cococandy:

He's fine without his gut and pride. It's working for us.
Why does it concern you? Care about my family more than you care about yours? Imbecil.

A man is fine without his gut and pride
I can't believe this

truthsayer007:


Reddit? Seriously dude, hahaha, whenever i see reddit, only programmers come to my mind. Why would a normal guy go to reddit? For what na !

Sexless Marriage is a common thing, am beginning to fear i might not escape am not as morally uptight as OP, I don't mind seeking a divorce if i know am gonna be sexually frustrated in the long run. I don't want to harbor hatred against anyone i'd rather just leave.

This thread is an eye opener, check out the reddit stuff

janellemonae:


Lmao! Men & their ego. How do u know shes fully satisfied & enjoys sex wt u? because she's moaning & faking orgasms to make u feel good? Most guys are selfish in bed & for d woman all d playfulness, cuddles & fore play outside sex gets them more in d mood before sex. They don't respond to assgrabs out of nowhere just cos ur hungry for sex. At most u get a dry wooden mannequin.

Well he's married to her and has had sex with her, we're assuming he's in a better position to know if she's satisfied or not, unless you know them personally, then such information would help us give them a better advice.

Tytyluv:
It's heart breaking when I hear women act like this. Wen she tells you she feels any pain sometimes just force your way through. She may relax in the process and enjoy it too but mind you not all the time it will work.

See not all guys like pushing it.

I can relate with wat the op is going through.

Sex is fun and for me I can't settle for mediocrity which is why I wll not try having more than 2 children so that we can get past baby mkn to enjoy each other.

For me I can be crazy in bed as in crazy...no area in her body is sacred to me and I love pre-intimacy like kilode...

So tell me why I should settle for a sexually rigid lady?

If my wife tries that with me and I try to remedy it as calmly as I can and she remains the same...if I have the resources nah new wife sure pass cos I will never philander or patronize sluts....depriving your husband sex is a sin.

innovestor:


Lol. Every where quiet indeed. My brother i have even mentioned that to her; we both are not sick or old or incapacitated, yet no show.

Let me tell you this, many Nigerian-bred women were sexually abused as children. This alone can make a woman hate sex. If women like your wife were living in advanced and liberal societies of the world were marriage is not a do or die affair like it is in Nigeria and where society pressures people into it, women like your wife would have elected to stay single. The burden that comes with having to satisfy the sexual needs of another human being is oftentimes too much for some women to bear.

In addition, Nigeria is a society like many other African societies that circumcise their females thereby killing any libido the woman ought to have had. Why then do you Nigerian-bred men complain about your women not being sexually active enough? Besides, its a well known fact that you the men don't or hardly help your wives out with domestic chores. So after your wives have worked outside the home, come back from work and cook, clean and take care of the kids, you still expect them to act like porn stars in the bedroom after a long hard working day. That's unrealistic expectation right there.

Lastly, it is advisable that people discuss their sexual expectations/preferences BEFORE marriage, preferably during courtship. You are facing this problem because you and your wife are not sexually compatible. You seem to love sex and have a fairly high or downright high sex drive. Your wife clearly has a low sex drive and that is why you are now on Nairaland writing an epistle. What would you have us do? Talk to your wife on your behalf? Try fix your marital problem man!

innovestor:
Why Is This Common With Most Wives? They Need To CHANGE!

Hello NLers.

I am here basically to sample thoughts and opinions on this matter from matured minds. No insults or names calling. Just address the issue with suggestions.

There is a saying (by me ) that goes thus: Learn to appreciate what you have now. Don't wait till it's gone to find out its value. There is also another saying (not by me ) that goes thus: Wives don't suck dick; only girlfriends do.

So to the matter. I am married to this lovely lady. She is good by good standards (details will be given later if need be). I am also good by good standards (details will be given later if need be ). However when it comes to making love, this is where the "matters arising" comes to play; yes sex.

Firstly, I am not necessarily the over demanding type, however i am not sexually satisfied completely in my home. I am very understanding when she actually is not in the right frame of conditions to make love, however for me making the moves every time for us to make love is tiring (and yes ladies you should make the moves sometimes, if not more).

