Good evening ma’am

I know my wife isn’t on your Facebook page but you can still hide my name, that’s if you would post this.

I need your help on a matter. Not many people will find this issue serious anyway, but I think it really matters to me.

I have been married to my wife for about 6 years and we are supposed to have the naming ceremony of our second child on this saturday (we had a little delay)

I don’t know how to write long story, forgive me. So I would just go straight to the point. My father-in-law wants to scatter our home and I mean it.

My wife was delivered of a baby boy on Saturday. Our joys knew no bounds, because we’ve been a bit delayed and the baby is a boy. Our first child is a girl.

At around 11:10am I was driving home from the hospital to bring down some things and I was called on phone by my mother, who was in the hospital with my wife, that my wife has been delivered of a boy. I just parked and started thanking God by the road side there, though I was inside my car.

My wife was discharged in the evening of the same day, they said she was very OK, with the baby. So late in the evening that’s around 7pm my father-in-law among other family and friends came to greet us.

Meanwhile, my wife’s sister, the last child of the family is supposed to Wed on this coming Saturday, in Ibadan, Oyo State.

We are all aware of the family arrangement, that my Sis-in-law is getting married on this day but we never planned that my wife will deliver on the day that the wedding will come up which is supposed to be the 8th day which the Yoruba people do the naming ceremony of their newly born babies.

My father-in-law surprised me when he called my wife the second morning that she should tell me that we must shift the naming ceremony of our baby, because all of us are supposed to travel to Ibadan for the sisters wedding. I have never heard such move before.

But since the man never talked to me, I pretended my wife never told me a thing about it. But yesterday evening, he sent me a text in this regard and few minutes later, he called and he even promised us 200 hundred thousand naira.

I’m not hungry, I can never take this. But am in dilemma. I don’t know how to tell him NO, without offending my mother-in-law, who has been a very good woman since I married her daughter.

Please what do you think I should do?

Please, ADVICE HERE

Hmm..
Please oga, for peace to continue reigning as it has been, even though it seems like you and your father in law are romancing a time bomb.. can it be possible for you to call and plead on your wife's behalf to her mother and sister to pardon and understand the situation at hand and tell them to make your father in law to understand.
By the way, i won't advice you to take your still fragile wife and a week old baby on a journey due to the wedding.

If it can be possible again, go over to spend some time and show your support a day or two before the wedding, then go home and take care of your family. Your father in law cannot make decisions for you because you are married to his daughter. He should mind his own home and business.

Source: www.olulinks.com

chocolateme:
Hmm

You never even bother to read.

Promise u 200 hundred naira?

Olulinks:

You never even bother to read.

Don't be too hasty..

mtcheew!what is d big deal and dilema here? At my age i dnt comment on rubbish post

Is this what you call scatter your home? Or you mean wants to scatter your plans? My friend you never see problem, naim make you dey smart.

I don't understand why issues like this should become issues, so even if the wifey had the baby a week before or was heavily pregnant almost at the point of delivery, do they expect her to travel with a new born child / in an about to deliver condition to another city entirely away from her clinic.

Do they really expect her to travel with an 8day old child, stressing the infant. Won't the wedding hold if she's not there? Travelling is stress IMO, you will stress your wife, your new baby and I don't think its worth it. If your wife won't speak for her self and the baby you should.
Explain to your father in law simple, doctors said she should rest and not undergo stress.EOD
This is not an issue at all.

Why saying you MUST?

Name your baby in your house with your pastors/ alfas let the others go for the wedding. Let the members of the family that won't go come for the naming simple.

The last time something like this came up in my family, those that couldn't go to abuja for the wedding attended the naming in Lagos. I can't imagine my cousins hubby being told to postpone the naming and travel to abuja for the wedding.

yetseyi:
I don't understand why issues like this should become issues, so even if the wifey had the baby a week before or was heavily pregnant almost at the point of delivery, do they expect her to travel with a new born child / in an about to deliver condition to another city entirely away from her clinic.

Do they really expect her to travel with an 8day old child, stressing the infant. Won't the wedding hold if she's not there? Travelling is stress IMO, you will stress your wife, your new baby and I don't think its worth it. If your wife won't speak for her self and the baby you should.
Explain to your father in law simple, doctors said she should rest and not undergo stress.EOD
This is not an issue at all.

Why saying you MUST?

Name your baby in your house with your pastors/ alfas let the others go for the wedding. Let the members of the family that won't go come for the naming simple.

