Three Village boys were brought to Lagos by their uncle.
They were so blunt that they couldn't even speak "pigeon English" let alone fluent English.
As a result of that, their uncle who brought them form the village gave them an   
Assignment that by this time next week, if they can't say any English word, they should
Prepare to head back to the village where they came from.
So these poor boys came all out to watch and hear people speak the language called English.
The first boy, being the oldest and the most exposed amongst the other two, decided to go to the market square where he overheard people discussing and one of them said "we three men" so he crammed that word and that was how he learnt his first English word.
The second boy who preferred to stay away till evening also learnt his first English word "Last night"
And finally the third boy who was always in the bus stop also learnt his first English word from the market people
Who are always quarrelling, "You no fit shakara us"

At that, the three boys were so happy that at last they knew an English word.
But their happiness didn't last long when they both went to a nearby field to play football with their friends
Unknowing to them, there was a dead body by the canal, which wasn't far from the field
On sighting the body, their colleagues fled and left them all alone in the field long with the body.
Few moments later, the policemen were hinted and came to the scene.

_{*Remember, these guys can't speak English*}

Policeman: Who killed this guy?

First boy: we three men

Policeman: When?

Second boy: Last night

Policeman: Am taking you all to the station

Third boy: you no fit shakara us.

Yea right very funny, i see no difference between you and Gbenga Adeyinka the first. Just kidding anyway it was entertaining. Why don't you post more

Heard it b4. Stil kul thou.

An illiterate was searching for a job and finally, he came to a big company to make inquires in respect of the advertisement which was being placed outside.
The man being so eager didn’t read the advertisement properly. He just dashed into the company and began to ask for the MD.
Little did he know that a job of such magnitude requires someone who has been to different parts of the world.
On getting there, the MD decided to have a little interview with him.

MD: Hello young man, what can I do for you?

Man: Good morning sir, I came concerning the advertisement placed outside your company.

MD: I see. I hope you know that this job requires someone who’s been to various parts of the world?

Man: Yes sir, I know that.

MD: Good. So tell me, have you been to Germany?

Man: Yes sir, I lived there for 7 years.

MD: Wao that’s good. How about the UK, have you been there before?

Man: Yes Sir, I also lived there for 5 years.

MD: Interesting, how about the United States?

Man: I’ve been there also Sir, and I lived there for 6 years.

MD: Hmmm. Then you must know much about geography.

Man: Yes sir I’ve also been to geography before, and I lived there for 6 years.

Now this is funny. My ass is out of my butt

quite funny!

hey dat was gud,well i have a joke 2 share if u dont mind

@Folakaffy
I don't mind, you can share your jokes here

_{Meanwhile read this also}

A pastor was asked to minister in a particular church and as usual; he asked a popular question which almost every pastor asks. “How many of you want to go to heaven”? Every one responded positively to the question except one girl who acted as if the invitation wasn’t meant for her. The pastor however was so shocked and asked the girl to see him immediately after the service.

Pastor: Why didn’t you raise your hand during the sermon? Or don’t you want to go to heaven?

Girl: I would have loved to go, but my Aunty said I should return home immediately after the service

As if that wasn’t enough, a woman who had been weeping through out the service also came to see him.

Pastor: I noticed that you wept through out the service. Do you wish to give your life to Christ?

Woman: I’ve already done that. It’s just that your beard reminded me of my “He goat” which was stolen from my compound two weeks ago.

And she continued to cry…

A Foreigner came to Nigeria for the first time so he asked his personal attendant who couldn’t speak English properly to take him around the country so he could explore and have a good time.
The man however took him to exotic places. When they arrived at a particular site
The Foreigner asked his attendant.

Foreigner: Who owns all this beautiful places?

Attendant: “me o mo”

Foreigner: This “me o mo” would be a very rich man.

_{Unknowing to the Foreigner, “me o mo” simply means I don’t know but he taught that it meant someone’s name.}
They came to a very magnificent mansion and again the Foreigner asked his attendant

Foreigner: who owns this magnificent mansion?

Attendant: “me o mo”

Foreigner: I never knew Nigeria had rich people as this, so all this belong to “me o mo” I must pay him a visit when am less busy.

Finally they came to a place where a funeral was taken place. The Foreigner again asked his attendant.

