5minsmadness:


A sexually starved man will ALWAYS find an outlet.

That's why I was wondering na, if you are with a man and he'd rather watch porn, then my sister, you are either no longer sexually attractive to him or horrible in bed.

addiction12:
no sis, I hv never seen him with any body that is why this is really affecting me emotionally. I spoke to him about the lady he chat with on Facebook and he told me he met d lady even before he met me nd thier friendship its just casual. He has never brought anyone home nor does he keep out late except his online frnds that he flirt wt to d extent of exchanging thier nude pictures. And I fought with him regarding his chat but he wouldn't listen and that was what led to me opening a fake account just to divert his attention but I won't lie to u, my husband has revealed alot more than I expected to me though da fake account and that was how I got to know he is addicted to porn.

Well, maybe its because u fought with him that he pretended not to listen so it won't look like he's losing the fight. You know we men have huge egos.

@second bolded, if that is true, then it means that fake account is actually useful. Why not follow 5minutesmadness advice?

5minsmadness:


No i'm not being dramatic.

Why should she continue living on with someone that treats her like sh!t, someone that does not respect her or give her happiness or has never listened to what she says? Someone who is already pursuing his own happiness and making her miserable? He must be a terrible husband and she is doomed if she spends the rest of her life with him.

Two wrongs don't make a right. If she is not ready to forgive and seek a solution, if she would rather separate herself more from him, treat him formally and coldly with no love, thdn she will over time create a more toxic environment. Why cohabit in such a miserable existence?

She should divorce him.

Focusing on her happiness does not mean separating herself from her husband neither is it an action intended to punish it is to enrich her own life rather than both of them wallowing in the sea of his pörn addiction or his need for other women.
If her life looks a bit more interesting he might begin to find her desirable once again.

But beyond that she needs to look make her life interesting for her own good. The truth is the man is not meeting her needs and the marriage is not all about him there are basic needs she can meet on her own and feel happy even without him that's what she is being asked to focus on.

5minsmadness:


Men dont get wet.


You're saying he had this "I don't care" attitude before he got married? Or it started after marriage?

Who told you? @ Emboldened?

byvan03:
Richy's advise will make you appear really pathetic but try it sha, who knows.

it's actually good advice if her hubby loves her and she has a way with words/can act.

freecocoa:
That's why I was wondering na, if you are with a man and he'd rather watch porn, then my sister, you are either no longer sexually attractive to him or horrible in bed.

according to him, he just finds pleasure watching and chating intimately with female frnds. he is the type that will never complain about anything about me. I asked what his wife is lacking that made him addicted, he says nothing and even praised me and said he has bn watching way back before we got married nd I was the one who reduces it but he can't just do away with it.

addiction12:
according to him, he just finds pleasure watching and chating intimately with female frnds. he is the type that will never complain about anything about me. I asked what his wife is lacking that made him addicted, he says nothing and even praised me and said he has bn watching way back before we got married nd I was the one who reduces it but he can't just do away with it.

And you didn't know that about him before saying yes to forever?

freecocoa:
And you didn't know that about him before saying yes to forever?

no because we were in a distance relationship we only talk on phone on a daily basis. we were both in different countries.

addiction12:
no because we were in a distance relationship we only talk on phone on a daily basis. we were both in different countries.

Okay, you have tried, I guess you either live with it or walk away then, since you are so sure nothing can be done.

freecocoa:
it's actually good advice if her hubby loves her and she has a way with words/can act.

That's virtually begging to be loved. He cheats, she begs, how loving is that?

5minsmadness:




Apologies ladies.


@addiction12, you married a monster. Divorce him asap.

Like Andromida said, don't be so dramatic.

But since you have become so dramatic, we can deduce that you wouldn't take half of the sh.it her husband is putting her through, would you?

It's easy to tell people to endure when one is not the one who suffers, right?

Mindfulness:


Like Andromida said, don't be so dramatic.

But since you have become so dramatic, we can deduce that you wouldn't take half of the sh.it her husband is putting her through, would you?

It's easy to tell people to endure when one is not the one who suffers, right?

Do NOT presume to know anything about me. You do not what i have suffered or endured. I dont tell people things i wouldnt do myself.

You know nothing about self sacrifice or finding joy in making others happy. Its anathema to you. If it makes you happy to live selfishly, good for you.

