Nairaland Forum

thumb up 4 u,u ar a good writer.i luv dat story,expecially d suspense.kip d gud work coming

maedan:

Aaah, I knew it!! Or don't you mean, how you would like to be ?? But I believe u, you sound really sensitive, until someone annoys you (like adebayo201, lol). I really like Michael, though. A reader should always pick a favourite character, and he's myne !!

YES, thats what i mean. something abut you had struck me. i really can't say what it is. well, i dont think that i am good enouf like you, i am not as good looking as i described Michael, besides i am all brains and no cash. You deserve someone better.

perhaps because you are a lady. i thought i gave Jane the best personality. she was a friend to the end, despite all that happened.

Pelummy:

thumb up 4 u,u ar a good writer.i luv dat story,expecially d suspense.kip d gud work coming

thanks girly,
i am through at last, i hope it was worth the wait.

Michael angrily opened the door to see who was knocking fiercely on his door like that. He was faced with two strangers.

The one at the front was pointing a gun at him. “Don’t try anything silly. Now, gently step back,” Allen commanded.

Michael obeyed and the two men walked into the house and closed the door behind them.

Nimrod knew that the lady in the room would scream, so he said, “Look, pretty lady, you better not scream. If you do that I will
not hesitate to blow your brains off.” He looked at Michael and almost screamed for joy. This was the moment he had always seen in
his dreams for the past four years. “Hello, brave young man. Are you Michael?” He said scornfully.

Michael stood there helplessly, he didn’t know what to say or what to make out of the situation. Somehow he was more concerned that
Brenda was also in danger.

“Answer me! Are you Michael?”

“Yes, I am Michael,” Michael could barely hear his voice.

Nimrod snorted. “The Brave Michael. Do you still stick your nose in other people’s business? Oh permit me to introduce myself. I am
Nimrod, can you remember? The guy you sent to prison a few years ago.” Nimrod pointed to Allen, “And this is my very good friend,
Allen... Oh Mr. Michael, you are a very important man.” Then he said to Allen, “Hold the girl, don’t let her do anything do silly.” He stared at Michael with so much hatred. He felt his adrenaline purge out like a hot flame. “The day you came into my life was your last day on earth Michael. You have died in my mind a million times, but this time, I will make sure you remain in hell.”

Allen held Brenda’s both hands behind her with one hand and used the other hand to circle her neck, she almost choked. He could
feel her tremble in his hands. As soon as she had realized that this was Nimrod, she knew they were in serious danger. This was the
same Nimrod who had brutally murdered someone yesterday. She had never been this close to death in her life before. Allen’s grip
wasn’t making things easy for her.

Nimrod was now with the gun; it was pointing at Michael. He looked murderous. He walked up to Michael and kicked him violently on
the stomach causing Michael too reeled backwards as he clutched onto his belly with his two hands. While he was still bending down
in anguish, Nimrod gave him a hard punch on his chick.

Brenda thought she felt the pain. She moaned softly causing Nimrod to look at her. He remembered what happened at Glen’s place
yesterday. Glen had been with a woman and because of his carelessness; she had escaped and gotten the opportunity to ruin his life.
Now the cops are on his tail.

Perhaps he should first of all take care of the girl, he thought. He could make her pay for Glen’s girls’ sin.

“Well, well, well, maybe I should start tormenting you by making you watch me slay your girl first. Is she your girl?”

Michael didn’t answer. The psychopath wants to kill Brenda, he thought. He didn’t know what to do. He can’t just stand here and
watch him kill the love of his life. If only he could save her. “Please, leave her out of this.” He managed to say.

“Bring her to me,” Nimrod said, and brought out short jungle knife from his pocket.

Allen collected the gun from him and allowed him to take her.

Nimrod placed Brenda in front of him and griped her neck with his left hand while he pointed the knife to her chest with his right
hand.

“I guess she is your girl. It is a pity that she is in the right place at the wrong time.”

He was going to cut her, Michael thought. He realized that things had gotten out of hand. Everything was happening so fast. Michael
didn’t have enough time to think. Is he going to stand here and watch this bully slay his girl? No plan seemed to come into his
head. He had noticed that Nimrod like talking. Perhaps he should buy more time for Brenda by making Nimrod talk.

