Acheron:
Egbon, judging from your comments, I can tell that you know what to do but you're just too soft to do what you need to do and your wife knows this. She's preying on your gentility.

You deserve sex from the woman you feed, cloth and shelter anytime, anyhow and anywhere you want it. You're too soft and until you go a bit hard on her nothing is going to change.

Be a man and do what you need to do.

Felicity2:


Men like you make me sick. So because you cloth and shelter. You deserve Sex? Until you change your mentality towards Sex most of you will keep doing it wrong. Sex is not a reward for taking care of your woman. It is your duty to take care of your family, did your parents ask you for Sex for feeding, clothing and providing shelter? No. That's because you are family and the did their duties. It is your duty to do that to your wife who is your new family and not expect Sex as a reward for doing that. Where you forced to marry her? Sex is an act of love between married couple, it should be enjoyed by both parties, it should be consensual.

Felicity2:


[s]Men like you make me sick. So because you cloth and shelter. You deserve Sex? Until you change your mentality towards Sex most of you will keep doing it wrong. Sex is not a reward for taking care of your woman. It is your duty to take care of your family, did your parents ask you for Sex for feeding, clothing and providing shelter? No. That's because you are family and the did their duties. It is your duty to do that to your wife who is your new family and not expect Sex as a reward for doing that. Where you forced to marry her? Sex is an act of love between married couple, it should be enjoyed by both parties, it should be consensual. [/s]

adviseseeker:
My breakfast was ready before 9am. And it is one of my favorites breakfast. Fried yam and egg. That's big improvement. The only complaint is it was prepared by her sister but I don't mind provided it is ready before 9am.

Felicity2:
Something about the poster doesn't just sit well with me. Your story doesn't sit well too. This minute you are insensitive, the other minute you are understanding another one you are the victim. I got tired of reading. You keep mentioning her siblings. Do they live with you? If they do, they should leave. Early stage of marriage, couples should live alone. If I completely understand you, you aren't perfect but you are trying your best to make it work. Even over doing it and it seems to just annoy her. I think she has seen you finish and your constant need to please her and constant need to feel good is making you feel very dependent on her. I will advice you ignore her deliberately. Make your breakfast yourself as early as you want it. Any shopping you do should be for you alone and daughter alone. Go out more, don't inform her of where you are going. Let her start worrying about you whereabouts. Stop been predictable. Travel for 2 weeks claim business trip. Don't call her while you are away. Even when she calls don't pick immediately. Play with her head. Be a cold bitch and don't feel bad about it nor apologize. If after neglecting her she still doesn't care. She doesn't love or care about you anymore.

Felicity2:
Something about the poster doesn't just sit well with me. Your story doesn't sit well too. This minute you are insensitive, the other minute you are understanding another one you are the victim. I got tired of reading. You keep mentioning her siblings. Do they live with you? If they do, they should leave. Early stage of marriage, couples should live alone. If I completely understand you, you aren't perfect but you are trying your best to make it work. Even over doing it and it seems to just annoy her. I think she has seen you finish and your constant need to please her and constant need to feel good is making you feel very dependent on her. I will advice you ignore her deliberately. Make your breakfast yourself as early as you want it. Any shopping you do should be for you alone and daughter alone. Go out more, don't inform her of where you are going. Let her start worrying about you whereabouts. Stop been predictable. Travel for 2 weeks claim business trip. Don't call her while you are away. Even when she calls don't pick immediately. Play with her head. Be a cold bitch and don't feel bad about it nor apologize. If after neglecting her she still doesn't care. She doesn't love or care about you anymore.

adviseseeker:
Sex should be consensual truly but there comes a time you have to make a sacrifice. It doesn't have to be when you are in the mood at all time. And to be fair even GOD EXPECTS something from us for all he has done for us. And our parents when feeding us, they expect us to feed them when they can no longer do it.

If I don't expect sex from my wife, a wife that I have not abandoned, that I have not turned to my punching bag then from who should I expect it? It is not a reward but it is a reward as well. People underestimate the importance of sex in a marriage. It is not the be it all but it is important too. Or why do some of you women complain of the inability of men to satisfy you?

Acheron:

Trash.

Women like you make me puke.

Felicity2:


[s]We know your type. So no need having a conversation with you[/s].