I on the other hand derive joy from making others happy and seeing them fulfilled. Thier happiness is my happiness.

The problem with your mantra of self-love is that at the end of the day you wind up lonely with no real friends, no buddies, no one who would stand up for you in a pinch or when you are down or when you need help or understanding. Because beleive me, a time like that must come. A time will come when you are a total mess and you need someone to help you, even if you cant see it yourself.

I was initially drawn by your gospel before and actually practised it for a while. But the truth is that it leaves an empty hole in your heart. Yoh would acknowledge this if you were honest, but you have a nairaland persona to maintain so i dont expect you to.



Marriage WILL have its ups and downs. There will be times when as a man you will want to leave everything and abandon your wife, there are times you will feel so angry and frustrated and betrayed and miserable that you will want to call it quits. But you see, that is where love comes in. True love and not love because he buys you gifts or does anything you ask or brings you breakfast in bed. Love that surpasses all that because it has roots deeper than a mushroom's. Loves that insists on saving/helping your partner even when you know they dont want it or deserve it. Because your happiness is tied with thiers. Because no matter how far away your run from them, you can never be happy if you think they are suffering. Because they are tied to you soulmate style and their joy is your joy.


If you dont feel that kind of love above then for the love of God (or whatever you worship) dont get married. Because the vibes of your self love will definitely be felt by your partner and believe me, he or she will drift further from you to someone who is willing to share with them. That's human nature. To be loved by someone else other than yourself and vice-versa.



I'm off to work.

thanks to everyone for your contributions, I really appreciate all ur advise and encouragement. today after we d morning devotion, I asked him why he didn't tell me that he watched porn and he wanted to walk away but I persuaded him to sit back. I told him I was d one who invited him to Abuja and it was me he had been chatting with all this while, he looked at at me and say You! and I said yes. hum! he apologized and told me to collect his phone and I should give him another mobile phone that does not support internet browsing. I ask him y and he told me he can do away with any immoral chats or porn as long as he doesn't surf the net. he asked me to go on a vacation with him for few weeks so as to work on him. he told me he is ready to change if am ready to help him, from there I realized my husband has being trying so hard to fight his addiction because I remember he once deactivated his Facebook account and gave his phone to his younger sister. I also apologized for hiding my identity from him and I really cried this morning and also happy. we are both taking a leave and going on vacation by the end of the month. once again I say thank you all for your support.

byvan03:



That's virtually begging to be loved. He cheats, she begs, how loving is that?

Nah its not, more like wanting to know what went wrong. If he'd rather watch porn than have sex with you, then it's either you are not giving it to him how he likes it, he's no longer sexually attracted to you or he doesn't love you anymore. That method is you trying to find out which it is.

addiction12:
thanks to everyone for your contributions, I really appreciate all ur advise and encouragement. today after we d morning devotion, I asked him why he didn't tell me that he watched porn and he wanted to walk away but I persuaded him to sit back. I told him I was d one who invited him to Abuja and it was me he had been chatting with all this while, he looked at at me and say You! and I said yes. hum! he apologized and told me to collect his phone and I should give him another mobile phone that does not support internet browsing. I ask him y and he told me he can do away with any immoral chats or porn as long as he doesn't surf the net. he asked me to go on a vacation with him for few weeks so as to work on him. he told me he is ready to change if am ready to help him, from there I realized my husband has being trying so hard to fight his addiction because I remember he once deactivated his Facebook account and gave his phone to his younger sister. I also apologized for hiding my identity from him and I really cried this morning and also happy. we are both taking a leave and going on vacation by the end of the month. once again I say thank you all for your support.

So you are telling us him having multiple accounts and flirting with strangers is an addiction? And I was think it was only porn o.

addiction12:
thanks to everyone for your contributions, I really appreciate all ur advise and encouragement. today after we d morning devotion, I asked him why he didn't tell me that he watched porn and he wanted to walk away but I persuaded him to sit back. I told him I was d one who invited him to Abuja and it was me he had been chatting with all this while, he looked at at me and say You! and I said yes. hum! he apologized and told me to collect his phone and I should give him another mobile phone that does not support internet browsing. I ask him y and he told me he can do away with any immoral chats or porn as long as he doesn't surf the net. he asked me to go on a vacation with him for few weeks so as to work on him. he told me he is ready to change if am ready to help him, from there I realized my husband has being trying so hard to fight his addiction because I remember he once deactivated his Facebook account and gave his phone to his younger sister. I also apologized for hiding my identity from him and I really cried this morning and also happy. we are both taking a leave and going on vacation by the end of the month. once again I say thank you all for your support.