Secondly, i am the type with a conscience. I have not raped and will never rape any one even my wife because this is practically impossible for me as my man-hood (which lives on) will suddenly slump in such situation (that's why i said practically impossible). So what am i driving at? Once my wife tells me she is a bit tired, she has a slight waist pain, head-ache, leg ache etc. i practically refrain from making love to her. It has happened most times that i am all up and doing and ready to hit the road and then she says she has a head-ache (unconsciously i must admit most times) i just pack-up and hit the bed to dream world.

Now the challenge is this. Being sort of sexually deprived by my wife, being a hardworking good citizen of Nigeria that makes an average earning (at least i dey drive motor and can comfortably take care of my family and one or two more outsiders despite the harsh economy) I am exposed to falling into countless number of temptations. In order not to brag, i have ladies calling me almost on a daily basis now and literally begging me to "shine their congo". Yes they know i am married with kids but don't care. Na me dey dodge them sef and avoid picking some calls.

Now the question is this: what can i do to solve this issue? What can i do to make my wife get off her relaxed state to make the moves for us to be more sexually engaged (and i am not talking of just missionary alone, i love adventure)? Should i just ignore her talks of head aches and find a means of forcing myself to do it with her ( I have actually asked her if this is what she wants - no response received). What can i do?

I am asking as we have had this sex talk twice and i have told her what i felt about the whole thing (of course she shed tears na). The third time we had the discussion, i told her categorically that this would be the last time for such discussion because if there is not improvement, i will not talk to her about it anymore and would seek other means to "help myself out". This is where i am at the moment.

So you ideas are welcome ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. Wow! So the write up long reach like this? be patient to read through.

Hmmm...My borda welcome to my world.

TV01:
Hi Innovestor, nothing new under the sun. I applaud your desire to restore normalcy in your home. But please don't countenance covenant breaking or even threats of it as a means to that end.

First peruse this thread, and particularly my comments therein - https://www.nairaland.com/1845744/intimate-incompatibility-marriage#25285431. That speaks mostly to the bio-mechanical aspects. Please appropriate what is relevant to your situation.

There may be some overlap from the above post/thread, but equally important is to touch on the bio-dynamics. That is the situation in your home, both your family circumstances and the "mutuality" between the both of you.

Men and women view sex differently. Indeed, their perceptions and oft times responses to every stimuli or situation is typically different, and usually for good reason - and largely by design. Understanding our differences and working to harmonise them is key to healthy relationships and happy homes.

Your situation could be due to;

1. stress/work overload, leaving your wife tired. Things like work, anxieties, childbirth etc. have to be managed and hopefully overcome to restore normalcy
2. the attraction - painful to say, let alone hear - may have waned/died. You have to take steps to restore/revive it. Basically increasing your status/desirability in the eyes of your wife. Women will make an effort to please men they respect
3. she may simply have a low drive - see above post. If she is well cultured or of deep faith, she will actually know it's her duty to please you. If you are, go to God sharpish.

Try and pinpoint the main issue - as there may well be a combination and take it from there. Please learn to ignore the godless misandrists that abound here, they'll just enervate you and cause a loss of focus.

All the best as you build your home.


TV

Many ladies should understand that sex to guys is very vital and if they can't provide this adequately they have no business in marriage.

If my wife wants sex everyday at least I must give her 4 days outta 7 because if I fail to do that then I'm failing in my vows and duty...so why all these sermon just for a lady to do her duty as a wife?

As for me I'm ready to eat my wife's snail till I grow old and she must be ready to reciprocate otherwise nah wahala...

This is why I wonder why some important threads I create on marriage is ignored by lalasticlala cos issues like this was thourougly addressed.

https://www.nairaland.com/3107503/when-lack-sexual-satisfaction-marriage

why she loh go deny u......when u dey nack her every day hour seconds wen u nah dey date u knw knw abi...... d lady is tired of sex ni jawe.....

