Miladi:
OP

I'm so sorry for you. However, having dissected your story, I stand bold to say that your prejudice contributed to the ensued fracas.

In what way was the OP prejudicial?

...her respect for you or let her go peacefully as friends. since her area of despite for you is in masculinity, building your intimacy levels from research would easily give you the points you need. i hope you have the heart to forgive either way.

that's not a wife,she doesn't love you or have any regard for you, most of you people today are married to the "flesh", if the marriage is not sealed/joined by God, you guys are just f@#king,Paul said God has called us to peace, you are not in bondage to her,quit going back to her,let her depart and let the Creator send you one, you are forcing yourself on her, all that you believe in her, is just your flesh talking

I have married for six years now, and just early this week myself and my wife were thinking about our first two years of marriage, hardly will a weekend pass without us having a quarrel, mostly she complains I do not assist her in the house especially in the weekends when I felt too that I should be resting.

Today we hardly quarrel, and she does almost all house chores.

In marriage, you have the forming, storming, norming, performing stage like in a team. At the first to third year, you are majorly part of the storming process and this is likely the things you come across.

Sending her back to Nigeria is not an option at all, how many will you send home?

For you to maintain your cool, it shows a lot of maturity and love from your side, but you self get fault for this matter. The way you are mentioning FIFA in your message shows you give the lady less attention than she expect. This could be part of what is burning her.

Be the man that you are, brace yourself, this will not be last.

Get inside, talk to her, make love to her, and manage this, and next that may be next week until you reach the norming stage.
God bless you.

MrMcJay:
OP, you don't forgive someone who is not penitent. That woman hates you from her soul. Spitting on another human is the most despicable act on such being.

I suggest you give her between now and tomorrow morning to apologise. If she does, you may decide to handle it under your roof. If she doesn't apologise, kindly send her back to Nigeria for her parents to complete the home-training from where they stopped.

Whatever you do, think well. If she apologies and you can still find a single reason to love her, pls forgive her. If not, ship her to Naija let her come and plant rice.

You're funny. "...let her come and plant rice". Yeah she needs to be retrained. Nasty girl she is! To be frank, she deserves some beatings for her thoughtlessness and mannerlesness and I guess that will reset her brain and make her respect you. Even the Bible encourages spankings/beatings as a corrective measure.

Saudi Arabia allows beating of wife. wow so impressed for the claim that you didn't take advantage of that.

babs50g:
To err is human , to forgive is divine. Anger management is very important which u ve showed. Talk to her and and let her see reasons that what she did was wrong unless she is incorrigible. Marriage is all about management no perfect marriage any where , u agree to disagree and disagree to agree . Pls try to Keep your cool

please take this advice . There is no perfect marriage , she came from different home and different background . And in as much both of you isn't perfect . There are bound to quarrel but abilities to resolve issue is the best . Sit her down , talk to her , remind her when you started dating , when the love was still flowing . Let her realize what she did was wrong , apologize first for not answering her when she asked for the remote and tell her the reason why ( raising her voice )' she is your wife bro and remember she is a weaker vessel. Afterall, there is none of her family member over there , won't be really easy for her . Bro, hold her hands , hug her . You are the man . Take the first step. Please don't use your hand to scatter what you have build . Don't send her back . Cutting the head isn't the remedy for headache . I wish you the very best and happy home

RedCapChief:


Unfortunately, I'm not a gentleman, so you are going to get picked.
Just demonstrate how the op is guilty. That's all


I see another word up there - ilk. Your vocab bank seems large but you're not communicating

I don't need your validation to substantiate my pronouncement. Bye.

Just like OP, I am a mildly mannered person who seeks to avoid conflict all the time but this, this takes the cake! I can't take this. People can really be patient. I really appreciate and respect this man's patience and objectivity.


Let me be sure I read Op's account well:

1) She was rude to you at the point when she requested for the modem/router
2) She took and hid the remote -- You were forced to recover it from her pant. Hmmm.
3) Hid your console
4) Insulted your upbringing and your challenges making it to this stage of your life
5) She SPAT at you

Not am not absolving the Op of any blame in this case, but this woman's extremely disrespectful, uncouth and wicked acts demand stiff consequences. She doesn't even deserve to be anybody's wife. She needs to be sent back to Nigeria.


I feel so angry now mehn!!

VolTOxic:
Most men would have given her a beating, but you kept your cool. For that I respect and admire you. Now to the point, Yes. Please send her away. That woman hates you!

How can your own wife say that horrible thing and spat to you face?! She hates you. She have crossed the line.
You said your marriage is a curse. You are not happy at all. Neither is she. You are not making a mistake. Do it.