The last time something like this came up in my family, those that couldn't go to abuja for the wedding attended the naming in Lagos. I can't imagine my cousins hubby being told to postpone the naming and travel to abuja for the wedding.

Brilliant. I think am taking your advice along with me.

chocolateme:
Hmm..
Please oga, for peace to continue reigning as it has been, even though it seems like you and your father in law are romancing a time bomb.. can it be possible for you to call and plead on your wife's behalf to her mother and sister to pardon and understand the situation at hand and tell them to make your father in law to understand.
By the way, i won't advice you to take your still fragile wife and a week old baby on a journey due to the wedding.

If it can be possible again, go over to spend some time and show your support a day or two before the wedding, then go home and take care of your family. Your father in law cannot make decisions for you because you are married to his daughter. He should mind his own home and business.

Nice try!

Your wife and child are too fragile to travel. Their health should be your priority first and not hurting or not hurting your father in law's feelings. You should not even be considering anything that would jeopardize their well being. No amount of money is enough. Except your wife insists she want to go for wedding. Btw, you did not tell us the distance between your father in law's place and yours.

Personally I feel its too early for your wife to take the newborn out sef. Naming can be done early in the morning or later in the day after the wedding ceremony.

Your wife and baby should be allowed to rest instead of traveling for wedding where all kind of people will be there touching the newborn.

Why is he offering you N200K
For what exactly?

Your home is different from babas home and baba cannot run your home for you
So you need to start drawing the line politely but firmly by your actions and words.

Tell him that your wife needs to rest after childbirth and your baby is too young to travel.
BTW did your wife have a natural birth or C/S? cos that matters too

Name your child in your home with a the minimum of fuss (Church leader/cleric) or as the case may be
The idea is to name your baby.
You can then have your big naming ceremony party and invite the whole family later

When your wife is strong enough and baby is big and strong enough to travel, then go down to Ibadan with your wedding gift and to spend time with the newly married couple.

Can't ur wifs shun her father by doing d right thing.its nt advisable to travel wif a 1 week old baby...imo dnt accept d moni.is he trying to buy ur decisions? Well daz my take on d mata

I don't believe a father will want to risk the lives of a daughter with his grandson because of another daughter of his. Therefore, I find it difficult to believe this story, because I've never heard where a woman who just put to bed will be asked to pass through stress with her new born baby because of owambe.



Very weird, very very weird!

I don't think any loving father will want to stress his daughter unnecessarily. I sense your main concern is that you don't want to compromise on the naming ceremony for the wedding. Not really because of concern for your wife.

You have to consider that this wedding must have been planned for a long time now and your baby just got here. Which one is easier to postpone? That being said you don't have to postpone either one. If the distance is too much for her to travel, she should stay home and you go show yourself briefly earlier in the day then go home to your family for a quiet naming ceremony. If the distance is far, then of course you can't do this. So you guys have to reach a compromise in a non-inflammatory way.

I tend to agree with @Seahawk...
If I may ask, is it taboo to push the naming ceremony some 3 to 4 days in the future?

It is important that you or your wife or both of you appear at the wedding.
You did not mention the travel distance.

Bad and bumpy roads is one reason people are skeptical about traveling with an 8 days old baby.
But after they are fed, they sleep off.

If the ride is not long, if your wife wants to go and you are going in a family car, I think it is doable.
Get a female relative to stay with the baby next to the mom.
The likelihood that people will want to carry a sleeping newborn is very minimal. They are not that dumb.

And it does not make you less a man or mean your father-in-law is running your household for you.
The decision is yours but I think you should go.

i think you need to talk to your wife first. when these kinda decisions are made together it lightens the burden but i have questions
what does your wife think? is she from a family where there are only 2women....because i know that even if i just had a child i will make it to my sisters wedding.... you wii almost think its a do or die something because we are just 2...second is will harm come to the mother/child if she travels what if she goes and maybe retires early to her hotel room to see to her child and maybe after the ceremony a quiet naming could be done

we make sacrifices everyday.... your child will be here for 100years but mariage of a sibling is like graduation into being an adult.... i dont know but you shouldn't make this decision alone

This story has got to be a lie.

