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I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Rexhenrex(m): 8:55pm On Aug 09, 2016
I Am Very Confused What Should I Do?


[b]For sometime now i have been trying to hide this problem of mine,but now i can't hide it any longer because its really getting out of hand i just had to muster courage to type this because a problem shared ,they say is Half solved.

whenever i see a girl i like i would want to get her and assure my self that i will date her and eventually marry her i will also tell my friends that once i get her am not going to date any other lady.but when the lady agrees to date me after highest a month i would get tired of her and break-up with her. the longest relationship i ever had was 2months and it made me feel bitter when i heard a guy saying he is in the 3rd year now with his g.f i was just wondering how he did that. its really not funny i told my bestie bout it and she said maybe its because am an introvert and its because i don't have sex with my g.f so it gets boring for me and currently am dating a girl but am getting bored again as usually and i really love this lady but i fear i will soon break-up with her again and i don't want this to happen...pls how can i enjoy a relationship without involving sex ??

Matured minds please its really important and perhaps others might benefit from your advice also.thanks![/b]

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by sinaj(f): 9:01pm On Aug 09, 2016
You are just not ready for a reltnshp.

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by obiorathesubtle: 9:11pm On Aug 09, 2016
*muster




Uuh. I should have some advice in here somewhere..


*searching for advice**



Well, I've had a long term relationship too.. Lasted 3 years.. 2013-2016, iono what kept me going, we didn't have sex often either.. Sex was never the main thing.. Iono how she managed to throw sex out of my agenda, although I cheated a lot, still loved her like jagga..

I guess all I wanted to do was make her happy, make her part of me, just care for her and never stop, make her a top responsibility..

I had eyes on the future, didn't just see it as a boyfriend and girlfriend ish.. But most importantly, I made sure it was more of a friendship between very very good friends than people who want to satisfy their sexual desires..

She was a friend, we talked about everything, when we had misunderstandings, we don't spend even a minute more before telling each other what the other person did to annoy, we apologise and make it up one way or another..

I surprise her sometimes, I did homework on how to be romantic, not the best sex positions..


When you see a relationship as an opportunity to have someone who truly cares for you.. To integrate someone's physiology into yours.. That might keep you going..

It didn't feel like 3 years to me.. I always wanted to go on tho.. I was surprised she had gotten me birthday gifts on 3 occasions.. We did everything together.. Bathe, eat, sleep, read, even pray grin.. We bonded beyond imagination..


Still beats me till today why we broke up undecided


Anyway.. My advice is, don't love(because it isn't love) for sex(it's usually very short for you because you're attracted to the ass and boobs-Men's instincts).. But Love because you want to make a difference, because you want an extension of yourself or you want to spend the best moments(not necessarily sexual) with that person..


Iono.. Did I spit right?? Shiit aint coming..

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Rexhenrex(m): 9:11pm On Aug 09, 2016
sinaj:
You are just not ready for a reltnshp.


thats what i thought at first i need to face this once and forge ahead if i keep saying am not ready i might die being single i need to overcome this

1 Like

Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Nobody: 9:15pm On Aug 09, 2016
Let me chip in 2 sound advices

1. Make sure you don't break her heart because love its not something you get,its what you work for

2. Make sure you make eye contact when talking with her,cos with that you would grow confidence and the possibility of you breaking up with this current lady would be slim.

Don't follow those that said its because of your celibacy that is why you often break up with women. Its a lie from the pit of hell. Those that lost their virginity due to 5 mins pleasure are regretting their mistake for the rest of their life.

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Rexhenrex(m): 9:18pm On Aug 09, 2016
obiora thanks for the correction and also i so much appreciate you advice i really do. but another issue is that if i get to always be with her i will get tired of her do you really think doing the things you mentioned will not make me get tired of her presence?

1 Like

Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by EmperorLee(m): 9:18pm On Aug 09, 2016
When next you get into another relationship, try as much as possible to keep your distance right from the beginning. Keep your space and avoid too much familiarity (like seeing her everyday, calling or chatting her every time and n so on), with this the relationship will always seem fresh and you won't get tired and bored of it.