“Please I beg you. I will do anything you want me to do. I mean anything, but just spare her life. I beg you. She is just an
innocent girl who knows nothing about your going to jail. Killing her will make no sense. It is me you want. Here I am kill, me,
slay me, but please don’t touch her?”

Nimrod stopped and with a surprised look on his face, he said, “Do you think it matters to me what you think or what you want? I
hate you! Do you hear me? I hate your guts! You ruined my life, you sent me to hell on earth. Just shut up! You will watch her
die!!”

* * * * * * * * *

Inspector Jack heard it all.

Upon reaching Michael’s home, the two officers assigned to watch Brenda briefly gave him the situation report. He was glad to hear
that all his suspects were still in the house.

By now backup cops had also quietly arrived. He made sure that the compound was surrounded, and he slowly and silently walked
towards the building with three backups. Officer Kennedy was with him.

Jane followed them. She didn’t want to miss out.

Inspector Jack looked back and was surprised to see her, he almost forgot that she was with them. He couldn’t talk to her; he had
no choice but to allow her, but he made sure that she was safely behind.

They walked straight to the window near the building’s entrance door. It was the living room’s window. From there, Inspector Jack
and the others could hear what transpired in the house.

Poor Brenda, he thought, Nimrod intends to slaughter her.

The situation was critical. There was no need for delay; Brenda’s life was in danger.

With his gun in his hands, he signaled to other that they should get ready to enter the building after the count of three.

Jane was terrified. Brenda was in danger. She sat down below the widow and prayed for her best friend.

Inspector Jack and his three backups acted swiftly. They hurried to the door as he kicked the door open, his gun pointing opposite
him. The door flung open and Jack shouted, “Police! Hold it!” he aimed his gun at Nimrod. The other cops did the same.

Nimrod stared at them. He did not flinch. There was no sign of surprise on his face. Instead, he held Brenda more tightly; she was
his only hope for survival. He wondered how they knew he was here. Where they following him? The present day police were sure more
complex than they used to be four years ago.

“Step away from the girl, let her go!” Inspector Jack said in an authoritative voice.

Nimrod wasn’t listening; he was still surprised at the presence of the policemen. What had he done wrong? Then he realized that it
was over for him. There was no way out. The only way he could hurt Michael now was to kill the girl. He regretted that he wouldn’t
reach Michael after all. All his plans and all his dreams are going down the drain.

Allen still pointed the gun at Michael. He was in fear and confusion. He looked up to Nimrod to save the situation even though he
saw no chance of escaping. He noticed that Nimrod was smiling; it was one of his mischievous smiles. Nimrod had a plan, but
whatever it was, Allen knew it wouldn’t be good.

Nimrod had already made up his mind. He was going to kill the girl and take the bullet. He tightened his grip on the jungle knife
and prepared himself to give her a life ending stab.

The atmosphere in the room suddenly dropped down. Everywhere became abnormally cool. Nimrod felt something in the air and stopped.
It was a strange feeling he didn’t understand.

“He is here,” Brenda said. She said it with a new kind of energy, while she looked searchingly around the room. “Cain is here.”

Every other person in the room felt it. Something strange was happening in the room.

Michael remembered what happened the last time she was in Brenda’s house and understood the Brenda’s ghost lover was here.

Inspector Jack, Officer Kennedy and the two back cops stared in amazement at Brenda as she frantically looked around her. What was
she talking and what was going on? They thought.

Nimrod thought she was going crazy, yet he felt strange. There was a surprised and confused look on his face.

Something was obviously in the atmosphere.

“Cain!” Brenda called out. There was silence everywhere. Nimrod seemed hypnotized. “Cain! I know you can hear me. Please answer me
Cain.” Brenda knew he was her last hope. She could use the deadly Cain to free herself from the claws of Nimrod.

Michael felt a strong grip around his neck. He began to fight the invincible hand that held him.

Everybody starred at him in confusion. It was obvious that he was choking.

Suddenly, he began to go up. The invincible hand was carrying him into the air.

“Cain!” Brenda screamed as she realized what was happening. “Cain, please don’t do what you are about to do!” Watching Michael
fight for life was unbearable for her.

The cops starred helplessly. Allen and Nimrod were in shock. Only Brenda’s voice echoed in the room.