Ujoan:


This guy is a complete fraud . . . His posts are just contradictory. I think he's tailoring it to get as much sympathy as he can . . . and he's a man ooh . . SMH.

He can come here and call people's husbands and wives 'Idiots' yet he can't put his own wife in check?

He appears as if he's trying really hard to make himself loom helpless, but a closer look will tell you that he's not. HE knows just how to handle himself. That's why I wonder what he's gaining from this whole pity party . . .

Weirdos everywhere . . .

Acheron:

Trashy trash.

Pray tell what you know about my type.

Felicity2:


Your type is exactly what you have been typing. Trash! It's pointless reasoning with your type. Bye Felicia

shortgun:
Maybe you are too soft with her.
it's time you take control of your house, women are like babies sometimes you need a little force to make them do the right thing.

You don't have to beg for what is rightly yours... stop been a gentleman.
Threaten her with infidelity...tell her you can easily get any woman of your choice.

adviseseeker:
My breakfast was ready before 9am. And it is one of my favorites breakfast. Fried yam and egg. That's big improvement. The only complaint is it was prepared by her sister but I don't mind provided it is ready before 9am.

adviseseeker:
My breakfast was ready before 9am. And it is one of my favorites breakfast. Fried yam and egg. That's big improvement. The only complaint is it was prepared by her sister but I don't mind provided it is ready before 9am.

Felicity2:
Something about the poster doesn't just sit well with me. Your story doesn't sit well too. This minute you are insensitive, the other minute you are understanding another one you are the victim. I got tired of reading. You keep mentioning her siblings. Do they live with you? If they do, they should leave. Early stage of marriage, couples should live alone. If I completely understand you, you aren't perfect but you are trying your best to make it work. Even over doing it and it seems to just annoy her. I think she has seen you finish and your constant need to please her and constant need to feel good is making you feel very dependent on her. I will advice you ignore her deliberately. Make your breakfast yourself as early as you want it. Any shopping you do should be for you alone and daughter alone. Go out more, don't inform her of where you are going. Let her start worrying about you whereabouts. Stop been predictable. Travel for 2 weeks claim business trip. Don't call her while you are away. Even when she calls don't pick immediately. Play with her head. Be a cold bitch and don't feel bad about it nor apologize. If after neglecting her she still doesn't care. She doesn't love or care about you anymore.

homerac7:


I was feeling sorry for you earlier, but after reading this St.upid post of yours i quoted above, then I conclude that you are done for.

Why did I say that? Firstly, I want to ASSUME what you wrote is true (-which is not always), in such case, you have a big problem in your hands you need to tackle head on as head of the house by making fundamental decisions and changes. But here you are gloating and feeling pacified for price of "porridge". Clap for yourself Esau. Obviously your wife isn't too busy for IG, AM, and LIB, yet relegates her wifely duties to her sister. If you don't see the anomaly in that then something is wrong with your head. If your wife doesn't know, then tell her and enforce it! Its one thing to delegate it to her sister occasionally, or part of the chore, but the " madam" thing is sickening.

Secondly, you are too available. Organize activities for yourself outside home. If you're a football person, start supporting Barcelona or Real Madrid, and go watch their matches at bars.

If 1 & 2 above still don't work, then it's finished. No pretence about it. Start winding down/exit process. Yea, your daughter, abi?...don't worry, she won't die or necessarily come out bad for it. In fact, it'd be worse for her ro grow up in a home where dad is unhappy and mum is selfish. While at it, postpone further baby making until you're convinced you can live with the situation.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, it's your life and home. Run it the way that pleases you.

Goodluck bro!

adviseseeker:
Good morning and happy Monday to you all. I am here to seek the matured advise of nairalanders. I want matured advise from people who are married please.

I recently got married and we have a little baby who is 5 months old. I love my wife and my baby, you only need to spend few hours with us before you know this fact. Unfortunately I am dying inside.

Before I got married, myself and my then girlfriend and now wife have no issues with sex. We had sex at will and it is usually fun. But ever since we got married, I have been denied sex. At first I thought I am the one who has a problem but I have asked many people ever since then and I have found out I am normal. I initially expect us to have sex every day - I am my own boss and work from home most times, but had to adjust to 3 days a week for her sake.