You are blessed.

Work on him. Make him stronger.

One day, it will be his turn to do the same for you.

addiction12:
thanks to everyone for your contributions, I really appreciate all ur advise and encouragement. today after we d morning devotion, I asked him why he didn't tell me that he watched porn and he wanted to walk away but I persuaded him to sit back. I told him I was d one who invited him to Abuja and it was me he had been chatting with all this while, he looked at at me and say You! and I said yes. hum! he apologized and told me to collect his phone and I should give him another mobile phone that does not support internet browsing. I ask him y and he told me he can do away with any immoral chats or porn as long as he doesn't surf the net. he asked me to go on a vacation with him for few weeks so as to work on him. he told me he is ready to change if am ready to help him, from there I realized my husband has being trying so hard to fight his addiction because I remember he once deactivated his Facebook account and gave his phone to his younger sister. I also apologized for hiding my identity from him and I really cried this morning and also happy. we are both taking a leave and going on vacation by the end of the month. once again I say thank you all for your support.

This is good.His willingness to change is the key.

freecocoa:
Nah its not, more like wanting to know what went wrong. If he'd rather watch porn than have sex with you, then it's either you are not giving it to him how he likes it, he's no longer sexually attracted to you or he doesn't love you anymore. That method is you trying to find out which it is.

Hmmm,good it worked .

.

5minsmadness:


Do NOT presume to know anything about me. You do not what i have suffered or endured. I dont tell people things i wouldnt do myself.

You know nothing about self sacrifice or finding joy in making others happy. Its anathema to you. If it makes you happy to live selfishly, good for you.

Back to sender.

I on the other hand derive joy from making others happy and seeing them fulfilled. Thier happiness is my happiness.

Only a happy person can share happiness and joy and that's the whole point.

The problem with your mantra of self-love is that at the end of the day you wind up lonely with no real friends, no buddies, no one who would stand up for you in a pinch or when you are down or when you need help or understanding. Because beleive me, a time like that must come. A time will come when you are a total mess and you need someone to help you, even if you cant see it yourself.

Let me quote you here:

"Do NOT presume to know anything about me."



For your information, I have enough people who have my back and I have faced enough terrible situations to know it.

So again:

"Do NOT presume to know anything about me."

I was initially drawn by your gospel before and actually practised it for a while. But the truth is that it leaves an empty hole in your heart. Yoh would acknowledge this if you were honest, but you have a nairaland persona to maintain so i dont expect you to.

Again:

"Do NOT presume to know anything about me."

For you to wish that I confess having a hole in my heart says a lot about you, nothing about me.

Marriage WILL have its ups and downs. There will be times when as a man you will want to leave everything and abandon your wife, there are times you will feel so angry and frustrated and betrayed and miserable that you will want to call it quits. But you see, that is where love comes in. True love and not love because he buys you gifts or does anything you ask or brings you breakfast in bed. Love that surpasses all that because it has roots deeper than a mushroom's. Loves that insists on saving/helping your partner even when you know they dont want it or deserve it. Because your happiness is tied with thiers. Because no matter how far away your run from them, you can never be happy if you think they are suffering. Because they are tied to you soulmate style and their joy is your joy.

In the context of this thread, we were dealing with a woman who was deeply hurt and desperate. Such a person cannot help another. It's that simple. For her to fix anything, she needs to re-energize first, feel relief and come to full power. You cannot uplift others from the bottom. The sky is your limit if you come to full power.

I am responsible for what I write, not for how you choose to read it. I say 'you need to get happy first and you deserve it' and you read 'divorce him'.

I sense someone's despair and know that for them to be able to take the right action, they need to feel better first and you accuse me of recklessness. Who is reckless here? The one who understands how important peace of mind is and how powerful one is when one feels strong or the one who evokes feelings of guilt and puts additional pressure on someone who vividly demonstrates how sad and weak they feel?

You want her to carry her husband's cross when she can barely carry her own?

Food for thought.