“Cain, please if you love me don’t hurt Michael. I beg you. Don’t do this, if you hurt him you, then you have succeeded in hurting
me for life. Please Cain, listen to me. Prove your love for me by letting Michael go. He is my life right now,” she began to
sob. “I will do what ever you want, just let him go.”

Nimrod suddenly felt she was manipulating some demons to obey her desires. Perhaps she has some diabolic powers, he thought. The
Naughty Lady is playing some demonic stunt on him, he thought. Well, demons or no demons, he must do what he has to do.

He lifted up the knife to stab her, but suddenly felt a strong grip on his neck. It was so strong that for a few moments he felt
paralyzed. Then he began to fight for life just as Michael had done a few moments ago.

Michael was now on the floor, fighting for breath. The grip had almost made him unconscious. Brenda stepped away from Nimrod as he
released her. She ran straight to Michael and held him on the floor.

Nimrod was now more than two feet above the ground. He was fighting more frantically than Michael. He kicked his legs and blew his
hands into the air, but nothing could be done to save him from Cain’s powerful grip.

Then he stopped going up. He was now mid-way between the floor and the ceiling of the room.

Then with the speed of light, his head was slammed to the wall facing him. Nimrod instantly stopped breathing, as his blood
splattered all over the room.

Brenda screamed at the sight.

Nimrod’s body slumped to the floor.

Everybody was shocked.

Then both Brenda and Michael heard a whisper, “I won’t hurt him Brenda. I am confident that he will take good care of you. Have a
wonderful love life with him Brenda, and thanks for teaching me about love, good bye.” with that the temperature came back to
normal.

It was over.

Brenda continued to cry as she hugged Michael with her last strength. Michael hugged her too.

From the window, Jane saw it all.

CHAPTER 14

Michael and Brenda did not go to work the next day. They stayed together.

Michael didn’t want to stay in his house any longer, not with the blood spilling and the whole event that took place yesterday.

He got a room in a hotel and stayed for the night.

Brenda came the next day to meet him in the hotel room. She didn’t come as early as she was supposed to.

“Why did you keep me waiting?” he asked, “What kept you so long?”

“I went to the cyber café,” she replied.

“To do what?”

“You know, I checked to see if Cain was really gone. I wanted to be sure that he won’t come into my life again.”

She had told Inspector Jack of Cain’s final statement yesterday.

Michael was glad that it was all over. He was sure that Cain had left them for good. He was determined to be with Brenda; nothing
was going to make him let her go.

Brenda had looked up yesterday and was glad when she saw that Jane was watching. Now nobody will doubt the existence of Cain,
nobody will think she was crazy.

The best of yesterday’s event was when Michael held unto her and whispered in her ear that he will never let her go. She knew
instantly that she had found true love even though the price was too high.

Inspector Jack was flabbergasted. It was now clear to him that none of them was really a suspect; they were all innocent and Cain
was real. He had made sure that they all got home safely and left Brenda in the hands of Michael.

Right now, in the hotel, Michael stared at her for a long time with so much affection. “So was he there?” he asked.

“No, there was no sign of him.” she walked into his open arms and they hugged each other, they remained silent for a while, then
Brenda asked, “Can you tell me something Michael?”

“What is it?” He held her in a way that he could see his face.

“You said that in your life time, you have only done two brave things right?”

“Yes.”

“I know the first is sending Nimrod to jail, what it the second?”

“The second bravest thing would have been falling in love with you. But after yesterday’s event, it is standing by the girl I love
even at the point of death. You know what? I was ready to die for you yesterday and that was when I truly realized how much I loved
you.”

She smiled, “that’s cool, but I want to know what you had in mind was your second braves act before we met.”

“Well” he looked up and pretended to be thinking. “It is having the patient to wait for the right girl to come into my life. Having
the patient to wait for you, my angel all these while. Don’t you think that was brave?”

She looked at him and they both laughed.

He kissed her and she felt her whole body yield to his touch. She allowed her body to enjoy the sensation of his passionate touch.


THE END

guys thanks for reading and please tell me what you think.

i really didnt mind posting the whole book on the internet. like i said i have better completed stories. these are some of my book titles

cyber lover, Fever, tenth Generation(My best novel), three days later, on the seventh day, lovers and killers. etc. unfortunately none of them have been published yet. i hope they dont die with me.