If you love your wife and want to get the best sex ever, apply for a leave, send the kids to holidays with your mum or her mum, travel with your wife to a more quite and nice place. Lodge in a very good hotel for like one week and give her those treat you gave her when you guys were dating and she will give u the best sex ever. How many times have u called her and tell her not to worry about dinner that dinner is on you? When did you take her out last and make her feel good. Or u just come home and u feel u need sex and here is goes. Don't you know what is called pre-intimacy? Is not only by kissing, it could start on the phone. You don't expect her to the run off by the kinds and still be willing for sex. If u really know what they go through raising kids u then need to give her some special treat. Go see move, grab ice cream, stop over at a fast food and get some to eat, then take her home and bath her just the both of u at home send the kids to holidays and give her a special treatment and stop telling us that girls are calling u, oya make we clap for u Weldon class go.....

innovestor:


Thanks so much for your mature candid opinions and questions. I will answer you accordingly (my answers will amaze you).

Ans 1. She enjoys it with me and is always fully satisfied when we engage in it. My concern if frequency and adventure.
Ans 2. She does a small business which does not take most of her time (4hrs in a day averagely). Kids are not in school yet as they have not reached the age (note: 2 house helps on ground to help out). Cooking prep done by maids, cooking done by her. Washing machine available. Cleaning by all. So u see, no excessive stress on any one. I am the one to even complain of stress as i work very hard.
Ans 3. She has no business thinking of money. I provide for all needs for the family. trust me.

I doubt your answer Ans 1; she is only faking the thing.

so this matter na everywhere? chai na only God be d soln o

I will comment later.

innovestor:
Why Is This Common With Most Wives? They Need To CHANGE!

Hello NLers.

I am here basically to sample thoughts and opinions on this matter from matured minds. No insults or names calling. Just address the issue with suggestions.

There is a saying (by me ) that goes thus: Learn to appreciate what you have now. Don't wait till it's gone to find out its value. There is also another saying (not by me ) that goes thus: Wives don't suck dick; only girlfriends do.

So to the matter. I am married to this lovely lady. She is good by good standards (details will be given later if need be). I am also good by good standards (details will be given later if need be ). However when it comes to making love, this is where the "matters arising" comes to play; yes sex.

Firstly, I am not necessarily the over demanding type, however i am not sexually satisfied completely in my home. I am very understanding when she actually is not in the right frame of conditions to make love, however for me making the moves every time for us to make love is tiring (and yes ladies you should make the moves sometimes, if not more).

Secondly, i am the type with a conscience. I have not raped and will never rape any one even my wife because this is practically impossible for me as my man-hood (which lives on) will suddenly slump in such situation (that's why i said practically impossible). So what am i driving at? Once my wife tells me she is a bit tired, she has a slight waist pain, head-ache, leg ache etc. i practically refrain from making love to her. It has happened most times that i am all up and doing and ready to hit the road and then she says she has a head-ache (unconsciously i must admit most times) i just pack-up and hit the bed to dream world.

Now the challenge is this. Being sort of sexually deprived by my wife, being a hardworking good citizen of Nigeria that makes an average earning (at least i dey drive motor and can comfortably take care of my family and one or two more outsiders despite the harsh economy) I am exposed to falling into countless number of temptations. In order not to brag, i have ladies calling me almost on a daily basis now and literally begging me to "shine their congo". Yes they know i am married with kids but don't care. Na me dey dodge them sef and avoid picking some calls.

Now the question is this: what can i do to solve this issue? What can i do to make my wife get off her relaxed state to make the moves for us to be more sexually engaged (and i am not talking of just missionary alone, i love adventure)? Should i just ignore her talks of head aches and find a means of forcing myself to do it with her ( I have actually asked her if this is what she wants - no response received). What can i do?

I am asking as we have had this sex talk twice and i have told her what i felt about the whole thing (of course she shed tears na). The third time we had the discussion, i told her categorically that this would be the last time for such discussion because if there is not improvement, i will not talk to her about it anymore and would seek other means to "help myself out". This is where i am at the moment.

So you ideas are welcome ladies and gentlemen.

P.S. Wow! So the write up long reach like this? be patient to read through.

for all I can tell you marriage never need formular and advise. Naa Foo better for worse. First off all check your dating days back with her. Is the sexual relationship,:the pattern same? .answer this, and gues whether if not she is catching bigger fun than yours elsewhere period

innovestor:


Lol. Every where quiet indeed. My brother i have even mentioned that to her; we both are not sick or old or incapacitated, yet no show.