Foreigner: Who are all these people weeping for?

Attendant: “me o mo”

Foreigner: Oh my God! So “me o mo” has died!

And he also wept bitterly.

A little girl got pregnant and her father was so furious he kept on asking himself, who could do this to my little girl?
Later he asked the girl who was responsible for the pregnancy.
At first, she refused to tell him but after a while she opened up and told him the whole truth, that the pregnancy belong to a very famous chief.
The father however called the chief and they both sat down to discuss about the whole matter.

Father: I learnt you are responsible for the 3 weeks pregnancy my daughter is carrying.

Chief: that’s true sir, but let me add this, if she gives birth to a male child, I’ll give you 5 million naira along with a furnished flat. If she gives birth to a female child, I’ll give you 2 million naira and a bungalow. If she gives birth to twins, I’ll give you 10 million naira along with a duplex
But if she has a miscarriage…

_{quickly the father added}

Father: you will have to sleep with her again.

Three boys got lost in a desert they cried and cried for help. Finally God answered them
And asked them what they wanted.

God: what do you want me to do for you?

First boy: God please I want to be with my family.

And immediately God transported him home and he found himself with his family

To the second guy God asked him

God: what do you want me to do for you?

Second guy: God please I want to be with my family just like the first guy.

God also transported him to his family the same way he transported the first guy.

To the third guy God asked him…

God: What do you want me to do for you?

Third guy: God am so lonely in this desert please bring back my friends so we can all be here together.
Immediately God brought the other two friends, which he had earlier transported, to their families back to the desert.

A village boy came to the city and was enrolled in secondary school. He was so dull that he couldn’t make a sentence, he couldn’t even read and write.
The following day in his class, his teacher asked him a question.

Teacher: [to Chike] define chemistry

Chike: _{Scratches head}

Teacher: I said define chemistry

Chike: Ok sir. Na you confuse me sef no be chemistry na chemist because for my house, e get one chemist weh we de buy things from and im shop fine well well that’s why you talk say “the fine chemist”.

Immediately, the whole class burst into laughter.

A man died and went to hell.
On getting there, he found out that God had changed everything i.e. every country has it’s own hell fire.
E.g. if you are an American and you die, you will go to a particular hell fire for Americans.
If you are a British person, you will go to the British hell fire.
And so on.
So this man being a German decided to go to the German hell fire.
When he got there, he found out that the place was so empty so he decided to ask the demons in charge what the matter was.

Man: Good day Mr. Demon

Demon: Good day, you are welcomed, come inside.

_{The man went in}

Man: why is it that this place is so empty if I may ask? Is it that people don’t die again or is it that the torment is too much for them?

Demon: It’s not that. People still die but they prefer the Nigerian hell fire.

Man: c_urious Why?

Demon: Ever since God renovated this place, he made the fire use electricity. And you know all the countries on this earth have constant power supply, which means you won’t have any breathing space when you get into the fire.
But Nigeria on the other hand, they experience little or no power supply. All the tunnels that bring out the fire don’t work even the electric chair God put in there to torture people rarely work because there’s little or no electricity in there. And that means you will have enough time to rest when you get there. That’s why most people prefer it.

Immediately, the man got out form the Germany hell fire and headed towards the Nigerian hell, which was filled with millions of people.

Stella died and went to heaven. When she got there, she noticed that at a particular part of heaven, God kept some clocks.
So she decided to ask her guardian angel what those clocks are used for.

Stella: [to the angel] Please tell me, what are all these clocks for

Angel: They are lie clocks. Whenever you tell a lie, it would move.

So Stella and the angel decided to explore the whole area.

They found Obafemi Awolowo’s clock, and discovered that the hand never moved which means that Awolowo never told us a lie.

They also found Herbert maculy’s clock, the hand also was still stagnant which means that he too never told us a lie

They also found Nnamdi Azikiwe’s clock and discovered the hand move twice, which means Azikiwe, lied to us only twice.

Finally she asked the angel to permit her to see her husband’s clock _Obsanjo

The angel however responded her saying; your husband’s clock is in God’s office. It has become a ceiling fan.

A guy who had never slept with a girl before found himself alone with a girl. He began to sweat all over and didn’t know what to do with her so he decided to call his pal on phone in order to get a little assistance.