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Rexhenrex(m): 9:30pm On Aug 09, 2016
EmperorLee:
When next you get into another relationship, try as much as possible to keep your distance right from the beginning. Keep your space and avoid too much familiarity (like seeing her everyday, calling or chatting her every time and n so on), with this the relationship will always seem fresh and you won't get tired and bored of it.
am impressed with this advice but i tried it with this new girl, but she insisted she wants to be seeing me everyday that she can't go a day without seeing me then i started giving excuses that am busy she began suspecting me and said i only see her when i feel like and that am selfish and if i can't make time for she will dump me. and i so love her so i continued with seeing her everyday again and now am getting bored of the whole thing
Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by EmperorLee(m): 9:47pm On Aug 09, 2016
Rexhenrex:
am impressed with this advice but i tried it with this new girl, but she insisted she wants to be seeing me everyday that she can't go a day without seeing me then i started giving excuses that am busy she began suspecting me and said i only see her when i feel like and that am selfish and if i can't make time for she will dump me. and i so love her so i continued with seeing her everyday again and now am getting bored of the whole thing


She is not the one for you.

I used to face the same problem (getting bored of relationships, ending relationship within 1 or 2 months etc) until I met a girl that was just like me. We might not call each other in a week, we only meet twice or thrice in like a month and now September is gon mark the 4th year of our relationship.


When you find someone that understands your philosophy, you will never get tired of the relationship, you will keep loving her over and over again.

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by obiorathesubtle: 9:58pm On Aug 09, 2016
Rexhenrex:
obiora thanks for the correction and also i so much appreciate you advice i really do. but another issue is that if i get to always be with her i will get tired of her do you really think doing the things you mentioned will not make me get tired of her presence?
Whenever you get tired.. Tell yourself there's no going back.. It's hard, but try to see things from when you first met her.. Try to envisage what you would do for her the first time y'all met..


Remember those things you did for her when you were still much interested in her.. Do them all over again..


It happens, you get tired.. But don't be too lazy to fight for your love.. You loved her for the right reasons.. Yea?.. Keep loving her then.. Don't stop.. Even when you want to stop.. Everything inside you wants to stop.. Let the outside want to continue, the inside would have no other choice but to follow suit..

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by IamLEGEND1: 9:59pm On Aug 09, 2016
your bestie is a girl?

I give up.

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by flokii: 10:01pm On Aug 09, 2016
@OP it's a phase, it might pass and might not.. So you shld be worried and not too for your own good.

I'll take it that you started dating at a young age, like being involved emotionally.. Or mayb d connection is not just there with d girls so far.

If that's d case, you can relax as the one for you will come. Dnt see it as a problem cos even married pple get tired in their marriages that they wnt respect d institution anymore.

Cheer up, it's nothing big

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by iamkingzlee(m): 10:19pm On Aug 09, 2016
IamLEGEND1:
your bestie is a girl?

I give up.
hahahaha grin

2 Likes

Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Jozay(m): 10:33pm On Aug 09, 2016
I guess its because you make your relationships one way. Try and spicen things up. Do things you don't normally do. You either adhere to this or you stay single. Maybe you just need some time to know what you really want
#mytwocents

3 Likes

Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Nobody: 10:36pm On Aug 09, 2016
Op chill.
it happens...
so i went into celibate.(2yrs counting)
To rediscover myself

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Richiy(f): 10:42pm On Aug 09, 2016
Op, obiorathesubtle and emperorlee have given you really great advise. Consider it seriously.

I am going to come from another angle. I am not trying to reprimand you, but just what do you think will happen to the girls you just dropped like hot coal? You drag them in just to leave them broken? Even if you don't consider anything, please consider these girls. Don't purposefully leave a trail of broken hearts behind you.

Fin advise: If you are not absolutely sure, do not even start it at all.

Obiorathesubtle, that story was so touching embarassed I'd really wanna know what happened

3 Likes

Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by misspicy(f): 11:07pm On Aug 09, 2016
Rexhenrex:
obiora thanks for the correction and also i so much appreciate you advice i really do. but another issue is that if i get to always be with her i will get tired of her do you really think doing the things you mentioned will not make me get tired of her presence?
[b]Hi Henry smiley
I believe in understanding the root of a problem,correct me if I'm wrong.
@the bolded,trust me its all in your mind,the environment,peer pressure,what you noticed an elder doing while growing up/how people you look up to tend to treat or handle relationships,is just what you are acting with,so,your mind is conditioned to feel tired or fed up after just a little time.

eg,a male friend told me that "men are supposed hate ladies immediately after sex/intimacy (outside marriage)".(that was his mindset due to peer discussion,boys night out talks etc) but he found out,he always love her more instead,and even though,he thinks he should hate her,he will be the one introducing the cuddling after sex.