I have read lots of contributions some are
even suggesting you abandon your schedule
so you come and start playing ball with your
wife before you can enjoy what rightly
belong to you even after providing for her
needs and maintaining your home..


bro, if you want to enjoy your marriage, first
thing is to set standard..yes, it might sound
autocratic at the beginning but she'll
eventually get used to it but that shouldn't
stop you showering her love

However, the moment she starts denying
you s**x with flimsy excuses without a
crosponding action from you, you're giving
rooms for more troubles

therefore, I will give you a practical
solution that will put it to a stop and
quote me to tell me I'm right when
it has worked

the moment you indulge in for play and
you're already high for action and she
turns you down, """"hehehe, masturbate
your self
right in her present till you cum...
that is
a strong msg to her.....
repeat same the next day right in her
present and dont ask her for s*x


trust me she would not be comfortable
with your actions and would want to know
the reason for that hence knowing it could
lead
to something else

Your wife might be cheating on you already.........Be alert and watchful!

carmag:


I have read lots of contributions some are even asking you to abandon your schedule so you come and start playing ball with your wife before you can enjoy what rightly belong to you even after providing for her needs and maintaining your home..

bro, if you want to enjoy your marriage, first thing is to set standard..yes, it might sound autocratic at the beginning but she'll eventually get used to it but that shouldn't stop you showering her love
However, the moment she starts denying you s**x with flimsy excuses without a crosponding action from you, you're giving rooms for more troubles
therefore, I will give you a practical solution that will put it to a stop and quote me to tell me I'm right when it has worked
the moment you indulge in for play and you're already high for action and turns down, """"hehehe, masturbate your self right in her present till you cum....that is a strong msg to her, repeat same the next day right in her present and dont ask her for s**x..

trust me she wouldn't want such to be happening

I love this. dramatic

carmag:


I have read lots of contributions some are even asking you to abandon your schedule so you come and start playing ball with your wife before you can enjoy what rightly belong to you even after providing for her needs and maintaining your home..

bro, if you want to enjoy your marriage, first thing is to set standard..yes, it might sound autocratic at the beginning but she'll eventually get used to it but that shouldn't stop you showering her love
However, the moment she starts denying you s**x with flimsy excuses without a crosponding action from you, you're giving rooms for more troubles
therefore, I will give you a practical solution that will put it to a stop and quote me to tell me I'm right when it has worked
the moment you indulge in for play and you're already high for action and turns down, """"hehehe, masturbate your self right in her present till you cum....that is a strong msg to her, repeat same the next day right in her present and dont ask her for s**x..

trust me she wouldn't want such to be happening

I love this. dramatic

Onegai:
Innovestor, today is Thursday, send your wife a message right now, ask her what she's doing, if there's light etc. Come home earlier than usual and play with the kids. Buy cake for your wife and everybody eat. When I say play, I mean PLAY. Dance like an egun masquerade. During this play, you guys should make a paper ball, recreate the NIG-GER match of yesterday (pls be Germany ) and stylishly throw it at Mum. Let her pass it back, infact,rush her if she holds the ball long. Feel free to smack her bum during the play, no red card given. Don't ask for sex.

Tomorrow, come home and watch whatever she wants to watch, discuss it with her animatedly. What hairdo is she wearing? Bet you don't know offhand tell her to bring her nailpolish, you want to practise painting because the economy has crashed and manipedis ain't cheap. Ask her what's going with life. Just listen. Gist freely.

Saturday, you and her go to the mall. Go watch a movie together (no kids allowed). In the car home, hold her hand. When you get home, don't sit in your usual seat (the one you use as your personal space), sit with her. Tell her "I've missed us having fun, I've missed you". See how the evening goes.

mehn I feel like banging you right now.

I will never beg any woman for sex...never!. So many rubbish advice coming up. If she cant open up to tell me what exactly the problem is, after trying my best at pleasing her, and discussing it...Then she's been insensitive to my need.....that's an utter disregard for me, outrightly selfish. Getting sex out will be inevitable....and until she realises it....i will never touch her or make attempt for sex.

FreeSpirited:
I love this. dramatic

thanks bro,..... that's the simplest way to humiliate a frigid woman
we call it silent communication. .most women can't withstand it

AfroKnight:
Look at them advising the man to move mountains just because he wants to have sex with his wife. Wife! Not one girlfriend o. That's rubbish.