Guy: Good Afternoon pal

Pal: hello Chucks, wetin do your voice?

Guy: men na girl matter o!

Pal: how?

Guy: I de with dis girl and I no-know wetin I go do.

Pal: _chuckles Na easy thing naw

Guy: Abeg tell me

Pal: Ok, step one kiss her.

The guy kissed the girl and after that he asked his pal for the next step

Guy: what next?

Pal: Naked her slowly, and as you do that, rub her body with your hands.

After he had done that, he pick up his phone and asked his pal again for the next step.

Guy: I’ve done that, what next?

Pal: Now insert what you and I have in common into her pu**y.

Immediately, the guy took his handset and inserted it into the girls p***y.

Two village men were arguing one morning about the sun and the moon.

1st Villager: I de tell you, na sun be this.

2nd Villager: Na lie na moon

and they argued like that for over 30 minutes.

Finally the decided to ask a by passer to look into the matter.

1st Villager: Abeg my guy shae that thing na moon abi na sun?

By Passer: I no-know no be this area I de live.

dat was fantastic,u did great,i could possibly imagine dos jokes happenin,thumbs up my guy
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@crazy, i'm glad you weren't wrong to call yourself crazykid.

Dang yea right -d jokes sent me rollin

ahahahahahahahaha that guy must be a very stupid person,he doesnt know his thing.i wonder how the gurl wil be feeling now

:d

lol. . . i really am laughing my a$$ off

damn funny, you're crazy indeed!!!!

crazykiddo well done oh!

Thanks
i still have lots to compose. maybe when am less busy, i'll post them here

hahahaha u gt me while luffin keep it up.

ur jokes r so funny i kept on laughin

Pass mark kiddo

good jokes

A reverend father had sex with a nun and when he finished, she began to jump.
The father however was so shocked and began to question her

Rev father: Why are you jumping like that? Don’t you know that if someone sees you from that window my career is ruined?

Nun: And don’t you know that if this liquid doesn’t come out, my life is ruined.

And she continued jumping

thas nasty eeeelllll but its funny though lollll

Whose Nora a wife asked her playboy husband one morning at breakfast

A horse i purshased yesterday _{he faked}

that hose is on the phone and wants to talk to you she responded

A teacher penned the following note on the report card of one of his students.

“Sam does well in his studies but he spends too much time playing with girls. I believe I have a plan that will cure him of this and I would like your permission to try it.

The boy’s mother signed the card and wrote back.
“Permission granted and if the plan works be sure and let me know so that I can try it on his father”.

Two men had been doing business with each other for years and each had accepted the other’s word a binding without resorting to any written contracts or other types of formal documents.
One day, however upon closing a deal and presenting final payment, one of them demanded for a written receipt. His friend was shocked.

1st Friend: “But we’ve been doing business for years he pointed out and you’ve never doubted my word nor have we even had any trouble

2nd Friend: No, you’ve done nothing wrong as a matter of fact everything is fine, same at it was.

1st Friend: Then why this sudden change?

2nd Friend: Alright. You and I are getting along in years and life being as unpredictable as it is, one of us may pass out suddenly and eventually the other one will go too. When my time comes and I get to heaven I want to prove to Saint Peter that I led a decent life down there and that among other things, I paid my depts. And don’t owe anyone a kobo when that time comes, I don’t want to run all over hell looking for you to get a receipt

Two men had been doing business with each other for years and each had accepted the other’s word a binding without resorting to any written contracts or other types of formal documents.
One day, however upon closing a deal and presenting final payment, one of them demanded for a written receipt. His friend was shocked.

1st Friend: “But we’ve been doing business for years he pointed out and you’ve never doubted my word nor have we even had any trouble

2nd Friend: No, you’ve done nothing wrong as a matter of fact everything is fine, same at it was.

1st Friend: Then why this sudden change?

2nd Friend: Alright. You and I are getting along in years and life being as unpredictable as it is, one of us may pass out suddenly and eventually the other one will go too. When my time comes and I get to heaven I want to prove to Saint Peter that I led a decent life down there and that among other things, I paid my depts. And don’t owe anyone a kobo when that time comes, I don’t want to run all over hell looking for you to get a receipt