You are a true gentleman. You deserve better. You'll find someone to heal your wounds. Don't even waste your time for any shìt counselling. She is not the woman you fell for. That woman is gone the moment she spat. Forever.

kai ! you will make a very bad counselor for married couples. listen to your words "she hates you" "she has crossed the line" "she is not the woman for you". may God forgive you.

if you understand women you should know that from the moment he refused to shop with her, she has been feeling bad and upset, and the only if way she can be calm is by getting her own pound of flesh. knowing you love play station she was ready to pay you back in your own coin.

as for her spitting on your face, I can tell you with conviction that even she did not know when she said those words or when she spat on you. anger can make us do anything both in action and words. she will regret her action and apologize.

meanwhile mr man, why did you send your story to Nairaland almost immediately this happened. you have not even spent 3 hours with her to see what the next action would be, instead you jumper into Nairaland to share your story.

do well and go back inside and talk to your wife. she is still that angel you fell in love with back in school. bring out that side of her you love.

Op not now ooi..Nigerians condition now is just opening my eyes anyhow..don't know of she will do worse


u can send her let her understand her place, let her look around and realize how lucky and happy she is and meant to be respectively

I can definitely take insults or slaps from a lady but definitely not spitting to my face..I won't I will beat Her her DESTINY with Cain till she begs never to do that again

talk to her she will change.... remember what GODS has join together no one should stop it.. u guys are for better for worse

[quote author=nameerfhtennek post=49305442]
You see, I love my wife more than anything, more than anyone. She is one person in the whole world I could go any length for. I love her, that was why I forgave her when she broke up with me after I left Nigeria for Saudi Arabia. She broke up with me few months after I came to Saudi and started dating another guy twice her age. She says she never expected I would come back to her after she left me but I did. I did because I saw a future with her, a future I imagined, believed in and worked towards its reality. Today we have gotten to a level where most people out there would want to be, our colleagues envy is because they believe we are privileged and blessed![/quote]
There you have it, bro. Your answer right there. The one you seek......

"Pretending I was passing by, I swiftly went for the remote from under her short gown and grabbed it." too funny.

Meanwhile, don't heed the advice of bachelors advising you to hit her. It's better you send her away. Some women become more vicious after you hit them, instead of taming them as most of the small boys here have suggested.

May ur case not be like ds:


https://www.nairaland.com/2912495/lawyer-stabs-husband-death-ibadan

https://www.nairaland.com/2912463/yewande-fatoki-husband-killer-pictures.
The gentleman was stabbed to death (in d neck) while asleep by his wife (sic) after a quarrel. Please read d story..


Note: rationality is a rectitude dt d dotas of eve have in limited supply especially when exasperation sets in. A word should be enough 4 d wise!

Pix 1: d 'wife' and d husband corpse

Pix 2: d husband after d first stab in d evening of d quarrel

Pix 3: the man after d second stab in d NECK whilst asleep some few hours later

#marriage_not_by_force
#living_dog_beta_dn_dead_lion
#Team_receive_sense

Iefosa:
This issue is a minor one, but can really mature to stage of causing serious damages:

You're a married man, bros you don't ignore a woman's want or should I say feeling, no matter how silly it might be, just give her the attention, then you will enjoy and do whatever you do in peace. Assuming you went shopping with her, she for even cook better food give you ontop that fifa self. Follow dey shout Goal even when computer score you .

See bros, just go back to her, apologise, let her know that you're sorry for not going shopping with her, that it was not good of you, that nothing can come between you two not even that game self, let her know you paid deaf ear to her feelings, but you have realised now, you're very sorry, it wouldn't happen again. You go see she go just bust cry, then you kiss her, then yanch am, after everything. Tell say that spit wey she spit for your face you dey forbid am, make she nor ever try am again, she will promise and promise, she wouldn't do it again really.

Biko don't send her home oh, Nigeria this time ehn NA wrong timing, sort things out with your wife brother, e nor easy.

I like this, #factual
A mans gotta do what he's gotta do...women are attention seekers, men must know how to deal with it!!!!

nameerfhtennek:
It's more than 20minutes, I'm still unable to put words together to begin this story. I will try keep it simple and necessarily detailed so everyone will understand the true picture of what happened, why against my belief that writing personal experiences on social media is immature, I had to still write mine. Let's just say I'm not thinking right now, maybe I'm so upset but truth is, I need your advice.

I'm writing this thread seated at the back of a Hilux truck just outside our apartment. Yaa, that me in the picture. You see, today is EID and believe me I should be resting in the house since I'm not working today. Days like this only come by 6times in a whole year and more than anything, I would have loved resting than being out here.