Why must the man beg or threaten you before you have sex? Are you doing him a favour? . . . take her on a date, hold her hands, buy gifts, play with her... Nonsense talk.

Is sex enjoyed only by the man? Of course not. Ladies will be using sex as a tool to "control" their husbands. Are we animals that you lure us with carrots and birdseed? "Do this for me and I promise you a steamy session tonight"... Rubbish.

Many single girls are eager to sleep with married men. So you wives had better sit up and stop forcing celibacy on men who were designed to enjoy intimacy. If you hoard your official merchandise, there is black market out there.

The sexual health of a couple is not dependent on the man alone. Stop bargaining with sex. Stop "forming" tired.

You forced me to comment........End of the matter!

carmag:


thanks bro,..... that's the simplest way to
humiliate a frigid woman

we call it silent communication. .most
women can't withstand it

Women usually pull those stunts of frigidity when they are keeping grudge with the husband, annoyed/irritated at something or when they are comfortably cheating.....they punish their husband by not giving them sex.
Whatever the issue, i believe a reasonable woman should be ready to salvage it ones the husband shows genuine interest at finding solution. hence, she's supposed to open up for redress, or does she think the husband is a prophet to know exactly what she's bottling up when she's not ready to open up?..bullshit. If a lady dares me for too long...i will definitely call her bluff till she realises it.

It seems you're terrible in the bed or you demand too much sex. You didn't state how many times in a week you have sex presently and how many you prefer.

Every woman love sex, especially, when she does it with a guy who does it well. When you make love to woman the way she likes it, she will come back for more.

There are many ways to make a woman happy sexually. It takes an average woman more time to be fully aroused than men.

Some id*iots just insert their penis in the vagina without pre-intimacy, nothing! They cum without caring if the woman cum or not! Most Nigerian women have no cum experience due to the selfish id*iots they sleep with.

I remember one time I had an explosive sex with a 30 yr. old lady I met at a friend's wedding. The next day she called me to thank me for yesterday. I asked her for what? She said the sex was great, that it was her first time of actually c*umming, and the experience was electrifying. That she can't get it off her mind.

There are many articles on the internet you should read that have loads of info. about how to giving a woman a good sex.

Chillisauce:
o

Lol. Old white husband?
Buhahahz.

Njokusboy , you think hiding behind this moniker will give a persona you so desired. Imagine this rat. Someone who even his parents gave up on after taking 33rd out of 34t position in school that you had to write a diary on it.

No let mé bring your suicidal note out. Coward hiding behind another moniker feeling high.

Al least I get "old white man" . Hang on heré dey wait for your yahoo victim njokusboy.

You have mentioned me like 4 times and all those times you have accused me of being someone else..... You have accused me of being dinachi, Francis and a couple of other dudes....
Can someone please rid me of this pestilential ignoramus, do I come across as someone who hides behind unanimous monikers to attack miserable hags Like yourself......
You even read my diary, Nawa for you oh, my dear, dat was wayyyyyyyyyyyy back in primary 2.... If you see my c. v, you go bow for me......
Next time, think hard before you accuse me, you won't even be able to distinguish between a goat and a sheep if you were asked to.... You are dat daft....

this thread is hilarious and full of nitwits

freshvine, this is not how we roll. no need to come here with all gun blazing for the sake of her anonymity.

innovestor see as u have summon the gods and reopen dying wounds. carry ur cross, we cannot cry more than the bereaved.

I must say the situation is both ways... You complained about your woman not having sex with you and all that... But when last did you take her out, bought her a present share a movie, surprised her, had a bath with her or just groom her hair or help her makeup(even if its for d fun of it)... When a woman is married she needs as much attention if not more than when she was single... I have had talks with men and I am surprised 90% of us Dont take our woman out, we used to to get her to say yes... But truth be told our woman (though notorious) are not just sex objects.. When a woman is happy in marriage and free with her husband then you'll know your wife can still initiate sex or even suck a rod....
Be more attentive to your wife's needs...

innovestor:


Thanks so much for your mature candid opinions and questions. I will answer you accordingly (my answers will amaze you).