But even the 3 times is never existent. Sometimes once a week. And the annoying thing is not the lack of sex but the way the NO is said. Almost like "I own my body and decide when I want sex". I have only ever denied her sex 2 times since we knew each other. Both times after we got married. The first time cos I was not feeling too fine due to stress of work the second time because I wanted her to see how it feels when you get no as answer in a very disrespectful way.

I have not worked since August, because I decided to take a two months break thinking we will have time for ourselves, unfortunately the reverse is the case. Always an excuse not to have sex.

Secondly, I am the type who likes early breakfast. I ideally want break fast before 8am but cos of her, I shifted it to 9am but as I type this, it is 10:48am and my break fast is not ready. And this is not a one off, but almost an every day thing. And each time I bring it up, it leads to fight and keeping malice. What do I do? I hate malice, I prefer to die than to keep malice with someone but my wife seems to use this tool against me. Keeping malice is my greatest weak point. I just hate it.

Note - she is not working. I have a building project costing us over 20 million naira which has made us decide she should not work till we finish early next year. Aside the baby, no other work and even with the baby, she has as many as 3 people helping her - her sister, her little brother and a family friend of hers.

You're a joker! She's a machine abi?

adviseseeker:
Mate calm down. I believe in baby steps. I am not the most gentle guy out there but my wife isn't an outright evil. I honestly, I am convinced of it, that most of the problems is as a result of inexperience and her age and some idiots advising her ( her close friend, who is actually jealous, I won't say more ) behind this.
And I am not an Esau but if she made breakfast 11am last yesterday and it is 8:58am ( I checked the time ) today, she deserves to be praised and NO, I WAS WRONG, IT WASN'T HER SISTER BUT HER. I found out when I was thanking her sister and she told me it was my wife not her who prepared and that she only peeled the yam.

adviseseeker:


Maybe you want me to say what she did not do? I will praise when she deserves praise. What's insensitive? Wanting to meet with my wife at least 3 times a week? Is that insensitive? Or expecting an apology from my wife whenever she does something not good enough?

Like you rightly noted, her siblings are with us for a while. My siblings were with us while we were in Lagos but I chose to relocate us because she was complaining too much. Way too much. I am absolutely okay with her siblings being with us as they make it easier for her. If I didn't like it, I won't have allowed it. It is for me better than getting a maid especially considering the Africa way and the many horror stories I have read about maids.

I won't bother discussing what the other so called mother is saying but let me give you an example;

I have complained jillion of times that there is no longer spark in our marriage. Last week we had to attend a family function. Rather than stay at my family's or at hers ( which I will not do due to my own customary beliefs ) I chose for us to be at the hotel together without the baby ( who had enough people to take care of her for just about 7 hours that we would be away for ) my wife said no, I pushed and pushed and pushed until I stood my ground before she agreed and getting to the hotel was busy with her phone, argued with me and then slept off. I had to let her know the next morning she needed the help of another lady which got to her and calm her nerves.

Yesterday I refused her food because it came by 11am. When her sister and the others that were with us chose to go out with the baby and only me and her left in the house, what I expected from a woman who values her home is for her to come to me and ask why I have been cold to her all day. But even though I was in the room lying down on the bed, she chose to do make ups...when she wasn't going out oo.. So I am still insensitive?

Or what can be more annoying than this... We recently got duped by an agent, who to be honest she warned me against, we got a place with a lot of repairs to be done which the landlord or the agent has refused to repair. We had to practically pay two times as the first agent who knows the agent that knows the land ran away with our money. When repairs wasn't being told to the new house, We asked for a refund which we are getting from the landlord, I decided I won't wait for the refund before we get another place. I asked her to start house hunting. My wife won't go. I only managed to force her to go once. Then when I found a place that I felt was good enough for us, I asked her to go check it out, she refused telling me it is okay if I like it. After I paid, she went to check it on Sunday only for her to be complaining the parlour is too small. This is someone who I begged and begged to go and check the house even way before I paid and refused. So I am insensitive to get angry in this case right? There is still yet no apology or explanation for this madness even as I am typing this.

Okay here is another one

I have stomach ulcer and she knows it is a big battle for me. I ensure I eat my breakfast as early as possible. She has the sister, myself and their family friend ( a young girl ) to help with the baby, yet my break fast can't be ready before 9am? Yesterday was almost 11am. I am insensitive to get angry there right? What if she was working? She won't bath the baby before going to work? How do those women who have to nurse their babies and still go to work manage to get to work before 8am?