It was yesterday evening, she called and said she her driver were headed to my office. She wanted to pick some stuffs around my office. Yaa, I forgot to say this is Saudi Arabia. If you know Saudi quite well, you will agree with me that a husband will definitely get exhausted running errands for his wife or the family. I was not in the mood for shopping but she wanted to shop. She got upset that I didn't want to accompany her shopping.

She did her shopping alone and returned few minutes before I closed from work. We headed home. Unknown to me, I forgot my internet router in my office because I was rushing to get home and continue with my FIFA 16.
Her internet service expired some days back so we were using mine.

While playing game, she walked into the seating room and demanded for my router. Mine, not hers. With her tone and facial expression demanding the router, I didn't respond because there was an indication that she was warming up for a quarrel. I wasn't just in the mood. The thing is, she is very skilled in extending her anger phases. That is one thing I can't understand till today. Believe me, it was not like this while we were dating. Sorry, I forgot to tell you I married my university girlfriend, she years my junior and the same department. Ya, I'm one of those guys that dated and planned for the future with their girls at the same time. God blessed that plan but at this point I don't understand everything that has been happening for the past one year plus since we got married. She repeatedly demanded that I handed over my router to her but I was quiet. Meanwhile, it occurred to me that I forgot the router in my office the minute she first asked about it. Truth is, I actually needed to use the internet that night for my online FIFA.

After several times of asking for the router and no response from me, she took the TV remote and switched off the TV. She walked straight to the kitchen and hid the remote. I approached her in the kitchen and told her I was not ready for any kinda quarrel. We have had enough for the past one year of getting married. I then told her I forgot the router in my office, I didn't have it. I guess she didn't believe me, she never did. She told me to leave her alone. I returned back to the seating room with my heart beating fast. I knew she wanted a serious quarrel that night. After some minutes, I returned to the kitchen and requested for the remote. Then I figured out she hid it in her pant. Pretending I was passing by, I swiftly went for the remote from under her short gown and grabbed it. She didn't expect I knew where she hid it. She followed me behind and ceased the game console, second indication she wanted me to react. I do have a problem with my temper just like every human, male or female. I have also learnt to deal with it by walking away at times I feel I was going to lose it. The same reason I'm outside at this time, 9:55 pm Saudi time. She knows I have fought hard to tame my temper issues but most times, she makes deliberate efforts to have me overreact to her nags and rants.

I watched her hide the console in her pant yet again. I shuddered in obvious fear because I knew what the woman wanted, a fight. Unable to deal with it,the intimidation and the shame, I went for the console and squeezed it out from her hand while she was trying to hold it tight. That was when the trouble then started. She wanted a buffer to help her spill everything she had nursed in her mind. "You are a violent person!! You can kill, idiot!! You were not shown love by your parents, that is why you will squeeze your wife's hand to collect the console. They allowed you to grow up in the street without parental guidance and love." Then it came....pwaaaaaaah!!! She spat on my face!!!!! God knows, I have never been spat at before, not by my parents, not by my siblings, not by anybody. " I agree I was not shown love by my parents but your Dad is a coward for running away from your mother without being there for you guys when he needed to play his roles as a father. That explains the reason you are like this", I said and walked back to the seating room.

I managed to play a few games which I lost mostly and then slept off around past 5am this morning. Around 3pm, I woke up and went to the office. Not like I had work but I needed to clear my head away from the house. If only there was alcohol in Saudi, I would have been somewhere in a hotel drinking away the shame. When I returned home by past 7pm, hungry and tired. I needed to continue my game but I could no longer find the game console and the TV remote. I asked for it and she ignored me. I managed to eat and then left the house to this truck.

You see, I love my wife more than anything, more than anyone. She is one person in the whole world I could go any length for. I love her, that was why I forgave her when she broke up with me after I left Nigeria for Saudi Arabia. She broke up with me few months after I came to Saudi and started dating another guy twice her age. She says she never expected I would come back to her after she left me but I did. I did because I saw a future with her, a future I imagined, believed in and worked towards its reality. Today we have gotten to a level where most people out there would want to be, our colleagues envy is because they believe we are privileged and blessed but what they don't know is that in the truth, I have no peace. This marriage has become my legacy and my curse.

I want to send her back to Nigeria in few days time and I hope I'm not making a mistake!!! Spitting on my face, nah nah....am so fed up!!!!

Oga, nawa ó... I You don't understand your wifey love language. When she hid d remote in her underwear, she expected you to give her attention and even make love. But you are engrossed in your video games. So spitting on you was borne out of frustration. Can I ask you, when last you really made love to her that she reaches her climax? I noticed a woman well-oiled always behave nicely and respect you by force. So you need ponkriyon and sombotone to tame ur wife. Call me up to help you get it..