Ans 1. She enjoys it with me and is always fully satisfied when we engage in it. My concern if frequency and adventure.
Ans 2. She does a small business which does not take most of her time (4hrs in a day averagely). Kids are not in school yet as they have not reached the age (note: 2 house helps on ground to help out). Cooking prep done by maids, cooking done by her. Washing machine available. Cleaning by all. So u see, no excessive stress on any one. I am the one to even complain of stress as i work very hard.
Ans 3. She has no business thinking of money. I provide for all needs for the family. trust me.

kids are not in school yet? Dats d biggest stressor. Running about n screaming her head off so dey dont get hurt while playing. Most women don't leave kids with helps n relax. Most of the time deir negligence is appalling.

I suggest you change d timing of ur bedmatics. Night time headaches r terrible n points to stress except she's faking sometimes.

Be patient with her. Some pple need more help.

Also randomly make out wit her.....wen no1 is watching u knw, those may help put her in d mood later on.

Meanwhile I heard dates (dabino) n tigernut all juiced up n seived. Taking d juice increases libido. She shld try it.u shld drink it lest ur need further increases

Focus on her n stop feeling hypertech about girls calling u n all that. U n ur wife are patners. Teavh her. Don't giv up

To me you musn't stop telling her about how you feeling about the whole situation, meanwhile the question is Was she a sex type before giving birth, after birth when her mother came around hope she wasn't circumcised that's what some do after first child (it reduces sexual feeling drastically depending on how it was done), do you make her feel uncomfortable during sex, or do you turn yourself to a porn star on her, making want to resist you sometimes, Are you self centered? Only caring about your satisfaction and not her?. Infact you need to do a questionaire about this, ask urself about this and answer then you can involved her.

cococandy:

If only they paid as much attention to their own lives as they do to the lives of others, I'm sure they'll notice a difference.

Yahoo boys and scam artists looking for who to feed them. When you don't fall to their tactics they resort to following you up and down NL with different monikers issuing threats. We've seen them before.

Seems lyk u knw diz dudes...

If only u lived a "not too frivolous life", dis so called "yahoo boys" wldn't av had a hold on u wt threats...

Yahoo boys n frivolty are lyk garri n sugar.

#noOFFENCE..

Toks2008:


See not all guys like pushing it.

I can relate with wat the op is going through.

Sex is fun and for me I can't settle for mediocrity which is why I wll not try having more than 2 children so that we can get past baby mkn to enjoy each other.

For me I can be crazy in bed as in crazy...no area in her body is sacred to me and I love pre-intimacy like kilode...

So tell me why I should settle for a sexually rigid lady?

If my wife tries that with me and I try to remedy it as calmly as I can and she remains the same...if I have the resources nah new wife sure pass cos I will never philander or patronize sluts....depriving your husband sex is a sin.

pre intimacy is like writing Jamb for many Nigerian men.....show me 1 lady who doesn't like pre intimacy.
Women r wired differently. Just find d password of d woman ur r with

Timbuktuo:


Na lie I talk? I know you women more than you know yourselves. . I have a Ph.D in Practical Womanology, and my experience has taught me that all this dance upandan, and become a hair stylist na temporary measure. It will work for a while, lose it's luster and the couple will be back to square one.

If I was with a woman that wanted sex daily, I would do all I can to make sure she's satisfied. After o have tried that and I don't meet up, then I know she's insatiable and we will seek out other means and solutions. How can a housewife say she's too stressed to staff? I will make sure I arrange a bank work for her, she dey crase. When she drives from Maryland to VI at 5am for six months, she will agree that Jesus is Lord. What rubbish.

ur post shows how naive u are. U ll soon get married n have kids. Switch places with ur wife for 1week n check if u wont break down for 1 month after doing chores n cooking different meals n beggin n feeding d kids, separating fights, n runnig after them to hold dem while dey fly off d couch.

This is no justification for lazy sex life tho. But never u look down on any housewife. U never know d stress dey go through to kip d home perfect

cococandy:
How did those ladies calling you get your number? You're married and still distributing your number everywhere and have the guts to brag about it.
If you want to smoothen things over with your wife, talk to her about it not us. We can't say anything that will make her change Except you're going to show her this thread. And stop giving ladies your number.

I assumed this was d case, this is one thing dat can turn a woman away.