So my dear,I think you need a reorientation on relationship,all these advice will not work unless your purge your mind of the foundamental persperctive of what a relationship should be like.

I was once like that,always breaking up with my boyfriend over every slight misunderstanding(I had the believe that a guy must not offend me,I am doing him a favour by dating him,etc) until the day my then boyfriend, warned me that he is not going to beg me as usual,he will just breakup too,I realized there and then that I really didn't want to breakup with him,since then,I learnt to iron issues out by communication rather than threaten breakup.

If you don't find all these advice useful,please don't force yourself,to avoid breeding comtempt for your girlfriend,instead,go for medical help,a relationship counsellor will know what to do[/b]

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by obiorathesubtle: 11:09pm On Aug 09, 2016
Richiy:
Op, obirathesubtle and emperorlee have given you really great advise. Consider it seriously.

I am going to come from another angle. I am not trying to reprimand you, but just what do you think will happen to the girls you just dropped like hot coal? You drag them in just to leave them broken? Even if you don't consider anything, please consider these girls. Don't purposefully leave a trail of broken hearts behind you.

Fin advise: If you are not absolutely sure, do not even start it at all.

Obiorathesubte, that story was so touching embarassed I'd really wanna know what happened
grin I'm still trying to find out o.. But I'm sure she's happy where she is.. I was a handful, I know grin

1 Like

Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by chigoizie7(m): 11:13pm On Aug 09, 2016
Op we are on the same page. Just that I am a lot better than u are.

I have sex in all my relationships,

The only other different is that I pass 2months, but never 9months.



If I tell u how many girls I have dated from the time I started till now, u will call me ashawo, sadly, I never double dated in all my relationships and I never cheated on any girl.

My only problem is that I get bored along the line, it doesn't last for me too. No matter how hard I try, most of the girls(good girls) involved in all those my stupid rubish I called relationship are still very good friends with me, maybe most of them understood the kind of person I am. I never really hurt any of them in the course of our dating, I just wake up one morning and then decides it's over and that's it. I don't know, maybe because whenever I want to go into relationship, I always have it @ the back of my mind that it will eventually lead to marriage someday, I mean, I don't go into relationships for the fun of it. I hate wasting people's time, so once I see some traits I ain't looking up for in a wife, I just get bored and feel it's a waste of time fooling around, and I will just call it quits.


Then I realised that I was never ever really ready to be in a relationship.



Me too, I neeeeeeeed help, what could be the cause of it?

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Cool23(m): 11:17pm On Aug 09, 2016
Is it that u and ur gfs have been having issues and u get tired then break up cos maybe that's the problem
Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by mhiztee15(f): 11:21pm On Aug 09, 2016
But what if you guys get married won't you be bored again because you be doing almost everything together
EmperorLee:



She is not the one for you.

I used to face the same problem (getting bored of relationships, ending relationship within 1 or 2 months etc) until I met a girl that was just like me. We might not call each other in a week, we only meet twice or thrice in like a month and now September is gon mark the 4th year of our relationship.


When you find someone that understands your philosophy, you will never get tired of the relationship, you will keep loving her over and over again.

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Richiy(f): 11:25pm On Aug 09, 2016
obiorathesubtle:
grin I'm still trying to find out o.. But I'm sure she's happy where she is.. I was a handful, I know grin

Is it the case of love isn't enough? Because I cannot understand why else you will let someone you connect with that well go away embarassed
Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by obiorathesubtle: 11:37pm On Aug 09, 2016
Richiy:


Is it the case of love isn't enough? Because I cannot understand why else you will let someone you connect with that well go away embarassed
Lol.. Kindof.. She always wanted more tho.. More love, more attention, wanted things her way.. Very slow to adjust.. Stuff like that..

So.. I guess so.. smiley smiley


But I'm grateful to have known someone like her, she taught me a lot of things.. She made me realise parts of myself I had no idea about..

grin she humbled me to the ground! Damn!!

5 Likes

Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Nobody: 12:01am On Aug 10, 2016
laveda say something na cheesy
Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by rosalieene(f): 12:10am On Aug 10, 2016
EmperorLee:



She is not the one for you.

I used to face the same problem (getting bored of relationships, ending relationship within 1 or 2 months etc) until I met a girl that was just like me. We might not call each other in a week, we only meet twice or thrice in like a month and now September is gon mark the 4th year of our relationship.