@maeden, i can foward you my tenth generation to read. i believe you deserve it.

frank! how dare you!
so cos i was mia your love for me moved on to maedan?
*logs out of life*

bluespice:

frank! how dare you!
so cos i was mia your love for me moved on to maedan?
*logs out of life*

hey bluespice, no offence.
where have you been? I missed you. please dont log out of life. i will also like to here you feedback about my story. and this is my mail xtfranks005@yahoo.com we can communicate better there, that is you can request for my tenth generation over there if you wish. you are a darling. thanks

backlash09:


frank3.16, lovely finish, I'm glad I came back one more time just for this. I would be honoured to receive any of your work , esp Tenth Generation. I know how you feel about not being published, but why don't you try harder to find a good one (publisher)? Your writing skill is fantastic, take it from me .

My addy is maedinaija@yahoo.ca, if you want to send it to me. I would even be looking forward to a collarbo - I'm good at co-writing novels, esp when the co-writer is mucho talented (that's you).

Don't give up your dream ok, frank3.16. Jealous ones might gloat at someone else's supposed "misfortune" , but I for one would be sorry if you don't get to see your work in print someday. Best of luck .

thanks guy, i will communicate with you via your email

frank3.16:

guys thanks for reading and please tell me what you think.

i really didnt mind posting the whole book on the internet. like i said i have better completed stories. these are some of my book titles

cyber lover, Fever, tenth Generation(My best novel), three days later, on the seventh day, lovers and killers. etc. unfortunately none of them have been published yet. i hope they dont die with me.

@maeden, i can foward you my tenth generation to read. i believe you deserve it.

i really enjoyed your story, i really would have loved to read your other stories

pinky lady:


i really enjoyed your story, i really would have loved to read your other stories

thanks.
this is my email, xtfranks005@yahoo.com, send me your email, so that i can foward it to you

frank3:16

adebayo201:

frank3:16

yes? what do u think about my story, that is if you have finnaly read it.

frank3.16:

thanks.
this is my email, xtfranks005@yahoo.com, send me your email, so that i can foward it to you

here's mine

thanks.

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGo

frank3.16:

yes? what do u think about my story, that is if you have finnaly read it.

it is fantastic

jice:

GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGo

please can you explain better?

adebayo201:

it is fantastic

thank.
i actually feel good hearing that from you.

Thanks @everyone who read and commended me on this book, CYBER LOVER.
your response have been very encouraging. this is the first time a second person is reading my write up and i like the response, especially those who sent me emails.
you all have made me realized that i have something in me, especially when it comes to writing or telling stories.

Those of you whom i fowarded tenth generation (I have decided to stop forwading it) and are giving me feed back, thanks. i am going to take this story to other forums where everybody in the world can read and feel me.

@Maeden, its a pity i didnt hear your final response on cyber lover and. Anyway, thanks. and thanks @everyone, i can now seee the new me.
@backlash09 did you get my mail? or did i send the book to a wrong email?

a job well done.try 2 get a good publisher who can help u publish ur books.

hello frank3.16,why do u want 2 forward ur story 2 anoda forum,atleast we all appreciated you and ur beautiful story,pls dnt leave.pls 4ward any of ur intresting story 2 my mail.rasheedatmodupe@yahoo.com.
kip d good work going

hi Frank,
Thumbs up to you. You are a good writer. What i think you need is a lil brushing up which any good editor/publisher can provide and then you'll be good to go. Keep at it, you will get there. At least you have the patience to start and finish a story unlike some pple who abandon their works halfway.

God bless you.

Thanks @ razbay, pelummy and moduperola. I am definatly workin on publishin at least 2 books in 2010. @pelummy, i only thought of postin d story 2 another forum because i was through with it here. I was hopin 2 take it somewhere it could draw attention 2 me since i hav other write ups and d local publishers around me are not encouragin. I will also think about sendin u a piece of my work although i hav decided 2 stop sendin it 2 people's email. Those i sent it 2 hav realy been extremly encouragin. Thanks

Hello frank

First of all I'd like to thank you for sending me your work, The Tenth Commandment. Due to several demands on my time (even my leisure time), I didn't get round to reading your book till now. I mean it was there lying inside my laptop, for MONTHS, then I transferred it to my mobi-reader app on my Blackberry thinking: ONE DAY.