I pity u my bro. wht u will do is stop talking to her at least for a week or more. Don't eat her food but make sure u gv her some money but putting it somewhere she can easily see it. When u're going out don't tell her where u're going. Stop sleeping on d same bed with her. U can be sleeping in d sitting room or guest room. Dn't give her any attention. I know with all dis she will come to her senses.

Firstly, you mentioned in your story the plenty excesses of your wife. You however very well failed to mention yours.

The simple truth is we are all skilled at being unfair to the other party whenever we are involved in a misunderstanding. This makes us easily paint ourselves in good light.

One year is not bad for this issues you are going through . Marriage is not you loving and falling or tripping overly into love with your partner. Marriage is recognising the faults, hatred towards, annoying attitudes of your partner, and still love him or her through all of it. you are still proud to tell everyone how honoured and lucky you are to have him as your husband or wife!

Now, Silent treatment or slap or whatever won't heal anything, it is just going to make it worse. Now, you will still push each other's buttons, and cross each other's boundaries that I am very sure of. So would you at every point of your pain post on Social Media? No! She is your wife through thick and thin. For better, for worse, I'm sure you are not at your worst yet. So you have to be prepared( Sort of)

The long and short of my epistle is, have a very good talk about how you feel when she throws tantrums, and about how your world revolves around your love for her. Tell her you want your marriage to work, and then you will automatically hear all the things she wants to.

I am very sure by now, considering the love you have for her, you will have forgiven her and made up with her.

You will be fine.

forgive her man,spatting on u is crazy but u hv to let it go,what of if she is cheating on u,then u hv a reason to send her back to the state

For not laying a hand on her despite her theatrics... Respect man!

I suggest you exercise a little patient, don't send her back yet. Allow her for sometime while you give her a silent treatment. Whenever she comes back to her normal self, sit her down and reprogram her head.

chuksbogus2001:
I don't know how Saudi deals men beating women .let me tell u when we were small my mum used to be very arrogant and rude to my dad cos he is a quiet man not until my mums mother I mean her own mum told my dad to beat her .After my dad gave her a better beating peace ,love respect came to our house since 1984 till now my mum has never raise her voice against my dad. Am not advocating women battery but a times small spanking does the magic

Really? Can you say this on front of your mom? Will you let your woman beat you just because you're misbehaving? Or is it only women that misbehave in marriage?

Op u are a man!

Last night,my wife won't let me sleep by kicking me while on bed,she wanted me to beat her back but guess what,I held her two hands and I kpa kpa kpa kpa her until she got tired and could not stand then slept peacefully!

Don't beat her ok,always restrain her! Let go of the spit,sit her down and have some calm convo with her.

Guy you are the problem of your marriage

bigtt76:
She loves you but you don't seem to have time for her. She's lonely and craves your attention. You can't have a woman in the house and when you come back from work you're playing game. Haba! She had the remote in her pants to get you to touch her. You never de understand?

You are very wise

nameerfhtennek:
It's more than 20minutes, I'm still unable to put words together to begin this story. I will try keep it simple and necessarily detailed so everyone will understand the true picture of what happened, why against my belief that writing personal experiences on social media is immature, I had to still write mine. Let's just say I'm not thinking right now, maybe I'm so upset but truth is, I need your advice.

I'm writing this thread seated at the back of a Hilux truck just outside our apartment. Yaa, that me in the picture. You see, today is EID and believe me I should be resting in the house since I'm not working today. Days like this only come by 6times in a whole year and more than anything, I would have loved resting than being out here.

It was yesterday evening, she called and said she her driver were headed to my office. She wanted to pick some stuffs around my office. Yaa, I forgot to say this is Saudi Arabia. If you know Saudi quite well, you will agree with me that a husband will definitely get exhausted running errands for his wife or the family. I was not in the mood for shopping but she wanted to shop. She got upset that I didn't want to accompany her shopping.

She did her shopping alone and returned few minutes before I closed from work. We headed home. Unknown to me, I forgot my internet router in my office because I was rushing to get home and continue with my FIFA 16.
Her internet service expired some days back so we were using mine.

While playing game, she walked into the seating room and demanded for my router. Mine, not hers. With her tone and facial expression demanding the router, I didn't respond because there was an indication that she was warming up for a quarrel. I wasn't just in the mood. The thing is, she is very skilled in extending her anger phases. That is one thing I can't understand till today. Believe me, it was not like this while we were dating. Sorry, I forgot to tell you I married my university girlfriend, she years my junior and the same department. Ya, I'm one of those guys that dated and planned for the future with their girls at the same time. God blessed that plan but at this point I don't understand everything that has been happening for the past one year plus since we got married. She repeatedly demanded that I handed over my router to her but I was quiet. Meanwhile, it occurred to me that I forgot the router in my office the minute she first asked about it. Truth is, I actually needed to use the internet that night for my online FIFA.