Dis matter is not as serious as u potrayed it. Where is it written in history dat a child must be named d' seventh day compulsorily. I think ur FIL would love to witness d'naming ceremony, ur wife n'kid shd stay behind while u identify with d'family. D'most important thing is d health of ur family and i think u shd be grateful to God for dat. Before i had my last baby, almost everything needed was bought a month beforehand but i had anaemic respiratory distress d'seventh day after delivery thus was back to d'hospital for admission. I spent another 5days. D'naming took place d'day i was discharged frm d'hospital and my baby is doing just fyn. D'table may turn round to ur side tomorrow, be considerate n'put urself in ur FIL's shoes. All d'best.

this isn't a a big issue.
do your naming ceremony low key, and do the child dedication in a big way, or otherwise mark the child's one year birthday a big way.between most igbos especially catholic only spend on child dedication.
the decision is yours!

I guess cultures, religions and family traditions are not being fully taken into consideration

In some families, the naming ceremony is done on the 8th day in the husbands fathers house.....no ifs or buts

If the husband is from that type of family, then the FIL and the rest of the husbands family will feel very insulted if the wifes father is the one dictating things.

We also dont know where they are travelling from

More information is needed on this family's background before world war 3 is started. Because the husbands family may not feel too happy that "their" baby was not named on the 8th day as by their tradition, and as usual the wife will be blamed for everything,

This is a simple matter.
The morning of the wedding/naming, just name your child with only some pastors or imams present. 7am. By 8am, the whole prayers and naming proper should be over
Tell people beforehand that you guys won't be around and you'll inform them, when you're ready to have a celebration.
Name your child that morning, and you travel alone to the wedding to represent your family. Your wife will stay at home with the baby.
Come back that same day to your own family. I believe you live in Lahgos, which is just like one and half hours to Ibadan.
You'll even save some money. When the child is one, celebrate and mark it.

eyinjuege:
This is a simple matter.
The morning of the wedding/naming, just name your child with only some pastors or imams present. 7am. By 8am, the whole prayers and naming proper should be over
Tell people beforehand that you guys won't be around and you'll inform them, when you're ready to have a celebration.
Name your child that morning, and you travel alone to the wedding to represent your family. Your wife will stay at home with the baby.
Come back that same day to your own family. I believe you live in Lahgos, which is just like one and half hours to Ibadan.
You'll even save some money. When the child is one, celebrate and mark it.

I know I need glasses but what made you believe that he lives in Lagos
I believe that he lives in Abj
Woman's Intuition
.........You see that offer of 200k was flight and hotel money

tearoses:


I know I need glasses but what made you believe that he lives in Lagos
I believe that he lives in Abj
Woman's Intuition
.........You see that offer of 200k was flight and hotel money

Hmmmm.

It's a possibility, it actually sounds plausible.
I just assumed, and I don't really know why.
I don't think he should collect the money though, even if he gets to go.

eyinjuege:


Hmmmm.

It's a possibility, it actually sounds plausible.
I just assumed, and I don't really know why.
I don't think he should collect the money though, even if he gets to go.

To be honest I assumed he lived in Lag too, until I had more thought about the money involved.
Collecting the money depends on the existing relationship, although I am not a fan of a man always collecting money from his wife's parents.
It doesn't always end with egos in place
Occasionally if offered but not to settle every bill.

I Also notice that the baba told his daughter first before telling the hubby
Thats a bit disrespectful o! especially as in a way you are asking this couple to put their own plans on hold for yours
No thought is also being made for the husbands family who may have wanted the naming to happen on the 8th day.
Then he sent a message to the guy
Not even a phone call
personally I am not feeling the situation at all.

I no get any advice

But this is not an issue... When i saw the word scatter " i thought .....

I have never seen any one make an issue so huge like this.....Even ladies everyone thought makes little matters long and huge cannot do this....

Simple statement like sir, u know we planned to come for so and so wedding before, but as it is, we cannot take few days old baby to a long distance....

U don't even need to complete the sentences because no one in his or her right mind will allow such. even if u go with the baby, some aunts present will scold your wife for exposing a new born baby like that....

what i believe was that he wanted u to shift the date so that he will be present on the christening of his grandkid hence he offered to pay u incase if u have spent any thing just for inconveniencing u and u twisted it that he wants u and ur wife to be present at a wedding...

he is an old man, he knows that a kid of that age cannot embark such journey....

Your wife's father is heartless!! No sensible father would allow His daughter who just gave birth to attend a wedding even if the wedding is at your backyard.

For that, i don't believe the story.

What is the importance of your wife's presence at the wedding.

Is she the chief bridesmaid.

Is she the one to tie the knot for them.

Seriously I don't beleive this crap..no sane man would make a new mother travel that long journey, when she will still be healing process.

Op, abeg, tell us another story, I ain't buying this zobo.