LadyMercedes:
Marriage after 3 months of "knowing" her? #RedFlag

5 kids?! Seems to me, he needs a NANNY.

More like two NANNIES.

loveslife:
She's only 29. We haven't brought in our father yet because he has not stated clearly what his intentions are only giving hints. This sister of mine has always been attracted to mature men. She even confided in me that she even as a young gal of 29 she can't marry a guy of 35. This i think is very weird. But then am being very careful not tell her that in order not to seem judgemental. I decided to sample people's opinion bf discussing this thoroughly with her. I need to sound convincing and logical enough.thanks.

She is 29 for God's sake! Let her move in for four weeks and figure out if she can handle it.
If it makes her happy, you should be happy too; for her and the kids who will have a new, hopefully warm-hearted, gentle and understanding, stepmother.

Mindfulness:
Put her on birth control and let her move in with him for four weeks.

*Crosses self* What manner of advice is this?

I mean moving in with the widower. (even tho I know it's not doable)

[quote author=Mindfulness post=49502786]

She is 29 for God's sake! Let her move in for four weeks and figure out if she can handle it.
If it makes her happy, you should be happy too; for her and the kids who will have a new, hopefully warm-hearted, gentle and understanding, stepmother.

You mean she's old enough? At 29?

Ranchhoddas:
*Crosses self* What manner of advice is this?

Sprinkle holy water too.

5 kini ?


u mean say singles don finish abi?


if na me oo na to pick race na hin sure pazz oo

For a young girl who has never been married and has no child,why would your sister want all that baggage?
The man is probably almost twice her age so what was the attraction?

To put it simply.it's just not worth it.

thorpido:
For a young girl who has never been married and has no child,why would your sister want all that baggage?
The man is probably almost twice her age so what was the attraction?

To put it simply.it's just not worth it.

You call this man and kids baggage, to her it may turn out to be a blessing.

Mindfulness:


You call this man and kids baggage, to her it may turn out to be a blessing.

I want to believe you are being sarcastic.

thorpido:
I want to believe you are being sarcastic.

Not at all.

[quote author=Mindfulness post=49504304]

You call this man and kids baggage, to her it may turn out to be a blessing.


Lol! You seem to be the only person with a different view in this matter. I really like to understand how they can be a blessing. Lol

loveslife:
She's only 29. We haven't brought in our father yet because he has not stated clearly what his intentions are only giving hints. This sister of mine has always been attracted to mature men. She even confided in me that she even as a young gal of 29 she can't marry a guy of 35. This i think is very weird. But then am being very careful not tell her that in order not to seem judgemental. I decided to sample people's opinion bf discussing this thoroughly with her. I need to sound convincing and logical enough.thanks.

I know a lady like your sister but I guess she acquired that preference from dating married older men in the university.

She will make the finest mistake of her life marrying a man with so much baggage.

[quote author=thorpido post=49504565]I know a lady like your sister but I guess she acquired that preference from dating married older if men in the university.

That will be a hard thing to believe about my sister. Thanks for your input tho'

thorpido:
I know a lady like your sister but I guess she acquired that preference from dating married older men in the university.

Not really. It's called 'Oedipus Complex' and it has nothing to do with dating married men. It's just a preference for much older men because they feel men in their age group are too immature.

Loveslife, I used to be like that when I was younger. I felt much older men are a repository of knowledge and experience. I had this yearning to see and understand the world through older eyes, and older men provided that telescope. But as I grew older it just sort of left my system...maybe because my eyes got older too, I could now form certain opinions and reflect more deeply on my own, so I didn't have that urgent need anymore.

I have a feeling your sis is an old soul, but be that as it may, 5 children is a lot to handle, and come on, let's face it, the man isn't looking for love again. He's looking for a helper and companion. If she goes ahead, she should not expect passion or romance. He will be more like a sturdy, weather beaten rock who has seen it all. She may feel stifled, and when the teenagers start acting up with the headiness and arrogance that come with blossoming youth, she may not be able to handle them.

3 months is also quite a short time to be talking about marriage. I advise she waits till 6 months, PRAYING and WATCHING.

[quote author=loveslife post=49504805][/quote]Not your sister but the lady I said is like your sister.She eventually married a man 28yrs older than her.

I might be wrong though but 3months is too early for her to know about him and to even hint about marriage.....

If your sister is wiling to go to that man's house after seeing 5kids, then sit her down and ask the positive things she has seen in this very man...

A lot of girls will not even agree if the man got a child not to talk of 5.

After listerning to her, then let her know the challenges she will be facing..
<< unruly kids that might hate her thinking she was there to replace their mum
<< She might not have kids of her own except if she is very stubborn
<<< She will practically be the wife, mother, nanny and babysitter...

If she can do all this, wish her the best of luck.. it's not gonna be easy though...

Ishilove:

Not really. It's called 'Oedipus Complex' and it has nothing to do with dating married men. It's just a preference for much older men because they feel men in their age group are too immature.

Loveslife, I used to be like that when I was younger. I felt much older men are a repository of knowledge and experience. I had this yearning to see and understand the world through older eyes, and older men provided that telescope. But as I grew older it just sort of left my system...maybe because my eyes got older too, I could now form certain opinions and reflect more deeply on my own, so I didn't have that urgent need anymore.