After several times of asking for the router and no response from me, she took the TV remote and switched off the TV. She walked straight to the kitchen and hid the remote. I approached her in the kitchen and told her I was not ready for any kinda quarrel. We have had enough for the past one year of getting married. I then told her I forgot the router in my office, I didn't have it. I guess she didn't believe me, she never did. She told me to leave her alone. I returned back to the seating room with my heart beating fast. I knew she wanted a serious quarrel that night. After some minutes, I returned to the kitchen and requested for the remote. Then I figured out she hid it in her pant. Pretending I was passing by, I swiftly went for the remote from under her short gown and grabbed it. She didn't expect I knew where she hid it. She followed me behind and ceased the game console, second indication she wanted me to react. I do have a problem with my temper just like every human, male or female. I have also learnt to deal with it by walking away at times I feel I was going to lose it. The same reason I'm outside at this time, 9:55 pm Saudi time. She knows I have fought hard to tame my temper issues but most times, she makes deliberate efforts to have me overreact to her nags and rants.

I watched her hide the console in her pant yet again. I shuddered in obvious fear because I knew what the woman wanted, a fight. Unable to deal with it,the intimidation and the shame, I went for the console and squeezed it out from her hand while she was trying to hold it tight. That was when the trouble then started. She wanted a buffer to help her spill everything she had nursed in her mind. "You are a violent person!! You can kill, idiot!! You were not shown love by your parents, that is why you will squeeze your wife's hand to collect the console. They allowed you to grow up in the street without parental guidance and love." Then it came....pwaaaaaaah!!! She spat on my face!!!!! God knows, I have never been spat at before, not by my parents, not by my siblings, not by anybody. " I agree I was not shown love by my parents but your Dad is a coward for running away from your mother without being there for you guys when he needed to play his roles as a father. That explains the reason you are like this", I said and walked back to the seating room.

I managed to play a few games which I lost mostly and then slept off around past 5am this morning. Around 3pm, I woke up and went to the office. Not like I had work but I needed to clear my head away from the house. If only there was alcohol in Saudi, I would have been somewhere in a hotel drinking away the shame. When I returned home by past 7pm, hungry and tired. I needed to continue my game but I could no longer find the game console and the TV remote. I asked for it and she ignored me. I managed to eat and then left the house to this truck.

You see, I love my wife more than anything, more than anyone. She is one person in the whole world I could go any length for. I love her, that was why I forgave her when she broke up with me after I left Nigeria for Saudi Arabia. She broke up with me few months after I came to Saudi and started dating another guy twice her age. She says she never expected I would come back to her after she left me but I did. I did because I saw a future with her, a future I imagined, believed in and worked towards its reality. Today we have gotten to a level where most people out there would want to be, our colleagues envy is because they believe we are privileged and blessed but what they don't know is that in the truth, I have no peace. This marriage has become my legacy and my curse.

I want to send her back to Nigeria in few days time and I hope I'm not making a mistake!!! Spitting on my face, nah nah....am so fed up!!!!

bro, i live in saudi also with my wife and i know what it is to combine work and run errands for your wife. However, you have to go some holiday so to say.. Just eat, go to work and sleep... Give her some space and watch her initiate reconcialiation. When she does, then make it a time to redefine your marriage and relationship. You cant afford to go on that way...she has to know, what you both have managed to pull off in the last one year isnt marriage, its just some drama. In marriage, you both are supposed to look after each other, saying nasty words to each other speaks volume of how you both disregard each other. It is not nice, it very hard to fix on the mind. Sending her to Nigeria means, you might as well be initiating a process of sending her out of your life and home. Im sure saudi is a platform for you to advance your career in other places like most of us and its really going to be very much boring for you afterward if you decided to send her home. .Only you know what i mean here. Its time to get really matured about your marriage objectives, focus and goals. Most people marrya out of pity, love, long term fraternity, and desperation but the truth is these things are never enough, not even love. We have to be sure the fear of God and effortless friendship is very much present before we think about walking the isle. Women get carried away , spill non sense when they are upset, act irrationally also but with the fear of God resting somewhere in their heart, they come around, they even surmount this evil of bringing up issues. Stay strong, pray and redefine your marriage goals. Im sure you will pull through. Dont give up.

Why must she hid stuffs in her pants. Any way talk to her. She is ur wife.