When you find someone that understands your philosophy, you will never get tired of the relationship, you will keep loving her over and over again.
what kind of relationship is this!!. You might not call each other even for a week! Holy SHIIT !!
communication is the key! For a person like me, communication is one of my love languages, its very important in a relationship. Anyway, you both understand yourself that's why we are all different.

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Laveda(f): 1:02am On Aug 10, 2016
juhan:
laveda say something na cheesy

Lol Juhan..

Okay, I can relate to the Op's problem here I've been in sh!t like this.. When it ended I felt like I wasn't okay.

Here's what I think..
Op is the type of person that shouldn't just rush into any relationship, maybe getting to know the girl better build this friendship with her, be sure of why he really wants to get into that relationship. Trust me if he really knows what he wants he wouldn't be changing gfs like boxers.


Rexhenrex I feel you shouldn't rush into dating when you meet a new girl no matter how beautiful she is, try to get to know her better, the kinda girl she is and if you both can really flow well...
I'm not good at this..

Lemme call my sis skarlett to help.smiley

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Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by ehix89(m): 1:57am On Aug 10, 2016
[img]hi[/img]
Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by policy12: 5:00am On Aug 10, 2016
[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font][b][/b]You need to get...new insights about relationships[color=#770077][/color]
Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Nobody: 5:05am On Aug 10, 2016
Laveda:


Lol Juha n..

Okay, I can relate to the Op's problem here I've been in sh!t like this.. When it ended I felt like I wasn't okay.

Here's what I think..
Op is the type of person that shouldn't just rush into any relationship, maybe getting to know the girl better build this friendship with her, be sure of why he really wants to get into that relationship. Trust me if he really knows what he wants he wouldn't be changing gfs like boxers.


Rexhenrex I feel you shouldn't rush into dating when you meet a new girl no matter how beautiful she is, try to get to know her better, the kinda girl she is and if you both can really flow well...
I'm not good at this..

Lemme call my sis skarle tt to help.smiley

You try jare kiss

Don't have much to say except that until a man finds himself, he'll ruin every woman he comes across. The op isn't mature to handle a relationship yet.

2 Likes

Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Rexhenrex(m): 6:46am On Aug 10, 2016
IamLEGEND1:
your bestie is a girl?
I give up.
yea a very pretty girl any problem?
Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Nobody: 6:50am On Aug 10, 2016
misspicy:

[b]Hi Henry smiley
I believe in understanding the root of a problem,correct me if I'm wrong.
@the bolded,trust me its all in your mind,the environment,peer pressure,what you noticed an elder doing while growing up/how people you look up to tend to treat or handle relationships,is just what you are acting with,so,your mind is conditioned to feel tired or fed up after just a little time.

eg,a male friend told me that "men are supposed hate ladies immediately after sex/intimacy (outside marriage)".(that was his mindset due to peer discussion,boys night out talks etc) but he found out,he always love her more instead,and even though,he thinks he should hate her,he will be the one introducing the cuddling after sex.

So my dear,I think you need a reorientation on relationship,all these advice will not work unless your purge your mind of the foundamental persperctive of what a relationship should be like.

I was once like that,always breaking up with my boyfriend over every slight misunderstanding(I had the believe that a guy must not offend me,I am doing him a favour by dating him,etc) until the day my then boyfriend, warned me that he is not going to beg me as usual,he will just breakup too,I realized there and then that I really didn't want to breakup with him,since then,I learnt to iron issues out by communication rather than threaten breakup.

If you don't find all these advice useful,please don't force yourself,to avoid breeding comtempt for your girlfriend,instead,go for medical help,a relationship counsellor will know what to do[/b]

Madam spicy. So you be love doctor shocked

2 Likes

Re: I Can't Keep A Relationship For Long, Please Help by Rexhenrex(m): 6:52am On Aug 10, 2016
Richiy:
Op, obiorathesubtle and emperorlee have given you really great advise. Consider it seriously.

I am going to come from another angle. I am not trying to reprimand you, but just what do you think will happen to the girls you just dropped like hot coal? You drag them in just to leave them broken? Even if you don't consider anything, please consider these girls. Don't purposefully leave a trail of broken hearts behind you.

Fin advise: If you are not absolutely sure, do not even start it at all.

Obiorathesubtle, that story was so touching embarassed I'd really wanna know what happened
ok ma'am i have heard you thanks alot i don't dump them on purpose sometimes i feel its not normal because this are pretty girls who mean well for me pple some guys would kill to have.

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