Or you try to make move for romance and you get PUSHED away. Or when you are not pushed away, you are told NO in the most offensive way. I am insensitive to get angry there too?

Am I asking for too much by expecting my wife to at least be considerate even when she is not in the mood for romance? Do you push your husband away? If she says I offend her in anyway ( I have to consider this when the idiot, yes she is an idiot, you were responding to brought it up ) then it would be about 6 weeks back when we had an argument the very first time I actually spoke my mind.

I invited my mom over to ours for a discussion, a very important discussion ( and I explained to her before hand ) my mom got in my wife was lying down on the couch and said " welcome ma", while still lying down on the couch. Her sister came greeted my mom the prosper way a yoruba lady should greet her in laws ( and the way my own wife greets her own parents ). I was angry but my mom had noticed my annoyance over the way she greets her before this particular day and had called me to give her time hence I did not talk on this particular ocassion then I was expecting her to at least offer my mom water or food, I waited for 2 hours before I called her own sister to ask her if what her elder sister has done was right. She, GOD be my witness, confirmed she herself was shocked.

When I questioned her, she started playing one Tiwa Savage song " If start to talk" and some other rubbish. This got very serious and I was going to leave the house for her. She didn't apologise but said my mom coming to ours weeks after she left ( she first came to help with the nursing ) was choking her. This is even when I already told her we were relocating out of Lagos in order to have time on our own oo.

To be fair on her, my mom didn't cover herself in glory by wanting ( and actually sleeping ) to sleep over but I myself already called her and told her the solution ( my siblings do the same thing ) was for us to relocate which we did. The least you would expect from a reasonable girl is ... after all we will leave this place in few weeks ( about 4 weeks at that point ). And must you be rude to my family?

How about my little brother coming to ours and wanting to carry the baby and when my mom was about to hand over the baby to him she telling my mom not to give her baby to the boy. My own brother. Oh, I am looking for sympathy right.

You want another one?

On the day of the baby was christened, an indicent happened which she misunderstood. Her mom asked my cousin to help her take the shoe rack she bought and that was just delivered upstairs but because it was the day our daughter was christened, my cousin couldn't take it immediately and told her mom he will take it upstairs after serving people. Her own in law ( her brother's wife ) went telling her it was my mom who stopped my cousin from taking the rack. I over heard them but wasn't sure if I heard correct and forced my wife to talk. And when she told me what happened, I swear on the bible, I immediately told her my mom can do that ( of which she can do, it is her person ) and I immediately told her to calm down that it is absolute madness and I am not going to accept it in my house. I went straight to meet my father where her own father was. I called him upstairs and told him what I had. He also told me my mom can do such a thing but I should not conclude and investigate. He went as far as telling me this is the time for me to prove I decide my manhood ( he said my manhood in yoruba which was somewhat funny ). I took it up, I asked my cousin who explained exactly what happened. He, I swear on the bible once again, told me point blank that I should accept the fact that my mom could be making signals to him but that he did not see any and if he had seen, he won't have obeyed.

I went to my wife to explain what I have done and that I will find out the truth and that she should give me the chance to sort it out. The next day my wife refused to greet my mom nor come out of the room or allow her bath the child...I am insenstive here too right? Her father who I respect so much did worst to me which even her wasn't happy with but rather than be rebellious to him, I postrated and begged for an offense he THOUGHT I committed but I never did.

I can go on and on. But like many have said here, it is my fault. She knows exactly what I can do, when I will do it and the limit I can go.

homerac7:


Bros, reading the long reply to @Felicity2 make fear catch me. You don buy market. Na ya hand e dey sha. I don talk finish. Good luck bro and happy married life.

LadyMercedes:


You're a joker! She's a machine abi?

adviseseeker:
I will win in the end. Matter of time. I have got useful advises here and I believe with her father firmly on my side, victory is only a matter of time.

adviseseeker:
That was to be weekly not daily. How can I myself cope with that and still manage to work. I dey craze?

adviseseeker:
Like I said in your thread, without no malicious intention, you are with an idiot. Sorry to day but it is fact. My word wife is the exact opposite of you while I am the exact opposite of your husband. I initial all the romance. My wife hardly ever says I love you not to talk of initiating romance. This made me ask her couple of times if I disgust her.