If you dont feel that kind of love above then for the love of God (or whatever you worship) dont get married. Because the vibes of your self love will definitely be felt by your partner and believe me, he or she will drift further from you to someone who is willing to share with them. That's human nature. To be loved by someone else other than yourself and vice-versa.

I am married and my hubby doesn't complain so your advice is unnecessary but the love we feel for each other is mutual so we treat each other with respect instead of expecting the other to eat sh.it in the name of love. If it hurts, it isn't love.

I really wonder why, where and when people were taught to 'love' others more than they love themselves; even Christians who are supposed to love others like themselves.

So tell me, how can you love someone if you are unable to love yourself?

You cannot give what you don't have so if you feel like making others happy (which I also love doing, surprise surpsise!), get happy first. It's the greatest gift you can give to anyone and this world full of sad people who complain 24/7 when all they want is to feel good. You want to bring light, you need to shine bright.

I'm off to work.

Have a lovely day.

You are a brave woman, but not all people are as strong as you... Sometimes they just let it be and say 'whatever happens happens' and i underrstand that you husband feels the need to not use the internet to help him but i'm afraid that isnt good enough. The world is changing. Everything he needs to be better, he can find in books, but why waste time when he could just google it? I suggest you check out this marriage website... you first though, then you and your husband http://savethemarriagesystemreviews.com/
If it helps, you can thank me later...
From: Tomide Ayo

tomideayo:
You are a brave woman, but not all people are as strong as you... Sometimes they just let it be and say 'whatever happens happens' and i underrstand that you husband feels the need to not use the internet to help him but i'm afraid that isnt good enough. The world is changing. Everything he needs to be better, he can find in books, but why waste time when he could just google it? I suggest you check out this marriage website... you first though, then you and your husband http://savethemarriagesystemreviews.com/
If it helps, you can thank me later...
From: Tomide Ayo

thank you. he believes taking him off the internet for the main time can help him and am ready to work in that direction since is just temporary. thanks for sharing the link.

addiction12:
thanks to everyone for your contributions, I really appreciate all ur advise and encouragement. today after we d morning devotion, I asked him why he didn't tell me that he watched porn and he wanted to walk away but I persuaded him to sit back. I told him I was d one who invited him to Abuja and it was me he had been chatting with all this while, he looked at at me and say You! and I said yes. hum! he apologized and told me to collect his phone and I should give him another mobile phone that does not support internet browsing. I ask him y and he told me he can do away with any immoral chats or porn as long as he doesn't surf the net. he asked me to go on a vacation with him for few weeks so as to work on him. he told me he is ready to change if am ready to help him, from there I realized my husband has being trying so hard to fight his addiction because I remember he once deactivated his Facebook account and gave his phone to his younger sister. I also apologized for hiding my identity from him and I really cried this morning and also happy. we are both taking a leave and going on vacation by the end of the month. once again I say thank you all for your support.

Thanks be to God.
Remember he is a work in progress. Don't judge him but continue to support him as long as he shares a desire to truly change.

When a man tell you that he is addicted to porn, three things are fact. He has an unhealthy perception of women and will often view them as sex object. He is dealing with Adverse Child Traumatic Syndrome, he could have possibility either directly or indirectly exposed to sex perversion of sorts, and he has trust issues that he feels he can't effectively communicate to his lover with repercussion, which makes viewing porn more euphoric.

Get to the root of his issues and you will peel back the addiction to porn. If you do not want to deal with any of the matters, divorce.

Good luck!

What I've learned is that most men DO NOT marry women that they like.

You can cope with your husband is why he married you.

Let him enjoy himself. Be like Hilary Clinton. STFU.

I dnt see any problem with your husband, and i tell you,hes not addicted to anything.He only belivs hes addicted,dats why hes doing it.The problem hes having is that hes too deep in sins,or hes suffering from childhood trauma, leaving his phone/not surfing internet is called running away from the problem instead of facing it,once he get his hand on the phone,he wil start all over.And another thing am wondering is that what time is he using to do all those nonsense,is he jobless?
In health,addiction can be solved by what we call ELEMINATION BY SUBSTITUTION, mayb he should try to use his time for smthg he loves vry much as well, To me hes not addicted to anything,his brains only think hes addicted,then hes repeating what he thinks hes addicted wit