
oweniwe:


You laughed ? Ah!!!

I was thinking my words were too harsh... I should have used soft words.

Do you know why he wants to leave the SA lady?

Just curious smiley

The lady said she was exhausted and worn out that she needed her own marriage and not a sexual relationship. He was very angry when he found out the lady was communicating with me and told me stop.
Re: My Husband Has A Child With Another Woman by EfemenaXY: 11:42am On Aug 07, 2016
urbanmsg:


Thanks you so much,he already wanted to come stay with me which I refused after finding out about his daughter. so now he has decided to go down to his village and he was saying that I will have come to his village for discussion which I will not do for several reasons.

The nerve...

Thank you so much because now you have given options on how to go about it.

Yes the woman's child is almost same age with my son from all my calculation with her birthday pictures I saw on facebook, my son is only 2 months older than her.

Are you sure your husband didn't know this woman before he married you? Afterall you admitted you only dated for a short while before getting hitched.

Shortly after marrying you, he left and almost immediately got this other lady pregnant. Not only that, he moved in with her playing happy families for five (5) years, while abandoning you to fend for yourself and your son.

Looks like you only ever were his second best.

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