I have a feeling your sis is an old soul, but be that as it may, 5 children is a lot to handle, and come on, let's face it, the man isn't looking for love again. He's looking for a helper and companion. If she goes ahead, she should not expect passion or romance. He will be more like a sturdy, weather beaten rock who has seen it all. She may feel stifled, and when the teenagers start acting up with the headiness and arrogance that come with blossoming youth, she may not be able to handle them.

3 months is also quite a short time to be talking about marriage. I advise she waits till 6 months, PRAYING and WATCHING.

The Oedipus complex has always been there I guess but it made her date men who were far older than her.

Mindfulness:


Not at all.

Your advise is not for the faint-hearted as you said.

thorpido:
The Oedipus complex has always been there I guess but it made her date men who were far older than her.

And end up with a man old enough to father her.

Abeg that one is chronic

loveslife:
She's only 29. We haven't brought in our father yet because he has not stated clearly what his intentions are only giving hints. This sister of mine has always been attracted to mature men. She even confided in me that she even as a young gal of 29 she can't marry a guy of 35. This i think is very weird. But then am being very careful not tell her that in order not to seem judgemental. I decided to sample people's opinion bf discussing this thoroughly with her. I need to sound convincing and logical enough.thanks.

29 years is a young girl ? My dear, please lets be realistic.

I don't think its a good idea.

What that man needs is an older working woman with a good job and her own children.
If it was one child or Max two kids that would have still being manageable, but 5 .

Even biological mothers are going crazy trying to raise 2-3 'shidren', talk less of a step mum who'll always be seen as a witch. Even the man will be looking for signs of witchcraft in her towards his kids.

Abi is that not the general belief?

Being a HAPPY stepmum is not for the faint hearted.

Have you equally thought of the financial aspect? A man with 5kids already won't have so much cash to spare for a new family like that o. School fees alone is crazy, and the kids are growing, meaning expenses will be increasing.
Unless the man is stinkingly rich, your sister will have to be a main if not only provider for her children. She will always feel cheated that her husband isn't trying enough for her own children, but the truth is the man's responsibilities have doubled.

She should just not try it.

That man too shouldn't be thinking of starting a new family with a young lady without kids.
What he needs is a woman who's also had her own children, and is equally financially stable to care for herself and her own kids.
There won't be any resentment if they both combine resources to take care of the children and the home.

[quote author=Ishilove post=49505128]
Not really. It's called 'Oedipus Complex' and it has nothing to do with dating married men. It's just a preference for much older men because they feel men in their age group are too immature.

Loveslife, I used to be like that when I was younger. I felt much older men are a repository of knowledge and experience. I had this yearning to see and understand the world through older eyes, and older men provided that telescope. But as I grew older it just sort of left my system...maybe because my eyes got older too, I could now form certain opinions and reflect more deeply on my own, so I didn't have that urgent need anymore.

I have a feeling your sis is an old soul, but be that as it may, 5 children is a lot to handle, and come on, let's face it, the man isn't looking for love again. He's looking for a helper and companion. If she goes ahead, she should not expect passion or romance. He will be more like a sturdy, weather beaten rock who has seen it all. She may feel stifled, and when the teenagers start acting up with the headiness and arrogance that come with blossoming youth, she may not be able to handle them.

3 months is also quite a short time to be talking about marriage. I advise she waits till 6 months, PRAYING and WATCHING. [/quote



Thanks so much for this one. Didn't klnow this condition has a name lol

[quote author=eyinjuege. Well, I don't know much but she says he is a successful pharmacist with several landed properties. She also said he is a pastor with one of the big churches.

Men! clueless without a woman by their side

[quote author=cococandy post=49511008]Men! clueless without a woman by their side

How do you mean cococandy?

5 kids is a lot of kids to acquire at the same time.
They are also in pain emotionally so that's an added challenge
She also has no kids of her own so she has no experience of the different emotions and phases that these children are going through

Ideally the man should go for someone more mature, experienced and older.
I don't even think its fair on the kids as she may not fully understand their emotional needs.

I have a teen and no 2 days are the same
One minute she loves jollof rice, the next minute she hates it.

Is your friend being fair to herself as it will involve a lot of sacrifice on her part
Is she ready for that?
Does she have the strength for it?
Its a very big challenge and a lot of sacrifice involved.
Its also not just about her
Will the kids be happy under her watch?

What happened to young bachelors out there that she wants to end up with a widower?

cococandy:
Men! clueless without a woman by their side

This is not true.

Joavid:


To be completely honest she won't be a good enough mum for one kid talk less of five.


I am a step daughter, I use to hate my stepmum and now am grown, i understand it's very very difficult to be a step mum. so am indifferent about her now.

The only person that prepares you for motherhood is your own child.

kids are a huge responsibility that needs a woman who isn't just responsible and considerate, but someone who is emotionally and psychologically attached to the child.

It's either the man is looking for a woman to trap into motherhood or your sister is selfish and greedy. regardless, she will hate it of she marries him.

Stubborn girl, your comments these days show you've indeed "grown". Who's the new man in your life?

I owe him a handshake.