And then one fateful afternoon on a trip to visit my relatives in Ife, I decided to open up the book. And my goodness, it was fantastic!! I've finished it and even asked my sister to read it. I know she will derive as much pleasure as I have.


I had to take the time to search out this thread, just to tell you all this. I will still try to find your email and thank you personally and apologize for taking so long. It was almost my loss.

It would be fantastic if you got it published (after editing of course), but it is one of the most enjoyable pieces of fiction I have read this year. Well done friend! And thanks!

Hw i wsh frank is here 2read al dex comment nd 2 knw dat im naw a change pason

mistrex maedan, pls wud u 4ward dat buk 2my email since frank wasnt here? Ideal.adebayo@yahoo.co.uk or idadebayo19@gmail.com.
I'l b xpectin it mistrex!

adebayo201:

Hw i wsh frank is here 2read al dex comment nd 2 knw dat im naw a change pason

mistrex maedan, pls wud u 4ward dat buk 2my email since frank wasnt here? Ideal.adebayo@yahoo.co.uk or idadebayo19@gmail.com.
I'l b xpectin it mistrex!

lol I'm sorry can't do that, I have no permission to share his manuscript. He was online lately so I guess he's very active, you can send him a message or something. Cheers!

hi @maedan, jut got your post. i am glad tht u like it. however i just did some editing myself and changed a whole lot in the story. eg: i made sure there was a group who called themselves the saviour, whose mission was to protect the information about the black bead and ensur that instructions to protect and destroy the black bead the the right time.

then in part 2, i didnt make emeka disbelieve his father when he heard about the bead, instead he was initiated into the saviours, and helped in tracking down Mark. but he was dissapointed when mark's child was born and he wasnt the god, of course unknown to him mark and the saviour the child had been born out of wedluck. Emeka was also dissapointed when he found out that the bead was lost and mark wasnt affected and bothered.

infact, these few changes resulted in a whole lot of changes. i also changed some grammertical errors that i saw, ohhhhh there were a whole lot of them.

@adebayo201,

i will see what i can do.

the two books are currently undergoing serious edition, i hope all works out as i am planningthanks.

Ok, franck. I wish ur plan comes out succesfuly. Bt plx dnt 4getME oh.

Hey Frank3.16
I've be an ardent reader of ur book. I went thru all the criticisms and comments and I must say, YOU are just too GOOD.
Pls dont let this light(talent) go dim. All you need is just a good editor and u'll be good to go.
The cyber luv story is jst da bomb. I must say dat I really do luv ur style of writing, it's cool.
Keep on keeping up!
CIAO!

frank3.16:

hi @maedan, jut got your post. i am glad tht u like it. however i just did some editing myself and changed a whole lot in the story. eg: i made sure there was a group who called themselves the saviour, whose mission was to protect the information about the black bead and ensur that instructions to protect and destroy the black bead the the right time.

then in part 2, i didnt make emeka disbelieve his father when he heard about the bead, instead he was initiated into the saviours, and helped in tracking down Mark. but he was dissapointed when mark's child was born and he wasnt the god, of course unknown to him mark and the saviour the child had been born out of wedluck. Emeka was also dissapointed when he found out that the bead was lost and mark wasnt affected and bothered.

infact, these few changes resulted in a whole lot of changes. i also changed some grammertical errors that i saw, ohhhhh there were a whole lot of them.

@adebayo201,

i will see what i can do.

the two books are currently undergoing serious edition, i hope all works out as i am planningthanks.

Wow can't imagine why you should change anything, the story was perfect!! Well I guess you can play around with it, but don't change too much of it! I really thought that "god" alaogoba whatever is a really funny villain, the way he was just killing pple anyhow . I wish it could be made into a movie, it will really SELL!!! Why don't you try and show one of these big producers a part of it, with a summary of the storyline? Keep it up!

Repld IM

@maedan, I am working on that, but I thought I should first edit and publish the book. My editor suggested the same thing sometime ago, so lets see. Once again thanks for taking time to read and comment. People like you have been encouraging, I appreciate.

@illusion2 what is Repld IM? Pls explain.

Frank 3.16,
wat an interesting story,
held me spell bound all thru.
just stumbled unto this section of NL(lit/wrtng)
be sure i will be coming back for more.
Well-done!